Marriage ceremony over a year later??

StephLovesTom

I need some advice ladies!My husband and I got married in a courthouse last September, just the two of us, no family. He's in the military and it was what seemed best timing wise. We weren't going to tell any of our friends or family and were going to have a wedding ceremony a year later when timing would be better for us to travel back home. Then...
We found out we were expecting! So we ended up letting our families know we were already married (my mom was so mad she couldn't be there). A lot of my family (very big & very close) was kind of upset about it, they really wanted to be there, which I understand. I told them about our wedding plans for the year after, everyone is super excited, as was I...
Now its only months away from our "wedding" date and my husband has been told he may not get leave because of training, and following that he may be deploying. But he may not. Everything is very up in the air right now, and wedding invites generally go out within 3 months of the wedding. We're at the 3 month mark now, and they're not telling us whats going on until the end of June to mid July.By the time he gets back from the possible deployment it'll be around the time of our 2nd wedding anniversary. I feel like its too late at that point and its kind of depressing as I always dreamed about having a white gown and having my father walk his only daughter down the isle. Before I agreed to a courthouse wedding i explained to my husband how important a wedding was to my family and I, how my parents got married in a courthouse with the intention of having a wedding someday, 24 years later they've never had any kind of celebration for it & how my mother seems kind of sad when she talks about it.
My question is, do I wait and see and hope we can have our wedding (which now will be outdoors as all reception sites are booked), or do we post pone it until after he comes back from a deployment over a year after our actual wedding date? & if we have a "reception" how do we word the invites?

SamiJoeB

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_marriage-ceremony-over-year-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:c400bb4c-9431-4b44-9781-001a4be6c791Post:72b6738c-b793-4508-a372-1b023f11008e">Marriage ceremony over a year later??</a>:
[QUOTE]I need some advice ladies! My husband and I got married in a courthouse last September, just the two of us, no family. He's in the military and it was what seemed best timing wise. We weren't going to tell any of our friends or family and were going to have a wedding ceremony a year later when timing would be better for us to travel back home. Then... We found out we were expecting! So we ended up letting our families know we were already married (my mom was so mad she couldn't be there). A lot of my family (very big & very close) was kind of upset about it, they really wanted to be there, which I understand. I told them about our wedding plans for the year after, everyone is super excited, as was I... <strong>Now its only months away from our "wedding" date and my husband has been told he may not get leave because of training, and following that he may be deploying. But he may not. Everything is very up in the air right now, and wedding invites generally go out within 3 months of the wedding. We're at the 3 month mark now, and they're not telling us whats going on until the end of June to mid July. By the time he gets back from the possible deployment it'll be around the time of our 2nd wedding anniversary.</strong> I feel like its too late at that point and its kind of depressing as I always dreamed about having a white gown and having my father walk his only daughter down the isle. Before I agreed to a courthouse wedding i explained to my husband how important a wedding was to my family and I, how my parents got married in a courthouse with the intention of having a wedding someday, 24 years later they've never had any kind of celebration for it & how my mother seems kind of sad when she talks about it. My question is, do I wait and see and hope we can have our wedding (which now will be outdoors as all reception sites are booked), or do we post pone it until after he comes back from a deployment over a year after our actual wedding date? & if we have a "reception" how do we word the invites?
Posted by StephLovesTom[/QUOTE]

First off, and I'm trying to be nice here, It's not a wedding. You are having a Vow Renewal. Remember when you went to the courthouse just you and your H and said your vows in front of the judge... That was your wedding. The Military didn't force you into a JOP, you and your H decided that it wasn't worth it to you to wait and plan a wedding, so you went to the courthouse. A wedding was super important to me, so I had one. Even though I was AD, and my H is AD, we wanted our families to be there when we got married, so we planned a wedding. We could have JOP'd too, and it would have made our lives a whole lot easier, but easier wasn't important to us, what was was getting married with our family and friends there.

You just want to have PPD (Pretty Princess Day). You want to wear the white dress, and be daddy's little girl, but you're a married woman, and a mother (?). Father's giving their daughter's away, is something that IMO should be reserved for your wedding day, and also IMO your first wedding, and as we've learned, You already had one of those. You already gave yourself to your H. We live in a day and time that second and third marriages are a reality.. tell me, if you were getting married for a second or even a third time would you still have your dad walk you down the aisle? I sure wouldn't.

