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Deployed

My fiance is in the Army and just deployed a month ago, in three days.  It's SOOO hard to be happy without him here.  I'm scared that he won't come back from over there.  It's so hard not knowing what's happening.  When or if he's even coming back.  I know I can't mope and dwell until he comes back.  But I don't know how to handle things.  I try not to let him know how hard it is for me, because I know it's harder for him.  Does anyone have any ideas on how to cope without him here???

Re: Deployed

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    Sammy0709Sammy0709 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Do you have any hobbies or other things to keep you busy?  I was in college when DH went on both of his previous deployments but I also played a lot of tennis, did a lot of quilting, and worked a lot.  If you don't have a hobby at the moment you could consider finding a class to start a new one. 
    It's okay to have bad days where you mope around once in a while.  The easiest way to keep from making every day one of those days is to make sure your mind is active with other things so you don't dwell on the not knowing.  Good luck with the rest of your FI's deployment.
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    kyrgyzstankyrgyzstan member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with Sammy. For military spouses, independence is SO important. Definitely find something to distract you. Work, school, volunteering, whatever. 
    I hate Dave Ramsey
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    iluvmytxrgriluvmytxrgr member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with the other ladies.  You have to keep your self busy. You also have to make a choice for yourself that you are going to be happy.  We all have our bad days.  You have to wake up every morning and tell your self you are going to have a good day. 
    Set some goals for your self while he is gone.  Also, try to break the time down into smaller periods.  It makes the time seem to go faster.
    Every day, I set aside 30 min to an hour.  I send him an email about what we did today and then I write him a letter to put in the mail.  It gives me something to look forward to every night and I know he feels the same way.
    Every week, I set aside one day or night to spend with my friends.  I get together with other wives for dinner or a movie.  We call it our date night.  It gives me something to look forward to every week.
    Every month, I set a side some time to do at least one big.  I plan a road trip, a massage or a concert to go to.  It gives me something to look forward to every month. 
    I'm sure you get what I'm saying. The time he is gone really is what you make it.  You can chose to sit, mope and make your self miserable or you can chose to get out and do something.  It doesn't mean your love him less or worry less.  It just means you won't let the negative take over your life.  It will eat away at you, if you let it. 
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    edited December 2011
    Whenever my Hubby has to leave, it usually falls on a weekend, I give myself the rest of that weekend to cry, mope, eat a box of chocolate (yes, it has happened), and then first thing on monday, I pick myself up and get on with my life. Like everyone else has said, you have to be able to be independant to make a military marriage last. If you don't have any hobbies, pick some up!! Start reading, if you like to read, learn a new skill, community colleges have continuing education classes where you can learn anything from basketweaving to floral arrangements to martial arts. That will give you something to look forward to every week or so. Also, I snail mail my hubby a nice homemade card once a week. Since separating from AD, I had a harder time following my own advice, but once I found my stride, I was perfectly able to make myself happy while the Hubs is gone.

    Also, You can't think about the possibility of him not coming home. I am a firm believer in the law of attraction and you cannot allow thoughts like that to even enter your mind. Yes, we all know as military SO's that our H/FI/BF will encounter a certain level of danger in his job, and we have accepted that. If I couldn't handle that, then when H proposed, I would have said No Thanks!! I want an accountant as a husband, not someone who kicks down doors and is almost constant danger for 8 months at a time. Stop thinking negatively, and keep yourself busy. Also!! Working out gives you lots of endorphins and endorphins make you happy!!!
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    edited December 2011

    Do you cook?

    When I stress or am out of contact with FI for days, weeks... I find baking and trying new recipes an awesome distraction. Just recently I was baking/cooking up a storm .. I tried a new recipe each day. Now the wedding is taking over my life (now we are in the final stretch!) After the wedding, I am looking forward to working my way through a cook book. :)

    I also love crafting and scrapbooking, although it can get expensive time flys when I am working on them.

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    Beachy730Beachy730 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ditto all the others.  

    Like Sami, I give myself through the weekend to cry, mope, eat all the garbage I want, and feel sorry for myself.  Then come Monday I move on.  You can cry and up miserable every single day while he is gone, and it's not going to bring him home any sooner or keep him safe.  So you just need to focus on other things.  

    The girls gave you soome great ideas already.  I even noticed that just having shows that I looked forward to every night was a big help.  When H left for deployment I didn't have any friends here yet, and all of our family and friends were on the East coast.  I ended up meeting another wife when we were both out walking our dogs in our neighborhood, and we became very close.  She would come over at least 5 nights a week for the dogs to play together and we would watch our shows.  It definitely helped the time go by much quicker. 

    Also, I would send H care packages about once a week.  I would bake him cookies and use the food saver so they stayed fresh.  And it always gave me something to look forward to with thinking of new things to send him.  We are lucky that H has access to a computer at almost all times, so we are able to email back and forth all day usually when he is gone.  So I definitely slacked on the handwritten notes.  But in every package I would send I would write out a nice card for him.  
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    edited December 2011
    Thank you all SOOOOOOOOO VERY VERY VERY VERY much... that does help... I do write... and I mean a lot... it does help most of the time... and I'll go and hang out with a friend... but when I'm feeling mopey I don't know how to get out of the mopiness...
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    iluvmytxrgriluvmytxrgr member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Sometimes, you just have to get out of your own head.  When you start feeling mopey, give your self a set amount of time to get it out.  Being sad that he is so far away is normal.  We all have our bad days.  Let your self sit on the couch for a few hours watching a good cry movie and eat icecream for dinner.  Cry your self to sleep, but then wake up and decide that you are going to have a good day.  Ask a friend to lunch or dinner that day.  Go see a funny movie.  Turn on some music and dance like a crazy person in your living room.  Sometimes, you have to kick your self into gear.  You can do it.  However, if you start feeling like you are in a hole that you can't climb out of, it's time to ask for help.  Don't ever be afraid to talk to a doctor about it if you can't pull your self up.  Your mental health is way too important to let pride get in the way. 
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    edited December 2011
    I'm a little late on this post but I was just taking a look around and came across your post. My fiance is in the Marines and is also currently deployed. It sucks haha, as if we all didn't already know that. This is his second deployment in about 2 years. It doesn't get any easier but it gets moe bearable, I think. Like the others said, you have got to stay busy. Busy, Busy, Busy. Something that worked for me last time and what seems to be working now is working out. ALOT. I have signed up for a few different road races to keep me on track and I'm training for a half marathon for a about the time he should be returning so that way I know I have something to occupy my mind for the entire duration he's away. It's also a great way to de-stress and just give yourself an hour or so of your own time. Being alone with your thoughts is a scary place to be, espicially when someone you love so much is at war but you learn to dismiss the negativity. It's all about turning it into something positive. Good Luck!
    She's always wanted to be a princess and he's always wanted to be a hero; as fate would now have it, she is his princess and he is her hero *Semper Fi* Wedding Countdown Ticker
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