Do I HAVE to have a ring bearer/flower girl?

USMCBride90

Is there any alternative to having a ring bearer and flower girl? Or has anyone not had these people as part of the bridal party? The reason I'm asking is because the only person we have that would be suitable for a ring bearer is FI's younger brother who is 9 years old. Is that getting too old to be a ring bearer? And instead of a flower girl we tossed around the idea of having FI's younger sister as a junior bridesmaid. Then I started thinking that I would feel bad for not including much of my family. The only family member of mine that will be participating is my sister who is MOH. So then we decided no ring bearer and no junior bridesmaids. Just the MOH, bridesmaids, Best Man and groomsmen, and I'm fine with that. I want to keep it simple and not have to delegate small mundane tasks for other family members that they probably wouldn't want to do anyway. As long as they are there to celebrate with us on our special day. I just want everyone to relax and have a good time. Has anyone else ever done it this way where they didn't have a  ring bearer or flower girl?

calindi

You absolutely don't need one.  Just skip that part, and have the groom or one of his groomsmen hold onto the rings instead.

We didn't want one, but FI's sister is insisting that her 18 month old be our flower girl.  I highly doubt she'll be able to make it down the aisle on her own, so I'm trying to come up with a way to decorate a little wagon and have her pulled down the aisle by her Grandma (which would solve the issue of who would walk the MOG down the aisle).

I really want our dog to have a little sash and have her as our flower girl, but my Mom consistently nixes that idea.  We have a few months to convince her, or put our foot down.

ETA:  That said, his younger siblings might feel left out. Maybe talk to them, see if they want to participate?  I would definitely include young siblings if they wanted to be a part of it - FI's sisters are doing a reading, but they're all 18-27 years old.  I like the Junior Bridesmaid idea - she'll feel really honored.  And I think he could be a Junior Groomsman, and Keeper of the Keys (rather than ring bearer).  I bet he'd be really honored to do that!

BinxRose

You definately don't need a FG or a RB. Right now I only have one niece, who is also my goddaughter, so I wanted her to be FG. She will be 2 1/2. But we won't have a RB because we don't really have any younger boys that we are close with (although I do have a nephew on the way, due right around my wedding haha)! My FI's best man will just hold the rings.

Beachy730

You don't even have to have a WP at all, so you definitely don't need a FG and RB.  Most weddings I've been too don't have them unless it's someone really close to them.  We had them because I wanted my Godson involved.  It's all personal choice.

LetsHikeToday

I didn't have either. It worked out great.

USMCBride90

Thanks for the input! I do agree that his younger siblings might feel left out, even though his mom said it was completely ok if we decided not to have them be part of the wedding party. I like your idea, Calindi, of having them still participate that way. I just didn't want to step on any of my family's toes and make them feel left out. I only have one sister, so I would hope none of my family would be offended if I chose not to have cousins or anyone else not have a "job" to do. I just want to keep it simple.

USMCBride90

I also really like the idea of just having the best man hold onto the rings and then doing something special with his younger brother and sister at the reception. FI and I like certain traditions, but I guess the ring bearer and flower girl isn't one we feel we need to follow. These little details are what's making me want to pull my hair out right now, even though they seem like they're not that big a deal.

Beachy730

Personally, I think the title "junior" is dumb.  Just make them a BM or GM if that's the case.  They don't do anything different, and there is no age requirement to be a BM or GM.  

Also, again my opinion, but I think it's ridiculous to worry about making people feel left out at the wedding.  Not everyone is going to be able to be part of everything, and that's something for kids to get used to.  So if you guys want to make them a BM and GM, great, and if not then let it go.  Don't stress about finding useless positions for them just to make them feel better when they probably won't really care that much to begin with.

kara811

Ditto everyone else. This is entirely up to you and your FI. We had a RB, FG, and JBM. RB was my cousin who I was very close to, FG is H's niece and JBM is my sister who I practically raised. Our RB didn't hold on to the rings though, just a pillow. We didn't want the rings attached to it in dear of getting lost.

divinemsbee

We're not having either. I actually have a more than a few kids in the family, but I kind of hate putting that kind of expense and pressure on their parents. Also, my church has pretty strict rules about flower girls/ring bearers. They must be at least 6-7 years old (in first grade) and be able to "do their duty in a respectful and appropriate fashion". My church also strongly discourages throwing petals down the aisle, so,  I just get the whole, "If you must..." attitude from them. It's not something we were crazy about anyway, so it was easier to just cut it. 

amh04

Basicially what everyone else said. Definitely not something you need. We didn't have either, H's best man had our rings. If you have someone close to you then go for it but definitely don't stress about not having one.
It's cute in pictures for sure, but they do cause some issues sometimes if they are too young - like running back to mom and dad, or crying, or playing around. It's your wedding so if you want one go for it, but if you don't definitely don't feel like you have to.