If I were you I would wait until like your 5 year anniversary or something. But 2 years isn't too long to wait. H and I plan to renew our vows every 5 years or so, but it'll just be the 2 of us. IMO, you could have a really classy VR, wear a simple white dress, do invites and what not, celebrate with your family. The military has to come first and if H can't get leave, he can't get leave. Is it worth it to you to plan the VR and then have to cancel at the last minute because he couldn't get leave, even though you knew 3 months ahead of time that he probably wouldn't? I say wait.

kara811

Ditto everything that Sami said. You're not having a "wedding" nor a "marriage ceremony" It's a vow renewal OP since you are already married. The only way to get married again is to divorce your H and do it all over.

 I understand wanting to have a "do over" for your family, but you should have thought of that beforehand and didn't have to put your family through being hurt and upset. I also suggest postponing it to a later date when you know your H will likely get leave. And please do it the right way this time around, no white wedding gown and etc. 

prettyjewish6

I COMPLETELY disagree with the first two women. My FH and I are in the exact same boat. Only our parents and a couple friends know that we are married. Our wedding is in a few months and at the end of the year we will be actually married for two years. My WEDDING is the day I walk down the aisle in front of our family and friends. We have been planning our ceremony for over a year and are both so excited. These other girls are simply closed minded and don't understand that you were doing what was best for you and your family. We had many reasons for our decision to do things this way and it what was best for our future. To tell this woman that it won't really be her wedding day or that she shouldn't wear a white dress or have her father walk her down the aisle is so hurtful. You should be ashamed of yourself. If you are both military wives then you should know that things like this happen quite frequently in the military. Military wives are supposed to support each other as we support our men. I am terrified of the first time my husband deploys and I hope that I have woman to support me and say horrible things like you two are.

Oh and BTW every single person I know that has been remarried once, twice or three times has their father walk her down the aisle.

kara811

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_marriage-ceremony-over-year-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:c400bb4c-9431-4b44-9781-001a4be6c791Post:327b1dd3-5ddd-40b5-b043-7e33983ede58">Re: Marriage ceremony over a year later??</a>:
[QUOTE]I COMPLETELY disagree with the first two women. My FH and I are in the exact same boat. Only our parents and a couple friends know that we are married. Our wedding is in a few months and at the end of the year we will be actually married for two years. My <strong>WEDDING</strong> is the day I walk down the aisle in front of our family and friends. We have been planning our ceremony for over a year and are both so excited. These other girls are simply closed minded and don't understand that you were doing what was best for you and your family. We had many reasons for our decision to do things this way and it what was best for our future. To tell this woman that it won't really be her wedding day or that she shouldn't wear a white dress or have her father walk her down the aisle is so hurtful. You should be ashamed of yourself. If you are both military wives then you should know that things like this happen quite frequently in the military. Military wives are supposed to support each other as we support our men. I am terrified of the first time my husband deploys and I hope that I have woman to support me and say horrible things like you two are. Oh and BTW every single person I know that has been remarried once, twice or three times has their father walk her down the aisle.
Posted by prettyjewish6[/QUOTE]

Oh boy, here we go again.. Let me define that bolded word for you: <div>
</div><div>Wedding: <font face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" class="Apple-style-span" color="#000000"><span style="line-height:20px;" class="Apple-style-span">"a <strong>marriage</strong> ceremony" </span></font></div><div><font face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size="2" class="Apple-style-span" color="#000000"><span style="line-height:20px;" class="Apple-style-span">
</span></font></div><div><font face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" class="Apple-style-span" color="#000000"><span style="line-height:20px;" class="Apple-style-span"><font size="2" class="Apple-style-span">Marriage: "the state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband or wife in a concensual or contractual relationship recognized by the law" </font></span></font></div><div><font face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" class="Apple-style-span" color="#000000"><span style="line-height:20px;" class="Apple-style-span">
</span></font></div><div><font face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" class="Apple-style-span" color="#000000"><span style="line-height:20px;" class="Apple-style-span">Guess what, your marriage ceremony occured when you went to the courthouse. That is what was recognized by the law and not the vow renewal. That was your wedding. Sami and and I were not hurtful with what we said, we only said the truth, so no I wouldn't be ashamed of myself because of it. "Things like this happen quite frequently" because of rushed decisions people make. </span></font></div><div><font face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" class="Apple-style-span" color="#000000"><span style="line-height:20px;" class="Apple-style-span">
</span></font></div><div><font face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" class="Apple-style-span" color="#000000"><span style="line-height:20px;" class="Apple-style-span">I understand wanting to be with your SO, I understand wanting to rush a marriage because SO is being deployed or he would be stationed overseas. I have gone through these things as well, but H and I chose to do the right thing by waiting and not lying to our families. We wanted a big wedding with all our friends and families so that's what we chose to do. Don't blame the military for "things like this happening."  
</span></font>
</div>

