Homesick

amh04

I just need to vent to some ladies who actually can understand where I'm coming from...
For whatever reason that has caused this (probably the tv show I'm watching) but I am seriously homesick. I'm so tired of not having any good friends (really any friends) here, I just want to be near my family and my friends.  want to be able to do 'bride' things with my family and friends and not have to plan it for months in advance. I miss home. I know I have another month until I go home but.. I'm actually scared of going home because of how hard its going to be to leave.
How do you ladies handle being homesick? And how do/did you handle the moments of planning a wedding when you just wanted your family/friends there and they couldn't be.. the phone is only doing so much for me. Don't get me wrong I love having all the control and all the say.. but sometimes it'd be nice to have their involvement too.

Beachy730

Well as for the wedding planning from far away, I'm no help.  We got married at home while H was on shore duty and only lived 2 hours away.  

I lived with my parents until the day we got married, then moved to H's 2 hours away, then a month later we did a PCS across the country.  I thought it was going to be horrible, and even cried when I found out we were moving here, but it was way worse to think about than it was to do.  

I skype a lot with my family and friends, and text and call all the time.  The first few months when H was deployed were more lonely because I hadn't made many friends yet, but I went to FRG meetings and slowly met more and more people.  Now i have great friends here, and we are joking around saying we can't wait for the ship to leave again so we can all hang out more often again.

What do you like to do?  Do you play any sports or have any interests?  I played a lot of sports at home, and really missed that when we came here.  I found a soccer team on Craigslist that I joined, and then found a second team to play on from that team.  Meetup.com is also a good website to find people in the area with similar interests as you, like book clubs, knitting groups, etc. 

amh04

dnbeach - thanks for the advice. I'd do anything to get back into horseback riding but right now it just isn't the best timing not to mention its expensive. I'm so glad you've made some awesome friendships. I knew we'd be moving and when we did in march I  agree I think it was harder leaving than moving if that makes sense. I enjoy our life here but I do miss my hometown and family and friends. I'll try to get more involved with hobbies and try to make friendships that way. I'd been trying the whole facebook thing and meet a few girls but nothing really came of it.

Sorry it's so long  - I'm rambling - thanks again for the advice.

LetsHikeToday

I'm sorry you're homesick. I know how bad that sucks.

I get homesick too and I'm only 4 hours from my parents. We will be 13 hours away starting in January so it'll just get longer.

I always try to remember that I'm only a plane ride away. I also work full time so most of my days are busy with work, working out, and our dog. I try to facebook with my friends from home and we will start to Skype when we move.

Hang in there. Enjoy your time at home!

calindi

I'm trying not to let myself get homesick.  I've been homesick a few times in my life, and it isn't ever fun!  The best advice is to exercise, get enough sleep, focus on being healthy, and participating in activities that make you happy.  But yeah, it's not fun.  Sunday afternoons were always the worst for me because it just seemed so quiet and there weren't fun things to look forward to like there usually are on Friday or Saturday nights - it's laundry day, cleaning and organizing, and preparing for the week.  And I always got homesick.  So I started making plans for Sunday evenings to do something fun so it at least gave me something to look forward to on the hardest day.  If you can figure out what triggers it (like the TV show, or a specific time of week/month), then you can try to avoid those triggers or find ways to circumvent them.

I currently hate where I live. I just created a long list of things I dislike about Miami, but I decided that wasn't productive and deleted it.  Suffice it to say I hate nearly everything about this place and am literally counting down the days until we leave (11 months today - whoo hoo!).  I'm 2000 miles from my family, and the people here are so fake that I don't have any "friends", I have a few "buddies" but no one that I'm likely to keep in touch with after I leave.  Literally no one.  So no one cares that I'm engaged, and I've done everything on my own with the help of my Mom.  I'm trying not to let myself get disappointed, trying to set the right expectations for myself - keeping the mantra that no one cares about this wedding as much as I do.  Reminding myself that it's just a party.  I'm not going to have anyone to go to dress fittings with, I am probably not going to have a shower, my brother's planning something small for a bachelorette but I don't even think anyone will go since they're literally scattered across the country.  It's all a bit of a bummer, but I'm trying to be very logical and remind myself that the big goal is to marry FI, and the rest of it is just fluff - unnecessary trappings.  So yeah, I do totally understand your feelings - I'm right there with you.  I'm just trying my darndest not to let it overwhelm me and get me down.  So far, so good, though I have my moments! 

