Military Brides

Wedding Reception a year later

Okay, so my husband is in the Army and his deployment date was upt by 7 months. We ended up doing a quick wedding before he shipped out. It was very  short and simple. To make the rest of the family happy we need to do a big reception when he comes home in Novemeber. My problem is that I'm not sure where to do it, what to do for colors and if I should just renue my vows or just a reception. I don't want there to be hurt feelings, but I wantthis tho be about my husband and me. We're moving thousands of miles away at the end of that month and I want it to be a good departure. ANY IDEAS!!!!!??!!!!!!

Re: Wedding Reception a year later

  • edited December 2011
    I think you should do what you are comfortable with. Personally, I wouldn't be comfortable with putting on a show for my family and friends. But you may.

     I've been to a couple AHR (at home receptions) and they were a lot of fun. Both had wedding cake, both were in the summer outdoors and BBQ style. One of them had a band and endless kegs, it was a blast for me. Since you are in Florida and you are looking at Nov you options are endless.

    My only suggestion is don't get talked into a big show just for the families.

    GL!
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_wedding-reception-year-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:b1d73469-10ae-48a5-91ce-fc823b5b01e3Post:ee2b41b2-d970-4e31-9fd8-aff4a71334f4">Wedding Reception a year later</a>:
    [QUOTE]Okay, so my husband is in the Army and his deployment date was upt by 7 months. We ended up doing a quick wedding before he shipped out. It was very  short and simple.<strong> To make the rest of the family happy we need to do a big reception when he comes home in Novemeber.</strong> My problem is that I'm not sure where to do it, what to do for colors and if I should just renue my vows or just a reception. I don't want there to be hurt feelings, but I wantthis tho be about my husband and me. We're moving thousands of miles away at the end of that month and I want it to be a good departure. ANY IDEAS!!!!!??!!!!!!
    Posted by kstucki[/QUOTE]


    I agree with PP.  The bolded sentence makes it seem like you're doing this just to please your family.  This may not be the case, but if it is and if you truly want this to be about you and your husband.  Do what you want to do.  No need to get all fancy because that's what your family wants.

    I personally would feel funny have a traditional reception without either a wedding (or in your case, vowel renewal) beforehand.  I'd be perfectly ok with having a picnic/party-like atmosphere.  That's just my opinion though.  Do what you guys want to do and what suits your taste!

    Good luck!
    Photobucket
  • edited December 2011

    It sounds like you don't want to do this at all. If you do want to do this, then do it however you want. Pick colors. Have the big cake, Wear a white dress, but don't go to the trouble of planning if your heart's not in it. Good Luck!

    Photobucket
  • calindicalindi member
    5000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Why not host a casual party near the families to celebrate?  A BBQ or something low key in his hometown, and then yours (if it's further than a 2 hour drive or so apart).  It'll keep the budget down, feel a lot less like a horse-and-pony show, and likely a lot less stress.

    Congratulations and good luck!

    image

    Anniversary

  • liamahalliamahal member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I had to do the same thing.  We quickly got married before he deployed in August, and now I am planning a big wedding when he returns in November.  It's a bit frustrating trying to plan the whole wedding on my own, but I think it'll be worth it.  I agree with the last post, a casual, low-key wedding will be less stress.  All that matters is that everyone attending is celebrating you two. =)
    {8.20.10 - Married} {11.12.11 - Wedding}
  • lamoureux86lamoureux86 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    @liamahal - Eek! Be careful with that slideshow surprise. Some of your loved ones may feel like they were "tricked" (I can't think of a better word) into attending your actual wedding..they may feel a little hurt or turned off that they put the time and money into attending a "faux" wedding. If you think they are the type of crowd that will be excited and happy about something like that, then only you know what's best for your friends and family. But I just know from reading different posts on here and talking to others that it is usually best to be honest and let your guests know ahead of time that you are already married but would like to have a vow renewal or a party to celebrate your marriage with everyone. I would definitely be a little upset if I attended a friend's wedding only to find the ceremony had already occured nearly a year ago. Best of luck to you and congrats on your recent marriage.
  • lamoureux86lamoureux86 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    @liamahal - Did you edit your post or did I dream that I read you were doing a slideshow where you would reveal to your guests that you already had the ceremony?
  • calindicalindi member
    5000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_wedding-reception-year-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:b1d73469-10ae-48a5-91ce-fc823b5b01e3Post:c47b0a48-a60c-4f2c-bbae-adff51190737">Re: Wedding Reception a year later</a>:
    [QUOTE]@liamahal - Did you edit your post or did I dream that I read you were doing a slideshow where you would reveal to your guests that you already had the ceremony?
    Posted by lamoureux86[/QUOTE]

