When would you do it?

catemeg

Okay, so this is kind of long...

My boyfriend and I have spent a good deal of time recently talking about when we wanted to get married.  And we thought we had it all figured out, and then our plans had to go and change (yes, I've got to get used to a lifetime of plans being changed if I'm going to be a military spouse, but that's besides the point here).

Summary:
Boyfriend is a law student, he joined the Marines to become a JAG officer - he went to Officer Candidate School last summer and passed with flying colors and commissioned immediately.  However, he is "inactive reserve" while in school, so he's essentially just a law student for now.  After graduation, he owes them 3 years at which point they will reimburse a large portion of his federal student loans.

Once he graduates, he has to pass the Bar (has tests in July and February).  Then he has to wait 4-6 weeks to get his Bar results to make sure he passed.  After that, he will receive his orders when to arrive for The Basic School.

We figured we'd get married between the Bar and when he will get his score so that we can be guaranteed the Marines won't be able to mess with our schedule.  We were thinking mid-August 2012.

We've been dating 2 years now, and while we definitely want to get married, we're enjoying this stage of our relationship and are not in a rush, so that sounds like a good time frame to both of us.

Sounds good so far, right?

Okay, so now the Marines come and mess up our nice, neat schedule - he was supposed to have an internship this summer with a JAG officer, but that fell through at the LAST minute due to funding.  So my boyfriend was scrambling to find something else to do to pay the bills - he decided to take extra classes so he can get loans to cover cost of living.  Thus he will graduate early - December, taking the Bar in February.

We both want a summer wedding.  So if he's now thinking of doing a dual program and getting an LLM (essentially a doctorate of law) and graduate on time.  But with more loans.

kyrgyzstan

According to my OSO, TBS is super backed up for the next year or so. Maybe he'll get stuck with some long and boring PTAD, and you can get married then! However, because he's already gone to OCS, and is backed up as it is, they *might* speed up his orders to TBS. Who knows with the MC? Has he talked to his OSO (or reserve OIC since he's technically IR, I guess) about the chances of PTAD? It's a bummer he can't do his OJT this summer ( or PTAD and work for an OSO even). 

All that being said, of the options above, I'd go with summer 2011. That way, you can be guaranteed a wedding that you want. You can always take a honeymoon a little later (it would be a nice way for him to unwind post TBS for instance and you guys to have actual quality time, as opposed to the crap time that will be TBS, you'll be together, but he'll be exhausted, etc.).

catemeg

Yeah, my boyfriend also says TBS is backed up pretty badly, so if he graduates in December 2011, takes the Bar in February 2012, and gets his results late April 2012, it's probably not likely that he'll be sent to TBS until the end of the summer.  So he wants to plan the wedding then.

But I don't feel that I can count on that!  It could come the end of April, and we find out he has to report more or less right away!  Then we're stuck cancelling a wedding only a few months out.

meltoine

I'd say do it in February after he takes the bar. I know you want a summer wedding, but consider the following:

You get a honeymoon right away

Venues and vendors offer much cheaper off-season rates Nov. - April

You don't incur extra debt just to have a wedding when you want it

I always dreamed of having an autumn wedding, but the best time for us military-wise turned out to be April. I do not regret not having a fall wedding, but I'm pretty sure I would have regretted not taking a honeymoon.

catemeg

Oh, I should mention - we're not going to take on any debt.  The wedding is very generously being paid for by my parents. We also want a Friday evening wedding, which will save a bit of money even during the summer.

Both our families are from the Northeast but we live in Florida, so it makes the most sense to do it by our families to make transportation easier for everyone.  And we HATE the cold weather - really, really hate it!  So getting married in the winter in New England would not really be 'us' at all.

misscarolb

Wait a second...he's your boyfriend, right? He hasn't even proposed? I know you've been together for 2 years which is practically a lifetime in the military world but just do what feels right. We're having to plan around my fiance's flight school schedule but it happens to be the perfect time for us. I suggest you wait to see what happens. It will eventually fall into place. GL!

catemeg

We've picked out engagement rings, and now we're just trying to figure out when we want to have it (due to all the above reasons).  We don't want to have a super long engagement, so it all sort of depends on when.