LetsHikeToday

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_homesick?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:c82d99b6-7225-4112-a6ce-bd09225cb441Post:ad8c3d77-a26a-4a1a-ade7-a55f624b3107">Re: Homesick</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm trying not to let myself get homesick.  I've been homesick a few times in my life, and it isn't ever fun!  The best advice is to exercise, get enough sleep, focus on being healthy, and participating in activities that make you happy.  But yeah, it's not fun.  Sunday afternoons were always the worst for me because it just seemed so quiet and there weren't fun things to look forward to like there usually are on Friday or Saturday nights - it's laundry day, cleaning and organizing, and preparing for the week.  And I always got homesick.  So I started making plans for Sunday evenings to do something fun so it at least gave me something to look forward to on the hardest day.  If you can figure out what triggers it (like the TV show, or a specific time of week/month), then you can try to avoid those triggers or find ways to circumvent them. I currently hate where I live. I just created a long list of things I dislike about Miami, but I decided that wasn't productive and deleted it.  Suffice it to say I hate nearly everything about this place and am literally counting down the days until we leave (11 months today - whoo hoo!).  I'm 2000 miles from my family, and the people here are so fake that I don't have any "friends", I have a few "buddies" but no one that I'm likely to keep in touch with after I leave.  Literally no one.  So no one cares that I'm engaged, and I've done everything on my own with the help of my Mom.  I'm trying not to let myself get disappointed, trying to set the right expectations for myself - keeping the mantra that no one cares about this wedding as much as I do.  Reminding myself that it's just a party.  I'm not going to have anyone to go to dress fittings with, I am probably not going to have a shower, my brother's planning something small for a bachelorette but I don't even think anyone will go since they're literally scattered across the country.  It's all a bit of a bummer, but I'm trying to be very logical and remind myself that the big goal is to marry FI, and the rest of it is just fluff - unnecessary trappings.  So yeah, I do totally understand your feelings - I'm right there with you.  I'm just trying my darndest not to let it overwhelm me and get me down.  So far, so good, though I have my moments! 
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

Ugh. How long are you in Miami for?

I like what you said about planning something you're excited about. I love going to the movies by myself and that could be an option for you, OP. Maybe you go to a Sunday afternoon movie every other week or something?

calindi

11 more months.  Literally - FI takes his bar exam the Tues-Wed in the last week of July, and we'll be moving out the day after he takes his bar exam!  I cannot WAIT!  It's exactly one month before our wedding.

FI will go to wherever he's assigned temporary duty while he waits for his bar results, and meanwhile I will go live with my parents for the month before the wedding to handle all the last minute details.  FI will fly up once for a long weekend to take care of stuff, like getting the marriage certificate, meeting with the caterer, etc.  I can handle the rest with my Mom.  After the wedding, a brief honeymoon and then I'll move to wherever FI is located (most likely Parris Island, but possible LeJeune or Quantico or something else on the East Coast).

LetsHikeToday

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_homesick?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:c82d99b6-7225-4112-a6ce-bd09225cb441Post:19c8bd85-4080-46ed-975a-1a4360cb10a7">Re: Homesick</a>:
[QUOTE]11 more months.  Literally - FI takes his bar exam the Tues-Wed in the last week of July, and we'll be moving out the day after he takes his bar exam!
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

Ha!

That's not long :-) I remember last September thinking, I have a wholllllle school year until the wedding. It will be so much time. (10 months). It went by SO FREAKIN fast so you'll be out of there before you know it.

Do you guys know where you're headed next?

calindi

Er, I realized my post was thin, so I went back and added more detail - which sort of answers your question!  We don't know where to next, but we have a rough plan. 

Step 1:  End of July 2012

FI /> temporary duty station (almost definitely East Coast)
Me /> Rhode Island to live with my parents until the wedding

Step 2:  Middle of September 2012

Me /> Wherever FI is living

Step 3:  March/April 2013

Us />  Quantico for TBS for 6 months  (if he's already stationed at Quantico, we can stay put - yay!)