    This is why you quote!  <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" />

    I wouldn't surprise your guests with that fact - there are bound to be some sore feelings.  I know I would be pissed - now, if you told me that you had gotten married but were having a reception, I'd be happy to go.  But under false pretenses... yeah, I'd be ticked.

    image

    Anniversary

  • lamoureux86lamoureux86 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Hahaha, my bad! I swear she said that though..I read it this morning and then I came back on here this afternoon to reply to that..but I didn't re-read it before I posted. It could have been a different post..but I'm 99% sure it was her..I remember the "{8.20.10 - Married} {11.12.11 - Wedding}" at the bottom.

    I've learned my lesson..will quote from here on out! Tongue out
  • liamahalliamahal member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    haha, you guys are hilarious.  Yes, I did post this elsewhere. =)

    Anyways, about the surprise element.  We would have wanted to tell our large extended family, but there was no way we were prepared to tell them that day.  He was leaving the next day, plus they all would have wanted to crash our wedding at his parents house.  That was where we had his going away party the same evening. I did not want to be the one to give the news to my family AND his family...that is 300+ people total.

    I've attended a wedding where they did this same thing, and there were no hard feelings at all.  My husband and I have been together for 7 years, and I think our family would understand why we did it this way.  We are going all out on the wedding - church ceremony, and a $100+/per person reception.  So It is not a "faux" wedding at all.
    {8.20.10 - Married} {11.12.11 - Wedding}
  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_wedding-reception-year-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:b1d73469-10ae-48a5-91ce-fc823b5b01e3Post:04cd57d2-c5a3-48b8-bffb-d1545f28f7c7">Re: Wedding Reception a year later</a>:
    [QUOTE]haha, you guys are hilarious.  Yes, I did post this elsewhere. =) Anyways, about the surprise element.  We would have wanted to tell our large extended family, but there was no way we were prepared to tell them that day.  He was leaving the next day, plus they all would have wanted to crash our wedding at his parents house.  That was where we had his going away party the same evening. I did not want to be the one to give the news to my family AND his family...that is 300+ people total. I've attended a wedding where they did this same thing, and there were no hard feelings at all.  My husband and I have been together for 7 years, and I think our family would understand why we did it this way.  <strong>We are going all out on the wedding - church ceremony, and a $100+/per person reception.  So It is not a "faux" wedding at all.
    </strong>Posted by liamahal[/QUOTE]

    <div>Cost and events don't make it a "faux" wedding.  The fact that you are already married makes it a faux wedding.  And your guests aren't going to say "oh it doesn't matter that we were lied to because they spent $100 per plate."  </div><div>
    </div><div>How do you know there were no hard feelings at the wedding attended?  I'm guessing there were many people hurt by it who just chose not to express those feelings at that time.  I don't care how long you've been together or what situation you are in, if I'm at a wedding believing I'm seeing someone getting married, and then am basically told "haha just kidding we've already been married for a year," I'm going to be upset.  </div><div>
    </div><div>And just a word to the wise, throwing around dollar amounts or bragging about how much you are spending on your wedding never goes around well on these boards.  I can't think of a single argument you would need to make where the amount you are spending on your wedding makes any difference.  It definitely doesn't in this instance either.  </div>
    imageBabyFruit Ticker
  • calindicalindi member
    5000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I'd chalk up what you did to an elopement - it's perfectly okay to announce it after the fact, but before you invite everyone to a party where they'll feel obliged to give you gifts.  Send out a "Surprise!  We're married!  Now come celebrate with us" announcement and you'll be fine - people can choose to come or not, but they won't come and feel like they were duped.