ggirl2001

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_marriage-ceremony-over-year-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:c400bb4c-9431-4b44-9781-001a4be6c791Post:327b1dd3-5ddd-40b5-b043-7e33983ede58">Re: Marriage ceremony over a year later??</a>:
[QUOTE]I COMPLETELY disagree with the first two women. My FH and I are in the exact same boat. Only our parents and a couple friends know that we are married. Our wedding is in a few months and at the end of the year we will be actually married for two years. My WEDDING is the day I walk down the aisle in front of our family and friends. We have been planning our ceremony for over a year and are both so excited. These other girls are simply closed minded and don't understand that you were doing what was best for you and your family. We had many reasons for our decision to do things this way and it what was best for our future. To tell this woman that it won't really be her wedding day or that she shouldn't wear a white dress or have her father walk her down the aisle is so hurtful. You should be ashamed of yourself. If you are both military wives then you should know that things like this happen quite frequently in the military. Military wives are supposed to support each other as we support our men. I am terrified of the first time my husband deploys and I hope that I have woman to support me and say horrible things like you two are. Oh and BTW every single person I know that has been remarried once, twice or three times has their father walk her down the aisle.
Posted by prettyjewish6[/QUOTE]

Where did you see Kara and Sami being rude? Because they didn't validate her opinion? That's not being rude, it's being honest. She is not having a wedding, she is having a vow renewal. There is a difference. Same as you, you had your wedding, then you will have a vow renewal with your family and friends. Are you calling each other husband and wife? Getting military benefits? Celebrating anniversaries? Then you are married. You can't get remarried to the same person unless you get divorced and remarried to him again. Also, let me get this right. Not everyone knows your married? So you'r essentially letting people think that when they see you walk down the aisle that you are not married, but you really are?

SamiJoeB

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_marriage-ceremony-over-year-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:c400bb4c-9431-4b44-9781-001a4be6c791Post:327b1dd3-5ddd-40b5-b043-7e33983ede58">Re: Marriage ceremony over a year later??</a>:
[QUOTE]I COMPLETELY disagree with the first two women. My FH and I are in the exact same boat. Only our parents and a couple friends know that we are married. Our wedding is in a few months and at the end of the year we will be actually married for two years. My WEDDING is the day I walk down the aisle in front of our family and friends. We have been planning our ceremony for over a year and are both so excited. These other girls are simply closed minded and don't understand that you were doing what was best for you and your family. We had many reasons for our decision to do things this way and it what was best for our future. To tell this woman that it won't really be her wedding day or that she shouldn't wear a white dress or have her father walk her down the aisle is so hurtful. You should be ashamed of yourself. If you are both military wives then you should know that things like this happen quite frequently in the military. Military wives are supposed to support each other as we support our men. I am terrified of the first time my husband deploys and I hope that I have woman to support me and say horrible things like you two are. Oh and BTW every single person I know that has been remarried once, twice or three times has their father walk her down the aisle.
Posted by prettyjewish6[/QUOTE]

Everyone who does this whole JOP/VR thinks that they "HAD" to go to the courthouse because their SO is in the military. They think that they are totally right and justified in lying to their loved ones.  Just because you're marrying into the military doesn't mean that you should have 2 weddings.  with the exception of you Jewish, no one on this board is going to blow rainbows or sunshine up anyone's ass and say "OMG!! What a great idea, have 2 weddings, lie to your loved ones, get married fore the benefits, thats the only way to get married in the military!" If you want that, go to Wedding Bee with all the other girls that think we're all rude, hateful, bitter hags. I was not rude, or hateful. I never said "DON'T WEAR A WHITE DRESS" I said that I think big poufy white princess dresses are tacky for a VR. The whole purpose of your father walking you down the asile is to signify him giving you to your H, if you're already married how does that make any sense at all? If you think that you're going to come on this board and create drama, you're wrong. Dead wrong. We go through this every other week, and no one is going to buy into your crap.

Beachy730

FML, they are multiplying.  

You are both already MARRIED, so you can't have a wedding.  You can have a vow renewal.  Or you can divorce your H and then have a wedding to remarry him.  There are many couples who choose to have a JOP wedding only, and to belittle that union and say it's not a wedding is extremely rude to those couples.  All you need to get married is a legal officiant and a marriage license.  The rest is all unnecessary fluff.  And FFS PrettyJewish, no, HER PPD WILL NOT BE HER WEDDING DAY.  That day was the day she, and you, went to the JOP, signed a license, and started collected marital benefits from the military.

