registering for gifts - opinions needed

rangergirl18

hi ladies.  im curious to hear your opinions about bridal showers  and gift registries.  we are having a small immediate family and close friends only wedding in september.  shortly after that we will be pcs'ing (we find out where next week... fingers crossed for italy) which is why there is a need for the small quick wedding.  most of our families and friends won't be able to attend.  i have had several friends and family members ask if we were registering anywhere for gifts and whether or not i would be having a bridal shower.  i havent really given much thought to either.  i would feel bad (just how i personally am) registering for gifts but not inviting people to the wedding.  i dont know if i will have time for a bridal shower, and even if i do, i feel the same about the gift registery.  plus, im not sure what to register for since we have both lived on our own and basically we now have two sets of everything (most of which is new or hardly used).  what is your opinion about that.  would you register for gifts anyway if you werent having a wedding to invite people to?  what about for a bridal shower?  i just dont want to seem like we are trying to get gifts without having people be a part of our wedding.  would love to hear how you feel about it!  thanks

LetsHikeToday

Hi there!

Good luck with your PCS. Let us know how it goes. We just found out our orders a few weeks ago. It was a nerve-racking/exciting time.

The etiquette is that anyone who is invited to your bridal shower, need to be invited to your wedding. However, you could have a small shower inviting those invited to the wedding if someone would like to throw you one.

You can register for a few things because you do have guests invited to your wedding. If you don't feel like you need a ton of things, register for a few things you'd like to upgrade.

I don't think you need to tell people where you are registered if they aren't invited. It might make you feel weird. They can always give you a gift card if they want to give you a gift, which would be super sweet of them.

Hope I helped!

firsttimersluck

I agree with PP. Shower invite=wedding invite. This is an important thing to note as I feel like a lot of people miss the mark on this one. :P 

Keep in mind that YOU don't throw the bridal shower. Someone else throws it for you. So if you have one, you have one. If you don't, it's not that big of a deal. 
This one you don't need to stress about since it's sort of out of your hands whether you have one or not  

I have learned that everyone and their mother asks about registry... Most people ask out of curiousity. Some people because they want to buy you things, and some people because they assume they are invited. (In fact I had someone ask and I responding, "Oh don't be silly.. I know you can't make it to the wedding so don't feel obligated!" and she responded, "That doesn't mean I can't shower you with gift love!" Some people just... WANT to.
It's your call whether or not you want to be honest with them, but they are asking about that and not the wedding... So I don't realy see the problem with telling them in passing since it's not like you are telling them the time, date, place, theme of your wedding.  

I think people WANT to see a registry.. I understand that you are having a very SMALL wedding, and will probably end up with money more than anything, but I would say go ahead and do a registry with a small amount of items so that people have the OPTION. (You're telling me you couldn't use a lamp, a full bathroom matchy-matchy set :P , or better pillows? ) It can't hurt you to have it, and it coul potentially come off poorly if you don't have one (as it sort of looks like you're saying "give me money" or at least that's what I've been told... ).  

I hope your PCSing goes smoothly



 

shan87

I wouldn't have a registry. We had very few things on there, my mom told her side that since we were moving shortly after the wedding that we prefered money/gift cards and his mom did the same.


We had a few items for people that just HAD to give gifts.... well it turns out those people gave us Fine China/Crystal and random stuff not on our registry.

HTH

LetsHikeToday

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_registering-gifts-opinions-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:a0e5b394-9239-44d2-8265-90e528c1b03aPost:d5c28e94-164d-43df-b98c-bac4f44c2608">Re: registering for gifts - opinions needed</a>:
[QUOTE]I wouldn't have a registry. We had very few things on there, my mom told her side that since we were moving shortly after the wedding that we prefered money/gift cards and his mom did the same. We had a few items for people that just HAD to give gifts.... well it turns out those people gave us Fine China/Crystal and random stuff not on our registry. HTH
Posted by shan87[/QUOTE]

So weird! I do not get why people give random gifts. I know it's sweet of people to want to give a gift but I just will never get that thought process!