    image

    Anniversary

  • liamahalliamahal member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm not what your definition of a wedding is, but to me...it is about family coming together.  Seeing my family and my husband's family come together and getting to know one another is something I look forward to.  I am planning a family get together before, and after the wedding for 300 of our family members just for this reason alone.    We shared our civil marriage day with our parents and our siblings, and that is what we wanted.  Our wedding day is something we want to share with our whole extended family.  My paper/civil marriage should not matter to my family, and if they were to get mad about something so little...well that's just shallow of them.

    As for the "faux" wedding comment...i was responding to lamoreaux comment of "they may feel a little hurt or turned off that they put the time and money into attending a "faux" wedding."  I know attending weddings could be expensive, so I have put on my website this quote "YOUR CONTINUED PRESENCE, LOVE AND SUPPORT IS ALL THAT WE ASK FOR. WE HOPE THAT YOU CAN BE THERE FOR OUR SPECIAL DAY!"  We are not expecting presents at all, just our family to be there to support us on our big day.

    Thanks for all your advice and opinions, i'll put this all into consideration.
    {8.20.10 - Married} {11.12.11 - Wedding}
  • calindicalindi member
    5000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_wedding-reception-year-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:b1d73469-10ae-48a5-91ce-fc823b5b01e3Post:3635174a-6bab-44c1-85fb-8f65e7330bc6">Re: Wedding Reception a year later</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm not what your definition of a wedding is, but to me...it is about family coming together.  Seeing my family and my husband's family come together and getting to know one another is something I look forward to.  I am planning a family get together before, and after the wedding for 300 of our family members just for this reason alone.    We shared our civil marriage day with our parents and our siblings, and that is what we wanted.  Our wedding day is something we want to share with our whole extended family.  My paper/civil marriage should not matter to my family, and if they were to get mad about something so little...well that's just shallow of them. As for the "faux" wedding comment...i was responding to lamoreaux comment of "they may feel a little hurt or turned off that they put the time and money into attending a "faux" wedding."  I know attending weddings could be expensive, so I have put on my website this quote "YOUR CONTINUED PRESENCE, LOVE AND SUPPORT IS ALL THAT WE ASK FOR. WE HOPE THAT YOU CAN BE THERE FOR OUR SPECIAL DAY!"  We are not expecting presents at all, just our family to be there to support us on our big day. Thanks for all your advice and opinions, i'll put this all into consideration.
    Posted by liamahal[/QUOTE]


    The point is what their family and friends might consider the definition of a "wedding day", specifically as the day you get married.  If you tell people what's going on, that you're already married and want to have a vow renewal to include them, then go for it!  It's up to your guests to decide if they want to come, give a gift, whatever.  No secrets, and anything someone says to judge the situation won't have as much power because you guys are being up front about what you choose to do.  But if you hide the fact that you're actually married, some people feel tricked and lied to (especially if you've been calling your husband your fiance for a year).    And when people make nasty comments about you throwing a party that looks and feels like a wedding but no one actually gets married - it'll probably be given more weight since you were being "sneaky" about it.

    Like you said, it's about your family supporting you - so just tell them what's going on and trust that they'll still be excited for you on the day you choose to renew your vows and celebrate your marriage.

