have just moved in

JLAyen8861

hey all:
my fi, who is a marine, and i just moved in together.  does anyone have any words to live by or hints on living with a marine...

firsttimersluck

*Marine

Um... He is just like any other man?
Welcome.
There is no rulebook or guideline for living with a Marine, or man.
If you too work well together and are both ready for this decision, all will be great.
H and I moved in together after less than a month of knowing each other and it was the best decision we ever made. I LOVE living with him. There has never been a single day that either of us have regretted the move. :]

ggirl2001

Um I'm not quite sure what you are looking for. It's the same as living with anyone. Make sure you have a financial plan, some kind of agreement set up for cleaning, etc.

firsttimersluck

agreement for cleaning!?!? What does this mean!?! I don't think my H knows how to clean.. or maybe I just am too anal and won't let him... haha :P

ggirl2001

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_just-moved?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:9ae62c96-ee5e-4dad-8f5f-d5b54fa15accPost:56d47d84-432c-4cf4-8eca-54877e078b0c">Re: have just moved in</a>:
[QUOTE]agreement for cleaning!?!? What does this mean!?! I don't think my H knows how to clean.. or maybe I just am too anal and won't let him... haha :P
Posted by firsttimersluck[/QUOTE]
Hahaha well I hate to vacuum and wash floors so H does that. But I am super anal about the bathroom so I do that. 

JLAyen8861

well im a little scared to say this (so be gentle cause his family gives me a hard time) but my fi and i our whole realtionship we have lived apart (we are close enough that there was never a week we did not see each other and are always in touch with one another).  my fi says he sees that the change of living together might be hard for him cause he has only known the military life and being alone...so i dont know am i putting my foot in my mouth?  i guess i am feeling lost and not really felt heard as far as trying to understand (im doing my best to understand and learn and ask) but wondering if anyone here might have any ideas

firemedicrr

He's a man, he probably will leave the toilet seat up after peeing like all other men do without training (lol); really though, I think it just comes down to learning to share space with the opposite sex in general. It's new and will take some adjustment for both of you. It's important to make sure you're laying a healthy foundation for communication. Perhaps read some books on male vs female communication styles if you haven't already- this has made a HUGE difference in my understanding of how to better communicate with men in general, especially my FI.

for me, it's convincing him that he really CAN dry his feet off in the shower instead of getting the bathmat sopping wet (ahhhh!)

amh04

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_just-moved?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:9ae62c96-ee5e-4dad-8f5f-d5b54fa15accPost:56d47d84-432c-4cf4-8eca-54877e078b0c">Re: have just moved in</a>:
[QUOTE]agreement for cleaning!?!? What does this mean!?! I don't think my H knows how to clean.. or maybe I just am too anal and won't let him... haha :P
Posted by firsttimersluck[/QUOTE]

this is totally me! Lol.
I don't know if I really have advice. The only thing I can think of is to make sure you all have a financial plan laid out for who pays what and so forth that way you avoid any miscommunication :)

firsttimersluck

OP it's a little scary to move in together, but if you are considering being with this man for the long-term, you have to try it out to know!
You both will have some growing pains then it sounds like, but that often comes with the territory. H and I got lucky... We're soo much alike that we didn't have a single issue moving in together. But I know not everyone is that way (and that's not a bad thing!) It's just like when they get back from a deployment. They are used to one way for so long, it's a big adjustment (for the BOTH of you) to change.
Try not to stress out! Be excited! Recognize that you two won't match up in every single way, but that doesn't mean living together can't be easy and so so fun! Don't let yourself overthink this and panic. It'll be a great new adventure for you two.

sofiabrian

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_just-moved?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:9ae62c96-ee5e-4dad-8f5f-d5b54fa15accPost:dbfa3389-0dc8-4186-aa41-d8a6a6fa5e06">Re: have just moved in</a>:
[QUOTE]OP<strong> it's a little scary to move in together</strong>,
Posted by firsttimersluck[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>So true! You will learn a lot about yourself and your FI/DH! I was a bit nervous, especially since I moved into our house year after he had been living there. I didn't want to impede on his territory, but this was MY home too! But have fun with it, talk to your FI, and make sure to enjoy time together!<div>

</div></div>

ggirl2001

The biggest thing H and I had to adjust to was honestly being together as much We were so used to being long distance, other than that it has been completely smooth. We take turns cooking dinner, or cook it together. We take turns with who gets what on TV. We never fight about anything in the house (unless he leaves a towel on the bed, then all bets are off) 

