Military Brides

How to choose!

Would you wonderful ladies please lend some advice!
My FI and I are stuck on a tough decision. We are stationed in Jacksonville FL and his family is in KY and my parents live in VA (my dad is retired navy, so they were stationed there) - The rest of my family is pretty spread out. So no matter what travel will be involved.
On top of that, the two girls I asked to be in my bridal party said no due to travel, even after offering to pay for their dresses. Which I really do understand - it's a big thing to ask someone to do.
BUT the question is: How do we decide where we want to do the wedding, especially when travel is asking a lot of people. Do we put the financial burden on ourselves when it comes to travel and travel to them, and travel to do the wedding planning. Or do we ask them to do the travel to us? I really need some input! How did you ladies decide?

Lilypie Premature Baby tickers

Re: How to choose!

  • edited December 2011
    We were originally going to have our wedding in Chattanooga because that's where FI's family is. We're stationed in Washington, and most of my family is west coast so travelling guests became an inevitable ordeal for us either way as well. We ended up having to choose WA because of FI's flight schedule, which has turned out to be a blessing. It's REALLY hard to plan long distance. Totally possible, but really difficult. After trying to do that for a few months, I commend anyone that does it successfull!
    We will be missing some of FI's friends at the wedding, as well as some family; but that's just the way it goes sometimes. You can't please everyone. I would recommend doing what works best for you that allows you to have the least amount of stress.

    Random: I am actually going to a wedding in JAX next weekend! woot!
  • lyonstmlyonstm member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    My BF and I are currently discussing an "in-between" place where everyone would have to travel a little bit.  Most of my family is from NJ and NYC and his is from Baltimore.  So we're currently looking for a place where every one would need to do a litle commuting to help with max participation from family members along with the bickering.  Ultimately, its really up to you guys as far as what you want to do! I personally know because most of my female friends are military its a possibility that my bridal party willl be small because of their op-tempo.  You may not get 100% of what you want, but there are ways to work with it. If I can't find any females to be part of my bridal party I would be okay with that as long as I know the reasons behind it, and I would just move on. Good luck lady!
  • edited December 2011

    There is no perfect solution to this problem so you really just need to figure out what is most important to you. Would you like the ease of planning it close by? Who is paying? If mom and dad are paying you may want to find out how wililng they are to host in another city. Would you rather go to most of your appointments with your mother or your friends (mom probably can't travel for all appointments)? Do you want more of your friends to attend? Or more family? What about your fiance's ops tempo and command's willingness to let him take large amounts of leave to let him travel to planning events with you? Also consider that the price of planning a wedding in different places can be very diffrent (if money is a factor in your wedding).

    My Fiance and I are currently stationed at seperate bases, and our families are not close to either location. We went through all four locations and ended up choosing the one close to his family because there is an airport 20 minutes away. In this situation no matter where we choose people were going to have to travel, so we tried to reduce the strain by picking a large city with an airport. We also got a block of rooms at a hotel near downtown and with a free airport shuttle to eliminate guest's need to rent a car. It has not been easy trying to get our leave to line up and having to travel so much, but I feel confident we made the right decision. Talk with your fiance and write out what is most important to you on your wedding day, then elimitate the options that make those priorites difficult or impossible... best advice I can give. Good luck!

  • calindicalindi member
    5000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    My family is near Boston, and FI's family is in upstate New York, and we live in Miami.  We opted to get married in Connecticut since it was close enough to my parents that they were able to help with the some of the planning and I could handle the details when I go to visit them.  Plus FI's family can drive to the wedding rather than fly, which cuts down on travel costs for everyone involved.

    Trust me, it's not THAT hard to plan a wedding from a distance.  I actually think it's easier because you can't possibly meet with every potential vendor face-to-face before booking them, so you have a lot less driving around after work to try to squeeze in appointments, ya know?  We used our local board here on TheKnot for advice on vendors, read reviews on WeddingWire, made a lot of phone calls, and trusted our gut.  At the end of the day, there's no such thing as a "perfect wedding" - so you set your budget, find vendors that fit that budget, find one that has experience and has a good reputation and that can provide you with what you envision, and then hire that vendor.

    I got engaged in April.  I went home for 2 days over Easter, and that's it so far.  And while I was home, I only went to see my venue, which I had already booked.  We have booked our venue, caterer, photographers, videographers, florist, and DJ so far.  I also bought my dress and shoes down here.  All that's left is the chair & tent rentals, make-up & hair stylists, and invitations.  That's about it!  We did it all in 3 months while living 2000 miles away and working full time.

    So yes, my suggestion would be to get married in a place to minimize travel costs for family and friends.  It's a lot easier for you to travel to them than to make them travel to you.

