Picking a date! Impossible or not?

valariesilva

Hi Ladies, 

I'm going to be the bride of a Marine. Yeahy!!!!!! I couldn't be more excited. As we start planning we've run into one major problem, scheduling. Any ideas here? What have you dealt with??? As of right now they're telling him they have no schedule till July. We want to get married in October of this year before deployment. Do I pick a date and hope for the best or wait till two months before... which is impossible with the size of wedding we want. HELP!   

amh04

SamiJ might have better advice since her H is a marine, as well as any of the other ladies on the board. But to answer your question I would just pick a date, and make sure you get the military clause in ALL of your contracts, you'll know more information before you order/mail out invites. With the clause in your contracts you'll be able to A. Get your deposit back or B. Move it to a better date.

Tell us more about yourself! How old are you? What do you do? How long have you and your FI been together? Congratulations and Welcome.

Sammy0709

I second what amh said.

Beachy730

Congratulations and welcome!

The first thing you need to learn about being a military spouse is to be flexible.  Schedules almost always change, leave gets cancelled, deployments get pushed up or extended, and the list goes on.  

How long has your H been at this duty station?  How soon before the deployment would an October wedding be?  (You don't have to say because of OPSEC).  If it's only a few weeks before the deployment, I would definitely pick a different time to get married.  Usually everyone scrambles to take leave before the deployments and there is never a guarantee you'll get it or that it won't be cancelled.  

How big of a wedding are you planning?  We invited 275 people to our wedding, and booked and planned the entire thing in about 5 months for prime wedding season in July.  We were originally planning for New Year's Eve but bumped it up to the summer when we got order across the country.  Being flexible with dates and locations is huge when planning around the military.  We knew for sure the church and reception venue we wanted, so we called both and asked for a list of every available Friday and Saturday they had in July and August.  When we compared the two lists, there were 2 possible dates (both Friday), so we just picked one.  

calindi

There's a few options, but all of which include putting military clauses in your contracts with all vendors just in case.  And having a very good sense of humor that all things can and will change.  It's a good lesson as a soon-to-be-spouse, but a hard one!  Make sure every contract has it in writing that if he is unable to attend your wedding as planned due to his commitment to the military, that the vendor will either transfer your deposit to a mutually agreeable date or refund your money.

Have you been through a deployment together before?  If not, I'd highly recommend waiting until after he comes back.  It'll be tough and sad to spend the first year of your marriage apart.  It'll be much better to have wedding planning to distract you while he's gone.  Also, experiencing a deployment is an essential part of being a military spouse.  I won't have gone through one by the time we get married, but we will have been together 4 years and it might be another 4 before he gets a chance to deploy, but if it was imminent we definitely would be waiting until after.

If you're insistent on moving ahead before his deployment, I think it probably is best to wait until he has a schedule and is granted leave.  What you can do in the meantime is prepare.  Figure out and purchase all the things you don't need an exact date for, like wedding party and their outfits, colors, decorations, invitations, table numbers, etc.

Find your top 5-6 venues, photographers, caterers (if your venues aren't all-inclusive, which I would actually really recommend if you're going to plan last minute), florists, videographers, DJ/band, etc.  Basically plan your wedding as if you need several back-ups for each vendor.  Then when you get his schedule, you can pick a weekend and start calling your list. 

You'll have more flexibility if you do a Friday night or Sunday, but it's still possible to do a Saturday wedding - you just have to be ready to compromise.  Your top venue is booked?  Okay, well call venues 2-6 until you find one that has a few dates available.  Book that first, then call your other vendors to find out what works for them.  You might settle for venue #4, photographer #3, DJ #2, but you'll be able to plan your wedding!  Just have everything picked out and ready to go!