XP Facebook and In laws

Zimsgirl

How many of you are friends with your FMIL on Facebook?
I recently unfriended mine because it was something I needed to do for me and my self esteem. She "creeps" on my pictures then makes snarky comments online or to me in person. She basically called me a slut when she saw my Halloween costume last year (which is in my siggy). I just couldn't do it anymore. She tried to add me back and I haven't responded. I guess I'm wondering what should I do if she brings it up to me next time we talk? I don't want anymore problems but I just couldn't do it anymore. Thanks for the help. 

BinxRose

I'm friends on fb with my FMIL and other future in-laws. But she's pretty cool, down to earth. If your FMIL is making comments like that, I agree with your choice to unfriend her and keep her in fb friend purgatory. If she brings it up, be honest. Just let her know that her comments hurt you, so you'd prefer to even be put in that situation by being friends on fb.

Zimsgirl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_xp-facebook-laws?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:72d3f7d3-94b8-4820-a897-8e479073c0cbPost:bf2e7804-1aae-454e-9893-08f0b478e363">Re: XP Facebook and In laws</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm friends on fb with my FMIL and other future in-laws. But she's pretty cool, down to earth. If your FMIL is making comments like that, I agree with your choice to unfriend her and keep her in fb friend purgatory. If she brings it up, be honest. Just let her know that her comments hurt you, so you'd prefer to even be put in that situation by being friends on fb.
Posted by BinxRose[/QUOTE]
FI has even tried talking to her but she makes a bunch of passive aggressive comments so she thinks she's not in the wrong. Then she's hurt that FI is taking my side but plenty of people have noticed her comments so it's not like FI is stepping out of line or anything. My mom's not a big fan of her either because of the way she treated me when FI got hurt

firsttimersluck

If she makes any comment to you about not being "friends" on facebook anymore, just play dumb. Facebook has had so many new updates, that it's been all kinds of tweeky. It's a good excuse to blame the internet, and just continue to forget to add her back. whatever. fb is not for old people anyway :P

I'm friends with my in-law son facebook, but they never ever use it, and I'm a grown up. I wouldn't let anyone make those kinds of comments towards me without me snipping back. It's out of line and inappropriate. Honestly, if I were in your situation, I would be honest to her about why I deleted her... But I am lucky enough to have in-laws that I can be blunt towards,and you may not be so lucky.

Don't stress it. It's the internet.. she'll get over it. If she can't play nicely, neither should you.

Zimsgirl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_xp-facebook-laws?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:72d3f7d3-94b8-4820-a897-8e479073c0cbPost:90500abb-40ba-4463-8722-cca91ce63bf3">Re: XP Facebook and In laws</a>:
[QUOTE]If she makes any comment to you about not being "friends" on facebook anymore, just play dumb. Facebook has had so many new updates, that it's been all kinds of tweeky. It's a good excuse to blame the internet, and just continue to forget to add her back. whatever. fb is not for old people anyway :P I'm friends with my in-law son facebook, but they never ever use it, and I'm a grown up. I wouldn't let anyone make those kinds of comments towards me without me snipping back. It's out of line and inappropriate. Honestly, if I were in your situation, I would be honest to her about why I deleted her... But I am lucky enough to have in-laws that I can be blunt towards,and you may not be so lucky. Don't stress it. It's the internet.. she'll get over it. If she can't play nicely, neither should you.
Posted by firsttimersluck[/QUOTE]<div>I tried to play nice but I just can't do it anymore. I went home a couple weekends ago and saw his 12 year olds sister binder had pictures on it from my facebook
</div>

firsttimersluck

Well.. I don't see a big deal about that... She's 12... She probably looks up to you and I remember when I was young I would put all my friends/family/pet pictures all over my school stuff.

Zimsgirl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_xp-facebook-laws?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:72d3f7d3-94b8-4820-a897-8e479073c0cbPost:a576a769-8477-4839-bf5a-54a245225743">Re: XP Facebook and In laws</a>:
[QUOTE]Well.. I don't see a big deal about that... She's 12... She probably looks up to you and I remember when I was young I would put all my friends/family/pet pictures all over my school stuff.
Posted by firsttimersluck[/QUOTE]
That's true but she doesn't have a Facebook so her mom did it...thus all the comments (that I went back and deleted because they were either stupid or rude). I just wish our relationship was like it was before. I feel like she doesn't value me as part of their family's lives when I have been for over 3 years and will for the rest of our lives<div>
</div><div>ETA there weren't any pics of me either, just our cats and one of FI in Afghanistan </div>

MrsOjoButtons

I deleted and blocked all my ILs.  There was some drama, some not-nice emails to my husband about me, etc.  We told them I deactivated my account.  It's been a year and a half or so and life is better without them on my FB. They've asked me to get a new FB page, but I just play dumb and say I don't like spending so much time on the computer.

