Already losing my mind...

sherielena

Shouldn't I be enjoying all of this???
Fiance and I have been engaged a little over a month now. We had originally set a date for next May but because of his job, I'm a little apprehensive about setting a 2013 date. Future deployments, career change...all a possibility. So to stick with May (or next spring/summer) means for now just waiting around to find out when he'll be here. So now my mind is starting to think that since this year everything seems more certain maybe we should plan a winter 2012 wedding. Something early December or end of November, since as of right now we know he'll be here.
My problem is I have my mother to worry about. My parents are paying for everything so my mother has really had ALOT to say about everything from the start. I never feel like my ideas are good enough (like just doing something small or destination) and She makes me question things that sound good to me. LIke pushing our wedding up to the end of this year. I wish she could just say, ok sounds good, if you guys are confident that he'll be here then thats when we should do it.
Instead she makes me feel like I'm making the wrong decision and should just wait. But I'm really not a fan of waiting until who knows when to find out if he'll be around next spring or not. Call me crazy but I'm kind of ready to just get married, and feel confident about the date we set. Honestly if it were up to me we'd do something small and intimate this summer. But she's all about the show, so 250 guest list it must be! I'm not having any fun, I'm stressing and trust me, I've tried communicating ALL of this with her. But I pretty much get nowhere. I just want someone on my team. We're all supposed to sit down together again this weekend and hash it all out. Look at a calendar again and see what will and won't work. I'm just pretty bummed that not only are thing so uncertain because of mil, but that I'm just not enjoying any planning.

Somebody call the wahhhmbulance lol

calindi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_already-losing-my-mind?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:8be87029-31fd-4197-8ea9-ff0cdef23827Post:c894cc93-c584-442c-8dd5-6033437c7d0f">Already losing my mind...</a>:
[QUOTE]Shouldn't I be enjoying all of this??? Fiance and I have been engaged a little over a month now. We had originally set a date for next May but because of his job, I'm a little apprehensive about setting a 2013 date. Future deployments, career change...all a possibility. So to stick with May (or next spring/summer) means for now just waiting around to find out when he'll be here. So now my mind is starting to think that since this year everything seems more certain maybe we should plan a winter 2012 wedding. Something early December or end of November, since as of <strong>right now we know he'll be here. My problem is I have my mother to worry about. My parents are paying for everything so my mother has really had ALOT to say about everything from the start</strong>. I never feel like my ideas are good enough (like just doing something small or destination) and She makes me question things that sound good to me. LIke pushing our wedding up to the end of this year. I wish she could just say, ok sounds good, if you guys are confident that he'll be here then thats when we should do it. Instead she makes me feel like I'm making the wrong decision and should just wait. But I'm really not a fan of waiting until who knows when to find out if he'll be around next spring or not. Call me crazy but I'm kind of ready to just get married, and feel confident about the date we set. <strong>Honestly if it were up to me we'd do something small and intimate this summer. But she's all about the show, so 250 guest list it must be! I'm not having any fun, I'm stressing and trust me, I've tried communicating ALL of this with her. But I pretty much get nowhere. </strong>I just want someone on my team. We're all supposed to sit down together again this weekend and hash it all out. Look at a calendar again and see what will and won't work. I'm just pretty bummed that not only are thing so uncertain because of mil, but that I'm just not enjoying any planning. Somebody call the wahhhmbulance lol
Posted by sherielena[/QUOTE]

I'm really sorry this isn't as much fun as you hoped.  This seems to be the normal experience with planning a wedding, and it's really a shame.  I'm sure you're frustrated!

How does your FI feel about something small and intimate this summer?  Would he like that, or does he prefer the big wedding?

If I were in your shoes, I would probably have bought a cute dress either from DB's $99 sale or from White House Black Market or a bridesmaids' dress in white or something, had a private ceremony in a pretty park for parents, siblings, and grandparents, and then have them all enjoy a nice dinner at a restaurant or even a backyard buffet dinner at home with cute little tablecloths and small simple centerpieces.

I actually budgeted all that out, because we knew that my parents wanted to pay for our wedding, but we also knew that 'he who pays has a say' so we wanted a back-up plan that we were okay with that we could afford on our own.  As my FI is a full time student, what we can afford is not very much!  So that was basically our plan, and we estimated around $1200-1500 for everything.  Easy, done.  Luckily for us, my parents have been incredibly supportive of everything we want and there has been very little if any drama and everyone seems to be happy with the plans.  However, if there had been any issues, that's what we would have done.

Good luck, keep us updated as to what you decide to do!  Unfortunately, as long as your Mom is paying, she does get a say.  If you don't like it, you can cut her out of the equation and pay for everything yourself.

iluvmytxrgr

It looks to me like you have three choices.
1.  Stand up for your self and hope she'll still pay for every thing
2. Just go with what ever she wants since she's paying
or
3. Stop complaining and pay for every thing yourselves.  You said you would rather a small wedding.  They aren't that expensive. 

lrh17

I'm sorry to hear you're not enjoying the wedding planning process as much as you hoped =( It really should be an exciting time!  Although stress always tries to creep in there. 

Would it be possible to move the wedding to December of this year, have a smaller celebration like Calindi suggested,  and you and FI foot the bill yourselves? When family offers to help pay, unfortunately that means it may come with strings attached.

I was actually in the same situation...we were planning on getting married summer 2012, but decided to push it up to December 2011 since we were certain H could be there.  For what it's worth, I am so glad we decided to do that.  It was nice to be able to set a date and take my time planning...and I wasn't constantly worried that the groom wouldn't be able to make it!

And I truly hope that once you and FI make a decision, the planning process becomes more enjoyable!

calindi

Oh, and when you do pick a date, be sure to get every contract with a military clause (something in writing that states that if for any reason the groom is not able to attend the wedding as scheduled due to his military commitment, the vendor will transfer the deposit and honor the pricing agreement for another mutually agreeable date, or refund your money).  This will protect you in the all-too-common situation where the military sticks its big nose in your plans.  At least you won't lose a ton of money if you have to reschedule!

ggirl2001

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_already-losing-my-mind?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:8be87029-31fd-4197-8ea9-ff0cdef23827Post:d3c27e79-6dcc-40aa-8ad1-3ee46cd8009c">Re: Already losing my mind...</a>:
[QUOTE]It looks to me like you have three choices. 1.  Stand up for your self and hope she'll still pay for every thing 2. Just go with what ever she wants since she's paying or 3. Stop complaining and pay for every thing yourselves.  You said you would rather a small wedding.  They aren't that expensive. 
Posted by iluvmytxrgr[/QUOTE]


These are my exact thoughts as well.

Can I ask why she doesn't you to move it up? What are her concerns?

CAB1217

You'll be ok, OP!!!!! I hated planning my wedding, HARD. But, it was all worth it in the end. Just don't let it get to you.

lrh17

Oh, and make sure you get a military clause in all of your contracts with vendors!  That way in case a deployment or something comes up that prevents him from being at your wedding, you won't lose out on all the money you paid. 

SamiJoeB

I hated wedding planning, but I was a pretty hateful person at that time..  But I wholeheartedly agree with Tx & Geeg...  You want small and intimate.. do it girl!