Military Brides

Rant-Courthouse wedding then "real wedding' later

I know there are plenty of us out there that for some reason or another (military, money, time, etc) are having to do a courthouse wedding and then have the wedding of our dreams later on, and I am one of those girls, thanks to the Army and money restraints we are haveing getting married in a courthouse with the JP at the end of July and then having a BBQ for my dad and maybe 4 of our friends, we are also planning on making up for this by having our "REAL" wedding on our 1 year anniversary, What has been pis**ing me off is that every time I see a post on here from someone like me who is also doing this, The post gets flooded with "Well it's not a real wedding , It's a Vow-Renewal. I understand we will be pledging our love and exchanging vows twice but if you would stop and think about it, the first (Courthouse wedding) is only exchanging vows to a JP (not preacher) and it is for the most part just the legal part of getting married then the second (real wedding) will be in front of all our family & friends and a preacher in front of god and will be basically as my grandma put it (being married in the eyes of god).  if we have dreamed of the 'white dress wedding" and for some reason we have to settle and do our vows in a courthouse but are still planning on doing the vows again and then the same reception that every other bride is doing then It should count as our "real wedding" I know alot of people will disagree with me but why take the excitement out of someone's wedding planning by saying "it's not a wedding, sorry" ? I understand that you are suppose to be single, not married in order to have a "wedding' but why can't people just answer whatever question the poster is asking and not point that out?
tinayu
«1

Re: Rant-Courthouse wedding then "real wedding' later

  • kyrgyzstankyrgyzstan member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    My issue is when people say they 'have' to JOP. You don't, no one does. The Army is forcing nothing. You choose to, and to be honest, I can guarantee your wedding won't feel as special as it would without your JOP. You will feel married. Everyone will refer to you as married. What's wrong with dating for a long time? I hate to see all these young marriages, to junior enlisted service members that will end up hurting both the couple and making the SM's service suffer.

    You will all do what you want. But if one can't afford the wedding one wants without using married BAH to do it, maybe one should wait until they can save up to do it. Some people think weddings are stupid, so they JOP. But they don't expect people to indulge them in their need to have their day, twice.  

    Just like you can whine about responses you or others get, people are free to respond as they choose.  As are you. 


    I hate Dave Ramsey
  • edited December 2011
    I understand your frustration, but I think other brides find it offensive the way we all say "real wedding & JOP wedding". Some Brides don't have a choice and a courthouse wedding is thier real wedding. Some Brides have to make that decision due to deployments, reassignments, new orders, or lots of other circumstances.  We all knew what we were getting into as a Military Brides, Brides that Serve & Brides that Serve by being faithful and dedicated to thier Solider/Airman/Sailor/Marine. Also, I think that other Brides are trying to be helpful in pointing that out to other girls that maybe don't know that. I didn't know that until I joined this board, and I'm sure that other Brides didn't know.
    That being said, I think that all of us have gotten a bit snarky about the whole "JOP, Courthouse vs Real White dress weddings". I completly understand that this a place to vent, but this is also a place to be happy and cheer one another on!! Like I said, I understand why you're so frustrated, but consider both sides.
    Also, I'm not sure if you serve or your FI, or both of you serve, but as a service member I don't like it when other people say sarcastic things about any branch not just mine or my FI's. It's not the Army's fault that your wedding plans aren't working out the way you want them to, yes, things come up, but when you sign a contract with intent to serve, you sign up for Deployments, Reassingments, Orders and everything else that comes along with a military lifestyle. The Army is the most populated military branch and it's been serving this country since 1775. Please think before you post things like that because it's offensive and disrespectful to those of us that serve.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • meltoinemeltoine member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Comments First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_rant-courthouse-wedding-then-real-wedding-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:9397ea72-0fa6-4c52-97f0-933f1d17fa50Post:2af1efe5-30c8-4bba-9fb3-cc8340b0779d">Re: Rant-Courthouse wedding then "real wedding' later</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>My issue is when people say they 'have' to JOP. You don't, no one does.</strong> The Army is forcing nothing. You choose to, and to be honest, I can guarantee your wedding won't feel as special as it would without your JOP. You will feel married. Everyone will refer to you as married. What's wrong with dating for a long time? I hate to see all these young marriages, to junior enlisted service members that will end up hurting both the couple and making the SM's service suffer. You will all do what you want. But if one can't afford the wedding one wants without using married BAH to do it, maybe one should wait until they can save up to do it. Some people think weddings are stupid, so they JOP. But they don't expect people to indulge them in their need to have their day, twice.   Just like you can whine about responses you or others get, people are free to respond as they choose.  As are you. 
    Posted by WishIcouldbeinthe'stan[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>This. Sure, it may mean that you have to be apart for a while or that you won't make as much money in the meantime, but no one is forced to JOP. It's a choice that some people make to make their lives easier. 

