Military Brides

Big wedding day

So my husband and I got married very quickly in hopes to be co-located sooner. Next April I will return from deployment and we will be having the big wedding I've always dreamed of. My question is how am I supposed to do the exchange of vows/ceremony since we're already technically married?

Re: Big wedding day

  • Sammy0709Sammy0709 member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments 25 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I did a JOP followed by a VR as that is what it technically is. I'm on my phone right now but you can PM if you want any more info on what we did or did not do for our VR.
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  • edited December 2011
    Hi and welcome to the board!
    Tell us a little more about yourself and your H! What branch is he in? How long have you two been together? How are you enjoying the military lifestyle?

    There are a lot of ways to make this work as a sweet vow renewal.
    Here are a couple links to get you started that seem like really sensible facts and thoughts to consider! If you have any specific questions let us know. I know these help! :)

    http://weddings.about.com/od/yourweddingceremony/a/VowRenewal.htm

    http://www.idotaketwo.com/vow_renewal_etiquette.html
  • edited December 2011
    We are planning on doing the same thing.  We are planning my princess day in one year.  Not sure what we are gonna do as far as our vows then, but I was thinking about really frustrating him and having us write our own.  LOL.  Something sweet and short promising to continue to do all of the things we already will have promised, and all of the things we already do. 
    I love you this big Eyes have never seen... This big No-one's ever dreamed... This big And I'll spend the rest of my life Explaing what words cannot describe but, i'll try I love you this big Our song from my one and only.... he played it for me the day after we got engaged and I started crying as I was driving!!!! He should know better!! lol
  • LetsHikeTodayLetsHikeToday member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Sammy has some great advice when it comes to vow renewal. I think you can google a lot of ideas about how to do this.

    My one piece of advice would be not to call it your wedding since you're already married. Call it a vow renewal and you should be good to go.
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  • calindicalindi member
    5000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Hi and welcome!  And congratulations!  The way you handle your vows is you "renew your vows" - so you can say whatever you want, it might be sweet to reference the vows already taken.  Something like, "A year ago, we promised to spend our lives together, and today I reaffirm that commitment."  I think that would be sweet!

    Also, you just word in your invitation that it's a vow renewal and most people will get the point - you may have to explain to a few people, and you might get some raised eyebrows, but someone always judges something of any wedding so try not to take it too personally. 

    The general etiquette for vow renewals is that they are toned-down a bit - typically it's considered bad form to have pre-wedding parties like a shower or bachelorette party.  I'm less opposed to the bachelorette party, because who needs a reason to go out and have fun with their girls?!  But I think the point is it is rude to expect people to spend money and give you gifts, like a shower, when you already are married. 

    Similar logic for registries - you aren't supposed to register for gifts as some people may view your vow renewal as a 'gift grabby' since you're already married.  Personally, I don't mind if someone having a VR has a small registry but don't advertise it - don't post it on a wedding website or even tell people about it unless they ask specifically.  It's easy enough to find someone's registry if you're looking, so if someone actively is searching for one, they'll find it. 

    And then some people don't like when VRs have wedding parties, first dances, cutting of the cake, Dad walking you down the aisle, big princess dress.  Personally, I don't mind any of those things as I think they hurt no one.  I do think a smaller wedding party or just a best man/maid of honor is appropriate, but then again I'm not having a wedding party anyway!

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  • tonyasue16tonyasue16 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thank you all for the advice. My mother suggested the VR as well. I think that will be appropriate, however since we didnt not have the MOH and best man and all the fancy stuff we're going to to the traditional wedding ceremony except it will just be a vow renewal. We're currently living apart as I am stationed in California and he is still stationed in Florida. I will be deploying next month so I'm leaving the majority of the planning to him and my mother while I'm gone. I have my dress, the colors, and since we're having it in my parents back yard the location for ceremony and reception is taken care of. Its going to be an outdoors wedding. The official ceremony was outdoors at his parents house in NC and it turned out beautifully. However he promised I could still have my big day as I'd always dreamed about. So we're goign to do everythign when I get back. Can I please have some advice on the vows though. I really like the " A year ago ..." piece but I need some help building on it. 
    As far as the registry is it wrong to go ahead and publish it since we technically haven't lived together and don't have anything of our own together? I would hope that ppl would be so rude and snubbish that they wouldnt do gifts since we've been married already.
    THANK YOU AGAIN! 
  • calindicalindi member
    5000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Technically it's rude to ever publish a registry, as asking people directly for gifts is rude. I believe it is accepted now a days to put a link on a wedding website, but never ever the invitations.

    But personally, I'd not advertise the registry for a vow renewal at all. There are girls who feel differently, but in your shoes I would register somewhere popular like Bed Bath and Beyond and just not tell anyone unless they asked. As a guest, I usually look for a registry as I prefer to give things rather than money. And I would still give a vow renewal couple a gift if I was invited. A simple google search or WeddingChannel.com will pull up your registry, so if people want to find it they can all on their own. But you're likely to get cash gifts, too, so just use those to furnish your house.

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    Anniversary

  • LetsHikeTodayLetsHikeToday member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I would register if I were you. Guests will want to give you a gift for your Vow Renewal and some people like to give an actual gift and not cash.

    The information can be spread by word of mouth so don't put it on an invitation.

    I registered at Macys and they always had great sales. I would recommend it to anyone!
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