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    Anniversary

  • edited December 2011

    I've basically accepted that I probably won't have a bridal party because of travel. I personally don't think it's fair for them to expect me to do it in Virginia Beach to ease things for them. And I have been asked. I mean, for other reasons (in law drama to say the least) I've pretty much realized no one is going to be happy unless we get married near thanksgiving in KY. and thats 3 months away - we still are in the process (we meet sunday) to get our catholic priests permission. And I haven't even begun to look at dresses. (Pretty overwhelmed if you can't tell) 
    2. I don't have friends here, we just PCS'd a few months ago so I haven't really made friends, FI has been pretty understanding and has volunteered to do most of the things with me.
    3. We have a dog that I can't just lock up/board if I need to go travel to look at things, on top of that. I really don't feel comfortable going to lets say KY alone to book things, I barely know where his parents house is lol. He won't be able to take leave aside from the wedding day where he gets a 96 and then we have our honeymoon leave. We are already expecting to take leave in April for his sisters wedding, on top of christmas leave.
    4. I don't really know where a middle spot would be. His side of the family is in KY for the most part. My parents are in Virginia Beach, because my dad was stationed there. My family is spread out from South Carolina, to New York and Michigan.
    5. Cost - My parents are paying. They don't really care where we do it as long as it is what we want. I think out of the 3 states - FL/KY/VA - KY would be the cheapest, simply because it's KY - I'm from Virginia Beach where people travel there to get married so costs are higher. And then costs are pretty high here in Jacksonville as well.

    I could go on all day. I just am at a lost as to what to do. It's really important to me that everyone is happy. I really want to enjoy being engaged, and doing all the fun bridal things - but regardless, the girly stuff is going to be done alone - I won't have a bridal shower/nor a party because I obviously don't have a bridal party, nor friends here or in KY. And FI's sisters are more focused on his sisters wedding and expecting us to comprimise to there every demand than to offer to help or see if we are happy with anything.
    Sorry this wasn't meant to be a pity party at all, I just had more on my mind than what I thought and you all are the only one's who might be able to understand where I'm coming from.

    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
  • edited December 2011
    I feel like you need a glass of wine and a Hug.

    The distance between Louisville, KY and Virginia Beach is 533 miles (yes.. I googled), The middle point looks to me like it would be in Roanoke, VA. That being said...

    I would have the wedding in FL. If only your parents and his parents come, fine. Have a lovely beach wedding. I wouldn't suggest even hinting at helping to pay for the costs of people's travel because at some point you'll have to say "No, great Aunt Sally.. I'm sorry, but if I pay for your ticket, then I can't have a wedding dress." If you wanted to get married around Thanksgiving, it would be do-able. Use the local Jax board for venue ideas. Although, if you get married on a beach, I'm pretty sure the venue cost at least would be pretty reasonable.  Do whats best for you.  I'm from AL/NC and all my family is in the South. My H is from OR/WA/Nor Cal. We ended up having a small wedding in WA because more of his family would come anyway..

    You've got a PM btwSmile

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  • kara811kara811 member
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_choose?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:a046d8d9-c52a-4edd-9608-25105d01e471Post:91021d46-d5e1-4e68-905d-03db0f974a0d">Re: How to choose!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I feel like you need a glass of wine and a Hug. The distance between Louisville, KY and Virginia Beach is 533 miles (yes.. I googled), The middle point looks to me like it would be in Roanoke, VA. That being said..<strong>. I would have the wedding in FL. If only your parents and his parents come, fine. Have a lovely beach wedding. I wouldn't suggest even hinting at helping to pay for the costs of people's travel</strong> because at some point you'll have to say "No, great Aunt Sally.. I'm sorry, but if I pay for your ticket, then I can't have a wedding dress." If you wanted to get married around Thanksgiving, it would be do-able. Use the local Jax board for venue ideas. Although, if you get married on a beach, I'm pretty sure the venue cost at least would be pretty reasonable.  Do whats best for you.  I'm from AL/NC and all my family is in the South. My H is from OR/WA/Nor Cal. We ended up having a small wedding in WA because more of his family would come anyway.. You've got a PM btw
    Posted by SamiJoeB[/QUOTE]
    <div>
    </div><div>Ditto the bolded part. Just have the wedding in FL where you are, it will be much easier on you when it comes to planning.</div><div>
    </div><div>We had this same dilemma for our wedding, H's entire family are in the NorthWest(just like Sami's H lol) and mine was majority in California and some all over the place. H is stationed in Japan and he had buddies that came from there. I live in Vegas, so we did it here. Everyone loved it and a lot of people came! It was like a vacation to them! </div><div>
    </div><div>ETA: added more info </div>
  • edited December 2011
    Thanks ladies. I really appreciate all the advice and input. :) It really helps hearing it from someone who isn't involved in all this in-law drama.
    A big glass of wine sounds really nice right now :)
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
  • edited December 2011