OP- You could even have something like an amazon registry and get things other than household items. For whatever reason, some people don't like the thought of giving money and will want to give you a gift. I'm all about giving money but some people are old school.

calindi

I would recommend at least a small registry - I get so frustrated when my friends don't register anywhere!  I know it's a subtle way to say "please send money" but I'd rather give a gift, so at least tell me what to give you!

And for what it's worth, I've gone and looked for the registry of friends whose weddings I was not invited to, and sent them gifts.  So you never know!

Irishcurls

Yeah, ditto Calindi. Plus I just like looking at registries! I would opt for the small registry idea, and word of mouth. 

rangergirl18

thanks for the opinions!  honestly, we are not out to get money either although i can see how it could come off that way.  my whole thought is that between my things and his things we have 2 sets of everything we already need to weed down (would rather not drag unnecessary things all over the place you know?).  my family is not huge on gift giving anyway (we dont do birthday gifts and just small fun christmas gifts) so i don't really want or expect much.  i'm mostly worried about offending someone who may think we are just trying to get things without having the big to-do also.  i think im just sort of thrown off because almost everyone i know who has been married has had the full celebration, so gifts were obviously a part.  we are just doing it all different lol.  super small wedding, no honeymoon (at least until we get settle in our new place).  its like our families and friends don't know what to do with us   i appreciate the feedback though.  i'm going to run it by my mom and FI and see how they feel about it! 

calindi

Just consider things you might want an upgrade on (trust me, we have plenty of towels and sheets and plates and silverware... but it's all sort of old and not of high quality, so we're upgrading) and a few fun things.  Cuisinart Mixer with a sausage maker attachement?  Yes please!  Ice cream maker?  These are the fun things I like to buy for friends!  A wine fridge for 6 bottles? YAY! Things you'd really honestly use but probably wouldn't buy yourself.

Don't advertise that you have a registry - if people want to find it, they will or they'll ask.  It can't possibly offend anyone that way.  Everyone needs at least a few things, and it will give weird people like me some idea of what you want so you don't end up with a toaster or something that you already have!

rangergirl18

that idea seems reasonable.  thanks calindi!

prettyirishgirl

I would go with some of the other girls - I would register for some things - just something small. There are some that will let you register for gift cards/money and one thing my FI registered for that was odd and not really useful (but he wanted it so i let him have it) was a wine registry at william sonoma. You might have things like dishes and silverware that you want, but you way want to upgrade like others said or stock up - more towels, little things you might not get on your own but that would be useful etc.

If you have someone throw you a shower you will also not have to do it all at once quickly because you'll have already started thinking about it

I would also do it because even if your having a small wedding those closest to you probably want to get you something, so let them get you something you want. If you dont give them a choice you might be running all over returning things before you move. Others that arent invited might stil want to get you something. I know I did with a military friend they got a really quick JOP because of the move and I was out of town and FI was deployed. We sent them a gift but werent tech invited because it was small family/close friends and they knew we couldnt come before hand. There were a few others in the unit that did the same thing so that was maybe 5 -10 presents from people not going to the wedding. Good luck with your PCS

LOLways

I can vouch for the Amazon registry. Totally awesome... I'm super excited and we found almost everything we want, which isn't much, on it. We are also consolidating from 2 sets of everything to 1... and it's gonna be crazy!!! So hopefully people are sensitive to that and heed what our families spread by word of mouth:)

kiarataylor317

I am in a similar situation. We just got our orders, and will be PCSing in March. I got engaged in June and I am having a bridal shower in about 2-3 weeks. I already explained to my guests that due to finances and the fact the FI family lives overseas, we are not having a big wedding. They understand completely and are still coming to my shower. My extended family is still asking me where I am registered at so they can send us gifts. Good luck!!