Military Brides

Cross Country Families

My Beau is from New York and I'm from NM but we're currently stationed in TX. Where do I have this wedding?!?!
How do I plan a wedding when I have no idea how many guests can actually make it in from out of state? (Either way, people have to travel.)

Re: Cross Country Families

  • KendallR10KendallR10 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Welcome! 

    You make your guest list and estimate. 

    I would have the wedding where ever you want to
    Military Brides December 2011 Siggy. Holiday picture with your SO. We suck and don't have one :/ Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter.
  • julieamcgjulieamcg member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I guess my question is how do I decide where to have the wedding?
    Closer to the bride?
    Closer to the groom?
    Right in the middle?
    Closer to the family that has less money?
    So many factors...
  • edited December 2011
    Ours was a tough one also. My family is in Seattle, DH family in Florida. At the time we were planning I lived in Washington DC and he was living in North Carolina. And most of our friends are on the east coast.

    We chose to have our wedding in Seattle. We understood that by having it there many of DH family and our friends would not be able to make it. The main factor for us was the church and priest. I attended school in the Seattle area, and it was a big deal that the priest I had as young kid also performed the ceremony. DH understood that my church was a major part of my life. Plus, my mother was AMAZING. She met with some vendors, went to stores to look at decor; essentially was my eyes and hears since I was across the country. 

    Our guests RAVED about the trip to Seattle. Those who came, took extra days of vacation and did lots of sightseeing stuff! For many it was their first time to a new city. That is another thing you could think about: tourism!!
    Another small factor for us was weather. Originally our date was in April, and we thought of doing it in NC, but then we moved our date to July and it would be more comfortable weather in Seattle. 

    It is very true, regardless of where you have it, some people will have to travel. Have you looked into various venues in each location and did a price comparisons? Do you have family or close friends in any of your potential wedding locations who could help you out if you aren't there?
    Sorry I kind of rambled on.... 
    Good luck! 
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  • KendallR10KendallR10 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think where ever you want. We grew up in oregon I wouldn't get married anywhere else
    Military Brides December 2011 Siggy. Holiday picture with your SO. We suck and don't have one :/ Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter.
  • kara811kara811 member
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Why not just have it in TX where you both are? This will make planning easier on you. Also this way, both sides of the families will have to travel and no one would think you favored one side over the other. 

    H and I had this dillemma too. His family's from Oregon/Washington, most of my family are in California, with some scattered around the country. H is stationed in Japan while I live here in Vegas. We decided to have the wedding here so the planning was easier on me instead. There was a good turnout from both sides of our families and even H's friends in Japan. And all our guests loved it because they made a vacation out of it too.  
  • edited December 2011
    I'm in the same situation!  I'm from Oklahoma, FI is from Oregon.  I live in Alaska, FI will be living her soon as well.  We've decided to have the wedding in Oklahoma. (we're kind of like neighbors... well WERE kind of lol... but I'm not a snobby snooner fan I promise! lol )  He has a smaller family and would be easy for them to travel.  And Alaska is a little far for EVERYONE to travel to. 
     
    We were thinking about picking a place in the middle, but it would be hard just going off of pictures on the internet and what vendors tell us.  I like to think I can trust everybody, but my fear is seeing a beautiful, elegant venue in pictures then getting there and it being an open field or some building that's falling apart! haha I don't know, maybe I'm weird! Anyways, Having my mom and other family and friends in OK will make things easier.  They're more then excited to go check places out!  We all have similar tastes so they will do good :)

    I do agree with what Kara said!  I think Texas would make it easier on you and maybe it's not EXACTLY in the middle, but it's definitely doable and you could see all of your vendors and venues and know if it's what you want!!

    Good luck with everything!!! 
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  • edited December 2011
    I would talk to your FI and your families, just to get some input, but ultimately have it wherever you and your FI want to. I'm in kind of the same boat--my whole family is in NY, FI's whole family is in FL, I'm in FL, and FI is in VA. We decided to have it in FL for  a couple of reasons. First of all, it's a lot easier to accommodate out-of-town guests in the Orlando area than it is in the small town I grew up in (closest hotel is half an hour away and airport is 2 hours away...what a disaster that could turn out to be). Also, my family is more willing and more capable of travel, and they will end up turning it into a vacation.

    Good luck! You'll feel much better once you make the decision, regardless of where you decide :)
  • edited December 2011
    We had originally planned for a June 2011 wedding in NC, then we decided to move the wedding up to December and have it in WA, because it would be easier for us both to get leave during holiday leave period. Like Kara, my H was in Japan while we were planning (he's still there actually)  Plus after talking to family and friends, most of my family weren't going to make the effort to come to NC anyway, so I knew they wouldn't come all the way to WA, but it was okay.  We just had a much smaller wedding than we had orignally planned!