LetsHikeToday

I can't bold on the iPad but I hate towels on the bed! OP- it is different living with someone for the first time. I wish all towels were hung up, the bed was always made, and he'd not leave his clothes on the bathroom floor but it doesn't always happen. However, with open communication, problems can be solved. :-)

JLAyen8861

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_just-moved?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:9ae62c96-ee5e-4dad-8f5f-d5b54fa15accPost:fb55c715-f784-46ed-9d4f-89b73621963e">Re: have just moved in</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: have just moved in : So true! You will learn a lot about yourself and your FI/DH! I was a bit nervous,<strong> especially since I moved into our house year after he had been living there. I didn't want to impede on his territory, but this was MY home too!</strong> But have fun with it, talk to your FI, and make sure to enjoy time together!
Posted by sofiabrian[/QUOTE]

This is something we are experinecing right now.  I actually am trying to find a job near our home; and, until then I am working where I was before the move, so living with my parents during the work week and being at home on the weekends.  I feel weird not being there full time  and know I gotta work through that...but thank you for sharing that I am glad to know others have similar experiences

LetsHikeToday

Also, I could be wrong but your post seems like you are nervous about his reaction to living with you. Make sure you remember it is your space too. Don't walk on egg shells. Have a voice! If you weren't sending that vibe, sorry but I read it that way.

JLAyen8861

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_just-moved?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:9ae62c96-ee5e-4dad-8f5f-d5b54fa15accPost:55ba37f0-6887-4a25-8be8-6dca5fbafa49">Re: have just moved in</a>:
[QUOTE]Also, I could be wrong but your post seems like you are nervous about his reaction to living with you. Make sure you remember it is your space too. Don't walk on egg shells. Have a voice! If you weren't sending that vibe, sorry but I read it that way.
Posted by LetsHikeToday[/QUOTE]

:) no worries all good.  and i know nothing was said but just to be sure fi is a total doll just sometimes hard to get him to understand that i am new with some of this stuff and im not the only one that needs to change

Zimsgirl

There are definitely little things you'll have to get used to but I LOVE living with FI. The biggest pet peeve for me is that he leaves lights on and cupboards/drawers open but other than that it's been smooth sailing lol

Irishcurls

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_just-moved?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:9ae62c96-ee5e-4dad-8f5f-d5b54fa15accPost:db0f59f9-d373-4241-b6c3-f9d169b92eb9">Re: have just moved in</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: have just moved in : Hahaha well I hate to vacuum and wash floors so H does that. But I am super anal about the bathroom so I do that. 
Posted by ggirl2001[/QUOTE]
Omg gg, you and my H would be best friends. He won't let me near the bathroom. I vacuum and dust. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-embarassed.gif" border="0" alt="Embarassed" title="Embarassed" />

KendallR10

If you are looking for a job the best thing you can do is keep the house picked up and dinner made when he gets home. Thats all my FI really asked of me

Irishcurls

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_just-moved?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:9ae62c96-ee5e-4dad-8f5f-d5b54fa15accPost:19c4114e-a3e9-4a6c-964d-c25dcd2a8565">Re: have just moved in</a>:
[QUOTE]If you are looking for a job the best thing you can do is keep the house picked up and dinner made when he gets home. Thats all my FI really asked of me
Posted by KendallR10[/QUOTE]
Oh Jeebus. Respectfully disagree. 

KendallR10

I happen to like to clean so I do the dishes and keep the kitchen clean. FI's job is the bathroom. I don't do toliets. I do everything else in the bathroom. I also sweep and mop. FI does the living room. The bedroom is ours together

Zimsgirl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_just-moved?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:9ae62c96-ee5e-4dad-8f5f-d5b54fa15accPost:19c4114e-a3e9-4a6c-964d-c25dcd2a8565">Re: have just moved in</a>:
[QUOTE]If you are looking for a job the best thing you can do is keep the house picked up and dinner made when he gets home. Thats all my FI really asked of me
Posted by KendallR10[/QUOTE]
Ohhhh wow

JLAyen8861

Zimsgirl:
I just noticed that it says tying the knot in 234 days...me too. Congrats

Zimsgirl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_just-moved?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:9ae62c96-ee5e-4dad-8f5f-d5b54fa15accPost:d73c6a87-4a22-4663-90dc-df32eae93c67">Re: have just moved in</a>:
[QUOTE]Zimsgirl: I just noticed that it says tying the knot in 234 days...me too. Congrats
Posted by JLAyen8861[/QUOTE]
yay we're date twins haha. It can't get here any faster lol

