Ceremony Question

twilliams181

What does the typical military wedding ceremony generally consist of? Is it religious?

kyrgyzstan

My military ceremony consisted of getting married between two Marine Corps helicopters by a civilian Lutheran pastor (who stood in front of Marine Corps and American flags) because all the military chaplains felt our relationship was too 'liberal' and quoted Ephesians at us. I called my husband motivating in my vows. Then, we had a sword arch. My husband wore his uniform. 

A 'typical' military wedding ceremony is just as dependent on you guys and your officiant as any other ceremony is. 

LetsHikeToday

Stan- tell me more about you two being too liberal? I don't think I've ever heard about that.

calindi

Seriously, someone said that to you, Stan?  I'd punch them in their holier-than-thou face!

twilliams - a military wedding has to do with the trappings, not necessarily the ceremony.  Typically, a military wedding includes the groom (and/or bride, if she's a service member) in uniform, the groomsmen/bridesmaids/guests can wear uniform if they're service members, the officiant can wear a uniform if they're a service member, and there's an 'arch of swords' if s/he's an NCO or an Officer.  They also cut the cake with the sword/saber.  Hmm... I think that's about it?

For us, my FI will be in uniform, one of his groomsmen will be in uniform (the SAME uniform - don't go mix-matching uniforms of the same branch.  They're supposed to be 'uniform', thus the name).  Our guests will be invited to wear their uniform if they'd like, and we're thinking we'll probably have an arch of swords.  We don't have a cake, so no cake cutting.  And that's about all we're doing - FI will then change into a suit to be more comfortable for the reception so he can break out his crazy dance moves without fearing ripping his dress blues! Ha!

firsttimersluck

Agreed with Calindi... There are a few typical traditions for a "military wedding" but nothing set in stone. The sword arch is the most common, but we didn't have one because there was just no great place to hold it. H was in uniform though, and a few guests came in uniform, although no one was required to.

Here is the place on TK that shows some military wedding recaps for ideas
http://wedding.theknot.com/real-weddings/military-weddings.aspx

Here are silly Army vows (keep in mind these are TOTALLY not "regulation" or anything (there is no such thing for wedding vows ), this is just a silly, Army focused vows that I found online
http://paulsbride.blogspot.com/2006/10/military-wedding-vows.html

as an Idea if you ARE wanting to incorporate the military into your vows somehow.

For us, we kept everything very discreet. H is in the Navy, so we had the wedding on the water front (also just because I love the ocean), blue and yellow were our colors, with lots of white for the clean/crisp feel.
Our ceremony was focused around the adventure of life we will embark upon, and following each other around the world (since he flies all over the place, and we will be constantly moving with the military), etc.
Little things, that weren't "in-your-face" military, but significant to us.

twilliams181

Thank you everyone for your input.

I was just wondering if there was some kind of specific structure for the actual ceremony that made it "military." I guess not, which is good news to me, as we have already written the ceremony in its entirety ourselves. 

He will be in uniform; and the colors (silver, navy blue, and a light blue accent) have been chosen to not clash with his class A's but that's all. 

twilliams181

Thank you everyone for your input.

I was just wondering if there was some kind of specific structure for the actual ceremony that made it "military." I guess not, which is good news to me, as we have already written the ceremony in its entirety ourselves. 

He will be in uniform; and the colors (silver, navy blue, and a light blue accent) have been chosen to not clash with his class A's but that's all. 

firsttimersluck

You're golden We had a 100% NONreligious ceremony. There aren't any specific vows or ceremony traditions, of course you can always include stuff yourself.
Happy Planning!

kyrgyzstan

Hike and Cal - 

H and I went to the premarital session (to get the chaplain to sign off our marital check list), and we asked him about doing the ceremony. He was Jewish, very nice, but told me not to join the military. The second one, who H saw without me to ask him to do the ceremony, asked H about our relationship. H said we're in an equal partnership. Chaplain quoted Ephesians 5 to him, "²² Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. ²⁴ Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything."