Steph- this is advice would be given to you whether you were planning a real wedding or a vow renewal.  Hopefully you had military clauses built into all of your contracts, which is something we would have told you on here.  It sounds like there is a good chance that he won't be there, then save your money and cancel the VR for now.  If at your 5 year anniversary you still want to do this, then throw a big 5 year VR ceremony and reception.  In my completely honest opinion, you'll find much better things to spend your money on.  I LOVED my wedding, but when I think about the amount of money spent on a lot of unnecessary fluff for one day, it makes me sick.  There are so many other things to spend your money on in your marriage, and especially when you have kids.  Personally, I would use the money to go on an amazing vacation.  

PrettyJewish- we are not small minded.  It is, however, small minded to think that the only way to get married in the military is to do a JOP and a big wedding later.  And it's childish to think that everyone should understand why you did it since we are military spouses and we all make sacrifices.  You're right, there are many sacrifices we make, but excuse me for refusing to make one of those sacrifices be lying to everyone I love about my marirage.  

I will never understand the concept of NEEDING to rush a JOP marriage.  It's only in the military you see this, and the main reason for it is because of a bunch of 18-21 year olds who can't think past the extra couple hundred dollars you get for married BAH.  I have yet to hear a valid reason for doing a secret JOP, or NEEDING to get married so quickly that doesn't have an easy solution that doesn't end in a marriage.  All of these posters come on here saying they did it because it was right for them, and it almost always comes down to money.  If extra money is worth more than your morals, than so be it.  But don't try to make it seem that the military forces you to have a JOP and lie to your loved ones.

kara811

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_marriage-ceremony-over-year-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:c400bb4c-9431-4b44-9781-001a4be6c791Post:8cab1d0e-083b-45ff-9ec5-cd724b078ace">Re: Marriage ceremony over a year later??</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>FML, they are multiplying.</strong>   You are both already MARRIED, so you can't have a wedding.  You can have a vow renewal.  Or you can divorce your H and then have a wedding to remarry him.  There are many couples who choose to have a JOP wedding only, and to belittle that union and say it's not a wedding is extremely rude to those couples.  All you need to get married is a legal officiant and a marriage license.  The rest is all unnecessary fluff.  And FFS PrettyJewish, no, HER PPD WILL NOT BE HER WEDDING DAY.  That day was the day she, and you, went to the JOP, signed a license, and started collected marital benefits from the military. Steph- this is advice would be given to you whether you were planning a real wedding or a vow renewal.  Hopefully you had military clauses built into all of your contracts, which is something we would have told you on here.  It sounds like there is a good chance that he won't be there, then save your money and cancel the VR for now.  If at your 5 year anniversary you still want to do this, then throw a big 5 year VR ceremony and reception.  In my completely honest opinion, you'll find much better things to spend your money on.  I LOVED my wedding, but when I think about the amount of money spent on a lot of unnecessary fluff for one day, it makes me sick.  There are so many other things to spend your money on in your marriage, and especially when you have kids.  Personally, I would use the money to go on an amazing vacation.   PrettyJewish- we are not small minded.  It is, however, small minded to think that the only way to get married in the military is to do a JOP and a big wedding later.  And it's childish to think that everyone should understand why you did it since we are military spouses and we all make sacrifices.  You're right, there are many sacrifices we make, but excuse me for refusing to make one of those sacrifices be lying to everyone I love about my marirage.   I will never understand the concept of NEEDING to rush a JOP marriage.  It's only in the military you see this, and the main reason for it is because of a bunch of 18-21 year olds who can't think past the extra couple hundred dollars you get for married BAH.  I have yet to hear a valid reason for doing a secret JOP, or NEEDING to get married so quickly that doesn't have an easy solution that doesn't end in a marriage.  All of these posters come on here saying they did it because it was right for them, and it almost always comes down to money.  If extra money is worth more than your morals, than so be it.  But don't try to make it seem that the military forces you to have a JOP and lie to your loved ones.
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

<div>I love that! Well said! </div>

ggirl2001

Fact: I was sitting by the pool the other day talking to a married couple. They were asking me about my job and relationship etc. And the guy goes and I quote "Oh so you're getting married for the right reasons and not for the money". I burst out laughing and I reply back with "what extra money, there is no way that the extra money could touch the amount that I need to pay student loans". He indicated that people often don't see past the "extra" money piece and don't realize that it's not that much more.

