Much needed vent.

amh04

I know its Christmas, but I really need to vent.

Firstly, I'm really upset with my family. I've been getting text messages from my mom for about two weeks now because her and my brother were fighting. My youngest brother wants a new phone and isnt eligible for an upgrade and my parents don't want to buy him a new one. Childish really. So I've been hearing that. We get here and they're still fighting over it. Then - we spend a good chunk of change traveling here about $450 on gas alone. So my mom decides she isnt cooking at all, so now we have to eat out if we want to eat at all. It's ridiculous, I don't like eating out - I have a dress fitting in 5 days. But we didn't have a freakin choice. So I'm pissed about that and then we had to buy half of the Christmas day dinner supplies because my mom didnt get them. I really don't see us spending Christmas with them again, which is sad and frustrating all at once.

Secondly, to top that off. I had to tell my one bm that I need an answer by Jan if she is going to be in the wedding or not. I have a meeting with my florist and I believe I deserve a hardcore, 'I will or wont be there' answer. Not to mention she hasnt even ordered her dress!! Top that off - my other bm does my hair (shes a cosmotologist and works at a salon) so friday I was supposed to get my hair done, well she texts me saying 'hey I'm really busy I don't know what time I can meet up tonight' and then I heard nothing back. Completely ditched me. So I'm pretty hurt, I wanted to see her and get my hair done and see my bm dress. Because I haven't even seen that. Not to mention, no one is doing anything for a bridal shower/bachlorette night. I know it isn't a big deal, and it shouldn't matter. But it does. I havent gotten to do anything 'bridal' with hardly anyone and I thought I would at least be able to have a bridal shower... but apparently I don't even get or deserve that. Why can't I just have 1 freakin friend who is geniuenly happy and wanting to be apart of this?!?!?! I've seriously never felt more alone and hurt in a really long time. I get no one will care as much about our wedding as us, but shouldn't they at least care about me?!

I'm just so annoyed and hurt and really needed to vent and get this off my chest. FI has been great this whole trip, but he wants to fix things that make me upset, rather than just listen to me vent/cry about it.

calindi

Aw, Anne, I wish I could give you a big hug right now!  I'm so sorry!

Sometimes friends don't realize how important the little things are, or they just assume you'll 'understand'.  Priorities aren't always what they should be, and I'm sorry your wedding stuff is falling to the wayside.  I'm sort of in the same boat - I wish we lived just a teensy bit closer so we could do a bachelorette party!!!  If you wanna drive down to Miami for the weekend, I'll take you out and about and we'll have some fun!!



My vent is small, and once again about my horrible FMIL.  She wasn't home for Christmas this year, and didn't tell her daughters until two days ago.  She's in Florida, about two hours from where we live, with her boyfriend.  She didn't call any of her children today.  She missed her first granddaughter's first Christmas.  She's a horrible person and lacks a soul.

Zimsgirl

I'm so sorry Amh! I got in a big fight with my sister when we were in Schaumburg, IL the other day because we got lost. It was like World War 3. I have never felt so hurt. She said I'm a gold digger and spend all of FI's money, I need a man to be dependent on, I shouldn't get married til after college, and basically I suck overall. I was so hurt because I think she really does feel that way and I never would've known. I figured she supported me because she's my sister. It's still kinda sitting with me and I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive her for her comments

SamiJoeB

All I can say is Merry Effing Christmas.  Mine has been less than stellar.  My Hubby didn't even get me anything for Christmas.  He says "Gifts should only be exchanged when you can be together"  but that didn't stop him from spending a large portion of money on his own parents.  I know I'm being petty, but after my less than stellar anniversary present, and now nothing for Christmas.. it's like as soon as we got married all romance went out the window...  Ughhhhh...

AMH-I'll be your bridesmaid!!  seriously though, if I could afford to fly to Miami, C and I would totally take you out!!!

C-Your FMIL and my MIL are both Oh! So! Klassy.

