Just a minor breakdown!

tylerandjenia

So military brides, you are the only people to really understand my freakout!

Last night at the FRG meeting we got updated about a planned upcoming deployment. Which is supposed to be sometime next year. However, with all the training and having to be in town, we may have to change wedding plans. Obviously at this point we don't have exact dates, so this might end up being "moo point" (I hope somebody picks up that reference!)

Anyways, the date we picked was the perfect day, because it would give my family a long weekend to travel and I would be assured he would be off for a holiday! And since we were supposed to be reenlisting to get a transfer, it didn't matter what post we would be at. (Which that plan got trashed with military cuts, and now we are hoping he isn't forced out) Since we don't know when leave time will be exactly, although possibly at the perfect time, I think I'm screwed! And when we booked the venue, it was the last weekend day they had!

Any advice from military brides that may have been through this craziness?!

SamiJoeB

I haven't been through this, but do you have a military clause in your venue contracts?  If not, you need to call them today, and get one.. sign paperwork and then in a few weeks call back and say "OMG!! We just found out about this like literally just now"  A white lie, yes.. but one that could end up saving you hundreds or thousands. 

You may have to reconcile with the fact that you will more than likely have to push back, or move your wedding up.  A date, is just a date... HTH!

tyleet87

I picked up on the Friend's reference too! haha

Good luck with everything.

crownsuperstar

Everything Sami said it spot on.  I would talk to vendors and tell them your issue.  We got a military clause added to every contract we signed.  That is always good practice. 

Good luck with wedding planning.  Do you have your colors?  What are they? 

calindi

Sorry, the best you can do is speak with your vendors and ask them to work with you.  Appeal to their patriotism, since you don't already have a military clause, which the girls mentioned.  Would they really want to keep $X of a service member's wedding budget, just because they're unable to attend the wedding due to their military commitment to SERVE OUR COUNTRY?  In a very nice way, highlight that this isn't exactly your fault and that it's a result of him serving his country, and hopefully they have a heart and work with you to find a solution.

In other news, please edit your post to remove any references to when a deployment might happen.  Read up on OPSEC and PERSEC (just google them) - basically, it's important that you learn to keep both personal information and any potentially sensitive military information off the internet (including Facebook).  FRG are given more information than should ever be shared online or even on the phone, sometimes not even verbally with any other person ever (such as when you do get exact dates, or know where they're headed next).

Good luck!

firsttimersluck

I have nothing to add because you have good advice here... But I wanted to add YAY Friends reference )

tylerandjenia

I'm hoping the venue will work with us, even though there isn't a military clause. It is in the normal agreement that they will hold whatever you have paid for another suitable date with certain amount of notice. We don't actually have vendors for everything else, since we pretty much have those covered between our two families luckily! The hardest part is that my family has started making reservations and travel plans.

I tried to plan everything early so I wouldn't have to shove it in last minute and could have the nice details on a budget. But now I'm finding it may have just been easier to plan everything in a month!

We do have colors picked out, event though they were the colors I swore I'd never do! We are of course doing blue, since he will be in blues and my dress is trimmed in blue. When I found my invitations, they happened to be blue and red. So now our wedding is red, white, and blue! But instead of the bright colors, we are doing navy, a deeper red, and ivory.

Thanks for the OPSEC/PERSEC help. However, I didn't list exact dates or where they were going or for how long. There is no mention of where we are currently stationed or what unit he is with. And as all military wives know, a deployment could happen at any minute or be withdrawn at the last. So if you still think I have some how violated it, please let me know.

calindi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_just-minor-breakdown?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:4e999488-0674-4351-a3a0-aafb79790affPost:77fa7d88-547a-42d7-b65c-c0356e850310">Re: Just a minor breakdown!</a>:
[QUOTE] Thanks for the OPSEC/PERSEC help. However, I didn't list exact dates or where they were going or for how long. There is no mention of where we are currently stationed or what unit he is with. And as all military wives know, a deployment could happen at any minute or be withdrawn at the last. So if you still think I have some how violated it, please let me know.
Posted by tylerandjenia[/QUOTE]

This seems a bit snotty for what was a friendly note.  A lot of girls have no idea, and you really shouldn't list specific months.  And while you may not post where you're stationed or unit in this post, it's more important the cumulative data than what you post in one thread. 

