My First Poll

divinemsbee

We're about to get down to the nitty-gritty of planning a date and location, and I need some help from a reasonable and non-biased source, so I thought about you ladies.

I've always thought I would get married in my hometown and in the church I grew up in. However, the Cathedral in undergoing renovations throughout this year, and since my Mom has moved to Utah, my Dad and Grannie are the only two relatives I have there. I know that I could budget in a coordinator, but my Mom, and I, are worried about not having "boots on the ground," so to speak. I've also talked to several of my friends that were married in the city, and found out it is a (surprisingly) pretty expensive place to get married. However, it has a pretty major airport, lots of accommodations, and I know it would be easier to get to for most of my friends, as most all of them live all around the country. Plus, it would be like a mini-reunion for some of us if we were able to get together, which would be awesome fun. I know that people who might like to come but live farther away will likely base their RSVP on some of that.

My Mom has brought up the idea of me getting married in her hometown. It is pretty small, and kind of po-dunk, about an hour and a half from my hometown. This means that anyone who flies in will have to fly into my hometown and then drive or carpool to the town the wedding will be in. The great thing about that is that all of her sisters still live there, and they do weddings/life event parties like it's their job (which it isn't); they've organized pretty much every party I've been to there, and every wedding for all of my first cousins. I would be able to get married in the church that they were all married in, which is this beautiful little white church, and have some pretty lovely locations for a reception/rehearsal dinner. It's cheaper and I would have a lot of help. But--The church is also the church my Mom and Dad got married in, and while he hasn't said it outright, when I floated the idea to him he didn't sound too comfortable with that. The divorce was a long long time ago, but I feel like it might feel a little weird.

Also, because it's small, it kind of puts limits on things like where people will stay, although there is a casino/hotel complex nearby. It was once really nice, but I feel as though it's taken a little bit of a dive with the economy and all. I'm also worried about finding a place for a reception that will let us have an open bar and/or bring in our own alcohol (small town, and we Catholics are the minority, I don't think any of my cousins have had a bar of any kind at their receptions). Most of my cousins have had "after parties" at someone's house, to which everyone is invited and food/booze are provided so that they can drink. I realize this makes me sound like a lush, but it's important to me that people have a good time, and especially since most everyone who isn't my Mom's family will be driving at least 90 mins., I want to show them a great party. I also worry about my friends with kids not being able to bring the kids if they wanted, or come and have a good time because they don't have a babysitter to leave the kids with if they wanted to go out to the casino after.

I also want my aunts to be able to enjoy my wedding and have fun. I know that they always have fun whatever they're doing, but I don't want it to be so stressful. I also, and I hope this doesn't come off so spoiled, kind of want what I want. In terms of the food and the cake and the colors and the photos and, well, all the details that go into a wedding. And I worry that because they've done it so many times, that they might just plug stuff in. I've seen things at multiple cousin weddings (bubbles, coozies as favors, stick on labels, crawfish balls) that I know I don't want, and I don't want to feel ungrateful for voicing those opinions. The reason I'm asking this now is that we'll be seeing them for Christmas, and the questions will start, and I want to be able to talk to them and also not offend them, because I don't want to make them feel like they wouldn't be good enough, which is sooooo not the case.

I'm leaning towards my Mom's hometown because I do know it will come together well, but I'm worried about the small-town-ness of it.

Wow, that got long, so thanks to anyone that got through it. So, as a preliminary question, What do you guys think? Which would you choose?

LetsHikeToday

First of all, you don't sound like a lush. Alcohol was important to us too. I voted for your hometown because of the location. I'm in two weddings this summer. The one in the city with the airport will be much easier for me. I'm dreading the flight, car rental, and hotel room for the other one. If you find the right venue, they will help set it up. You won't need your aunts even though it's really nice for them to offer.

melbelle24

So, after reading all that, I'm pretty sure I know where both of those towns are. Yay me.

I would lean towards doing it in your hometown. It's more accessible to people, I think it would mean more to you since you said it's where you've always wanted to get married, and you will have plenty of options for venues and such. I come from a huge family and I do recognize the convenience of having family that would be willing to pitch in and get everything done, but as Hike said, some venues will help you set up. Also, do you think your aunts would be willing or want to come help set it all up in your hometown? My sister recently got married 5 hours from our hometown, and my mom's entire family spent the whole day of the wedding setting up everything before the ceremony, even after travelling and whatnot. I know not all families can do that, but sometimes you'll be surprised by what people are willing to do for such a special occasion.

As far as how expensive it is, I don't know your budget, but I do know that you can find good deals on venues. Believe me, I've looked into it a LOT. Yay for 1.5 years (so far) of being engaged. Anyway, if I'm right about where you're talking about... what kind of "boots on the ground" do you need? Maybe I could help at least give you some options. I feel like I've been through a million weddings in that area lately.

Danidawn20

I would say your hometown because it is your home town. Plus, can't the reception place help you out?

divinemsbee

Sorry that turned into a little bit of a P&R. Yeah, I love my hometown, a lot, and there are some really cool reception places that I'd love to have (I think you know too, Mel, and if you know anything about the home of a famous writer from my hometown that is now used as an event space, I would love any deets/reviews you've got/heard). I just have to convince my Mom that everything will be fine. I know that my family will help out regardless, and I know they'd come down. I really don't want to stress them out, and I don't know if my hometown would stress them more, or that they might be enjoying themselves instead of packing up the food as the reception winds down. I'd hope it would be the latter.

divinemsbee

As of right now, we are. I wouldn't be surprised if there was some help offered, especially by my paternal grandmother, and my Mom might help out a little, but we're just planning withing what we think we can afford. It's one of those, people may offer to pay for this  and that (cake, dress, shoes), but as of right now I'm planning within our budget.

divinemsbee

Although, and this is where my Mom's hometown comes into play, my aunts and uncles would pick up a good bit of the food bill, were it there, because they would be involved in making it (and so would I). I did used to work for a restuarant/caterer in my hometown for about 4 years, and still have pretty close ties with them, though.

DarrahDoo

I say yours because of convenience and because it seems like the choice you really want but maybe are too afraid to offend people with choosing it!  Go with your heart on what you want to do and it will work out!