Zimm-I'm sorry your sister said those things to you.. it sucks to have your eyes opened like that..  hugs to you.

Hugs to everyone!!

amh04

Zim - I'm so sorry your sister said those things you! Sending hugs your way.

I've decided sibilings can suck, I told my brother last night (who is only 20) that unless he is completely sober he won't be at the wedding, this happened after finding marijuana seeds on his desk.

Seriously C your FMIL sucks! If I could biotch slap one person, I think I would choose her.
And honestly I would rather have you girls in my wedding then my so called friends. You girls have been there more for me in the past few months than my 'friends' have been there for me during our entire friendship. And C I think we should just meet up and do our own bachalorette party ourselves!

amh04

and Sami- I'm really sorry about your Christmas! I don't knowing your H thinks that, but I hope it gets better once he's home.

shan87

Annie: I'm sorry you are feeling alone and unloved. Just remember why you're getting married, (hopefully to spend the rest of your life with your FI) and the wedding doesn't mean anything compared to the marriage. I also found that friends are unreliable and disappointing when it comes to weddings. I would actual pay someone to do my hair instead of having a friend do them. I tried to get several friends to help me with my invites and they all said they would but nothing so if I didn't do it myself it would not have gotten done. I would take the reigns with what you can.

C: your FMIL is a pill. I know its sad but I hope her kids are use to her being gone. It would kill me if they were getting their hopes up.

Beachy730

Sami - I would have flipped on my H if he did that to me.  If he really felt that way about giving gifts then he shouldn't have bought for his parents either.  Or if anything send them a gift card for dinner or something.  But to spend time and money picking out thoughtful gifts for them and not even attempting to do anything for you is BS.  Obviously I don't know anything more about your H than what I read on here, but he sounds like he tends to be a mama's boy.  When you choose to get married you choose to put your spouse first and foremost in your life.  If H did that I would definitely be having a talk with him about needing to feel like more of a priority.

AMH- Sorry you're upset.  That stinks that you had to pay all that money you weren't expecting to, but some parents and families think that once you're an adult or once you're engaged/married than you need to be contributing to things.  But that should have been told to you ahead of time.  Obviously it's too late now, but couldn't you and your FI just have gone grocery shopping for your mom's house and cooked your own meals instead of going out?

As for BM's, I definitely understand being hurt and upset.  Nobody is guaranteed or "deserves" a shower or bachelorette party, but I totally get being upset by it.  I'm sure you know you can't plan your own parties, but you could just ask the girls to all get together for dinner one night for a girls night.  When you are with them, just make sure you aren't talking about the wedding all the time, and are still interested in their lives besides just being a BM.  I'm not saying that's what you are doing, but it's easy to fall into that when people ask about the wedding.  If anyone brings it up, you can just answer and then say "oh I don't really want to talk about the wedding toinght, tell me what's new with you," or something like that.

SamiJoeB

Beachy- Don't worry.. I was the one who had to pick out the gifts he sent to his parents!! I'm a pretty great gift giver!!

calindi

Sami, then pick out the gift for him to give you and buy it!  Or tell him to buy his own damned presents.

My Dad hates giving gifts, so usually my Mom buys her own stuff.  But still, he's gotten better at it because he knows it means so much to her.

amh04

Shan - the point of the wedding is to spend my life with FI and share it with friends and family. I've done everything alone on all of this, except for getting my dress thankfully I was able to pic it out with my mom. Everything else has been all me.

Beachy.- I honestly didn't think about grocery shopping, I'll have to remember that for next time. I just wasn't expecting to add food costs on top of travel costs especialy with money bring on the tight side right  now. I think that's a good idea to to dinner with them, and I've tried really hard to stay involved with their lives. But I won't make trip to VB again just to do dinner with them. I always make a point to see them and let them know in advance when I'll be in town. I just find it rude to completely ditch me.

I wouldn't ever throw my own party. I'm pretty low key, but I was kind of hoping for one... Oh well I guess, I'll get over it. 

Sami- I second what Cali said.