courthouse wedding?

arizonatea

So I'm getting married to my submariner in 2 weeks and we're doing the whole courthouse thing. We are planning an actual wedding (more like vow renewal now) in December. We may have just lost all funding for that though because our family had a big falling out (they were paying for it) so now I'm thinking that the only wedding I'm going to have is the courthouse one, until we can save up enough to have the wedding we really want.

I know its a really common thing for military wives to do so I got over the bummed feeling, but I'm just wondering if anybody has any ideas on how to make it seem kinda special? If you did this, how did you go about it?  We're already going to New York City for the honeymoon since it's really close to his base so at least we can have something nice to look forward to.

Thanks!

kara811

You shouldn't call the other one a wedding. It's a vow renewal. The actual wedding is the JOP. You should invite family and friends to witness you both exchange vows. Then have a nice dinner or lunch afterwards. You can also wear a nice white dress and even have a small bouquet. Just some ideas to make it "special".

SJnTimmy

I have some friends who had a JOP and they were allowed to have some decorations. You can check with your own courthouse and see what they allow. And a small group of family and friends will be allowed to attend.

If you're bummed about a JOP, have you considered having a small backyard wedding?  Just something simple.  You could have family and friends and even bbq.  Just a thought.

I'm marrying a submariner too.    Their schedules are extremely difficult to schedule around so I completely understand the JOP ceremony.

arizonatea

yeah on the invitations we're changing it to "vow renewal". Since he's based in CT none of my family or friends will be there, only his. But I didn't even know that you could invite some so thank you for telling me that!

SamiJoeB

It should feel "special" because it's your wedding day. No one is forcing you to do this.  If you can't pay for the wedding you want, you need to have the wedding you can afford. If you can afford $1,000. Go for it, get a cute white sundress (it's summer, you should be able to find a resistively cheap one), have it in a state or city park or even a back yard like SJ suggested), find recipes online to make punch & appetizers, get a grocery store wedding cake or make one yourself, find someone to officiate (if you already know someone, they might even do it for free), there you go. Wedding.

I'm curious though, did your family decide that they wouldn't pay for it anymore because you and your FI decided that you are so special that you should have 2 weddings? I know my parents would have probably decided not to fund my wedding if I acted so selfishly. Your whole martyr attitude is obnoxious. Like I said, YOU decided that you had to go the courthouse. The military isn't twisting your arm or saying "if you don't get married by the JOP, then you can't get married at all". Yes they are common in the military, but mostly a JOP is a decision made in haste over something like insurance or more money.  While I do know a few couples who wanted a JOP because they didn't want a big to do, mostly it's made by people who aren't willing to wait until after boot or a deployment, and later want to blame it on the military.

arizonatea

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_courthouse-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:75b34c1c-5363-48ce-825e-cc2e97710620Post:6070f87b-3952-4750-ba8e-1fc49b885df8">Re: courthouse wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm curious though, did your family decide that they wouldn't pay for it anymore because you and your FI decided that you are so special that you should have 2 weddings? I know my parents would have probably decided not to fund my wedding if I acted so selfishly. Your whole martyr attitude is obnoxious. Like I said, YOU decided that you had to go the courthouse. The military isn't twisting your arm or saying "if you don't get married by the JOP, then you can't get married at all". Yes they are common in the military, but mostly a JOP is a decision made in haste over something like insurance or more money.  While I do know a few couples who wanted a JOP because they didn't want a big to do, mostly it's made by people who aren't willing to wait until after boot or a deployment, and later want to blame it on the military.
Posted by SamiJoeB[/QUOTE]

I'm a little confused by this. I'm not sure how I'm acting like a martyr. We were never going to have 2 weddings, only the one in December. My side of the family started having problems and so they can't afford to pay for our wedding. FH and I decided that we would still really like to have a vow renewal eventually so we'll pay for it on our own and have it sometime next year.

We decided to have go to the JOP for our own reasons and the family knows and is totally okay with it. I'm just bummed because of what happened with the December wedding but that was out of everyone's control. I never blamed the military, I just said that I know that a JOP wedding is common. We have a lot of friends that got married that way in between deployments so I know not to complain about it. <strong>WE</strong> decided to do a JOP wedding. I'm fine with it. I just want some tips on how to make it sweet and romantic. I don't understand why you jumped down my throat about this.

SamiJoeB

Clearly you haven't been here very long, or you would know that I wasn't jumping down your throat at all.

Your martyr attitude, because you say you're "not bummed" but if you're not bummed or upset about this then you wouldn't be asking us how to make it "special". It's your wedding day.. how is that not special? I'm sorry that it's not the big poufy dress, and 4 tier cake that you envisioned, but be glad you're still able to get married. Or, if you're going to be so dissapointed with your JOP, then wait, save up and have the wedding that you want. Nothing bad can come from waiting. It should be sweet and romantic, because you're getting married. If that's not special enough for you, then you should wait and have the wedding that you want.

You say you were never going to have 2 weddings, but you said "We decided to have go to the JOP for our own reasons and the family knows and is totally okay with it. I'm just bummed because of what happened with the December wedding but that was out of everyone's control." How is that not planning 2 weddings? Did you decided to JOP when whatever happened with the December wedding? I'm not asking for your life story, but you're being super vague. You also said in your OP that you were planning an "actual wedding, though more of a VR now".  My point is that you're acting like this JOP is being forced on you, when you clearly stated that you CHOSE to do this.

That being said, I did assume and for that I apologize.  If you lurk, and read old posts, you'll realize that this topic is discussed on a weekly basis and everyone wants to have the JOP for the money or benefits or whatever, and then still expects their parents to pay for their PPD later. They all think their situation is "different" hence the "special snowflake" comments that we all throw around. So I'm sorry for my assumption, but I was not jumping down your throat by any means.

greeneke2

I really can't believe this question is still being asked....hmph, I think I'm going to type a response into Word and copy and paste a response for everytime this question is asked. lol.

And Sami is not jumping down your throat.  And like she said how are you not planning two "weddings" You are having a JOP (which for your info IS your wedding) and you are planning a vow renewal.

shan87

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_courthouse-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:75b34c1c-5363-48ce-825e-cc2e97710620Post:4b41cf9c-2512-4235-b5af-85ef8e198fb1">courthouse wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]So I'm getting married to my submariner in 2 weeks and we're doing the whole courthouse thing. We are planning an actual wedding (more like vow renewal now) in December. 
<strong>
Your words not Sami's... You are planning two weddings.
</strong>
As for how to plan it, its a wedding, plan it accordingly. Family and friends can come its a public building. You can even have the Judge come to you. (At least in MN they can) Check with your County Court Webpage or scheduler. I know in Minnesota they can perform the ceremony anywhere ie. Living room, park, backyard etc. (unlike religious leaders).

I think, in general, people have a one view mindsight with weddings. Depending on your area you may think a wedding is - Church Ceremony, Dinner and Dance after. When really you have A TON of wiggle room/options. You can have the ceremony in the morning and have a light lunch reception. Or have a Afternoon ceremony and have a punch and cake reception. Both those options are VERY inexpensive!  Just remember to avoid eating times.

In the end, I think you can have your cake and eat it too. However, 2 weeks is short notice to start adding to the guest list.

jensenlewis

As a future military bride arizonatea, you should understand where everyone's animosity comes from on the subject. I don't think anyone is trying to be mean. To me, saying you're having 2 weddings is like saying that you're rushing getting married for the wrong reasons. If you don't have money to have the wedding you're dreaming of, what's the hurry? Wait it out and start saving the money. If you wanna get married according to budget, then go to the JOP but, you have to realize that IS your wedding. A lot of people are not going to treat your VR as a wedding bc its NOT. So, in turn, you can't expect the same turn out as you would for an actual wedding ceremony.

Maybe you and FI really need to sit down and have a talk about all this??

HourigansGirl

Okay, why you're doing it now is none of anyone's business, so disregard. Every military couple has there own reasons. I will be honest with you and tell you that a vow renewal rarely occurrs within the time that you think it will. So you need to take advantage of the resources available to you now. Spend a very little, and make it as special, and, if necessary for financial reasons, feel free to make it very intimate. "Run Away" for the day...commit that time to each other, dress appropriately, and make sure that pictures get taken. That JOP can make you feel like a million bucks as long as it's what you really want.

calindi

Personally, if I felt the need to push up my wedding and cut the budget, I would have held a private ceremony in my parents' backyard (or any place that works - a public garden, get rooms at a small B&B and do it in their lawn, or on a beach if that's your dream, etc.). I would have bought a dress from a second hand bridal store - there's tons online that are great, or a consignment store.  Or just a pretty white dress that isn't a "bridal gown" per say, like at White House Black Market.  I saw a cute short one (which I'd probably do if it were an informal JOP ceremony) at WHBM for around $150, so we'll go with that hypothetically here. I would have hired a JOP to marry us there rather than in a courthouse so it felt more intimate and since I always pictured myself getting married outdoors.  I would have invited immediate family only - parents, siblings, and in our case grandparents since we're very close.  So we'd have 20 people total.  Then we'd have dinner outside right near where we had the ceremony.  Total cost, you're looking at around $200 for the JOP, $40/person for dinner, and $150 for the dress.  FI would wear his uniform, which he already owns, and I'd probably want a bouquet, so another $50.  And maybe about $200 for decorations - centerpieces, fairy lights, candles, etc. Total: $1400 for a wedding.  And it would be very, very special because I'd get to marry the love of my life with my family there and celebrate together.

