Frustrations

RachelStarfish

I'm marrying into the army. He is stationed in one state while I live and we are getting married in another state. After the wedding I'm moving with him to where he is stationed. Planning this is almost next to impossible with the time difference and his work schedule, and possibly getting deployed just 3 or 4 months after we get married. Maybe I get frustrated easily, but can it be easier to plan without him?? Other than his guest list I've been waiting on for the past week, what else do I NEED to include him in the planning?

BinxRose

I am planning my from wedding from halfway across the country. It definately can be done. Honestly, unless he really wants to be part of the planning process, you don't need to share every detail with him. What I've found is easiest is to first ask what parts are important to him (for my FI, it was food and colors). Have him be the most active in those areas. For everything else, either just make an executive decision, or pick a few options. Then call or e-mail those couple of options to your FI.

Irishcurls

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_frustrations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:3c1b8198-7a04-4cbd-9aa2-c8328ebf9b46Post:ae3833ac-a184-4672-b67d-9028b801a6ae">Frustrations</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm marrying into the army. He is stationed in one state while I live and we are getting married in another state. After the wedding I'm moving with him to where he is stationed. Planning this is almost next to impossible with the time difference and his work schedule, and possibly getting deployed just 3 or 4 months after we get married. Maybe I get frustrated easily, but can it be easier to plan without him??<strong> Other than his guest list I've been waiting on for the past week, what else do I NEED to include him in the planning?</strong>
Posted by RachelStarfish[/QUOTE]
Whatever he wants to be included in. 

ggirl2001

Include him in what he wants to be included in. 

I planned from NY, FI was living in SC, or deployed, and the wedding was in Florida. I also moved to SC when he was deployed, and continued to plan the wedding.  It can absolutely be done. 

For that matter, I would usually send FI links of one or two things and ask his opinions on them. When I found a DJ I liked, I asked him his opinion. When looking for photographers, I sent him 2-3 that I liked, discussed cost with them, but then I ended up picking. He did not care about flowers or center pieces. When looking for invitations, I sent him a bunch of different ones. I usually ended up  making the final decision though. He generally trusted me to make a good decision. (And if I say so myself, I did make good decisions ). 

calindi

Yeah, my FI lives with me but he's not at all involved in planning.  It's all he can manage to look at what I'm doing and smile and nod once per week.  Haha, sad but true!  I just spent total over 30 hours over the past several months designing and making our save the dates - wayyyyy more than necessary, but I enjoyed the process and learned a lot as I went.  I finished them tonight and wanted to celebrate, and he was like, "Oh, cool.  Congrats.  Shh, I'm playing XBox."  No joke.  I threw a pillow at his head!  But I have to laugh, because that's just him. He has compared the wedding to Disney World - he really is looking forward to going, knows he will have a lot of fun, but has no desire to built the sets and train the staff before.  So he leaves the planning to me, and he'll just showu p.

So if your FI is like mine, it doesn't matter where he's located.  I'm also planning from 2000 miles away from my wedding location, and it's totally do-able.  I depended a lot on recommendations from my local board (for the state where my wedding is happening) here on TK, and reviews on WeddingWire.

Planning a wedding is planning a party.  It will never be perfect, so it's not worth worrying about that.  Figure out your budget (both overall and itemized), then figure out the guest list, then figure out what venues fit your venue & your budget.  Once you book a ceremony & reception venue(s), find the following vendors as necessary:  photographer, videographer, caterer, florist, DJ/band, officiant, rental company (tent/chairs), bagpiper (okay, maybe that's just me...), hotels nearby for guests, transportation, and any others I'm not thinking of.  Make a list and just get it done. 

If you're dreading it, it might be worth hiring a wedding planner in the town where you want to get married.  It'll cut into your budget a bit, but it'll save you a lot of stress and give you 'feet on the ground' to go meet with vendors in person.  Often, they're really good at getting discounts, too, so that can help with their cost in the budget.

iluvmytxrgr

Ask him what he wants to help with.  Most guys could give a crap less about anything but food, music and when they need to be somewhere. 

RachelStarfish

Thank you all

Calindi! I mention stuff to him and he tells me certain things are good. But mostly he doesn't care as long as I'm happy with it. But I like to know for certain he is ok with it. He has seriously been working on this guest list for over a week now and it drives me crazy lol. His mom helps me more than he does. She gave me family and certain friends of theirs that they are wanting to invite, but he still needs to give me the others he wants there. Our wedding is maybe 30 minutes from where I live, the reception just the next building over. Catering and photography is taken care of. So mostly all I can think of that I have left to plan is the actual ceremony and reception and get the DJ. 

SamiJoeB

I mean.. what do you expect?  He's a guy? Do you want him to care about the flowers? the Flower girl dresses?  the table linens?  Cause more than likely he just doesn't.  Ask him what he wants to be involved in... and leave him out of everything else.  I planned my wedding with my H in another country, I asked him what he cared about which was just the food, so he picked the menu.. within reason of course..  Just make sure that the wedding is representative of the two of you.

calindi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_frustrations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:3c1b8198-7a04-4cbd-9aa2-c8328ebf9b46Post:183595e2-36f7-4c39-be20-7f7830cbb307">Re: Frustrations</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you all Calindi! I mention stuff to him and he tells me certain things are good. But mostly he doesn't care as long as I'm happy with it. But I like to know for certain he is ok with it. He has seriously been working on this guest list for over a week now and it drives me crazy lol. His mom helps me more than he does. She gave me family and certain friends of theirs that they are wanting to invite, but he still needs to give me the others he wants there. Our wedding is maybe 30 minutes from where I live, the reception just the next building over. Catering and photography is taken care of. So mostly all I can think of that I have left to plan is the actual ceremony and reception and get the DJ. 
Posted by RachelStarfish[/QUOTE]


The Disney World analogy really helped me get past that.  With my guy, he honestly doesn't care which table linens I choose, or which ties I pick for his groomsmen, or really anything except showing up and getting married and having fun.  Sure, I can get him to be a bit more involved in planning the ceremony, picking out music (rather, he tends to tell me which songs he does NOT want played), and definitely anything involving food and drink.  Other than that, he really just wants to show up and anything I involve him in seems to be more an annoyance than anything else!

I gave mine the task of figuring out his guest list in June, telling him to have it done by the time he was done with his summer internship (he lived 600 miles away for the summer).  Did he get it done?  Nope.  When did it get done?  When I went over his head and asked his Mom for a list and asked his Dad for a list, and then made a list myself of his friends.  Then he added a few, cut a few, and we were done.  That was a source of frustration for sure!