can i just elope?!

amh04

The threats to elope are becoming more and more real. I just got off of the phone with our church and we are having issues with setting up the time - reception is at 7 and they have mass at 530 in their big church and 730 in their small church so we thought a 5-6 ceremony would be fine but apparently not... Seriously if my dress wasn't ordered and I didn't have so much money invested into deposits, we'd book a vacation and elope. I'm not kidding- I'm over these surprises. This isn't fun.

calindi

Eeek!  Okay, let's problem solve - what times are they offering you?  Is your venue open to pushing up the time a little bit so there isn't such a big gap?

I'm keeping tally - so far, I've seriously threatened to elope twice.  Both over the stupid guest list, and that drama may or may not be over.  My immediate family is all I care about being there, so FI and I keep saying that maybe we'll just get married while we're on vacation next month in Costa Rica with my parents and brother.

Elle1036

Ugh, that sucks.  I'm sure it'll work out, though.  Worst case scenario - you have more of a gap than you wanted.  Yeah, it's not ideal, but it happens.

Keep us up to date.

amh04

I've threatened it... more times than I can count. Mainly because of his sister - but now because of this. I could seriously cry right now.
The reception venue is booked 1-5 for another wedding. I just actually sent her an email to get some advice/suggestions and to see if we could pay for an extra hour and have it at 6 and just do the ceremony there - they have a place to do that at our reception venue. So... unless she says that I'm pretty sure we are screwed, unless our priest comes up with something at our next meeting. I'm really, really considering just going and getting my dress, inviting our immediate family and going somewhere getting married and coming home to have a reception. Ughhhhh! That little voice in my head is saying, 'elope, you should just go elope, elopeeeeeee'

calindi

If you're considering another ceremony site, what about a park or chapel?  I'm sure there are beautiful options where you can have your ceremony that aren't your church that will have more flexibility (if your reception venue can't accomodate you, which would obviously be the easiest).  If your priest is okay with doing the ceremony elsewhere, or if you both are okay with having a different priest do the ceremony, why not look into that if it'll make your lives easier?

And like Elle said, it isn't the end of the world to have a gap.  At least you'd have plenty of time to have pictures!

amh04

Thanks Cali - I never considered that before. I'll look into it - hopefully they just let us do what we want to do, or at least have a 5:00 ceremony... I'll keep you all updated.

But on the elope note... I promise - 1 more thing goes wrong.. somewhere warm and pretty we are going.

crownsuperstar

Ok, I had family drama and said more times than I can count that I just wanted to hop a plane and go any where to just advoid this drama.  It seems like weddings can bring out the worst in people.  Had the girls not bought their dresses already we would have been at the Delta ticket counter. 

I would also suggest a park or another chapel if that woudl work.  HUGS!!! I hated surprises during the planning time!

firsttimersluck

oh tell me about it.. I'm 11 days from our wedding and eloping has never sounded so great.... ugh...
Just talk it out with the church. have you sent invites out yet? If not you still have time to adjust times and work it out with them.
Keep us updated on what you decide.. This is what I didn't want to be in a church and picked a venue that we had for the whole day.. It's so messy when you have a venue you have to share with other events... I'm sorry

divinemsbee

That sucks, we've had to re-think things, too (although we didn't have any deposits down yet, so it's a bit easier for us), and except for the fact that getting married Catholic is super-important to me (especially for kids and the future) I would probably go to Vegas. You wrote priest, so I'm not sure if you're Catholic, but most Catholic Saturday weddings, people expect a "Catholic gap" because of Church services being on Saturday nights as well.  I've seen people go to a relative's house or a bar during the gap. Don't know if that helps, and I know a longer gap isn't great because you have to keep the people happy, but good luck!

amh04

Divine - You serisouly need to share all the catholic normals with me! Lol. I didn't know there was supposed to be a gap? FMIL never shares info with me like this (maybe she wants me to look dumb? or doesnt want to intrude.. and lord knows his sister won't share it) Yes, it is a Catholic wedding - just a ceremony, no mass. We will be the only ones at the reception venue, but they did book another reception from 1-5 and we have it from 7-11. She said its pretty normal, and I don't mind sharing - esp if they leave flowers
We don't have any family near by, and I don't know if there is a bar close by - I think there might be. I'll have to check. We haven't sent out our invites yet - the wedding is in March and we are sending them out in November since we opted not to do Save The Dates. I figured 4 months is good enough heads up, since 3 months is the normal.
I'm more or less frustrated because the first church was fine - but then they ended up surprising us with all these fee's making the total cost $1600 for the CHURCH! Insanely dumb! Despite how gorgeous it is - so we went on that and then the priest was like 'oh your marriage is going to fail because you live together' *cough BS cough* so. We wanted to choose a different church, with a priest who believed in us. We found it in our new church and parish and not to mention - there is NOfee to use the church.. so now we are stuck waiting it out until they get our Focus test results back and we meet with him to talk about it all and go over it.
I really only wanted maybe an hour gap tops - enough to comfortably get to the reception venue, even if you get lost - and maybe enough to swing by the hotel (5 minutes from reception venue and go potty/freshen up). I'm just really at a lost right now and I don't know where to go. I know I really shouldn't freak out since we don't know for sure for sure that that time won't work out - but from what it sounds like with talking with the assistant it won't.
I'll keep you ladies updated and hopefully I hear some good news soon - between this and a completely MIA BM, and being jealous of FSIL (they are going wedding dress shopping - and she gets that whole sisterly, motherly, grandmotherly, bridesmaid ordeal (i love that it was just me and my mom - but it would of been nice ya know) I just can't take anything more today.

divinemsbee

I am feelin' your pain on so many Catholic wedding things. We're kind of lucky in that I know most of the priests in the area I'm getting married in (one was my Homecoming date Freshman year of high school). I'm glad you found someone more willing to work with you. Many churches do make you pay a fee if you're not on the parish roster for that church, it's to do with the fact that Catholic churches tend to be really pretty, and some people just want them for how they look, so a fee is their way to avoid or cut down on non-member weddings. We're hopefully in at my childhood church, but there is going to be a fee.

A gap isn't like a law, but they generally happen more often in Catholic weddings on Saturdays because of Mass times, I generally expect one if there is going to be a dinner reception because Catholic weddings on Saturdays are generally over by 4:30 or so. When push comes to shove, they're not going to move much later if they have a Saturday evening Mass. Also, a priest is probably not (very very mostly likely not) going to perform a Catholic wedding service outside of a Catholic church, and convalidations are not super-easy to come by, so if the Catholic thing is important, keep that in mind.

leamckenzie

i totally agree!!!! i wish i could elope. my fiances brother spent our receptionand flower money i just lost  my job and on top of it all  idk if he will be home for our wedding seeing hes deployed and messing with his leave time. im litaraly on the edge right now