If we decide summer 2011 is best (and it does sort of feel soon for both of us, just because we're enjoying this stage of our relationship) then he'll likely propose this summer.  If we decide summer 2012 is best, he'll probably wait until spring to propose.

Yes, we're not "engaged" in so far as we do not yet have a ring and put down a deposit on a venue, but we're actively discussing wedding details and venues, budgets, guest lists, etc.  All our bank accounts are joint, we have a family plan for our cell phones, we live together and all utilities are in both names, we are both on each other's car titles, and we have a joint auto insurance policy.  So in that sense, we're past the simple courtship. 

meltoine

I didn't mean to imply that you would be taking on debt to have a wedding.

You mentioned in your OP that he was considering going back to school so you could get married when you wanted to, thus incurring more debt in the form of student loans. Sorry, I should have been clearer. 

kaynix21

I didn't vote, but I say before TBS. If you plan on getting married already why not make it so you can go and have your housing covered for TBS?

TBS is six months and they don't get a lot of freetime, so to be with him but not go, you won't see him much.

My FI has been through OCS and just got his degree, so we're wating on his commission. Then he's off to TBS. I haven't heard that it's really backed up because FIs hoping to get into the October cycle, but his OSO isn't the best.

And summer 2011 is not soon! It's just over a year away. You'll have been together for more than three years it sounds like and a year to plan is plenty of time.

catemeg

Oh gosh, a year to plan is plenty!  The only thing I'd be worried about is the venue we want, but honestly we could plan this whole thing in 2 weeks and relax the rest of the time (minus picking out my dress).  My mother's amazingly efficient, we have a ton of vendor-contacts as my mother plans events for her job, he and I already know what we want for most of the specifics, and it would just be a matter of tasting caterer food and negotiating prices.

I totally agree pre-TBS.  He's very sure on that - he wants me to move up to live with him while he's at TBS.  OCS was tough enough, and I was only 45 minutes away so I got to see him every day off he got.  We shall see - he was just finishing up his semester at law school, so finals sort of curtailed engagement/wedding discussions, but I'm sure we'll discuss it more specifically soon. 

Also, his OSO is terrible, also!  We miss the one from DC/Virginia - he was awesome to work with, and very on top of things.  Our friends who were in OCS with him last summer are just graduating college, getting commissioned, and all of them are telling us they have a 5-8 month wait right now, so October would be more or less in line with that estimate.

Which means if it's still that backed up, he'd have until the end of August 2012 before he'd have to report.  But we can't be sure of that, and it would stink to get to May and get his orders saying June 1st if we've planned a wedding for sometime that summer!  But they'd probably take longer than that... we could probably realistically squeeze one in beginning of June... they'll probably take longer than 2 months to have him report, right? *Sigh* This is like a mental merry-go-round!

chrisnmon

I vote summer 2011!  If you guys get married before TBS, he won't have to stay in the barracks and can stay out in town with you.  Not that you'll see much of him anyways.  He'll have the weekends free, but they might be full of studying or remedials if he's having trouble in certain courses.  And don't get me started on the weekdays!  Long days...looonnnggg days...lol.  Expect that he'll be grumpy and tired when he gets home.  Might mutter two words and pass out.  You'll have to be patient! 

BTW, tell him to look into the this program after 42 months starting TBS.  It's the Law School Education Debt Subsidy (LSEDS) program.  They have it every year.  Helps cover any law school debt, but you have to apply for it. 

http://www.usmc.mil/news/messages/Pages/MARADMIN0615-09.aspx

I recommend that he read the MARADMINS at least once a week or once every two weeks.  They've got good stuff there.  My friends, collegues, FI, and I have benefitted from reading these.  Very interesting programs and new information that a lot of people are not aware of.  Best of luck!