    </div>
    Lilypie Maternity tickers
    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
  • edited December 2011

    I am not meaning to jump in and take sides -- and hopefully this doesn't start any mean threads or offend anyone here.
    I am with an Airman and have been for 6 yrs. We met in HS, then he went to the Air Force Academy (I went to a 4 year University in our home state) and now he is in Flight School and I am still apart from him working until our wedding next May. We decided to get married by a JOP in Dec. while he is home for Christmas Leave because our Family has been hijacking our wedding. We both still believe that a Chruch Wedding is important (because of God). But wanted "our day" and a little more time to get all our paper work in order and all my name changing business in order so everything would be ready to go for us. (We are still viewing our Church Wedding as our Wedding and anniversary-- even though the paperwork will have made it official in Dec.)

    Like the PP mentioned these boards are meant for support and not judgement. Every Bride out there has a reason for picking what you may think is the ugliest color in the world for her BMs or Food that is not of your liking or to have 2 "weddings". We are all adults here and IMO it's innapriopriate to judge on these boards.

  • kyrgyzstankyrgyzstan member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Because we're all adults (in theory), we should be able to live with decisions and not be upset when people express other opinions.

    People get married for the money, people get married for whatever reason, but not everyone has to 'support' it. There are plenty of women on this board who will tell JOPers exactly what they want to hear. Very few will say, hey, your 'wedding' will not feel as special if you're living together as a married couple before you get married. All the women I know who looked at their party as a VR and not a wedding had a way better time, because there was no pressure to make it feel 'as special as a real wedding'.

    People do what they want anyway. I don't get the upset when there are differences in opinion. I don't care what people do with their lives. I don't care when they lie to their friends and family, but I will call them on it, because I'm not a nihilist. The only thing I actually do care about is when it negatively affects the military, which I think nearly all young marriages do. 

    Should I rant about all the 18 year olds getting married right before/after boot camp/MOS school/deployment and then be upset when all those people don't agree with me? No. I have my opinion and don't get horrified when people disagree.
    I hate Dave Ramsey
  • BiMWaTBiMWaT member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Thank you, Killeen.  My FI and I did a JOP wedding as well.  No, we were not forced to do it, but in our situation it was what worked best for us.  We will consider our big wedding to be our wedding, not our vow renewal.  I understand that many people disagree with this, but that doesn't mean they have to jump down everyone's throats every time it's mentioned.  I respect your different opinion, please respect mine, even if you don't agree with it.

    Also, just because I consider my big wedding my wedding in no way shows disrespect for people whose JOP was their wedding.  And just because I consider my husband my finance doesn't mean that I don't understand that I am legally married.  I get it, thank you.

