Military Brides

Nerves about his superiors

Ok my lovely FI is almost a Staff Sgnt. and his dad was the Cheif Master Sgnt. on their base (recently retired) His dad has said we need to invite the Commander and a few of the other higher ups. This makes me incredibly nervous, as I want my FI to enjoy himself at our wedding and not be worried about what the "big bosses" may think. I know I might be worrying unnecassarily. Any thoughts ladies?
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Re: Nerves about his superiors

  • edited December 2011
    Aren't you not supposed to fraternize with people that could have an influence on his career?
  • DoubleE2012DoubleE2012 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    That's kind of what I was thinking. Although technically he's reserves even though he's full time (active guard reserves). So I don't know if that changes anything??
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  • edited December 2011
    I'm no expert on this so I hope others jump in but I'm pretty sure if they can have an influence on your career then you shouldn't socially hang out.
  • DoubleE2012DoubleE2012 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    That'd what I always thought too. But yet his superiors have regular cookouts that all the guys go to so IDK
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  • calindicalindi member
    5000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I've heard you're supposed to invite his direct supervisor, but that's it.  Anyone else is unlikely to attend anyway, they'd just send you a congratulations card.  Don't feel like you need to invite anyone who you don't want to - these guys do NOT want to attend every single wedding of every Staff Sgnt working under them anyway!  If your Dad has a particular relationship with one, then maybe invite that one or two.

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  • kyrgyzstankyrgyzstan member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    According to etiquette, an officer is to invite his direct superior and his XO and CO. FI (an NCO, I suppose almost a Staff Sergeant, but that sounds to me like a kid saying he's "almost 10", lol, ETA: Now I see that your FI is AF) is inviting his SNCOIC, his OIC, and his old CO (he flew with him). Also, a retired Lieutenant Colonel and a retired General. But that's besides the point. For etiquette's sake is only the SNCOIC and the OIC.

    First of all, fraternization is not exactly what you guys think it is.




    Will you guys be gambling at your wedding? Entering into some business deals perhaps? Or will your fiance look so very attractive that his leadership will have no choice but to allow their ability to be impartial to be compromised?

    Invite who your fiance wants from work. 



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  • DoubleE2012DoubleE2012 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Thanks Ladies!! It just made me nervous. I think it was mostly because his father is friends with these people because he worked so closely with them. And according to my FI "They are cool don't worry about it" bahaha
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  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I'm a MOB who has been Active Guard Reserve for 25 years.  I have been to plenty of military weddings, and my observation has been this:  it just isn't adhered to like it might be in the active component.

    Invite them based on work relationship and WANTING them there.  Otherwise, you are going to have to put a lot of people on the guest list that you normally wouldn't have. 

    My Command Sergeant Major will not be caught dead at any social function with subordinates unless it is mandated.  He is so far overboard on the fraternization thing it is ridiculous but I digress.

    If your FI wants these people there then invite them.  If not then don't.  I've been in this business for 25 years and that is a lot of commands.  It has never been a problem to not invite the chain of command based on protocol.
  • calindicalindi member
    5000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_nerves-his-superiors?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:a7fd08b6-aef4-4ef6-8587-df405e0bc417Post:b2781981-4f33-4004-a475-96062a284360">Re: Nerves about his superiors</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks Ladies!! It just made me nervous. I think it was mostly because his father is friends with these people because he worked so closely with them. And according to my FI "They are cool don't worry about it" bahaha
    Posted by DoubleE2012[/QUOTE]

    If they're friends of his father, fraterinization would not apply at all.  If your FI wants them and his father wants them, then by all means invite them!

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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_nerves-his-superiors?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:a7fd08b6-aef4-4ef6-8587-df405e0bc417Post:9b61d4b6-2e71-4a1c-b7ba-9d9394299fc0">Re: Nerves about his superiors</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Nerves about his superiors : If they're friends of his father, fraterinization would not apply at all.  If your FI wants them and his father wants them, then by all means invite them!
    Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

    <div>agreed</div>
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  • edited December 2011
    I think I read that it's "polite" to invite his CO, XO, and his direct supervisor, but that more than likely none of them will come.

    ETA: C and H are right.. if they are friends of the family fraternization doesn't apply. "pre-existing" relationships are exempt from fraternization unless it interferes with the work relationship.
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  • kyrgyzstankyrgyzstan member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Pre-existing relationships (and they have to be legally definable relationships) only apply to things that would be considered fraternization anyway. One time or sporadic socializing is not fraternization unless it somehow violates one's ability to be impartial or violates the appearance of good order.
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  • edited December 2011
    Agreed with.. everything on here..
    FI is an O so we are inviting the CO and XO, and then whomever else we wish based on who we're friends with in the squadron..

    We're inviting the CO and XO out of etiquette/courtesy, but I doubt they will come. It's one of thsoe traditions that is polite, and it's known that they just won't come because they usually know that they can be a bit of a wet blanket :P (not our guys in particular.. just overall.. bosses)
    However if your family is close to a few of them, and wants them there, expect that they may show.. but I doubt they will be hawk-eyeing your FI for anything silly he does at his own WEDDING... don't stress it :)
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_nerves-his-superiors?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:a7fd08b6-aef4-4ef6-8587-df405e0bc417Post:fa9bc94a-f1f8-4a17-bf4d-20e5fb2ac872">Re: Nerves about his superiors</a>:
    [QUOTE] Or will your fiance look so very attractive that his leadership will have no choice but to allow their ability to be impartial to be compromised? Posted by WishIcouldbeinthe'stan[/QUOTE]

    ROFL!
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  • DoubleE2012DoubleE2012 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Hahaha thanks ladies. You def. eased my mind on this matter :-)
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