Marriage and Sociology-thoughts?

TeadaCailin

So this might seem a bit random, but I think it's kind of fun to take a step back and analyze why we (especially as a society) do the things we do (is it obvious I'm a huge nerd?). Humor me for a second!

I'm writing a paper for my Sociology class on the societal pressures to be a wife (I got assigned this by the prof when she saw my ring). Since I haven't found many young wives/soon to be wives around campus I figured I'd go where I could find some! So, what do you think? Are there societal pressures to be a wife? Is the "wife role" respected in our culture, in your opinion? And what do you think about wedding-mania? Is it good or does it detract from what it really means to be married? I've run into a lot of research saying the Millenial generation is rejecting marriage in the traditional sense, what do you think about that?

I know this is a lot of questions, feel free to answer one, all or none at all! I'm really just curious to see what people think about it, this project has certainly made me think and analyze things I took for granted.

Hope you're all having a terrfiic Thursday

firsttimersluck

Sure I'll play. I like analysing as well.

So, what do you think? Are there societal pressures to be a wife?
Yes. I haven't felt them myself, since I'm only 22, but I do believe that society pushes for marriage (maybe not specifically "wife" but "married"). I know that the longer couples are together the more people bring up that question. 
 
Is the "wife role" respected in our culture, in your opinion?
I think the "wife role" is fairly expected in the military. I know most of the wives in our squadron play that role. I enjoy taking care of the home, personally. I don't think it's very well "respected", although H has the utmost adoration for the things I do for him around the house. He is gone a lot and works long, weird hours. I am home a lot more, so I feel like I SHOULD take care of those things... I know that if the roles were reversed, however, that he would do the same for me. I don't personally "respect" the "wife role" myself. I think household duties should be equal given the circumstances and that's not something to respect, but except.

And what do you think about wedding-mania? Is it good or does it detract from what it really means to be married?
I'm not quite sure what you mean by this so I am unsure as how to answer.
 
I've run into a lot of research saying the Millenial generation is rejecting marriage in the traditional sense, what do you think about that?
Well I think this is incredibly open-ended depending on what is considered "traditional". I'm okay with the idea of marriage rejection. (of course I am also in that generation so.... :P ) I don't think it was necessary for H and I to get married. It give me no extra sense of stability and security that I feel many women need and a reason they push men into marriage. I just didn't have that urge. H and I have owned our house, shared finances and investments, been 100% in control of each others' wills, have had general POAs for each other, for two years prior to getting married. The only thing marriage gives us is a tax break. maybe. It wasn't necessary at all, but when he proposed I most certainly wasn't going to say no.

TeadaCailin

thanks so much for your input! regarding the question "what do you think about wedding-mania? Is it good or does it detract from what it really means to be married?" I guess I was thinking of this in terms of the reality TV wedding craze-Kim Kardashian's Fairytale, 4 Weddings, Bridezilla...are these harmless diversions? Or do you think they're impacting our beliefs on what marriage and what it should mean?

firsttimersluck

OH!
I see, haha.
I think it can detract from some... I think things like SYTTD gives women the impression that wedding gowns are going to be crazy expensive unless you go to DB (I thought this at first myself) and definitely wakes you up to  how expensive weddings can be.
I think that an education woman that can take information, analyse it herself, and make personal decisions based on that won't be impacted by the idiocies that is reality tv.. Unfortunately not all women are like this. I guess I answer is they can be harmless or harmful diversions depending on the woman... It's hard for me to answer, I suppose, since I never dreamt of a "dream wedding" and never thought about getting married when I was a little girl like a lot of little girls do.

TeadaCailin

Well I ran across this interesting book called "The Meaning of Wife" and she made a really good point that no 5 year old really dreams of the perfect wedding, not in the sense that these kind of shows would have you believe. I mean, what 5 year old knows what a Vera Wang sweetheart neckline fit and flare lace applique is?? So it was making me wonder if women are getting caught up in all this and if it's effecting how we think of marriage. I mean, if all you care about is a big party it seems like a terrible foundation for everything else, right?