    And I can guarantee you my wedding will be just as special as it would have been were it my only one.
  • KilleenBrideKilleenBride member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I didn't mean to imply that we are forced to do a JP by ether the military or anything else, just that if it is a better choice for the couple at the time to get the legal part out of the way then thier big "white dress" wedding should still be called their wedding. I have never been mean to anyone on here and did not like it being implied that I have been. I have only wrote good replys to peoples posts and have been what I think is suportive. I just get mad when I or someone else will post about what they think and concider as "thier wedding' and other brides try to take that "bride" feeling away by pointing out the fact that they are already married and it is just a renewl. Plus to the few that replied about "young" marriages ruining everything, well I am not young I am 25 and FI just turned 27, we have both been married before so we know first hand how getting married too young turns out. I do aggree that the 18 year old brides should wait at least till they can legally drink at thier weddings but hey thats just my opionion  and every situation is different, thier may be a 18 year old that is ready and her marriage will work so I don't judge. I posted the original post/rant because I had just looked at at least 4 posts where brides bubles were burst by some very rude people passing judgement and saying that it wasn't going to be a "real weddding" because for whatever reason the bride had chose to do the JOP first.  
  • edited December 2011
    Hi I'm new to these posts.  I didn't realize some people were so strongly opinionated on this subject!  I have know several couples that have done the JOP then the "big wedding" later with great success.  My husband Jacob and I got JOP married May 7th (our families were unable to attend do to the distance) and plan our big wedding back in my home town June of next year.  We had our own reasons for doing it the way we did and its what works for us.  Our family and friends are delighted that we got married and that we will be doing a vow renewal that they can all join in celebrating with us.  To those who say they would be offended to be invited to a bridal shower or wedding/vow renewal for someone who is doing things like I am I say fine stay home and be offended.  A wedding/vow renewal is a time of love and celebration.  Regardless of how its done it is still a beautiful occasion and there is no room for negativity.  So to my fellow JOP/ vow renewal brides congratulations and don't let anyone take away even a moment of your happiness with angry negative posts
  • edited December 2011
    I think for most people it is more of the fact that sometime's people call the "big, white-dress wedding" their "real" wedding. Call it a big wedding... but by calling it a "real" wedding it can be implied that the JOP ceremony was a "fake" wedding.
    If someone wants to JOP that's fine, to-each-thier-own. I know there was potential that FI and I may have made the decision to do that. Just be careful calling the big wedding you want, you're "real" wedding.
  • kyrgyzstankyrgyzstan member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_rant-courthouse-wedding-then-real-wedding-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:9397ea72-0fa6-4c52-97f0-933f1d17fa50Post:d8ba04aa-506e-4a6e-89a2-e44151447a92">Re: Rant-Courthouse wedding then "real wedding' later</a>:
    [QUOTE]I didn't mean to imply that we are forced to do a JP by ether the military or anything else, just that if it is a better choice for the couple at the time to get the legal part out of the way then thier big "white dress" wedding should still be called their wedding. I have never been mean to anyone on here and did not like it being implied that I have been. I have only wrote good replys to peoples posts and have been what I think is suportive. I just get mad when I or someone else will post about what they think and concider as "thier wedding' and other brides try to take that "bride" feeling away by pointing out the fact that they are already married and it is just a renewl. Plus to the few that replied about "young" marriages ruining everything, well I am not young I am 25 and FI just turned 27, we have both been married before so we know first hand how getting married too young turns out. I do aggree that the 18 year old brides should wait at least till they can legally drink at thier weddings but hey thats just my opionion  and every situation is different, thier may be a 18 year old that is ready and her marriage will work so I don't judge. I posted the original post/rant because I had just looked at at least 4 posts where brides bubles were burst by some very rude people passing judgement and saying that it wasn't going to be a "real weddding" because for whatever reason the bride had chose to do the JOP first.  
    Posted by KilleenBride[/QUOTE]

    <div>I don't believe anyone insinuated you were mean. I personally don't mind if people think I'm mean. I don't come on here to enable other people's decisions with support, nor do I care if people agree with me.</div><div>
    </div><div>I check on here for protocol questions I can help with, and if I feel like replying to other things, I will. It's odd that putting my opinion in when someone asks if they 'should' JOP is considered 'mean'. Everyone is so pro-JOP here, and on no other board is this the case. It's amusing that my difference of opinion is such a big deal all the time. </div>
    I hate Dave Ramsey
  • BiMWaTBiMWaT member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    "Everyone is so pro-JOP here"

    Really? Who? I've found the exact opposite to be true...

  • KilleenBrideKilleenBride member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_rant-courthouse-wedding-then-real-wedding-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:9397ea72-0fa6-4c52-97f0-933f1d17fa50Post:f83dbc3a-c50e-4e3f-bb20-aa9b213d16c9">Re: Rant-Courthouse wedding then "real wedding' later</a>:
    [QUOTE]"Everyone is so pro-JOP here" Really? Who? I've found the exact opposite to be true...
    Posted by BiMWaT[/QUOTE]

    I would like to know who too. to quote a bride in a post on this message board but without saying her name she was replying to a bride trying to figure out how to word her invites for this situtation  "it's not a wedding it's just a Vow-renewl" I understand that a vow-renewl is a special event too but to me there is a difference between the wedding and getting married well let me explain what I mean before you judge.
    Getting married to me means saying your vows and comitting yourself till death till you part
    and the wedding is the celebration followed by the reception/party- both ceremony/wedding and the reception should be witnessed by family and friends.
  • kyrgyzstankyrgyzstan member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I tend to see myself as the only one who is consistently here and consistently against JOPs. 

    There's a new post almost every day about JOPing, and every reply is always supportive, save maybe one. 
    I hate Dave Ramsey
  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_rant-courthouse-wedding-then-real-wedding-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:9397ea72-0fa6-4c52-97f0-933f1d17fa50Post:5c7681e6-28af-49a2-9977-fb9f1a94b1c7">Re: Rant-Courthouse wedding then "real wedding' later</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think for most people it is more of the fact that sometime's people call the "big, white-dress wedding" their "real" wedding. Call it a big wedding... but by calling it a "real" wedding it can be implied that the JOP ceremony was a "fake" wedding. If someone wants to JOP that's fine, to-each-thier-own. I know there was potential that FI and I may have made the decision to do that. Just be careful calling the big wedding you want, you're "real" wedding.
    Posted by caitlink23[/QUOTE]
    This is what I wanted to say, but you said it well.

    I find it extremely offensive that you would use the term "real" wedding, insinuating that a JOP wedding is fake.

    You don't like the term "vow renewel ceremony" even though that's exactly what it is, but you have the audacity to go around calling other people's perfectly legal wedding "fake?"
    Step down off your soap box because you're offensive and ridiculous and I can't take you seriously.
    image
  • BiMWaTBiMWaT member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I don't consider anyone's JOP wedding fake.  However, for some people the second wedding is the important one, and therefore the "real" one FOR THEM. It doesn't mean they think other people's JOP weddings are fake.  For example, some people JOP, then later get married in a church. To them, it is the religious ceremony that is most important. And, in fact, it may be a real wedding because some churches don't consider you married until you are married in the church, or your marriage blessed by it.  It's just not the legal wedding in that case.

    I haven't seen ANYONE saying that someone else's JOP wedding is "fake", just that their "big" wedding is the important one to them.  You're reading too much into this. 
  • edited December 2011
    I'm not saying that is my stand-point, I'm just saying, that I know that for some that is considered offensive. There are two sides to every situation... if you don't like someone else's, so be it.

    I know that the idea behind these boards is to be supportive of eachother, but life isn't all rainbows and sunshine, if you are offended by what someone has to say, brush it off and move on.
  • KilleenBrideKilleenBride member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_rant-courthouse-wedding-then-real-wedding-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:9397ea72-0fa6-4c52-97f0-933f1d17fa50Post:de306cd8-eeec-452b-b1ff-5b0d1421c6d4">Re: Rant-Courthouse wedding then "real wedding' later</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm not saying that is my stand-point, I'm just saying, that I know that for some that is considered offensive. There are two sides to every situation... if you don't like someone else's, so be it. I know that the idea behind these boards is to be supportive of eachother, but life isn't all rainbows and sunshine, if you are offended by what someone has to say, brush it off and move on.
    Posted by caitlink23[/QUOTE]

    I have never called someone else's wedding a fake wedding nor have I called my own soon-to-be JOP wedding a fake. Also I have just tried to BRUSH IT OFF but after hearing "JOP is not a wedding" soooo many times when brides are just posting asking about stuff to do with ether their future "white dress" wedding or the simple dinner after their JOP then someone pops up and has the  audacityto say that since the bride has had or will have a JOP before HER BIG DAY then she can no loger call it a wedding and shouldn't word it as such. That is the part that got me started on this in the first place. AND to the person that said I was on a soap box , WHAT? I put a rant on a message board with MY opinion
  • forrma7forrma7 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_rant-courthouse-wedding-then-real-wedding-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:9397ea72-0fa6-4c52-97f0-933f1d17fa50Post:b4300fe0-69fd-45fc-b266-2b33c0c7250a">Re: Rant-Courthouse wedding then</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't consider anyone's JOP wedding fake.  However, for some people the second wedding is the important one, and therefore the "real" one FOR THEM. It doesn't mean they think other people's JOP weddings are fake.  For example, some people JOP, then later get married in a church. To them, it is the religious ceremony that is most important. And, in fact, it may be a real wedding because some churches don't consider you married until you are married in the church, or your marriage blessed by it.  It's just not the legal wedding in that case. I haven't seen ANYONE saying that someone else's JOP wedding is "fake", just that their "big" wedding is the important one to them.  You're reading to much into this. 
    Posted by BiMWaT[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>thank you thank you thank you!!!!!!!!</div><div>
    </div><div>i was a person who posted about a military situation, JOP wedding then a "white dress" wedding (if you will) after.</div><div>some people were helpful in their responses, pointing out that it can be hurtful to people to imply that a JOP wedding "isn't real" (of course it is!) but some people were downright DISGUSTING. taking bets on me and my marriage, calling me whiny and saying that i wanted my "white princess day". </div><div>
    </div><div>to some people, the "real" part comes from the feeling, the tradition, the religion, etc. which is the case for me. no matter what the circumstance, where we get married, who does it, what papers we sign, our marriage won't feel complete to us until we stand before God and our friends and family and pledge ourselves to each other. that is our choice.</div><div>
    </div><div>i think everyone is entitled to their own feelings and opinions and weddings. we can all do it how we want to. the hurtful things are when people say that JOP weddings are fake, or when the etiquette police tell people that they "aren't allowed" to have their wedding ceremony, and they <em>have</em> to have a "vow-renewal"</div><div>
    </div><div>do what you want!!! there are no rules, only guidelines!</div>
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    You know I only read the first couple of posts...But I agree with "My issue is when people say they 'have' to JOP. You don't, no one does"  I have been serving my county for almost eight years now.  My Fiance has been serving for four.  We met in Germany and were station together there, where we got engaged.  Upon leaving Germany we PCSed to FT. Lewis and FT. Bliss respectively, our wedding date was July 31, 2010...He is currently serving in Afghanistan.  Our wedding has been postponed until he returns.  Yes we could have easily went to the courthouse before he left or even when he comes home for R&R, but our dreams of having our friends and family present were much more important than any extra money or spending some extra time apart.  In the end you need to look and see what is important to you.  If you want to marry at the court house then do a Vow-Renewl  later that is great! But call it what it is! And please DO NOT blame it on the ARMY!! I love to Soldier, I love my Soldier, and we both are very proud to serve our country. 
  • meltoinemeltoine member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Comments First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Right on, Amber. 
    Lilypie Maternity tickers
    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
  • BiMWaTBiMWaT member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    That is fine if you are willing to spend the extra time apart; JOPing is not for everyone.  For some, though, it is worth it to make it legal and have a big wedding later.  I never said I "had" to JOP. I had to do it in order to live with my FI, though, and for me that was worth it.  In reality, you never "have" to do anything. It is just the best option, or you have to do it for something else to happen.

    I don't see what the big deal is about calling it a wedding is when, most importantly 1) that's what it is to you and your FI, and 2) that's what it is to your friends and family.  Many of the people on here JOP but both them and their friends/family still consider the big ceremony to be the wedding.  Even if you don't agree with this, why are you so offended that they call it a wedding? Maybe you want to wait and only do it once, or call your second ceremony a vow renewal, but what does it matter that someone else calls theirs a wedding?

    The military lifestyle is a hard one to live, and it's disheartening that people on here are so unsupportive.  Fine if you don't agree with someone else's choices, but people tend to go out of their way to be nasty about it, or start a big argument when the question was about something totally different and that was just a small piece of information.
  • tendonheadtendonhead member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think that part of it is that most civilians do not get two weddings so they do not understand why so many military couples get two. Most military couples who JOP are doing it for additional money, benefits, and/or to live with their significant other. I understand there may be other reasons people do this but most JOPs fit into these categories. Most civilians are able to get married when they want and do not have to work around the military so some people see it as selfish of you to get married for convenience then have another celebration later. I believe in God and grew up in a church but according to the law, the marriage certificate is the only thing that matters. In fact, many priests/pastors may not marry you in a church if you're already legally married. You may need to check on that too.

    In addition, people are going to know you're already married and may not see the point in another wedding. I've had this happen to two friends and no one wanted to go to the wedding because they felt it was selfish of the bride and groom to have another day just because the JOP was more convenient for them. So what I'm saying is while you may not care, you should expect some strong opinions from those you're inviting to your second wedding. This world is full of different people from various backgrounds with different opinions and when questions are asked, no two people's opinions are going to be the same.
  • edited December 2011
    Honestly, I can't get behind the two wedding thing at all, period. It is VERY possible to plan a small wedding on short notice if you really need to get married quickly. It might not have all the bells and whistles as if you'd had a year or more to plan, but you can have a dress and guests and a nice little party on short notice. Whether you do that or JOP it, you ARE married. Having the "big" wedding or "real" wedding later just comes off, to me, as the "wedding" being more important than being married.

    To me, being "forced" or however you choose to put it, to do a JOP and then do a "big" wedding later just sounds like someone who is unwilling to settle for the smaller but still VERY NICE wedding that can be planned on short notice. It can be in a church. You can wear a white dress. You can rent a tux. Etc.

    To each their own. However, when I will really very vocally object is the ALL TOO COMMON phenomenom of young men and women doing a JOP ceremony and then HIDING it and/or LYING about it so as not to "ruin" their big wedding. Awful, awful, awful.