Zimsgirl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_xp-facebook-laws?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:72d3f7d3-94b8-4820-a897-8e479073c0cbPost:14c8a7d8-5ad9-428b-b06f-dcbc416ee903">Re: XP Facebook and In laws</a>:
[QUOTE]I deleted and blocked all my ILs.  There was some drama, some not-nice emails to my husband about me, etc.  We told them I deactivated my account.  It's been a year and a half or so and life is better without them on my FB. They've asked me to get a new FB page, but I just play dumb and say I don't like spending so much time on the computer.
Posted by MrsOjoButtons[/QUOTE]
I tempted to just block her but started with deleting her. I accidentally sent a text about her to her instead of a friend (I needed to vent when we were around each other so much when FI was in the hospital) She read it and asked me about it and I told her I felt like she thought I was more in the way than anything when I actually helped FI WAY more than her and she was supposed to be his non medical assistant. (She wouldn't even push his wheelchair when you could see him get tired! I always pushed and put the wheelchair away/set it up for him. I'm not complaining I was happy to do it I just hated that she wouldn't do a thing!) She then turned it around to make me feel bad saying she felt like she was only there to pay bills and give rides. I wish I could've told her how I really felt but it would've just exploded when it was already a really stressful situation. FI was snapping on her among others because he was injured and in the hospital and that was to be expected. But she brought all of it on herself. She would ask stupid questions to doctors that FI already knew the answers to and she'd do little things to nag at him. 

Irishcurls

It sounds like there is a lot going on with the family regardless of their relationship with you--but you do NOT want to get into it with your in laws if you can avoid it. Obviously there are things you can't ignore, but for the most part, especially with the internet, limited is better. I would totally play dumb, brush it off, change the subject, whatever you have to do to avoid it--definitely not worth it to give this woman a chance to get under your skin. Forever is a long time and (speaking from experience), it's usually easier to compartmentalize and boundary and stick to topics that don't piss either party off. I would completely ignore the fb thing. 

crownsuperstar

I agree with Irish and FTL and just play dumb and change the subject.  You don't want to putting FI in the middle of you and her.  I am not saying that you are doing that it seems that is coming more from her side.  She seems to like drama and I would just stay as far away from that as I could. 

I am sorry you have to deal with this.  I am pretty lucky to have great in laws. 

divinemsbee

I'm not friends with my FMIL in particular, but then again, I'm not friends with my own Mom on FB. As I told her, we talk at least once every 3 days, if something happens that I need/want you to know about, you'll know. I'm actually friends with more of my family (mainly cousins) than I really want to be, but I couldn't think of a way to say no. I'm pretty sure that my Dad doesn't know what FB is,and again, we talk at least once a week or more. 

FI's family is all up on the FB though, so that's mainly how he communicates with him. I'm not friends with his Mom, Dad, or bro, but I have ended up being friends with his Grandma (Mom's Mom). Considering that FMIL and I don't have a great relationship, my relationship with her mother is pretty good. FMIL cut her parents out of her and FI and his bro's life when they were six. Nothing bad happened, but her parents were out of their life until Facebook brought them back in. So I'm trying to mend fences for FI and his Grandma, and I like that she's able to see what's going on in his life now.

Trust me, I get in-law issues, but it sounds like you have way more issues than FB, just definitely try not to put your FI in the middle, it's a crappy place to be. And I agree with Crown, she sounds like a total drama-llama, I'd just try to keep her as uninvolved as possible.

AmandaSC1988

FB is magical in a way that you can prevent certain people from viewing parts of your profile. I have a few people that can view everything, but but 'special' people I have my profile on lock-down. They see about as much as they would if they weren't my friend (nothing), but can't bug me about not being friends.  It is simple really.  

Just make it so everything is hidden from her. Still friends..but she can't see anything.

calindi

I agree with Amanda - you can put people on "Restricted" so they can still see you as a friend, but that's it - no wall, no pictures.  If they ask, just tell them that you blocked everyone from seeing those things since you'll be job hunting and such.  It's always a good idea to do that, anyway. 

I used to have it so only a few friends could see my pictures (like a group of 10 people total).  I have since undone that, but I'll probably go back to it soon.

I'm friends on FB with FMIL, FFIL, and all 3 FSILs (and the former step-sister of FI, not sure how I'd call that but the acronym would probably be confusing!).  I'm also friends on FB with my Mom and two of my grandmas.  So I tend to keep things on FB pretty PG-rated anyway (heck, my life is pretty PG-rated). 

bltata

Yeah I would just play dumb.  I'm actually friends with FMIL but I love her.  She's such a wonderful woman and it's my own mother that I have to be more limited with.  I would look into restrictions if you think deleting her will cause drama.  Allow her to access the pics of your fi or things that are non-drama causing, but definitely limit what she can see.  You can put her in a specific group, which might also be good for halloween or party pictures for other older relatives, as well.  Then choose what groups have access.  It's more work but maybe worth it.

Zimsgirl

I had been manually hiding some things from her but I didn't know you could do groups. If she says something to me about it on break I'll probably just go with a technology error thing depending on if we're around the whole family or not. I just don't want to cause problems. FI's so stressed lately I haven't told him I unfriended her and she hasn't said anything to him yet so I'll just leave it and address it if she asks. Thanks for the help everyone

SamiJoeB

Dude, I have my MIL blocked.. from my life.  I don't recieve her phone calls, emails, and she's blocked on FB as well.  But then again.. I hate her.  It sounds like she's pretty FB obsessed though, so she'll figure it out and she also seems pretty confrontational, so she'll probably call you out on it.  I would probably just be honest and tell her that you don't appreciate the comments she makes towards you..