    image

    Anniversary

  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_wedding-reception-year-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:b1d73469-10ae-48a5-91ce-fc823b5b01e3Post:3635174a-6bab-44c1-85fb-8f65e7330bc6">Re: Wedding Reception a year later</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm not what your definition of a wedding is, but to me...it is about family coming together.  Seeing my family and my husband's family come together and getting to know one another is something I look forward to.  I am planning a family get together before, and after the wedding for 300 of our family members just for this reason alone.    We shared our civil marriage day with our parents and our siblings, and that is what we wanted.  Our wedding day is something we want to share with our whole extended family.  <strong>My paper/civil marriage should not matter to my family, and if they were to get mad about something so little...well that's just shallow of them. </strong>As for the "faux" wedding comment...i was responding to lamoreaux comment of "they may feel a little hurt or turned off that they put the time and money into attending a "faux" wedding."  I know attending weddings could be expensive, so I have put on my website this quote "YOUR CONTINUED PRESENCE, LOVE AND SUPPORT IS ALL THAT WE ASK FOR. WE HOPE THAT YOU CAN BE THERE FOR OUR SPECIAL DAY!"  We are not expecting presents at all, just our family to be there to support us on our big day. Thanks for all your advice and opinions, i'll put this all into consideration.
    Posted by liamahal[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>The bolded part is the problem.  While maybe that's how you see it, that's not how a lot of people see it.  The "paper/civil marriage" actually SHOULD matter to your family.  That is where you actually GOT MARRIED.  He became your husband that day, and you committed your lives to eachother that day.  IMO, your definition of a "wedding" is the PPD (pretty princess day).  So while to some people, including you, the important part is where you dress up and have a big party, there are probably many people on your guest list who feel the important part is the part where you actually got married.  </div><div>
    </div><div>You're going to do what you want to do anyways, but I can tell you from people I know who have attempted something like this, people always get upset.  You are lying to them by calling it a wedding day, and by referring to him as your FI now and not your H.  I would be upset if I was youf riend/family member.  

    </div>
    imageBabyFruit Ticker
  • liamahalliamahal member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I forgot to mention another way I view my "vow renewal" to you all.  Both my husband and I are catholic, and the way we went about our civil wedding and then getting married in the church is actually called convalidation.  Here's a blurb about convalidation,  "Being married in the eyes of the Church also involves more than just paperwork. The government sees marriage as a legal contract that can be easily broken. In contrast, the Church views marriage as a sacrament instituted by God, a permanent covenant between husband and wife."

    As for our situation, my husband and I were engaged a couple weeks prior to even having the thought of being civilly maried.  We were planning to have my "pretty princess day", but he was called from a different unit to deploy within a week.  So we consulted with our parents, and quickly got married.  We wanted to have our parents blessing  before we made any sudden decisions.  So even though we were married already, I didn't want to forego a wedding b/c he was deployed and didn't want to go through another deployment (this is our 3rd one together) as only boyfriend/girlfriend.
    {8.20.10 - Married} {11.12.11 - Wedding}
  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_wedding-reception-year-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:b1d73469-10ae-48a5-91ce-fc823b5b01e3Post:44ff344d-8696-4606-be58-a036b9faea3a">Re: Wedding Reception a year later</a>:
    [QUOTE]I forgot to mention another way I view my "vow renewal" to you all.  Both my husband and I are catholic, and the way we went about our civil wedding and then getting married in the church is actually called convalidation.  Here's a blurb about convalidation,  "Being married in the eyes of the Church also involves more than just paperwork. The government sees marriage as a legal contract that can be easily broken. In contrast, the Church views marriage as a sacrament instituted by God, a permanent covenant between husband and wife." As for our situation, my husband and I were engaged a couple weeks prior to even having the thought of being civilly maried.  We were planning to have my "pretty princess day", but he was called from a different unit to deploy within a week.  So we consulted with our parents, and quickly got married.  We wanted to have our parents blessing  before we made any sudden decisions.  So even though we were married already, I didn't want to forego a wedding b/c he was deployed and didn't want to go through another deployment (this is our 3rd one together) as only boyfriend/girlfriend.
    Posted by liamahal[/QUOTE]