H said we weren't really comfortable with that. The chaplain suggested I read His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair Proof Marriage. You can look that one up and check out the table of contents on Amazon. It's not who we are at all. 

We went in search of a more theologically liberal chaplain. We asked the area chaplain, and he told us we'd try to find us a Buddhist. I'm not a Buddhist, and was insulted that there was the insinuation that I am so not a Christian that I could only have a Buddhist chaplain (I dig Buddhists, but I'm a Christian). They didn't find us a Buddhist, so my parents' pastor did it for us. It worked out, but it made me think twice about recommending anyone go to a chaplain for marital advice, which is kind of sad.

melbelle24

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_ceremony-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:7dae1f77-235d-417f-b1a8-a5b467c085dfPost:1c0e2fd5-0267-4087-aaaf-abdcd88aa534">Re: Ceremony Question</a>:
[QUOTE]Hike and Cal -  H and I went to the premarital session (to get the chaplain to sign off our marital check list), and we asked him about doing the ceremony. He was Jewish, very nice, but told me not to join the military. The second one, who H saw without me to ask him to do the ceremony, asked H about our relationship. H said we're in an equal partnership. <strong>Chaplain quoted Ephesians 5 to him, " 22  Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.  23  For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.  24  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything."</strong> H said we weren't really comfortable with that. The chaplain suggested I read His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair Proof Marriage . You can look that one up and check out the table of contents on Amazon. It's not who we are at all.  We went in search of a more theologically liberal chaplain. We asked the area chaplain, and he told us we'd try to find us a Buddhist. I'm not a Buddhist, and was insulted that there was the insinuation that I am so not a Christian that I could only have a Buddhist chaplain (I dig Buddhists, but I'm a Christian). They didn't find us a Buddhist, so my parents' pastor did it for us. It worked out, but it made me think twice about recommending anyone go to a chaplain for marital advice, which is kind of sad.
Posted by WishIcouldbeinthe'stan[/QUOTE]
I have a friend who recently got married, and that was the message preached during the ceremony. Obviously that's how they felt and had no problem with it, but I felt uncomfortable sitting through it. That's definitely not who I am.

Oh, I looked up that book too... Wow. Does this guy realize it's not the 1950s anymore??? I'm glad you eventually found somebody though!

twilliams181

Wow! I wish I could say I can't believe that but I completely can  

Our wedding is in 45 days and I literally just found someone that would marry us under our conditions. She's from a Universal Unitarian church. 

I'm just hoping the whole thing goes smoothly because my family is Orthodox Roman Catholic, his family is Presbyterian, and I'm an Atheist; it should be interesting...

Irishcurls

Is your immediate family aware of your wishes for your ceremony? If they're fine with it, then try not to worry about Great Aunt Sally side-eyeing you....it'll probably happen but what can you do about it. But I'm assuming your parents/siblings or whoever is closest to you knows your beliefs and supports you? Hopefully? Sending good thoughts to you for a smooth day! 

calindi

Holy wow, Stan.  I'd have some not nice things to say to that person, so it's a good thing we never bothered trying to find a religious officiate.  It's soooo not us.  A bunch of people on the local board have suggested non-denominational ministers, which is great and all, but we aren't religious at all - we're both atheist, and it feels wrong for us to have a person of faith marry us as they are allowed to do through their religious affiliation (see what I'm saying?  If it was a religious person who was a secular JOP, it wouldn't matter, but since the person's religious affiliation is what gives them the right to marry people, it seems disingenuous to do that).

