Are you excited?

AmandaSC1988

That is all I hear all this week.... "Are you excited?".... Why no... No, I am not. I do want to marry the man of my dreams in a beautiful church surrounded by family and friends that love us both. But I am not excited because that means that it is closer to FI leaving me. It is hard to get that out of my head when I think about getting married... I have to pack all my stuff in my apartment, find another apartment when he goes on long cruise and find a way to get myself out to where he is stationed all in a little under a month...that and figure out all paperwork that goes a long with getting married and getting on his insurance and getting a spouse ID.... all by myself.

That is not going to be fun.

I do notice that the days have been getting shorter as they get closer to the wedding. 

CAB1217

Amanda... you need to stop focusing on the negative! YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED THIS WEEKEND! Allow yourself some happiness! I know it's going to be hard when he leaves, so all the more reason to enjoy this time now, you'll have plenty of time to be sad afterwards. I hope the next 2 days are easier on you.

divinemsbee

You're soooo close. Here's what I would do. Or so I'd like to think. You can drive yourself nuts about all of it until noon tomorrow. Then, just try to let it go and enjoy yourself. Stop worrying about the paperwork and him leaving and finding a place to live. There is absolutely nothing you have to do in the next three days that is going to have any immediate impact. Probably no one you need to talk to would be in their offices anyway. And you can pack boxes later. Enjoy yourself and enjoy your FI/H while he's there. 

I know in the Air Force we have a Key Spouse who can generally point us in the right direction, does the Navy have anything like that? I would recommend finding out who that person is and contacting them once the wedding's over. He or she might be able to talk to you about paperwork and IDs and such. 

I know it's such a cliche, but, breathe. And, you're allowed to be excited, even if that means it's closer to him leaving, because your wedding is worth being excited about. 

ETA: I found this quote by Corrie Ten Boom because this made me think of it: “Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.” 

AmandaSC1988

Oh Yes! I am happy! I reread that post and realized I sounded a little negative. Ha!

We are very excited to get married. Everything is done except buying mixers for the drinks...and well decorating. SO mainly, All that is left to do is just relax and let all those people that want to desperately help do stuff...

BEST words of advice I have heard yet...for the days leading up to the wedding. DON'T make going out to lunch a giant production. I have family in town... FI has Family in town... doing could easily.y become a giant to-do. After doing stuff at this church this morning... there was "what are we doing now? Where should we eat? Oh I have to go take a shower"..... So,  FI and I told everyone we were going to lunch at X place... and if they wanted to come...great... if not... great... no stress. Everyone showed up...eventually and I didn't care.

Fi is at his Bachelor Party... and I am really kind of bored... ha!

ggirl2001

Ha, Amanda. Its last minute wedding stress all adding up. just remember that at the end you will be married and all the rest of the stuff you can deal with it. You know you can do it so its ok. There is nothign that you listed in that post that is beyond your scope of doing. Just enjoy the week and time with FI. 

Beachy730

Let it all go.  It's your wedding and you will greatly regret being bummed during it because of what is happening after.  Right after our wedding I had to move 2 hours to where H lived, then  a month later we moved cross country, and he deployed a month after that.  Honestly that was the last thing on my mind during anything with the wedding because there was nothing I could do for that or to help any of that at the time.  Just let it all go and enjoy your weekend getting married.

The Navy has an Ombudsman who can help answer questions or direct you in the right place.  Will your FI go with you to get your mil ID?  If so you just need your marriage license, soc sec card, and drivers license.  If he won't be there with you then you also need POA usually.  For soc sec you can go to the office and go through the request to change names, just bring your miarriage license.  However I would probably wait for everything but mil ID until you move.  As long as you have that card with your new name and a copy of your marriage license with you it won't matter.

Do you have a plan to get your marriage license right back from the priest?  If not, then take a few minutes and call your city hall office where you applied for your marriage license.  Ask them if you can take the signed certificate from your priest and come turn it in in person for immediate processing for the military (as opposed to the priest mailing it in which can take weeks).  Then you can usually also pay a small amount for a second official copy (ours was $10).  That way if your FI has to turn in an official copy for getting you on his page 2 then you still have an official copy to use.  Also, make like 10 copies of your marriage license and just make sure to always have one in your wallet for the first month or two while you're getting everything taken care of.

For apartments, look on ahrn.com, militarybyowner, and Craigslist.  If it's a big military area you can likely even just get to the area and then look at the apartments in person and sign a lease and move right in.  I know in this area there are ALWAYS a ton of move in ready apartments.  If you have someone you know and trust in the area though and you see one ahead of time ask them to go drive by the area or go check out the apartment for you.  I just did this for a friend yesterday who is still on the west coast.  

Okay I'm done writing my novel for now.  But just know that as stressful as it seems it is all well manageable.  Stop focusing on the negative, enjoy your wedding, and enjoy the time you do have with your FI/H before he leaves.

lrh17

Yayyyy, it's so close Amanda!!! 

As far as insurance goes, if he is not able to take care of enrolling you in DEERS, you will need  POA to do it yourself.  If he can, but you won't be with him to get your military ID, there is some form that he will need to send to you so that you can go get your ID.  After we got married, H enrolled me, but since I was living far away from him I had to get my ID on my own.  I was nervous about finding a place to do it, but there was a federal building downtown that was able to issue them, and it turned out to be quite easy.  To enroll me in DEERs, he needed a copy of my drivers license and social security card, so we did wait until after my name was changed with social security and the BMV to do the insurance stuff.  And you know if you have questions about that kind of stuff, these ladies are super helpful about those kinds of things!

But enough about boring insurance...enjoy your weekend!!!

crownsuperstar

Happy Wedding eve! Enjoy every second as they go by so fast. 

I basically took the Scarlett O'Hara approach about everything else (enrolling in DEERS, deploying, well life stuff).

I seriously quoted Scarlette with this one:

"I can't think about that right now. If I do, I'll go crazy. I'll think about that tomorrow!"

So that is what I did.  I just thought about the wedding and how much fun I was having and all the other stuff will be there later!

amh04

It's soooo close Amanda. Sometimes you just have to tell your brain to STFU. Try not to think about what the days after will bring, it's hard and it's always in the back of your head. But everytime you think about it, look at your very soon to be H and kiss him and remind yourself to enjoy these moments.

I second everything Beachy said. Also, I'm near Mayport and if you need help for things down here let me know. I'd be happy to do so. It will work out one way or another. I would definitely utilize your Ombudsman and Fleet and Family Services. Read reviews on apartmentguide.com, you might be able to check with the housing office to see if they have a list of places they don't recommend. ARHN.com and Militarybyowner.com are good sites.
As far as the military thing - if you have to do it by yourself, you'll need a POA. But it's pretty simple and as long as you have a POA and your marriage license, you'll be good to go. Promise. Fingers crossed you won't.

Predeployment sucks terribly bad. It's all the emotions and stresses, while trying to be happy and enjoy it. Allow yourself to cry if you feel you need to. But just try to focus on tomorrow. Enjoy it and take it all in, don't allow yourself to think about whats coming up. Just enjoy your wedding day, think about anything and everything but him leaving. Start to think about it? "Look at my flowers, they are just gorgeous" "Look at my dress, it's so pretty!" Someone has the balls to ask you about it, walk away.

BinxRose

Oh my goodness, I hear ya on the "are you excited?" crap!! We got back here to WI a couple days ago and that's all I've been getting. Oh and one of my sister's asked me last night in front of our family and FI "are you getting cold feet?" Seriously, who asks someone that?

kyrgyzstan

H left 4 days after the wedding for a month, and then came back for a month and left for deployment. It has not been that bad, I promise! All the newlywed stuff is just postponed until after!

CAB1217

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_are-you-excited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:5f603b40-13ff-4528-adc1-5198f0abac20Post:b8a10c99-ea43-4c35-806f-575a36fcf807">Re: Are you excited?</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh my goodness, I hear ya on the "are you excited?" crap!! We got back here to WI a couple days ago and that's all I've been getting. Oh and one of my sister's asked me last night in front of our family and FI "are you getting cold feet?" Seriously, who asks someone that?
Posted by BinxRose[/QUOTE]

Just wait til you get the "how do you feel"s "after the wedding, now THOSE are the worst! Ummm, I didn't go through surgery, I got married. But thanks for your concern? Ha ha!

ggirl2001

In Response to Re:Are you excited?:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Are you excited?:Oh my goodness, I hear ya on the "are you excited?" crap!! We got back here to WI a couple days ago and that's all I've been getting. Oh and one of my sister's asked me last night in front of our family and FI "are you getting cold feet?" Seriously, who asks someone that?Posted by BinxRoseJust wait til you get the "how do you feel"s "after the wedding, now THOSE are the worst! Ummm, I didn't go through surgery, I got married. But thanks for your concern? Ha ha! Posted by CAB1217[/QUOTE]
I hate the ones that ask when you're having kids. Or assume that when you're sick you must be pregnant.

CAB1217

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_are-you-excited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:5f603b40-13ff-4528-adc1-5198f0abac20Post:527f2d38-3727-487a-bd16-bc7968aeb3a5">Re:Are you excited?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Are you excited?: I hate the ones that ask when you're having kids. Or assume that when you're sick you must be pregnant.
Posted by ggirl2001[/QUOTE]

I could seriously stub my toe and limp around the office, and have someone ask me if I am pregnant because of it. Every illness/headache/mood change is a sign of pregnancy in this office for me. They're annoying.

crownsuperstar

I get the how does it feel all of the time.  Most of the time I answer no different sicne I am still pretty much living alone right now. Then comes the head tilt "OH that must be hard to miss all of the newlywed time (followed by a wink)"

firemedicrr

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_are-you-excited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:5f603b40-13ff-4528-adc1-5198f0abac20Post:bf051a22-c83a-4ac3-8103-7c9c0170efb5">Re: Are you excited?</a>:
[QUOTE]I get the how does it feel all of the time.  Most of the time I answer no different sicne I am still pretty much living alone right now. Then comes the head tilt "OH that must be hard to miss all of the newlywed time (followed by a wink)"
Posted by crownsuperstar[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>oh man. There could be so many great responses to this to turn the awkwardness on them.</div><div>
</div><div>Amanda- I second everyone on here- just enjoy your day! I'm also here whenever you want to talk. We're in similar situations with the separation and moving part, except my H won't be deployed. Seriously, if you need any help let me know... or even if you want to vent about it sucking. </div><div>
</div><div>I hope you have a fantastic wedding day! yay!!</div>

lrh17

I must have been asked 500 times 'how's married life?!' Well, it was good while I actually got to be with my husband! But now things are more like they were before we were married. Then I get the pity look, sometimes with comments. I cant freakin stand the pity look!