nervoussss!

misskarii

i've never posted on this board, but my name's karina & i'm marrying a Marine. while he's been away on deployment i've been in charge of planning everything for our wedding. we're getting married on august 7, 2011...and it's coming up so fast! we recently had our first baby, so our budget has been really tight (especially with me paying off student loans, etc.) and i just feel like he's going to come home and think "wow, this is what she did with our money!" i mean, we're getting married in a church (nothing fancy at all) and our recpetion is also in the church. we're not even having a real reception. it's more of a mingle/meet & greet kind of thing...i kind of want him to myself as soon as we say i do lol! i just hope that he's not in total shock of what our wedding has turned out to be. he arrives home on the 5th, and bam, 2 days later he's a married man! i have a little bit of $ left in our budget, but i kind of want to save that for our honeymoon (he's only home for 10 days so we're just going up to the mountains)...our friends/family know that we're strapped for cash, so i hope they don't think our wedding is a total bust!

calindi

Congrats on your baby and engagement!

I think etiquette says that you should serve your guests something, even if it's just punch and cake.  As long as you're doing that, then you're fine!  Just be sure to indicate on your invitations "Refreshments will Follow" or something like that (anyone want to help out with better wording?) so people don't expect a full meal.

I think it's very smart of you to prioritize your baby and your student loans ahead of a big party.  I'm not such a big fan of prioritizing the honeymoon above the wedding, but whatevs - I'm just super into my guests having a fantastic time, so that's my own priorities.

You should probably prepare him for what the wedding will be - has he told you any of his wants or wishes for a wedding?  Does he want a big party or something small and intimate?  Does he want a DJ, first dance, bouquet toss, etc.?  Figure out which elements are important to him and be sure to include them as best you can.  Weddings today have been blown into these big oversized proportions today, but really all you need is the bride, the groom, the officiant, and some witnesses.  And ya know, some cake and punch (or champagne) to celebrate after!  However, if he's always had his heart set on one specific idea, that might be a more unpleasant surprise to realize it's something else.  Just let him know what you've planned, a basic itinerary of how the day will go, so he can know what to expect!

calindi

Also, please read up on OPSEC and PERSEC.  Your original post states what day he comes home - that's a BIG no-no.  Please erase that immediately!

Be aware that deployments can go longer or shorter (usually longer) than you expect by several weeks, sometimes several months.  If his superiors knew you posted the return date, chances are they'd delay it for security and safety reasons.  Please make sure you know there's a possibility he'll be delayed, and for your own best interests, make sure the church and all vendors know this is a possibility and have agreed to change the date without making you forfeit the deposit if he cannot attend on that date.  It's called a military clause, and it's a really really good idea for anyone whose significant other is even at risk of deploying - I'd say it's essential for anyone planning to get married right before or right after a deployment.

LetsHikeToday

Welcome and congratulations. I'm sure he will be happy with the wedding that you've planned. Have you been able to speak with him to keep him updated? My H was here throughout the whole process but I still worried, at the end, if people would like it/have fun. Its normal to be nervous! Your daughter is precious! I love that picture.

SamiJoeB

Congrats on everything!! Ditto C about the OPSEC and PERSEC.  Take the dates out, and even your Wedding date since you said that it's 2 days after he gets home.

That being said, It makes me really nervous that you're planning a wedding with only 2 days wiggle room. What if he's extended? do you have a back up plan or military clauses? I would be way more nervous about his deployment getting extended, than his possible dissapointment about the wedding. I mean, it's kind of a moot point if he's not even there to share in it...

I'm also kind of with C on proitizing your Honeymoon, over your wedding. I fully support saving money for the baby, and your debt, but when you say "You just want to get him alone after you say i do" I feel like that is kind of selfish.  I mean, I'm sure his family misses him just as much as you do, are they getting to spend any time with him?  I mean, I would rather spend the 10 days at home resting and relaxing, and I know my H would as well.  I would probably spend the money budgeted for your mountain get away, on making sure I treat my guests to at the very least cake and punch, and maybe some appitizers. They are your guests, and I think they deserve more than just to watch you say vows, and then shake your hands afterwards before you wisk your FI away. 

I'm not being snarky or snobby, I just kind of feel like you haven't considered anyone else in these plans and want to bring up those points just in case.. HTH

calindi

Is this your first deployment?  Because you may not realize how hard the readjustment will be.  There's always these great visions of being in a cocoon of love and happiness and everything will be great once you're back together.  The truth is you both will need space even more when he gets back during the readjustment.  Chances are it will be harder than the deployment.  You both have gone through big changes since he left, and you won't be quite the same people in quite the same relationship as before.  You won't be used to dealing with each other every day, and while I'm sure you think it'll just be a relief to be near each other again, I'd bet anything that within a few days of him getting back, you'll find yourself almost wishing he'd still be deployed.  And it won't be that you guys don't love each other tons, it's just that readjusting can be VERY difficult!

I'd recommend whole-heartedly waiting a few months after he gets back to let him readjust and for you both to get on solid footing as a couple and as new parents!

ggirl2001

I agree with all previous posters. His date could change. For a while, my FI's return date was supposed to be end of July which would have been a week before our wedding. We were lucky and he got back earlier, but I was nervous there for a while.  A lot of things can happen.

I Understand wanting to get him alone for a bit, but you have to include his family. When my FI returned last week, we spent Friday together, then Saturday went to spend time with my sister and his family, and then on Tuesday his mom came down to visit. Was it hectic? absolutely. Did we want some alone time sometimes? yes, and we made it work. It's not fair for his family to not get time with him either.

iluvmytxrgr

Please take the date of his return out of your post.  Please read up on OPSEC. By posting the date of his return, you are putting him and everyone with him in danger. You are also risking having the date of his return changed. 
Also, planning a wedding 2 days after he gets home isn't the greatest idea.  Things change all the time.  All you need is bad, weather, an OPSEC violation or the plane having issues and your wedding is screwed.  Too add, many units give their people a 24 hour leave after they get home and then require them to report back to the unit for at least 48 hours for de-briefs and counseling.  Those all still occur over weekends. 
The other ladies have also mentioned re-adjusment.  Large groups of people and loud noises have a very negative effect on many people returning from deployments.  MH had issues at our church's fall festival and then trick or treating with our kids two weeks after he returned from a deployment. 

misskarii

well, i'm not planning our wedding in 2 days, i've been planning it for 3 months. if i knew how to erase the dates i would, but i don't, so i can't. i've kept him informed about everything. we're having a reception, with a candy bar, cup cakes, our wedding cake, and lots of fruit kabobs. i know he's going to love it...i'm just really nervous!

calindi

There's a button under your original post that should say "Edit" - click that and delete all dates, please.

No, we don't mean planning in 2 days.  We mean having the wedding 2 days after he's scheduled to get back.  Like we've said, there's no guarantees he'll be back, and the transition after they get back can be quite difficult for some (both spouses and returning service members).  Have you been through a deployment before? We have lots of experienced girls here who can give you some insight on what to expect.  I think the basic premise is you should always expect the unexpected with the military!  That's why it's good to give yourselves some cushion between when he's due back and the wedding date.  What if he isn't home yet after all?  What if he's not allowed to leave base?  Both of these are very realistic situations, and you should be prepared for them. 

It sounds like a lovely wedding, and that should be plenty to keep your guests happy!  Good luck!  I think it's normal to be nervous about the wedding day and that everyone will be happy and things will go well.  Just know that as long as you end up married, the day was successful!