Anyway, FI's one request for the ceremony is that it NOT have any mention of "God" or "Jesus".  So we're being pretty strict on that one!  Luckily our officiant is FI's second cousin, so he's super easy going and will be awesome and hilarious and heartfelt.  I can't wait!

kyrgyzstan

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_ceremony-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:7dae1f77-235d-417f-b1a8-a5b467c085dfPost:95b414cc-816b-4477-b843-72b81d5158ea">Re: Ceremony Question</a>:
[QUOTE]Holy wow, Stan.  I'd have some not nice things to say to that person, so it's a good thing we never bothered trying to find a religious officiate.  It's soooo not us.  A bunch of people on the local board have suggested non-denominational ministers, which is great and all, but we aren't religious at all - we're both atheist, and it feels wrong for us to have a person of faith marry us as they are allowed to do through their religious affiliation (see what I'm saying?  If it was a religious person who was a secular JOP, it wouldn't matter, but since the person's religious affiliation is what gives them the right to marry people, it seems disingenuous to do that). Anyway, FI's one request for the ceremony is that it NOT have any mention of "God" or "Jesus".  So we're being pretty strict on that one!  Luckily our officiant is FI's second cousin, so he's super easy going and will be awesome and hilarious and heartfelt.  I can't wait!
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>See, I'm quite religious, so this all really got to me. I truly will think twice before referring anyone to a chaplain for help. Anyone who believes that wives should submit to their husbands as they would to God is not someone I'm down to send any woman with problems, especially marital problems. People can believe what they want of course, and I know people in happy marriages who do believe that way, but I'm sad there isn't a greater variety of theological viewpoints available in the Navy Chaplains Corps of San Diego.

</div>

calindi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_ceremony-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:7dae1f77-235d-417f-b1a8-a5b467c085dfPost:560d13ab-c201-4ace-87f7-5a9a5860fcac">Re: Ceremony Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ceremony Question : See, I'm quite religious, so this all really got to me. I truly will think twice before referring anyone to a chaplain for help. Anyone who believes that wives should submit to their husbands as they would to God is not someone I'm down to send any woman with problems, especially marital problems. People can believe what they want of course, and I know people in happy marriages who do believe that way, but I'm sad there isn't a greater variety of theological viewpoints available in the Navy Chaplains Corps of San Diego.
Posted by WishIcouldbeinthe'stan[/QUOTE]

Right, which was sort of my point that I never got to, apparently.  Whoops, rambling!

It's a shame that religious people can't find someone who is more open minded.  I'm sure they exist, just apparently not near you.  It wasn't our issue, but I'm glad we didn't have to try.  Even more than officiants, I imagine that's terrible as counsels for service members who go to ask for advice or help.

AmandaBug12

FI and the marines and sailors in his party will be in uniform, along with all our other military friends attending. We will have an arch of sabres (although we are trying to figure out where to have it), and we'll cut the cake with FI's sword. Our cake topper is going to be little birds, one of which is painted with his uniform.

Those are the only real military components to the wedding. We are also getting married by a Unitarian Universalist- they are great because they do not judge a couple for being too "liberal," living together prior to the wedding or marrying someone of another faith. I just wanted to add, though, to respond to calindi... I think you make a great point. In some states, you can be married by a civil official or a notary. It does not have to be a religious official. Something to look into, depending on the state people live in.

kyrgyzstan

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_ceremony-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:7dae1f77-235d-417f-b1a8-a5b467c085dfPost:a8bb49ac-2c1a-4e33-8eda-bcfc356b1d1b">Re: Ceremony Question</a>:
[QUOTE]FI and the marines and sailors in his party will be in uniform, along with all our other military friends attending. We will have an arch of sabres (although we are trying to figure out where to have it), and we'll cut the cake with FI's sword. Our cake topper is going to be little birds, one of which is painted with his uniform. Those are the only real military components to the wedding. We are also getting married by a Unitarian Universalist- they are great because they do not judge a couple for being too "liberal," living together prior to the wedding or marrying someone of another faith. I just wanted to add, though, to respond to calindi... I think you make a great point. In some states, you can be married by a civil official or a notary. It does not have to be a religious official. Something to look into, depending on the state people live in. :)
Posted by AmandaBug12[/QUOTE]