SamiJoeB

I have yet to hear a valid argument from anyone to justify this whole JOP/VR bullsh*t. Please, lay it on me Jewish. Tell me why you HAD to get married. If you can convince me I will gladly say, Oh! okay, that makes totaly sense! Please, continue with your lies and your PPD.


My guess though, is that your reasons are the same lame, selfish, superficial reasons we've all heard on this board a million times before you came along.

AirmanLove

I'm new to this board but not the military. Both husband and I are AD.

Steph- Do what you want and call it what you want. Your family is the only thing that matters. If the hubs will be underway then you can re-plan it for whenever you want it. Do it all; send the invites, wear the dress, have your first dance, and get to be a bride. Pick a date that means something to you guys, that's what I'm doing.

See my story is a little different, the hubs and I were planning a wedding, and we were going to do it the "right" way. Then on a Friday night, about 3 months before our wedding, I got a phone call that my dad was in the hospital. Three days later I had to sign the DNR paperwork, and 12 hours after that he passed.

I could not handle a wedding, after all my dad had already picked out our father daughter song. So the hubs and I went to JOP, we did no ceremony, no vows; we signed paperwork and put our rings on. It was the only thing I could do without breaking down.  All of our family knew, and supported our reason.

So now, two years later, we are having our "wedding" on my dad's birthday. I don't care what people say, my family knows our story and knows why we are doing it this way. We are sending out invites, I am wearing my "princess" dress, having a photographer, and doing amazing things to remember my dad on my wedding day.  I dare anyone to tell me what I am doing is wrong, or tacky. Everyone has their own “right thing” and just because it doesn’t line up with your opinion and values doesn’t mean it is wrong. Remember you are on a message board and might not hear the whole story. So Steph, since no one answered your actual question, I will. No, don’t think that 2 years will too late. Haha, it’s not too late for us! If you want to wear your white dress and have your dad walk you down the aisle, then do it, because I would kill for the opportunity to have my dad be there. If everyone you are inviting knows the back story then word the invites how you want. After all, it will be your day.

I was going to post some questions about our up and coming wedding, but I guess this board isn’t the right place for me and my wedding.

kyrgyzstan

Airman's, no one is against a vow renewal. Not one of us. It's not what I'd do, not in a million years, but no one is saying, "don't do it, it's morally wrong." What we're saying is don't call it something it's not, because people may think it's your wedding, which it isn't. And most people are saying don't go all out. I'm not saying that, because I don't care either way. I would go to a VR if I loved the person, no problem.

It *really* bothers me when people insist on calling a VR a wedding like their original vows don't matter. I am having a wedding on the day I get legally married, and the idea of inferring that those vows don't matter is sad. The vows are the most important part of a wedding! Not the dress, not anything. 

You don't need a bunch of fancy stuff to make a wedding a wedding, and you don't need to call a vow renewal a wedding to make it special. 

Renew those vows to the husband you love that supported you through a traumatic experience, and have a great time! We're happy to help with that on this board. 

SamiJoeB

I think that the biggest problem with calling a VR a "wedding" is that by doing so, you are implying that people that JOP'd are somehow less married. People who JOP'd because they just wanted to be married at the courthouse (like my BFF) and just as married as people who had huge lavish weddings. Thats why I don't like calling a VR a wedding, because it's not your wedding. You are already married. No one ever said "Don't have a VR" we just said don't call it your wedding because it's simply not.

jamie5482

I agree with calling it a VR vs. a wedding. It may seem like people are just being petty about the wording but we're not. I think it's almost acting like the JOP wasn't "good enough" and it's been replaced by a big, fancy wedding. I'm happy for those who are able to have a nice VR if that's what they choose but it would be nice if everyone would just call it what it is! 

It also bothers me immensly when people lie (even if it is a lie by omission) to their loved ones about already being married. My family would be so extremely hurt and offended; I could never do that to them. To each their own but it still strikes me as a very hurtful action. 

Beachy730

Ditto the PP's that the problem I have is with calling a VR a wedding, instead of calling it what it is.  Also, I have a huge problem with lying to people about being married or not.  If you are collecting any benefits from being married, such as dependent BAH, base housing, insurance, etc., then you need to be presenting yourself as a married couple to EVERYONE, including your parents.  You CHOSE to do a JOP, and if that's not something they would be happy with, you shuold have thought about that before you made that choice.  I can guarantee (after hearing from friends who did this) that your family would be understanding about you being upfront about your JOP wedding and VR later than they would be when they find out (and they will find out) that you have been lying to them and playing them for a fool.