But then again, there's nothing wrong with wanting to look pretty on such an important day. It's interesting though, when you really stop and think about all the media we consume and if it effects us or not. Makes you wonder how much of a product of your environment you are! :P

firsttimersluck

True that. My mom NEVER talked about her wedding. NEVER. I just never thought about it... I think lots of women start thinking weddings in high school.. and then when they are in their twenties and in a relationship. I just never did. I didn't care. When I ended up engaged, I was definitely excited about the dress, but that's because I love dresses :P lol! I could have done without all the rest though. I would have been content with H, the white dress, and the courthouse (I actually tried to convince him to get married in the snow right here since we're only an hour from the mountains.. Just have us, the officiate, and the photographers for great pictures and witnesses... He didn't like the idea so much :P ).
Maybe the shows change a lot of ideas.. I think if anything, they give women a false sense of how much nice weddings have to cost to be nice.

prettyirishgirl

oh i'll play too because Fi and i talked about this monday

So, what do you think? Are there societal pressures to be a wife?
yes i do think they are there and stronger in some areas then others - very much so. I think that it is the only way to be fully accepted in some places. Military is a good example. Although not all places are like this some bases and groups will not let a girlfriend or fiance "in" they can be stand offish, snotty protective (a million reasons all with the same results), but the instant you are married you are one of the club. I think in some areas this isnt as strong when it is harder for people to tell the difference betwen married and living together. It usually only comes in when there's a grouping or society around it. example. moms group wants you married, grocery store doesnt care.

Is the "wife role" respected in our culture, in your opinion?
I think it is, I think especially in traditional areas it is a role expected of you and one that you enter on a certain maturity level, so it makes you part of a group and therefore an adult.

And what do you think about wedding-mania? Is it good or does it detract from what it really means to be married?
 I hate it for the most part. I went to a school where some classes (not mine thank goodness) were required to make a wedding book and basically plan their wedding. It is fairly common and that teacher did it every year for at least 6 -8 years. Other schools also did similar projects. I didn't take that class (french btw - who knew) so I didn't have to do it, and never thought or planned any part of my wedding except that I wanted to have it at my schools church.
I think on some level it can be good - bottom of the spectrum - excitment and planning is part of expressign yourself and all, but having it all planed and jsut needing a groom to stand into your pretty picture is to much for me and all to common sometimes. I think it shoudl be our wedding not mine or his wedding. At that point i think it does distract from what it really means.

I've run into a lot of research saying the Millenial generation is rejecting marriage in the traditional sense, what do you think about that?

Logical. I don't think people are nearly as religious as they used to be and that was a main drive before. But now people don't see a distinction (most of the time - don't kill me) between the religious right and a government marriage. With no distinction there is no drive or motivation for church in so many cases, and government marriages only offer so many benefits (most of which can be gained through other means) FI and I strongly considered it. I am religious however and it didn't sit well with me most of the time to not be married in the traditional sense, but if FI wasn't military we may have continued down that road. I know a huge factor in our decision was that we act married already and have for a while. Living together, splitting family holidays, the way we split bills and buy things for the house and in the way we act together. So who cares if its official. Our answerers the army and my family. Out of all that the army was a pretty big tally on the get married side of the column.

I know this is a lot of questions, feel free to answer one, all or none at all! I'm really just curious to see what people think about it, this project has certainly made me think and analyze things I took for granted.

Hope you're all having a terrfiic Thursday

shan87

Are there societal pressures to be a wife? In my area people question why forever partners or people in long term relationships dont marry. (I have an Uncle that waited 10 years and an Aunt that waited 14 years). Funny thing though, must don't look down on the women but rather give the man the grief.  Why not make an honest woman out of her etc. I myself, didn't feel pressure but I know after 7 years people started giving H the talk.

Is the "wife role" respected in our culture, in your opinion? I am a SAHW right now. Not by choice but if I wasn't in the Military and I did choose to take care of the home (w/out kids) I'm sure people would side eye/judge me. I think now there is more pressure to have your own career and not relay on a man.


And what do you think about wedding-mania? I think wedding vendors put way too much importance on the Wedding and not the marriage. To me, that makes sense because it's their business. I do think it's very easy to get sucked in.
 Is it good or does it detract from what it really means to be married?

 I've run into a lot of research saying the Millenial generation is rejecting marriage in the traditional sense, what do you think about that? I know several people that no longer believe Marriage is neccessary for a long happy committed relationship. They are fully commited without it, not one of them believes they are living in sin (whether that be right or wrong).