So far, we know his first name and your first name because of your screen name, and we know an approximate location based on where TK says you are, and we know what month he's planning to deploy.  More information isn't hard to get, and it's rather scary how quickly someone can put together all the pieces to come up with a much more comprehensive picture than any of us would like out there.   Based on the fact that you used a screen name with both of your first names, I assumed you weren't familiar with PERSEC, and thus unlikely to be familiar with OPSEC.

firemedicrr

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_just-minor-breakdown?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:4e999488-0674-4351-a3a0-aafb79790affPost:875e18cf-c84b-4a35-a1b1-7587d2a667a1">Re: Just a minor breakdown!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Just a minor breakdown! : This seems a bit snotty for what was a friendly note.  A lot of girls have no idea, and you really shouldn't list specific months.  And while you may not post where you're stationed or unit in this post, it's more important the cumulative data than what you post in one thread.  So far, we know his first name and your first name because of your screen name, and we know an approximate location based on where TK says you are, and we know what month he's planning to deploy.  More information isn't hard to get, and it's rather scary how quickly someone can put together all the pieces to come up with a much more comprehensive picture than any of us would like out there.   Based on the fact that you used a screen name with both of your first names, I assumed you weren't familiar with PERSEC, and thus unlikely to be familiar with OPSEC.
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>cal, this makes me want to give you a big huge hug. 

</div>

tylerandjenia

I apologize that I came of snotty, I did not mean to by any means. When I signed up I did not know about OPSEC/PERSEC. And even though I do now, I was really just asking for a better understanding. I wanted to make sure that I really hadn't violated anything. And while I did list the month that he may be deploying, pretty much everything else you listed as our information, is not necessarily correct information. Either name could be shortened or a nickname. If it really is overstepping rules, I will make a new page. I do apologize for seeming snarky, this month is really overwhelming and I in no way mean to be rude.

calindi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_just-minor-breakdown?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:4e999488-0674-4351-a3a0-aafb79790affPost:9e236e7a-bcfb-489b-907c-ade2439ae1f7">Re: Just a minor breakdown!</a>:
[QUOTE]I apologize that I came of snotty, I did not mean to by any means. When I signed up I did not know about OPSEC/PERSEC. And even though I do now, I was really just asking for a better understanding. I wanted to make sure that I really hadn't violated anything. And while I did list the month that he may be deploying, pretty much everything else you listed as our information, is not necessarily correct information. Either name could be shortened or a nickname. If it really is overstepping rules, I will make a new page. I do apologize for seeming snarky, this month is really overwhelming and I in no way mean to be rude.
Posted by tylerandjenia[/QUOTE]

Okay, fair enough.  We're not here to enforce any rules, so as far as 'violating', I don't have a clue.  We just try to protect each other around here and give friendly tips when people may have given out too much information. I mean, I don't think the first names is a big deal, but you just have to be super careful about what information you put out there.  I'd advise being as vague as possible about deployments/returns, especially - even what month it takes place should probably be kept close to the chest.  We hear a lot of "soon" around here or "not long after Christmas" or something vague like that.

Sorry your month is overwhelming - is it wedding stuff getting you down? 

tylerandjenia

That's only a minor part of it. Mostly just the rush of Christmas break and travelling. Plus my daughter's first birthday is early January. And before we leave we have a ball to go to. Just a lot of things to do and going on all at once. And then I got wonderful news about deployments and not getting a transfer. I think that should hide enough information! Thanks ladies!

calindi

Sounds stressful, sorry!  I hope things get easier for you, and I hope your daughter has a wonderful first birthday.  Do you have any birthday plans for her?

tylerandjenia

Hopefully things will slow down once we get to leave, but I've applied to start back to school now that we are settled down. So as soon as we get back, right back into crazy!

We are actually doing 3 parties for her! We are doing one with each of our families while we are home for leave and then one when we get back on her actually birthday with our friends. But there is only one other baby friend here, so it will mostly be a cookout and a reason to hang out!