Step 4:  October/November 2013

Us /> First duty station, anywhere in the world

Step 5: Anytime between November 2013-February 2013

FI /> Naval Justice School in Newport, RI
Me /> Move in with my parents in Rhode Island so I can be near FI.  Sub-lease apartment so we can save the BAH

That's our rough itinerary, and my mantra for why Miami is only temporary! 

LetsHikeToday

We are by Quantico! Northern Virginia is an exciting place to be!

calindi

I know, I lived in Arlington for awhile and went to school in downtown DC!  I miss DC area a lot. 

amh04

Thanks ladies. I'm definitely trying to make the best of it. I'm in the same position calindi - I've found a few 'buddies' to like grab a drink with but really no good friends which sucks because we are here for at least another 2 years and we bought a house - so it could be longer. I'm not crazy about this place to say the least, but I'm hoping after a few more months I'll get used to it.
I work 3/4 time.. about 35 hours a week. But see.. the great thing about my job is also kind of a drawback. I work remotely - which means I work from home. I'm an Operations Assistant for a great company in Chicago. So.. I don't have the whole 'coworker' experience that everyone else does.. my interaction with my coworkers is once a year for a chicago meeting and then IM's. While it's nice.. it defintiely doesn't help with getting out of the house and meeting people.
I'll have to try and figure out what exactly causes it and see how to fix it from there.

calindi

Check out Meetup.com to find some groups in your area.  Join a gym with classes and go to the same classes regularly so you can meet people.  It's important to create forced social interactions if you don't have them at work.

My job consists of me and my boss, who is a born again Christian married 48 year old man with 4 kids.  We're not going to grab drinks at happy hour any time soon.

Try to look at it as a sense of adventure if you're new to the place - and adjustment can take up to 1 year, usually at least 6 months.  Only after that will you know if you truly don't like the place or if you're just having trouble adjusting.  So convince yourself that you'll like it once you get to know it, and then make plans to get to know it!  Figure out weekend adventures - find places that are "you", like a local coffee shop you frequent, a gym, a farmers market, a cheese shop, a favorite restaurant.  We have a few places now - a wine bar around the corner from our house where we go for free tastings on Friday nights, an ice cream place a few blocks away where they sell local flavors for only $1.50 per cone, a sushi restaurant where we go at least once a month where they serve sushi on a boat on a little river that runs through the restaurant, a brunch place right on the water where you can get unlimited mimosas and a delicious brunch for only $35, a German restaurant where we'll go and get pretzels and spicy mustard, a local raw vegan organic farmers market we go to most weekends.  Those are the things I'll miss, and people recognize us at these places now, which makes it feel more like "home".

LetsHikeToday

Amh and Cali-

I smell a G2G after January :-)

calindi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_homesick?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:c82d99b6-7225-4112-a6ce-bd09225cb441Post:39565fcd-7ba1-44c9-9387-b3fd0b0d1f45">Re: Homesick</a>:
[QUOTE]Amh and Cali- I smell a G2G after January :-)
Posted by LetsHikeToday[/QUOTE]

Harry Potter World at Universal????  Florida Residents Discount!!!

Or, you know, getting drunk in Epcot.  I think Orlando's pretty central!

amh04

Sounds good to me! I'm always down for a road trip I think Orlando is 2 hours from Jacksonville? - Not really sure.
Thats a great idea to find little places and make them like rituals. I love that idea actually. A perfectly good reason to indulge in some yummy food. I'm always down for that!

calindi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_homesick?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:c82d99b6-7225-4112-a6ce-bd09225cb441Post:ea5764a5-fd2d-4a34-9c40-5523b1fae938">Re: Homesick</a>:
[QUOTE]Sounds good to me! I'm always down for a road trip :) I think Orlando is 2 hours from Jacksonville? - Not really sure. Thats a great idea to find little places and make them like rituals. I love that idea actually. A perfectly good reason to indulge in some yummy food. I'm always down for that!
Posted by amh04[/QUOTE]

Check out Yelp to find places in your local area where locals like to go!