As for things you do and wear at your VR, that's completely a personal choice.  I personally think it's ridiculous to do a big white princess gown and have your dad walk you down the aisle, and do things like a bouquet and garter toss.  To me, those are things reserved for weddings, and doing them at a VR turns it into a PPD, and seems like a wedding do-over.  But again, it's your choice.  

SamiJoeB

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_marriage-ceremony-over-year-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:c400bb4c-9431-4b44-9781-001a4be6c791Post:b9b6c64b-a29c-4b3c-9c51-0276cfe284ec">Re: Marriage ceremony over a year later??</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm new to this board but not the military. Both husband and I are AD. Steph- Do what you want and call it what you want. Your family is the only thing that matters. If the hubs will be underway then you can re-plan it for whenever you want it. Do it all; send the invites, wear the dress, have your first dance, and get to be a bride. Pick a date that means something to you guys, that's what I'm doing. See my story is a little different, the hubs and I were planning a wedding, and we were going to do it the "right" way. Then on a Friday night, about 3 months before our wedding, I got a phone call that my dad was in the hospital. Three days later I had to sign the DNR paperwork, and 12 hours after that he passed. I could not handle a wedding, after all my dad had already picked out our father daughter song. So the hubs and I went to JOP, we did no ceremony, no vows; we signed paperwork and put our rings on. It was the only thing I could do without breaking down.   All of our family knew, and supported our reason. So now, two years later, we are having our "wedding" on my dad's birthday. I don't care what people say, my family knows our story and knows why we are doing it this way. We are sending out invites, I am wearing my "princess" dress, having a photographer, and doing amazing things to remember my dad on my wedding day.   I dare anyone to tell me what I am doing is wrong, or tacky. Everyone has their own “right thing” and just because it doesn’t line up with your opinion and values doesn’t mean it is wrong. Remember you are on a message board and might not hear the whole story.<strong> So Steph, since no one answered your actual question, I will. No, don’t think that 2 years will too late. Haha, it’s not too late for us! </strong>If you want to wear your white dress and have your dad walk you down the aisle, then do it, because I would kill for the opportunity to have my dad be there. If everyone you are inviting knows the back story then word the invites how you want. After all, it will be your day. I was going to post some questions about our up and coming wedding, but I guess this board isn’t the right place for me and my wedding.
Posted by AirmanLove[/QUOTE]


Actually, I answered her question and said that 2 years was not too long to wait. but good job on actually reading all the posts before posting your snarky little comments.

amandawidjaja

II am new to this site. I am so glad that I found someone like you

AirmanLove . I am in a similar situation like you. I got married by JP this past April because I am here on work visa and my visa will expires in September. Also, we just bought a house and thinking that we got married this year so I can extend stay here  and  save up more money for a big wedding next year. However, my mother in law wanted just a small party for immidiate family so we did. I didn't plan to tell anyone but now everyone knows about it and some give gifts. At our wedding, we just exchanged vows but I didn't wear a white dress and we didn't exchange rings thinking to do it on our "real" wedding. I would love to know how are you planning your wedding because I am not sure if i should call it wedding,renewal vows etc. Is it appropriate to have bridal shower as well?

Thank you!

SamiJoeB

No. It is absolutely not appropriate to have a bridal shower when you are already married. It is a Vow Renewal, not a wedding. You're already married, so you need to call it a VR.

Welcome to the Board

LetsHikeToday

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_marriage-ceremony-over-year-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:c400bb4c-9431-4b44-9781-001a4be6c791Post:1b0e1a5b-7924-47fe-8ae1-8e0fa8b9a034">Re: Marriage ceremony over a year later??</a>:
[QUOTE]II am new to this site. I am so glad that I found someone like you AirmanLove . I am in a similar situation like you. I got married by JP this past April because I am here on work visa and my visa will expires in September. Also, we just bought a house and thinking that we got married this year so I can extend stay here  and  save up more money for a big wedding next year. However, my mother in law wanted just a small party for immidiate family so we did. I didn't plan to tell anyone but now everyone knows about it and some give gifts. At our wedding, we just exchanged vows but I didn't wear a white dress and we didn't exchange rings thinking to do it on our "real" wedding. I would love to know how are you planning your wedding because I am not sure if i should call it wedding,renewal vows etc. Is it appropriate to have bridal shower as well? Thank you!
Posted by amandawidjaja[/QUOTE]

You should call it a vow renewal not a wedding. Your wedding was in April.