Okay, after writing all that, part of me wants to can the big party and just do the garden party.  I mean, $1400?  That's fantastic!

All that to say that you do not NEED to have the big vow renewal - you're choosing how and when to get married.  If you do WANT to have the vow renewal, that's your choice.  If you are afraid it might not feel as "special", you're probably right.  I want to make my wedding day special, I wouldn't know how to go about making a vow renewal feel like a wedding.  And you do only get one of those.  So look at your wedding in 2 weeks as your real wedding (because it is) and find ways to make it special.  Check out local B&Bs, call up JOPs if you'd want to do it outside. If you choose to have it in a courthouse, then get a bouquet, buy a pretty dress, have a friend take pictures, and make arrangements at a restaurant or some place nearby to have a nice dinner afterwards.

iluvmytxrgr

We were married by a JOP in front of the fire place in my mom's living room in front of 30 guests.  I had a small boquet that my mom insisted I carry.  We had two small flower arangements on the fire place. There was a small, two tier cake.  I bought my dress from WHBM for $80. 
After the ceremony, we had a nice dinner.  Once everything was over, we went to one of our favorites spots to meet up with other friends for a couple of hours and celebrate.  It was a blast.  Our day was intimate and special.  I wouldn't change it for anything.  The whole thing cost far less than $1000. 
Because none of my husband's family was able to be there, we had originally planned a VR for our 5th anniversary.  The way things stand now, we will be waiting until our 10th anniversary. 
You're getting married!  You could do it in scuba suits underwater and it would still be special.  My very good friend and her husband went to the court house alone, got married and then had a romantic dinner.  She said that was her perfect wedding.  It really is all in your attitude about it and what you do to make it special for y'all. 

Krista927

Everyone is different, I think you should go ahead and do what you and your fiance are going to be happy with. My hubby and I got married by the JP and are having a ceremony and reception with our family and friends in less than 2 months now. AND it is not a vow renewal..it will be a second ceremony, performed by an officiant as if it was the first ceremony. Lots of people do this, it's your choice..We had our reasons for doing a jp ceremony prior to the wedding date that we had already set, and they weren't "bad" reasons. I know several other military wives that did the very same thing..If you and your fiance are both on the same page about what you want, then why not do what's going to make you happy? I guess I don't see what all the fuss is about. Best of luck to you and much happiness!

Jazmin217

I too am having an actual wedding after I go to the JOP. You can call it a wedding if you want. Don't get out of control because you spend everyday blogging and bull on here so much reading the same thing bothers you. To some call a vowel renewal a wedding is an issue but its YOUR life. Im not in it for benefits or any of that bull, my fiance IS deployed right now so Im waiting but we don't want to blow all of our money on a big wedding when we still have other bills to pay so we'll do it at a later date.

kyrgyzstan

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_courthouse-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:75b34c1c-5363-48ce-825e-cc2e97710620Post:16c94b02-22b7-4103-80cb-b724046cc915">Re: courthouse wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]I too am having an actual wedding after I go to the JOP. You can call it a wedding if you want. Don't get out of control because you spend everyday blogging and bull on here so much reading the same thing bothers you. To some call a vowel renewal a wedding is an issue but its YOUR life. Im not in it for benefits or any of that bull, my fiance IS deployed right now so Im waiting but we don't want to blow all of our money on a big wedding when we still have other bills to pay so we'll do it at a later date.
Posted by Jazmin217[/QUOTE]

<div>Or, you could have a smaller budget wedding your first time. That's what I'm doing. I wouldn't want to blow all my money on either party.</div><div>
</div><div>However, I am on your team about vowel renewals. Don't EVER let anyone tell you how to love your vowels. I rank them as follows: I, A, Y, O, E, and effing U. That's the order they're in in my full name. And yeah, I count Y. It's MY VOWEL RENEWAL, and I'LL DO WHAT I WANT.</div>