    Talk to your FI, family, and friends and go from there.  I agree with Kara though, have it where you both are.. Or you could go full on destination wedding and have everyone travel to the Carribean or something.. since they'd be traveling anyway..
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_cross-country-families?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:44773a59-a72f-4d78-b586-c1a0c1815108Post:be22cc2c-ab63-44a5-839e-9cdbc924e1f3">Re: Cross Country Families</a>:
    [QUOTE]Why <strong>not just have it in TX where you both are? This will make planning easier on you. Also this way, both sides of the families will have to travel and no one would think you favored one side over the other.</strong>  H and I had this dillemma too. His family's from Oregon/Washington, most of my family are in California, with some scattered around the country. H is stationed in Japan while I live here in Vegas. We decided to have the wedding here so the planning was easier on me instead. There was a good turnout from both sides of our families and even H's friends in Japan. And all our guests loved it because they made a vacation out of it too.  
    Posted by kara811[/QUOTE]

    The main raeson DD had hers where she was was because of his church and he wanted to marry there and have all his Military family with them as well.

    This! The only thing I would suggest that everyone may want to stay at your house. You let one then the other would be upset so keep it that all have to pay for hotels.

    The Parents of the Groom and the Parents of the bride I would suggest if you could pay for their rooms, specially if they are paying for the whole wedding and reception. If you can't afford that's ok too.

    You may be surprised on how many will travel, we were! <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />

    Get a wedding planner! Don't rely on freinds and family to set things up if they are comeing from far away.

    I was extreamly upset that DD was having it where they are, and not up here, since his parents and I lived only 7 hours away from each other as opposed to 22 hours away where they lived, but I did get over it and they did get married and it was all very nice.
  • edited December 2011
    Hey welcome!!

    This is a choice that you need to measure for yourself. We chose to have it where the least amount of people would have to travel and have it at a time when we knew those closest to us could travel to be with us.

    That ended up being NOLA because my family is so much larger then his. It does mean that everyone including me and the groom at the time of the wedding will be traveling to get to it. It made it easier since I moved back for a little while, but it is still everyone but my family traveling a minimum of probably about 8 hours driving.

    I would also ask will you both be living in TX when it is time for the wedding? if you really love that place even if you aren't living there it could work, but at the same time it may be easier to fly "home" and see what you need to see and arrange things on the phone and through email etc if it is a stable location for you. Because it is going to be a DW regardless for some people I would just think about who you need there, who you want there, and who it would be cool to see there.

    We also based it off of the fact that my family was willing to foot the whole bill if they didn't have to travel so that was a point for NOLA and then lastly his family can travel a lot easier - his father is retiring in a month his mom and step dad run a family ranch so they dont have to ask for vacation to be able to leave and they could have a friend watch the place for a week.
  • edited December 2011
    Ours was a little tough, but not that tough. We decided we were going to go with where we are at now. My opinion is, do it where it is easier for you. There was no way I could plan it for KY - I know NOTHING there. And It would be a little hard to do it in VA and it would be a big financial burden. So FL it was. Plus March here is pretty :) So.. do it where it's easiest to plan for you. Maybe where it's cheaper. Those who really want to be there will be there. Those who are important to you will be there. I tried to help my bridemaids out, my mom offered to let them ride down with her. I offered to pay a portion of their dress. So.. it's really up to you. It's a hard choice, but in the end it's yours. Do what is less stressful is my advice.
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  • cbwilson87cbwilson87 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We're planning our vow renewal for the state we just moved to, FL. My husband is from Washington state and I'm from Virginia... I get it!  I think with plenty of advanced notice to your family and good planning, you can have the wedding where it is most convenient for you and your fiance. All of our guests will be traveling in from out of town and I think the only family member who lives remotely close is my brother in Miami. We figure that those who really want to be there will travel for it since we can't have the VR in WA and VA simultaneously.
  • edited December 2011

    FH and I had the same problem - we're living in DC and both of our families are all over the U.S. We decided to do it here in DC so that things would be easier for us in regards to all the planning etc. By having it here, it also made it fair to both sides of the family - everyone has to travel. We did a lot of research to make sure we had the best deal on hotel room blocks for our guests, made sure there was good transportation options from different airports, and also made sure we had good transportation options for the day of the wedding since all of our guests will be from out of town. I've found that our wedding website has been a LIFE SAVER. I'm able to put up all kinds of travel suggestions, things to do in the area etc. Hope this helps!

  • julieamcgjulieamcg member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thank you everyone for your input and advice! We've decided to do it here in TX since NM def wasnt an option cause I think its ugly there lol and NY would be too far for my family to travel and there weather is so "iffy" up there. Plus, it IS so much easier to plan for an area that I already live it.
    Thanks again ladies!
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