Boot Camp Bride

rbulger003

Hello!
My boyfriend is going into boot camp for the marines.
We are getting married JUST after he gets back.
He comes back in April for 10 days and then he's out again.
Any words of wisdom?

calindi

Wait.  Things don't always happen on the timeline you expect with the Marines.  He could get hurt and thus recycled (meaning he won't graduate when he is supposed to).  If you're just planning a very simple ceremony, you should be able to move it, but if you're planning on something much bigger then you're best to wait until he's done with boot and actually done with his MOS school and at his first duty station.  It'll be good for both of you to acclimate to military life - it's no small change!  And it will just make it so much easier to plan.

If you're dead set on going ahead to plan when he gets done, just be sure to put military clauses in each contract with vendors (something that states that if he's unable to attend the wedding as scheduled due to his commitment to the Marines, that the vendor will refund your deposit or reschedule to a mutually agreeable date).  This will keep you from losing lots of money when he finds out that he can't make the wedding - it won't stop your headaches, though.  It's going to be VERY stressful to plan during boot, especially with all the unknowns.  From what I've heard, some guys don't even get those 10 days off between boot and MOS school.

ggirl2001

Ditto C-he might not get those 10 days I know that when my H finished,  I think there were some people who went straight to MCT? (I think that's what it was), and did not get the time, but I could be wrong. Also, his date could change, he might get injured, not pass something, etc, and have to wait longer.

If you are going to do it, keep it small so you don't lose any money if it doesn't happen.

I would recommend waiting until he is at his duty station though. That way he is settled, knows where he will be leaving, and then you can make plans for school/work/etc.  The extra money you get from being married isn't really that much at all. It's almost negligible really, so it won't make much of a difference.

iluvmytxrgr

Don't plan to get married durring those 10 days.  They aren't a given and so many things can change.  Wait until he gets to his first duty station and then start planning your wedding. 

crownsuperstar

Ditto everything that is said.  Military = last minute change.  That is just something to get used to.  I was so annoyed with the hurry up and wait but now I just deal with. 

SamiJoeB

Wait. Wait. Wait.
Sometimes Recruits won't get the 10 days, and its frowned upon to get married during those 10 days.  What harm can come from waiting? Even if you get married, you won't get to go to MCT with him, and if his MOS school is less than 1 year, you won't get to go there with him either.  Just wait it out.

amberg017

Speaking from personal experience, wait until his schedule is more set in stone..or as set in stone as it can be. My FI finishes training this week and was supposed to be home for two weeks, so we planned on meeting with some vendors and putting a deposit down for our venue..but surprise! The Army changed its mind and now he's staying up there to start EOD training immediately. We found this out without even a weeks notice, so I'm glad it was just deposits that we planned instead of the actual wedding! Good luck!

firsttimersluck

wait.

DaKelliAB09

I agree with everyone. Wait.  Everything could change and I know eveybody's experiences are different but from what I've seen with my brother and other friends and my FI nothing is guaranteed.  I know my bro went into the AF and then he got really sick one week and he didn't graduate when he was supposed to then he went on to tech school.  He went in thinking he would fly and now he does mechanical work and I have friends in the Marines who got hurt in boot and then couldn't graduate when they were supposed to.  Just keep that in mind and if you do go ahead and get married I suggest having military clauses put into your contracts (like others have mentioned) in case anything changes.
Good luck

rbulger003

Thank you all for the advice!
It's sad facts but all true..
The wedding is what he wanted to do so that he could take me with him.
When he asked me to marry him in those ten days, I said yes because I love him and I dont want to loose him.
Facts are facts and the wedding will be on hold so we can do some more growing up..

Thanks again Ladies!!

Boot Camp Bride

chickcasa

Ditto to what everyone else said!  I especially want to stress what ggirl2001 said about the extra pay for being married not being much.  His pay really will NOT be enough to support both of you so you will need to have your own source of income, unless you want to live in a sketchy neighborhood and share one car and possibly not even be able to afford internet much less cable.  

Waiting until he is at his first duty station will give you a chance to figure out the practical things you will need to know in order to be financially stable... time to look for a place to live, a job, find out about the cost of living.  It will make for a much smoother transition for both of you.

~Katy

kyrgyzstan

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_boot-camp-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:90dcd9f4-7a54-40b7-a641-2f8ff0e50eb7Post:48e3a73a-6a18-48f9-b915-85d37c7cf734">Re: Boot Camp Bride</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you all for the advice! It's sad facts but all true.. The wedding is what he wanted to do so that he could take me with him. When he asked me to marry him in those ten days, I said yes because I love him and I dont want to loose him. Facts are facts and the wedding will be on hold so we can do some more growing up.. Thanks again Ladies!! Boot Camp Bride
Posted by rbulger003[/QUOTE]

<div>You shouldn't marry someone in order not to lose them, you marry them because you're already confident you're never going to. I can confidently say that H and I chose to get married to formalize and legalize an agreement our hearts made a long time ago (cheesy but true). </div><div>
</div><div>I'm glad you're waiting. He needs to go to MCT, and through MOS school, and maybe even a deployment, because he needs to figure out who he's going to be as a Marine and a man, and I hope you go to school or start a career at the same time. Whether or not you guys stick it out will be your answer.</div><div>
</div><div>Joining the military is a huge change, and that can be scary for the new service member. A lot of quickie marriages happen during boot leave, because the SM gets home after having been through a lot, emotionally and physically, and theor gf is all that boot camp wasn't. I have seen those rushed marriages crash and burn more times than I can count. </div><div>
</div><div>I hung out on this board (and Military Nesties) as a girlfriend and I was always welcomed. You can post here without planning a wedding!</div>

SamiJoeB

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_boot-camp-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:90dcd9f4-7a54-40b7-a641-2f8ff0e50eb7Post:48e3a73a-6a18-48f9-b915-85d37c7cf734">Re: Boot Camp Bride</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you all for the advice! It's sad facts but all true.. The wedding is what he wanted to do so that he could take me with him. When he asked me to marry him in those ten days, I said yes because I love him and I dont want to loose him. Facts are facts and the wedding will be on hold so we can do some more growing up.. Thanks again Ladies!! Boot Camp Bride
Posted by rbulger003[/QUOTE]

Good for you!

rbulger003

Thanks Again everyone!
I love this man with all my heart!
Its going to take alot to let him go for BC,
let alone for me to plan a whole wedding!

Boot Camp Bride

calindi

We'll be here to help you - but keep your identity, please!  You aren't a 'boot camp bride', you're someone who loves their man and wants to make it work.  Be yourself, be an active part of the relationship, and it'll all work out.

I was a girlfriend on here for about a year before I got engaged.  We know how it goes - often the decision to get married someday is made long before a proposal ever happens.  The ladies here are great support and a source of information on everything having to do with transitioning to the military significant other lifestyle.

BC will not be easy, but it also won't be the hardest part of being a military significant other.  Hang in there, learn as you go, and ask for help/advice when you need it!

Rachel2015

Hello, I'm a Marine myself and I will say that there's no real point to marrying during boot leave.  Right after he'll go to MCT and then MOS school.  You can't go with him to either and right after being married he's going to want to be with you.  It'd be easier for both for him to finish training and get settled in his unit that he ends up in.  Plus, if he gets injured or fails things like the ladies previously said, you'll be waiting longer.  It would also help him if he gets used to life in the Marine Corps first rather than life in the Marine Corps and marriage all at once.  I hope it works out and good luck!