I know I'm posting a lot, bear with me, in a few days I won't have any reliable internet (staying at Grandma's, she doesn't have a computer/I don't have a laptop) and this just happened. I want to respond in a classy, keeping my head above the fray way, and right now the draft in my messages box is not that.
My FMIL, FFIL, and FBIL can all see my FB wall through FI's. I know I need to close this loophole, but, as I have told FI, I don't friend family members of my own other than my bro and sis, I just think it's weird for your family to have so much knowledge (especially of things that can be mis-read or misunderstood) about parts of your life. So I probably would not friend them. Especially now.
His Mom never comments on the links I leave on my wall to anything funny, political, interesting or is on my list of "things that make me angry." She never comments on my statuses about the dogs or going to movies or enjoying my life in general.
Last night, I was reading a website I frequent on occasion that is called "What Would Tyler Durden Do?", it's a celebrity gossip site, kind of along the lines of D-listed. I came across this quote: "If you ever hear someone say that money can't buy happiness, you should slap them in their g-d-damned liar mouth." Referring to Catherine Zeta-Jones lounging on a yacht in Portofino. Kinda funny, right? At least it was to me, so I put it in a status update knowing that most of my friends would get a laugh out of it, even the ones with money, because it's a quote on the internet and it's phrased funnily. People say things everyday on FB that are not necessarily directed at you, personally, and I thought that knowing that was part of internet 101.
This morning, when I check FB I see that FMIL has commented on this saying, "I believe you just did." Which is liked by one person. FFIL. I have no idea what this means until I check my messages. Which has a message from FMIL. To back it up a minute, she does not have a cell phone and will not give me her e-mail address, so FB is how we communicate when we must. I had sent her a message a few weeks back congratulating her on her new promotion and wanting to get together for lunch or coffee (she's working in my hometown that I'll be getting stuff out of storage in) whenever was convenient to her, trying to be nice and ignore all of the "she's tearing apart the family" business that I had heard through my FI (he was beyond pissed about that little number and told her it was unacceptable). I wanted to start over. This was not to be. The message in my inbox accuses me of being materialistic, high-maitenance, and the words "My hope is you may forgive me for not understanding you in the slightest." Quickly followed by some words about how she hopes I have a job lined up in P-cola because of my "distaste for poverty."
I supported myself all through college working at least 2 jobs at a time. I had a small amount of money that my dear departed Papa put away for each of his grandkids that covered a part of my housing expenses. After that, it was loans and working that paid for my degree. I've worked since then, paid my own way, and yes, I like nice things, I don't purchase them too often because I know that money doesn't grow on trees and that I have to pay for it. Yes, FI is really generous with me, but that doesn't negate the whole working for a living thing. I was raised pretty middle class and have no delusions about how money happens. I have been living rent-free with my Mom since August, the first time I've been rent-free since the start of college. She offered, and it got me a better job and the ability to save money to start FI and I's life together on a more stable footing.
My family loves FI, they always ask after him and he has standing invitations to any family gathering or holiday. I have never been asked inside his parent's home by them and they have gone out of their way to avoid me even when we lived in the same city. One of the problems that FI and I have worked on is that he tends to take things too seriously or assume that they were barbs meant for him even when that isn't the case. He's gotten a ton better about it, but now you see where he gets it from. It's the whole looking for an excuse thing combined with this victim mentality that just makes me want to scream or tell her off.
I really don't want to get FI involved with this, as he goes to IFS very shortly and is in the midst of memorizing and filling out paperwork and doesn't need this drama. I've got some interviews lined up, and yes, I do have a "distaste" for poverty in that I've been broke and poor and it was not enjoyable and I have no desire to do it again, hence the working and FI and I having a very good conversation about finances and buying a good book about it to work on it further (thanks to you guys!).
CN: My FMIL who already didn't like me has decided to take a quote on my FB wall personally. It has led to name-calling and her refusing to have lunch with me once I'm in town. I want to keep things peaceful for FI, but I also really want to tell her off, how to respond? Thanks you guys for any input.