    <div>I understand the religious reasons behind having the religious ceremony as well.  But it honestly doesn't change the fact that you are already legally married.  </div><div>
    </div><div>Like I said, you're going to do what you want anyways, but I very strongly recommend being up front with your guests.  I don't think anyone wouldn't understand why you did it the way you did, it's just a matter of how you are presenting it to people.  I wouldn't be mad if I knew you were already married and just having a PPD and religious ceremony, but I would be very hurt and upset if while I was at what I thought was your wedding I was shown a video that said "haha fooled you."  </div>
    imageBabyFruit Ticker
  • lamoureux86lamoureux86 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_wedding-reception-year-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:b1d73469-10ae-48a5-91ce-fc823b5b01e3Post:a4e1e99b-12e4-41a9-b872-7e661798dd65">Re: Wedding Reception a year later</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Reception a year later : I understand the religious reasons behind having the religious ceremony as well.  But it honestly doesn't change the fact that you are already legally married.   Like I said, you're going to do what you want anyways, but I very strongly recommend being up front with your guests.  I don't think anyone wouldn't understand why you did it the way you did, it's just a matter of how you are presenting it to people. <strong> I wouldn't be mad if I knew you were already married and just having a PPD and religious ceremony, but I would be very hurt and upset if while I was at what I thought was your wedding I was shown a video that said "haha fooled you."  </strong>
    Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

    I agree with the bolded statement above. I understand you feeling defensive about your plans, but please understand we are not trying to say don't do your PPD or ceremony at all, all we are saying is it is probably in your best interest to be honest about all of this. My FI and I are getting married next month in a private planned ceremony for just the 2 of us as we live in Hawaii and our families can not make it out here on such short notice (if it all, due ot the high cost). We are having a "reception" type party back home in Maine in a couple of months, all of our guests are aware of our plans and are excited about the party. Very early in the planning process, my aunt found out what we were doing through my grandmother and she totally misunderstood and thought that we WERE trying to be sneaky and get married without anyone knowing and then come home and have our "wedding". She was extremely upset! Once I talked to her and explained, she was totally up for the party! Feelings are going to be hurt, that's the bottom line. Whether you think it's shallow of them to feel hurt or not. And I don't think you would want your special day overshadowed by any of that drama. Are you going to refer to your civil ceremony or your religious ceremony as your wedding anniversary? Do you consider yourself to be married right now?
  • kstuckikstucki member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks! I want to have a reception, but nothing huge. I wasn't sure if it would be odd to have a reception or vow renewal that long after our wedding. It will be good for both sides of our families to meet up and get together. I like the idea of a bbq/picnic. That way it's less stressful and more concentrated on enjoyment for all.
  • kstuckikstucki member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Everyone invited to the reception already recieved an announcment before the wedding. They know this is meerly for both sides to meet and for my side of the family to meet my husband. ::)
  • kstuckikstucki member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    wow, okay... from the top! My family and his received an announcment before the wedding actually took place, few months in advance. Nothing has been a secret or hidden from anyone. They knew of my engagement as well. This reception is for everyone to meet and get together. It's about making it a family event/ get together before my husband and I move.

    I didn't mention doing a slide show, but that's not a bad idea. Though I want this to be simple and enjoyable for all, so I may not do a slide show.

    I do really like the idea of a picnic/ bbq style get together. That way it would be a enjoyable, comfortable get together!!! ::)

    I've figured out about how many guest and my husband and I have pretty much agreed that any colors are fine, though we like our original wedding colors! Coral and Chocolate Brown!!!  As for a venue... we are going to wait for RSVP's before deciding on a definite venue. Most of his family would have to fly or drive 12 hours to get here anyway so we've agreed to go with a venue closer to where most of the guest are coming from.

    Now it's the waiting game haha. We're debating about how soon in advance to send invitations to family and friends. We are thinking eabout three to four months. Just enough time for our loved ones to reply and for us to get all the details down!

    So there are no trickeries going on here in FL!!!!  :D
  • kstuckikstucki member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Both sides of our family were informed with the annoucments that we would be holding a reception when my husband comes home. Our families informed he and I that they would be doing a "wedding shower" at the time of our reception.  We've made it clear before and after our wedding that gifts are not expected or neccessary. Though we are happy to accept any that are given!
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards