Military Brides

Possible Coastie girlfriend

In the last few months, my boyfriend struggled in school. He lost his scholarship to a $45k a year school for his undergrad architecture degree. He's beginning to look into the Coast Guard as a possibility instead of going over $30k in debt to finish the last 2 years. His older brother is a Coastie and married and they live quite happily.

I never thought myself of a military gf/fiance/wife. I love him a ton and want to stick by him. Do you girls have any advice? Are there any Coastie wives here? How long usually is basic/training, what amount of time are they away, etc.?

Re: Possible Coastie girlfriend

  • I don't know a lot about the Coast Guard, my FI is Air Force, but I remember reading somewhere that they're extremely selective, they're one of the smaller branches, I think. Of course everyone is getting really selective now with all the force reductions and even when you're in it's not a sure thing. 

    Even if he doesn't join up, is there a way for his credits to transfer to a less expensive college so he could have his degree? Is it possibly for him to transfer somewhere with an ROTC program? 

    As far as him joining goes, I would go with him to the recruiter, ask lots of questions and write everything down. I never saw myself as a military wife either, and knew nothing about it when I first started dating my FI (I now know next to nothing about it, 4 years in, but I'm trying).  It took a bit of getting used to, but it's an interesting world. While FI wasn't already officially "in" when we started dating, he was ROTC, so I knew that he would be in and was already committed. For my FI, training after he received his first orders was a good bit of 6 weeks here, 12 weeks there. He also ended up getting re-classed (moved to a different job field). He just finished his training for his new job and was gone about 3.5 months. 

    I also realize that we've been extremely lucky in terms of never having a time when we couldn't talk on the phone or computer, and I realize that we're still the the early days, yet. It still hasn't always been easy being away, we're still adjusting to him being back here. It helps me to get to know people and get as involved as I can. And the ladies on this board have been an invaluable resource to me. 
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  • Thanks! Yea I have no idea. I may try and get in touch with his older brother's wife who has been through it already if he does get in.
  • LambbopLambbop member
    First Comment
    edited May 2012
    I met my FI after he had already been in the army 6 years, so I'm not sure about how it would be starting that life together. He said basic was about 6 months when he went (8 years ago).

    In my and FI's dating relationship we've gone through him being away due to training, courses, and deployment. The courses he's gone to have varied from 2 weeks - 2 months. Other times he's been dropped from courses or added at the last minute and you have to learn to go with the flow. His deployment was 12 months.

    In my opinion there is a high level of commitment needed on both parts to make it work. If your FI joins.... he is now the property of the US govt and cannot break his contract without serious repercussions. It's not like any job where he can quit if it gets rough. If you are committing to him, you also have to accept that fact.

    My cousin's (now ex) wife could not accept the lifestyle. They met and went through the process of his basic training together. However, once they were on base, she refused to have anything to do with other marine wives or life on base, etc. She thought all the other wives were uneducated and ditzy and she wanted nothing to do with any of them. So she would just make herself miserable all day and blame him. They ultimately got divorced because she blamed him for leaving her when he HAD to go to Japan and she never got over it, even after he got home.

    This is not only a huge decision for your FI, it is a huge decision for you as well... as his military career will impact your life too.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_possible-coastie-girlfriend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:988daf09-16ba-4fa7-b36d-8107cf6059f3Post:111441df-2630-4a70-bd43-30af04a7ad44">Re: Possible Coastie girlfriend</a>:
    [QUOTE]I met my FI after he had already been in the army 6 years, so I'm not sure about how it would be starting that life together. He said basic was about 6 months when he went (8 years ago). In my and FI's dating relationship we've gone through him being away due to training, courses, and deployment. The courses he's gone to have varied from 2 weeks - 2 months. Other times he's been dropped from courses or added at the last minute and you have to learn to go with the flow. His deployment was 12 months. In my opinion there is a high level of commitment needed on both parts to make it work. If your FI joins.... he is now the property of the US govt and cannot break his contract without serious repercussions. It's not like any job where he can quit if it gets rough. If you are committing to him, you also have to accept that fact. My cousin's (now ex) wife could not accept the lifestyle. They met and went through the process of his basic training together. <strong>However, once they were on base, she refused to have anything to do with other marine wives or life on base, etc. She thought all the other wives were uneducated and ditzy and she wanted nothing to do with any of them.</strong> So she would just make herself miserable all day and blame him. They ultimately got divorced because she blamed him for leaving her when he HAD to go to Japan and she never got over it, even after he got home. This is not only a huge decision for your FI, it is a huge decision for you as well... as his military career will impact your life too.
    Posted by Lambbop[/QUOTE]

    Personally, I would love the support that already existing military wives bring. They're the ones like you guys that have been there done it and have so much to learn from. I know I'm young and that I would need to learn. It would be tough, but he's worth it and if he goes Coastie, I want to be right there with him.
  • Sammy0709Sammy0709 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited May 2012
    Army basic is not nor has it ever been, to FIL's knowlegde, 6 months. FIL is retired Army. You must be referring to Basic and AIT combined.
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  • LambbopLambbop member
    First Comment
    edited May 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_possible-coastie-girlfriend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:988daf09-16ba-4fa7-b36d-8107cf6059f3Post:8e509522-eedd-45c9-a2ef-29975ca7c658">Re:Possible Coastie girlfriend</a>:
    [QUOTE]Army basic is not nor has it ever been, to FIL's knowlegde, 6 months. FIL is retired Army. You must be referring to Basic and AIT combined.
    Posted by Sammy0709[/QUOTE]

    Oh yeah, that's it. Sorry... Basic + AIT was about 6 months. I must have just lumped them together in my mind.
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  • I'm a Coastie wife. A lot of their lifestyle depends on the rate they choose, some are underway longer, some rarely go underway. Unless they go overseas, patrols are usually no more than a few months, which is a nice "perk" unlike some of the ladies here, dealing with a *lot* longer deployments. The community is small and tight knit, which can be good or bad, like many things. You'll get to see a lot of the country this way! Pretty much all branches are quite selective right now, like Divine said, so don't count on it as a sure thing. Does he have an idea of what he wants to do?
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_possible-coastie-girlfriend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:988daf09-16ba-4fa7-b36d-8107cf6059f3Post:4b75fd37-0b1c-4d51-8f4a-4cd9bb15a481">Re: Possible Coastie girlfriend</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm a Coastie wife. A lot of their lifestyle depends on the rate they choose, some are underway longer, some rarely go underway. Unless they go overseas, patrols are usually no more than a few months, which is a nice "perk" unlike some of the ladies here, dealing with a *lot* longer deployments. The community is small and tight knit, which can be good or bad, like many things. You'll get to see a lot of the country this way! Pretty much all branches are quite selective right now, like Divine said, so don't count on it as a sure thing. Does he have an idea of what he wants to do?
    Posted by Irishcurls[/QUOTE]

    I don't know. I know his brother is into IT kind of stuff, I'm not sure exactly what position or anything.
  • Well good luck to him on the journey. Feel free to stick around and ask any questions you have! We'll try to help!
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