USMCBride90

Thanks everyone. I think FI and I will just opt out of the whole ring bearer/flower girl/junior bridesmaid thing. We wouldn't mind it, but we're not crazy about it either and it's just adding more stress that's not needed. Either way people will have a great time and it will be a day to remember. When it all comes down to it, our marriage is more important than the actual wedding and all the planning anyway, so I'm not going to stress too much about it and remember the important things.

amh04

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_do-i-have-to-have-a-ring-bearerflower-girl?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:866b1afd-03c0-43de-a5a5-1b4a782fdc63Post:2451bba9-0288-45ee-bea6-877af2132412">Re: Do I HAVE to have a ring bearer/flower girl?</a>:
[QUOTE]Personally, I think the title "junior" is dumb.  Just make them a BM or GM if that's the case.  They don't do anything different, and there is no age requirement to be a BM or GM.   <strong>Also, again my opinion, but I think it's ridiculous to worry about making people feel left out at the wedding.  Not everyone is going to be able to be part of everything, and that's something for kids to get used to</strong>.  So if you guys want to make them a BM and GM, great, and if not then let it go.  Don't stress about finding useless positions for them just to make them feel better when they probably won't really care that much to begin with.
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

I agree - you shouldn't feel like you have to please everyone. It is YOUR wedding (and your FI's too of course). If it's something you want to do, thats wonderful, but don't feel like you have to do something. Like beach said - not everyone is going to be able to be a part of everything. We wanted something simple - and didn't include SILs in any aspect of it. Do what you want to, not what you feel you have to do. If you want 1 BM then do it, if you want 10 more power to you, if you don't want any you certainely don't have to. At the end of the day its y'alls special day - not anyone elses and the more people you try to please the more stressful you're going to make it on yourself.

calindi

I personally wanted to include all siblings, but cousins are a definitely no.  Even if you don't have them in the bridal party, having them play some small role might make them happy.  Bring up the rings together, do a reading if they're old enough, etc.

When I got engaged, my Dad's sister (one of four sisters) contacted him and said, "So, just let me know when to bring Abby to try on bridesmaids dresses!"  Um... no.  My 13 year old cousin (who is one of 11 girl cousins that I have) is not going to be in my bridal party.  It made it easy enough to explain as I'm not even having bridesmaids, just my brother, but I wouldn't let them guilt me into that one.

ggirl2001

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_do-i-have-to-have-a-ring-bearerflower-girl?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:866b1afd-03c0-43de-a5a5-1b4a782fdc63Post:e34ad5a9-d889-41bb-a58a-bc87ac848cb5">Re: Do I HAVE to have a ring bearer/flower girl?</a>:
[QUOTE]I personally wanted to include all siblings, but cousins are a definitely no.  Even if you don't have them in the bridal party, having them play some small role might make them happy.  Bring up the rings together, do a reading if they're old enough, etc. <strong>When I got engaged, my Dad's sister (one of four sisters) contacted him and said, "So, just let me know when to bring Abby to try on bridesmaids dresses!"  Um... no.  My 13 year old cousin (who is one of 11 girl cousins that I have) is not going to be in my bridal party.  It made it easy enough to explain as I'm not even having bridesmaids, just my brother, but I wouldn't let them guilt me into that one.</strong>
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]<div>That's pretty bold. I can see you if you were super duper close and you spent a lot of time with her, but WTF? </div><div>
</div><div>Back to OP, ditto everyone else. If you want to include them, great, make them a bridesmaid/groomsmen, etc, or have them do a reading or whatnot. But you don't HAVE to include them. </div><div>
</div><div>I didn't include both my brothers, or AJ's sister. He had his brothers and I had my sister, and that was it. </div><div>
</div><div>I did have my nieces and nephews as flower girls and ring bearer, but I am super close to them so it wasn't even not an option to not have them and my H knew that. 

</div>

lrh17

I agree with PP's...who you want to include and how you want to include them is totally up to you and FI.  We did not have a ring bearer or flower girl.  The only possibilities would have been my two younger cousins, and during my other cousin's wedding, the little guy stood up there making faces and sticking his tongue out at my grandpa...no thank you!