    Oh Sami. :] I <3 the things you say. like googling the exact distance.. hehe

    Wedding always involves dumb drama.. it's a given. One of my cousins (whom I wasn't even planning on inviting) actually ASKED me to change my wedding date because he will be on vacation in hawaii that weekend so it won't work for him.. are.. you... fVckin kidding me.... lol

    How hands on of a person are you? I am super hands-on and a visual person so I wanted to be able to see everything before I sign contracts, which is why I'm happy it just worked out to have it here in WA. Keep in mind if you do it in other places, you have to travel there a couple times before the big day to meet/sign/coordinate. You'll also have to leave earlier than your FI to get last minute things set up. That was a big reason FI was okay not having it in Chattanooga because he wanted to be super involved and didn't like the idea of me leaving a bunch without him.

    You won't make everyone happy. But ya know what, FL is a beautiful area! We leave next week for a wedding there and just making it a mini vaca for us to lounge on the beach. Is it out of the way and a little pricey? sure.. but it'll be great and it's for a close friend of FI's.
    The important thing is that your family is paying for the wedding,and they just want you happy. That's a great starting point that a lot of people don't have! haha. We considered for a minute to choose a place right in the middle so EVERYONE had to travel, and then it seemed just silly.. That would make it difficult on EVERYONE instead of just my side or just his side, and it would mkae it difficult on us as well. I don't like that idea at all... (IMO of course)

    Like Kara said, they had it in a place that was a vaca spot so a bunch of people came! and loved her wedding! I know you don't know a lot of people in FL, and it would mean a lot of travel for people, but at least it's not some random state, it's a vacation state... 
    I'll join on the wine :P :)

  • edited December 2011
    I Like to be precise!!Cool
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  • edited December 2011
    My husband and I are both stationed in Virginia while my parents live in Oregon and his are in New Jersey.  We decided to have it in VA Beach and found a company who specializes in military weddings and they are awesome.  Here's their number 757-965-2369  For $7,500 this is what is included in my package Ceremony, Officiant, reception site (4 to choose from), tables chairs linens, center pieces, cocktail hour, dinner, bar with 2 bartenders, photography, DJ, and day of coordination.  Good luck & Congrats!
  • calindicalindi member
    5000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    vaeventphotos - I can tell just by your name, the fact that you don't identify the company but rather try to bait someone into calling that number, and the fact that you have only 4 posts which are all basically the same that you are a VENDOR.  Posting about your own services is against the rules.

    Somebody report that comment, please - the button isn't working for me for whatever reason!

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    Anniversary

  • kara811kara811 member
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    vaeventphotos: Couldn't you have come up with a better name? Reported. 
  • edited December 2011
    Try calling an event planning company, my sister had a destination wedding in VA Beach and it was amazing.  She used http://www.primoevents.net they did everything from venue, flowers, cake, caterer, DJ, Photographer, Officiant etc. etc.  Good Luck!
  • edited December 2011
    I'm actually from Virginia Beach - Bridetobin :)

    I'm very hands on, I need to see things before I make decisions, I need to be able to visualize exactly how it will look. FI is pretty involved and is really enjoying planning it - completely caught me off guard because I didn't think he would be but it works :)
    I think we've just decided to do it here in Jacksonville FL. Everyone can have a semi vacay type thing, and I'll be more than willing to help the really important family members out if need be. We're working on getting a discounted room rate with a hotel and I'm going to try to see what else I can do to help make it easier.

    Thanks for all the input ladies - now the real planning starts. any advice? :) this shall be fun!
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
  • calindicalindi member
    5000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    bride2bein2011 is ALSO a vendor... I'm guessing the same one since s/he went back and posted in all the same threads that the other vendor was deleted in!

    **UGH!!! My stupid Report button isn't working.  Will someone please report this idiot???***

    I would never use someone that unethical.  Go on the Virginia board to get good recommmendations for reputable vendors, not sleezy ones who spam message boards.  I'm sure those girls have lots of advice on that board!  If you're planning in Northern Virginia, I know the area pretty well and actually have a friend who is a phenomenol DJ, though I don't know how much he charges.  I have a feeling he'd cut a break for a military bride who was a "friend of a friend", though!!!

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    Anniversary

  • melbelle24melbelle24 member
    Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_choose?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:a046d8d9-c52a-4edd-9608-25105d01e471Post:7f0bddbb-0e59-4a24-bbff-dccce6d48c9b">Re: How to choose!</a>:
    [QUOTE]bride2bein2011 is ALSO a vendor... I'm guessing the same one since s/he went back and posted in all the same threads that the other vendor was deleted in! **UGH!!! My stupid Report button isn't working.  Will someone please report this idiot???***
    Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

    I noticed that too. Reported.
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