Zimsgirl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_just-moved?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:9ae62c96-ee5e-4dad-8f5f-d5b54fa15accPost:d73c6a87-4a22-4663-90dc-df32eae93c67">Re: have just moved in</a>:
[QUOTE]Zimsgirl: I just noticed that it says tying the knot in 234 days...me too. Congrats
Posted by JLAyen8861[/QUOTE]
You should come over to the June 2012 board too!

kyrgyzstan

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_just-moved?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:9ae62c96-ee5e-4dad-8f5f-d5b54fa15accPost:d8b7d021-9c65-4db7-b22d-945a80fc91c2">Re: have just moved in</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: have just moved in : Oh Jeebus. Respectfully disagree. 
Posted by Irishcurls[/QUOTE]

<div>I don't even respectfully disagree. I just regular disagree. Anyone who is looking for a job wants one and should have one.</div>

Irishcurls

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_just-moved?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:9ae62c96-ee5e-4dad-8f5f-d5b54fa15accPost:0d4bfbe5-464c-4a08-8189-29ccce4d09c7">Re: have just moved in</a>:
[QUOTE]I happen to like to clean so I do the dishes and keep the kitchen clean. FI's job is the bathroom. I don't do toliets. I do everything else in the bathroom. I also sweep and mop. FI does the living room. The bedroom is ours together
Posted by KendallR10[/QUOTE]
I mean, my H likes to clean too. It doesn't mean I tasked him with it. My issue with the post is really two-fold. <div>
</div><div>1) OP wasn't looking for housewifely chores. She wanted tips on getting used to living with a man. Like having dinner on the table makes sharing finances any easier....</div><div>
</div><div>and 2) What do you ask of your FI, since he has no problem asking you for a clean house and a hot meal? It doesn't sound very two-way street at. all. </div>

SamiJoeB

Oh Kendall... Don't you know yet when to keep your mouth shut?


OP- He's just a man.  A man who had order & discipline drilled into him at boot.  Granted, H and I have never even lived together, so mine is not the voice of experience.  We've been around each other enough to know that I'm super messy compared to him.  I could care less if my dirty clothes are on the floor area near the hamper, but my kitchen damnwell better be spotless before I go to bed.  H and I both are pretty OCD about alot of things though.  Like he can't stand it when the remote for the TV isn't on the coffee table.  "It belongs on the coffee table".. me, I generally want it in or near my hand because I hate commercials.  We're getting a 2 BR apartment, just so we can have separate bathrooms..  That is one space we do not share well together.  You'll figure it all out I'm sure.  But like Hike said, it's your home now too!

divinemsbee

In Response to Re: have just moved in:
[QUOTE  I could care less if my dirty clothes are on the floor area near the hamper, but my kitchen damnwell better be spotless before I go to bed. 
Posted by SamiJoeB[/QUOTE]

This is me. But, my FI is incredibly messy and disorganized, so I find myself taking on a little more of that than I would really like. His parents live in a house that doesn't have a working kitchen or good plumbing, and it's pretty much justthisside of Hoarders, so I keep him in check. He's kind of had to learn how people live in a normal way. It makes me be a little more neat and organized so I don't have to hear him tear around the apartment in the mornings looking for his cover or something, it's just always in the same place now.

crownsuperstar

Agree with most of the other posters.  He is just a man.  I have learned to pick my battles.  For example, nothing annoys me more then an empty toliet paper roll.  I mean is it that hard?  Any way instead of making a huge deal I just change it and then mutter stuff under my breath as walking out of the room.  Yeah totally adult I know but he can't hear me. 

Sami- same here with the remote.  I can't stand commericals and must change the channel!

firsttimersluck

hahhahaha This thread is so funny
I"m a clean freak, H is tidy... So our house rarely stays anything other than spotless. People call me a mini aunt because my aunt is the EXACT same. She even needs to see the vacuum lines on the floor nice and even haha.. (I'm not THAT extreme.. No OCD here)

AmandaSC1988

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_just-moved?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:9ae62c96-ee5e-4dad-8f5f-d5b54fa15accPost:19c4114e-a3e9-4a6c-964d-c25dcd2a8565">Re: have just moved in</a>:
[QUOTE]If you are looking for a job the <strong>best thing you can do is keep the house picked up and dinner made when he gets home</strong>. Thats all my FI really asked of me
Posted by KendallR10[/QUOTE]

Newsflash...we aren't in the 1950s anymore.

OP- My FI and I are pretty normal. While we don't live together I have spent several week long trips at his/my house...The only thing we have trouble with is cooking. Let me just say I follow the recipe to the letter and he just puts in what feels right. It drives us both up the wall. He thinks I nag at him and I think he is ruining dinner...many times we would get mad and storm off. ...and then the bread would burn.  We have come to the understanding that we can't cook together. Haha