Military Brides

Help me word this, please

My mind is just shot today for some reason, and I'm trying to write an e-mail to the priest who won't call me back. Apparently he's really bad at calling people back and making appointments, so I thought he might have to read an e-mail.
Here's what I have:

Dear Fr. J,

My name is () and I would love to talk to you about celebrating my marriage at ()'s this fall. I realize this is probably a really busy time of year for you, so I thought it might be easier to get you my information via e-mail.

A little information about my fiance and I: I was a member of ()'s from baptism until about age 23, my mother, A, was a member there for almost 30 years until she moved four years ago to Utah. ()'s was such an incredibly important community to myself and to my family that I have always seen it as the place that I start my new life and my new family. I would love to talk to you about what I can do to help make this into a reality. My fiance, (), is not Catholic, he was baptized Episcopal, but his family has not practiced in many years. He is looking forward to celebrating our marriage in the Catholic Church. He is a second lieutenant is the U.S. Air Force, we met about 3 years ago and became engaged in July. We put off starting to plan a wedding because we knew that he would be re-classed and re-stationed, and we didn't want to start planning until things moved into place, which, of course, happened right after Thanksgiving, so we have just now gotten settled. He is now stationed in San Antonio, Texas, however, he is on a temporary duty in Virginia until the middle of May. I moved to San Antonio at the end of last month.

While it isn't a unique situation, I realize that it may require a bit more work for us to complete all of our pre-Cana wedding preparation. I have been attending a church here, and am more than willing to make arrangements with the priest here to complete whatever needs to be done, and () is also willing to contact the Catholic chaplain on the base where he is now. Right now we'd really like to begin to nail down what we need to do so that it can be completed in a timely fashion. I realize that working things out long-distance isn't ideal for anyone, but anything I can do to make this happen I will do. We are also completely willing to drive back to () once () is back here and meet with you; it would probably be late May or early June before this was possible. I am willing to make the drive myself before then, but () would not be able to join us until he is able to take the leave to come with me.

We would like to get married this fall in October or early November. When I spoke to the parish office I was told that the 27th of October has already been booked, and I had heard that the church's Fall Festival would be on the 20th. We'd love to be able to set a date as soon as is possible, so that we can begin to inform our family and friends. We are both so excited to begin this new chapter in our lives.

Thank you so much for your time, and I hope to hear from you soon,
()
image

Re: Help me word this, please

  • I think it sounds good the way you wrote it. Good job. :)
  • I think it sounds great Divine, I hope he gets back to you soon and that you are able to get everything set in stone. I'm not sure if your priest is tech savy but maybe setting up a Skype time with your FI if he wants to meet with you all sooner, and you could just bring your lap top and set up the skype thing while you are their with your priest or even a phone conference so all three of you guys can talk.

    Good Luck and I hope it all works out for you!
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
  • calindicalindi member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited February 2012
    Sounds great - one thing - he was baptized EpiscopalianLaughing  Or he was baptized in the Episcopal Church.  The adjective is Episcopalian (my grandfather likes to joke 'piss-in-a-pail-Jen')

    image

    Anniversary

  • AmandaSC1988AmandaSC1988 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited February 2012

    In my opinion, and knowing how busy the priest is, less is more. Try and make it as simple as possible so he can read it and resond in 5 minutes.

    I would take out this whole paragraph:

    " While it isn't a unique situation, I realize that it may require a bit more work for us to complete all of our pre-Cana wedding preparation. I have been attending a church here, and am more than willing to make arrangements with the priest here to complete whatever needs to be done, and () is also willing to contact the Catholic chaplain on the base where he is now. Right now we'd really like to begin to nail down what we need to do so that it can be completed in a timely fashion. I realize that working things out long-distance isn't ideal for anyone, but anything I can do to make this happen I will do. We are also completely willing to drive back to () once () is back here and meet with you; it would probably be late May or early June before this was possible. I am willing to make the drive myself before then, but () would not be able to join us until he is able to take the leave to come with me. "

    And  just put a simple

    "We know marriage prep is very important, but because of our situation, it might be a little harder to get together than the average couple. We are willing to do anything to make this happen. If you have any suggestions we are open!

    We would like to get married this fall in October or early November. When I spoke to the parish office I was told that the 27th of October has already been booked, and I had heard that the church's Fall Festival would be on the 20th. We'd love to be able to set a date as soon as is possible, so that we can begin to inform our family and friends. We are both so excited to begin this new chapter in our lives.

    Personally I would just say

    "We would like to get married this fall in October or early November. Do you happen to know what dates are free during that time frame, and Who do we contact to set a date?


    The one thing you don't want him doing is opening the email... halfway reading it...getting pulled away and then forgetting about it.

    Photobucket
  • Yeah, I actually really agree with Amanda.  Less is best with an intro email.  Let him know who you are and that you'd like to discuss which days are available and what you'll have to do to prepare.  When he writes back (or calls back), then you can fill him in on the more detailed stuff.

    image

    Anniversary

  • Thanks, guys.  I know I'm pretty late getting back to you on this, my computer went kaput just as I was editing the email, and then, lo-and-behold, the priest called me back on Friday. I now have a wedding date, November 3rd. Awesome. 
    image
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards