Wedding Help

gisellewells876

I don't know how well this will come off but hear me out a bit. I live in NM (in the military of course) and my husband and I are trying to have our ceremony in either Virgina or Florida (beach backdrop please). We did the whole court house thing so that we could be legally married from now and we would like to have the whole works next year March. I dont know if I need to have a wedding planner that lives in the state we want to have the wedding or should I get one in Lubbock or if I can even attempt to plan a wedding for 85 - 90 by myself. Suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

BinxRose

Hi giselle! First and foremost, your sn appears to be your first and last name. Please check out the PERSEC/OPSEC sticky that our mod created. It's one of the first posts on the board. Then for your safety, create a new account! Also, if you are in that city you just named, please edit the post (because I now know your full name AND where you live)!! That being said, welcome to the board, and congratulations on the wedding you had in March! Now, with the "whole works" you want to have, that is a vow renewal (VR), not a wedding. To make things clear, a wedding is not a huge party, a wedding is when two people exchange vows and become married, as you did in March. A vow renewal is when you exchange vows again. I know a lot of girls/women dream of having their big day with "the whole works," but it's not everyone's dream. So just a heads up, do not say you didn't have your "real wedding," as you are saying that couples who JOP-ed at a courthouse did not have a "real wedding." Now, I'm assuming both of your families know that you're already married? If not, it's completely unethical (and some couples have actually done it). Not to mention risky, as your marriage record is public for anyone in your family to find (or myself, now that I know your full name). Planning your VR on your own from this distance is completely do-able! Most women here, including myself, have planned their weddings from thousands of miles away. Internet will be your best friend in researching. But if you really would feel more comfortable spending the extra money for a planner, I would suggest hiring one in the location where the VR would take place. If you are thinking VA, may I suggest Virginia Beach? ETA: A few etiquette tips in planning your VR: -No gift registry -No wedding shower (see above), and no bach. parties (neither of you are "single"/unmarried) -No "giving away" by your father. You are already married -No "first dance"....unless you really have not yet danced with your husband. But even then, it's just silly.

LetsHikeToday

Exactly what Binx said.

Binx save that response in word for next time. Good job lady!!

Irishcurls

Also feel free to scroll through a few posts to get a feel for these type of questions. They come up a lot and the vast majority of us back Binx's advice 100%.

Sammy0709

I had a VR and my father really wanted to walk me down the aisle so I obliged. DH and I danced but we did not call it our first dance. I don't need a first dance as an excuse to dance with my husband. VR's are actually really flexible IF you do them tastefully and honestly. Those are the only things I will contradict that were said. As far as gifts and parties I agree with Binx 100%. If you want anymore of my thoughts or info on how I did my VR you can PM me.

LetsHikeToday

I agree with Sammy too.

I'd still want my dad to walk me down the aisle if he hadn't yet.

BinxRose

I guess I think it's fine that a dad would walk you down the aisle. But the whole handshaking, dad-giving-daughter's-hand-to-groom thing is just silly. You don't need to be "given away" as you are already married.

And I never said you couldn't dance with your husband. Just don't announce and have this show of a "first dance."

Sammy0709

Misunderstood your point then Binx. Sorry

BinxRose

OP- Here is a great website to help you plan your vow renewal!

http://www.idotaketwo.com/vow_renewal_etiquette.html

SamiJoeB

I second everything that Binxy said, but I just wanted to add... that I planned my wedding with my H in another country, my family thousands of miles away and while it was in the same state I was in, it was a completely unfamiliar state to me..Save yourself the expense, and plan it yourself! or try to find an all inclusive venue (ie somewhere you can have the VR & reception/party thing afterwards)

kyrgyzstan

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_wedding-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:56ddf912-d085-41be-8356-e416dc1793a3Post:5581489c-eb63-4735-9454-4c1f25c7c78f">Re: Wedding Help</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess I think it's fine that a dad would walk you down the aisle. But the whole handshaking, dad-giving-daughter's-hand-to-groom thing is just silly. You don't need to be "given away" as you are already married. And I never said you couldn't dance with your husband. Just don't announce and have this show of a "first dance."
Posted by BinxRose[/QUOTE]

<div>I think giving away your daughter is silly married or not. I don't even really think that's what a dad walking his daughter down the aisle really is very often (baby brides perhaps), so I have no issue with it at VRs. It's just a dad and a daughter, who are close, taking a walk. I walked myself, because I'm an independent,ornery broad like that.</div>

calindi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_wedding-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:56ddf912-d085-41be-8356-e416dc1793a3Post:c3effc6c-41e8-4bcc-9c10-7b1bb018f0ac">Re: Wedding Help</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Help : I think giving away your daughter is silly married or not. I don't even really think that's what a dad walking his daughter down the aisle really is very often (baby brides perhaps), so I have no issue with it at VRs. It's just a dad and a daughter, who are close, taking a walk. I walked myself, because I'm an independent,ornery broad like that.
Posted by WishIcouldbeinthe'stan[/QUOTE]

Haha, us feministed bitches!  I had the same thought, but I knew it would hurt my Dad so I figured I'd have a compromise - both my Mom and Dad are walking me down the aisle, and then sit down when we get to the front row, and I'll walk the last few steps to FI on my own.

jamaicangirl876

Thanks for the information and I will go ahead and delete my account based on the OPSEC/PERSEC guidelines. I was not aware that you cannot update your username. As to the VR that honestly was not what I was looking for and I meant no disrespect in saying a JOP court house deal was is no way real. I just thought that you were still able to have the ceremony and reception after the fact. I guess I will have to take a more detailed look at this all. If it boils down to only being able to do the VR I honestly will be deeply saddened as this was never my idea.

As to the planner/planning thanks for the advice I will see about trying it out for myself and if that fails then I'm sure I can always make the sacrifice for a planner. In regards to the giving away/bridal shower and registry I never intended to do any of that. 

Thanks again for everything and I'll look through all the posts before I attempt to post anything that may have already been written.

BinxRose

Hi again!

Please don't feel like a VR is a punishment, or that you aren't allowed to celebrate! Just realize that it can't be treated the way you would a wedding. Do exchange vows again for your friends and family to see, and do have food and dancing and celebration! Just realize that some things such as bach. parties and gift registries/accepting gifts are in poor taste. None of your friends or family would say these things to your face, but many probably would side-eye doing those things.

If you have any other questions, the ladies here are great!

jamaicangirl876

Thanks Binx. You're tremendous help. The whole bach parties, registry or gift acceptance wasn't in our budget or train of thought. But thanks again!