<div>A lot of chaplains suggested Unitarians for us, but while I dig that they're there for people who are down, and I think their openess is a great message, theologically I'm not on the same page. I'm Anglican and the last church I went to was a UCC church. Where's my chaplain? *Cries* It was important for me to have a religious ceremony, that included God and America, and I thought the Navy would be able to do that for me. Luckily my parents' very liberal Lutheran pastor did instead. </div>

Irishcurls

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_ceremony-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:7dae1f77-235d-417f-b1a8-a5b467c085dfPost:a8bb49ac-2c1a-4e33-8eda-bcfc356b1d1b">Re: Ceremony Question</a>:
[QUOTE]We are also getting married by a Unitarian Universalist- they are great <strong>because they do not judge a couple for being too "liberal," living together prior to the wedding or marrying someone of another faith. </strong>I just wanted to add, though, to respond to calindi... I think you make a great point. In some states, you can be married by a civil official or a notary. It does not have to be a religious official. Something to look into, depending on the state people live in. :)
Posted by AmandaBug12[/QUOTE]
I'm not being argumentative, I swear, but I'm so irrationally proud of the priest that married us. My H and I fit all three of the bolded points (well, he's not too liberal but I am) and we were married in the Catholic Church. It makes me so happy to think about.

calindi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_ceremony-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:7dae1f77-235d-417f-b1a8-a5b467c085dfPost:a8bb49ac-2c1a-4e33-8eda-bcfc356b1d1b">Re: Ceremony Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In some states, you can be married by a civil official or a notary. It does not have to be a religious official. Something to look into, depending on the state people live in. :)
Posted by AmandaBug12[/QUOTE]

Wow, there are states that REQUIRE you to be married by a religious official?  Because that's one state I would not want to live in and would CERTAINLY not be married in. 

Irishcurls

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_ceremony-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:7dae1f77-235d-417f-b1a8-a5b467c085dfPost:d7715ae5-dafa-427a-b0c0-b2e096cc6348">Re: Ceremony Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ceremony Question : Wow, there are states that REQUIRE you to be married by a religious official?  Because that's one state I would not want to live in and would CERTAINLY not be married in. 
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]
That can't be right.....can it?

ETA: Ok no, I think Amanda might have just mis-typed a little, or not realized what she was implying--civil marriage is valid everywhere in the United States. Though according to wikipedia, the source of all truth, there are countries where civil marriage is not allowed.

calindi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_ceremony-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:7dae1f77-235d-417f-b1a8-a5b467c085dfPost:a2963eef-c658-4894-bbe4-ae2b7ed8fa75">Re: Ceremony Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ceremony Question : That can't be right.....can it? ETA: Ok no, I think Amanda might have just mis-typed a little, or not realized what she was implying--civil marriage is valid everywhere in the United States. Though according to wikipedia, the source of all truth, there are countries where civil marriage is not allowed.
Posted by Irishcurls[/QUOTE]

So glad wikipedia was able to clear that up.  Phew, I thought we were leaning towards the abyss of the unity of church and state!  So glad my government doesn't mandate that I have a religion!

Irishcurls

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_ceremony-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:7dae1f77-235d-417f-b1a8-a5b467c085dfPost:510f7053-dc14-496b-abfb-28541ee0dad3">Re: Ceremony Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ceremony Question : So glad wikipedia was able to clear that up.  Phew, I thought we were leaning towards the abyss of the unity of church and state!  So glad my government doesn't mandate that I have a religion!
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]
Haha! Well I was seriously questioning myself for a minute, but wiki saved us!!

kyrgyzstan

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_ceremony-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:7dae1f77-235d-417f-b1a8-a5b467c085dfPost:0b95258e-6431-46c9-82b5-8ed73f7c326a">Re: Ceremony Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ceremony Question : I'm not being argumentative, I swear, but I'm so irrationally proud of the priest that married us. My H and I fit all three of the bolded points (well, he's not too liberal but I am) and we were married in the Catholic Church. It makes me so happy to think about.
Posted by Irishcurls[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>You get my pain then. I just wanted that! Well, not a Catholic necessarily, but you get it. 

</div>