    Anyway, for those of you who have JOP'd for whatever reason and then decided you want the big wedding too, it doesn't affect me at all. However, I still have an opinion on it and I just can't get behind it. At all.
    On bed rest since Groundhog's Day and every day since has been exactly the same.
    BabyFruit Ticker
    Blog
  • BiMWaTBiMWaT member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    meltoine, you were married before you were married and still called the second celebration your wedding. I realize your response was to objecting about people saying they were forced, not to JOPing and having a wedding afterwards, but I don't understand why you wouldn't stick up for people who did a similar thing to you.  Just out of curiosity, what were your reasons for getting married early?

    tendonhead, I agree that many people will have objections (obviously) but I think it's sad that that happened to your friends.  Thankfully, my family and friends are okay with our situation and are more than thrilled to be at our wedding, even though it's not our legal wedding.

    And temerityjane, I understand your objecting to hiding it from families, but I just have to say that my cousin did this and when people found out later, everyone understood and no one was offended.  The second wedding was what they considered important, and the family agreed and did not have a problem with that.
  • edited December 2011
    wow...

    In MY opinion, hiding a JOP from family crosses that line for ME. I am not judging anyone because i cannot say anything is wrong because i have not been in other peoples shoes and everyone has their reasons. I do not believe a JOP is fake by any means and i do not think a 2nd wedding/vow renewal is fake or "more real".

    I think everyone needs to do what makes them the happiest because is that not why we are all getting married in the first place? TO BE HAPPY! I do not think having a JOP is wrong at all. I could see how it might be offensive if some people misunderstand something and think someone said that it was fake but i do not think that was what was ment.

    All i need to know is why cant people call a wedding or a second wedding a wedding? Why it is so important to people to call it a vow-renewal? Why cant we just let people call it what they want. In your eyes it is a vow renewal and in other peoples eyes it is a wedding...vow-renewal is just a word and so  is wedding, its the actions behind the words that matter so if i want to call the sky teal instead of blue why is that so horrible.

    The important part is that we are going to marry the love of our life and we are going  to have fun doing it, call it whatever you like.

    I plan to go to the courthouse and then have all my family and friends join me on a separate day for a whatever i feel like calling it...this is America why cant i have my cake and eat it too!

    and no  the military is not forcing me...thank you to all who serve our country
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • SpunkchinSpunkchin member
    Ninth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I am willing to bet that the age of the bride and groom directly correlates to their opinion on this matter.
  • BiMWaTBiMWaT member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Spunkchin, I am willing to bet you are 100% wrong.

    Yet another example of unnecessary nastiness from a fellow military spouse/service member.
  • edited December 2011
    I don't think Spunchkin was being nasty, and I actually think she's probably right. This idea IS more popular among younger couples. It just is. I'm not saying every younger couple would do it and I'm not saying every older couple would. In my experience, though, it definitely is more popular with younger couples.
    On bed rest since Groundhog's Day and every day since has been exactly the same.
    BabyFruit Ticker
    Blog
  • BiMWaTBiMWaT member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree that it is more popular with younger couples, but I don't think it "directly correlates" to people's opinions.  Although she mentioned the bride and groom only, if their families including parents, grandparents, etc., support this, there are obviously many older people who think JOPs are okay.  It came across to me as saying young, immature people think JOPing is okay and older, mature people think it's wrong.  Maybe I'm mistaken though, it's impossible to tell someone's tone on the internet.
  • SpunkchinSpunkchin member
    Ninth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_rant-courthouse-wedding-then-real-wedding-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:9397ea72-0fa6-4c52-97f0-933f1d17fa50Post:9d2e5d4c-3ee2-47e5-9244-c36fb786ffe4">Re: Rant-Courthouse wedding then "real wedding' later</a>:
    [QUOTE]Spunkchin, I am willing to bet you are 100% wrong. Yet another example of unnecessary nastiness from a fellow military spouse/service member.
    Posted by BiMWaT[/QUOTE]

    I was not being nasty, I was making a simple conjecture.  Don't let your defensiveness on this issue cloud your judgment and capacity for calm discussion.

    I highly doubt an older couple who are both well established in their own right would feel it pressing to do a JOP marriage with the intent to have a "big wedding" later on. When you are independent and self-sufficient the benefits of paid housing, a slight pay increase, medical benefits and commissary privileges are usually just not great enough motivation to set aside your ideal wedding plans in exchange for that dependent ID card.

    Feel free to prove me wrong and conduct some kind of poll.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards