Military Brides

Question

As I read some other posts about this I can't help but question my own thoughts.

We are planning our wedding now, still trying to tie down a date with the venue.

He has orders pending for May next year and obviously we would need to be married before those are cut for our moving expenses to be paid for the rest of us that are not currently dependents.

He wants to get married at the court house in a few months and still have a big wedding a few months later. I agreed with a few stipulations, one of them being that NO ONE would know that we had already gotten married except for our older children and us.

The more I read from other posts I'm curious about why people think that if you are already married you can't call it a wedding?

How would you handle this?

Re: Question

  • Go to dictionary.com and look up wedding. It will say "the act or ceremony of marrying; marriage; nuptials. Thats why you can't call it a wedding. You are already married. As for the rest of your post? Lying to your guests to come to a fake ceremony? Gross.
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  • edited August 2012
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_question-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:d5c3cbb2-fdbd-4688-84b9-2dfd6c1e4038Post:a9bdfbe9-6681-40b9-838a-bc77e765ec1d">Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]As I read some other posts about this I can't help but question my own thoughts. We are planning our wedding now, still trying to tie down a date with the venue. He has orders pending for May next year and obviously <strong>we would need to be married before those are cut for our</strong> <strong>moving expenses to be paid</strong> for the rest of us that are not currently dependents. He wants to get married at the court house in a few months and still have a big wedding a few months later. I agreed with a few stipulations, one of them being that <strong>NO ONE would know that we had already gotten married</strong> except for our older children and us. The more I read from other posts I'm curious about why people think that if you are already married you can't call it a wedding? How would you handle this?
    Posted by binghamjenn74[/QUOTE]

    <sarcastic font />Before I address the bolded part you can kill two birds with one stone, First get married at the JOP... get the money for the move..... and get LOOOOOTTTSSs of the money that you get with the extra dependents.. Thennnnn a weeek before your REAL wedding you get divorced so you can get married again!!!! WINNNNN!!1111

    </sarcastic font />



    First bolded - I hate when people try and manipulate the system like that.
    Second bolded - I hate when people lie to me.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_question-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:d5c3cbb2-fdbd-4688-84b9-2dfd6c1e4038Post:a9bdfbe9-6681-40b9-838a-bc77e765ec1d">Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]As I read some other posts about this I can't help but question my own thoughts. We are planning our wedding now, still trying to tie down a date with the venue. He has orders pending for May next year and obviously we would need to be married before those are cut for our moving expenses to be paid for the rest of us that are not currently dependents. He wants to get married at the court house in a few months and still have a big wedding a few months later. I agreed with a few stipulations, one of them being that NO ONE would know that we had already gotten married except for our older children and us. The more I read from other posts I'm curious about why people think that if you are already married you can't call it a wedding? How would you handle this?
    Posted by binghamjenn74[/QUOTE]

    <div>Secrets like this are rude and hurtful to the ones left out of the loop, and they ALWAYS come out eventually.  I have a friend who did this before we met and when her mom found out (because they always do) she wouldn't speak to her for about a year.  </div><div>
    </div><div>If you really want to get married via JOP sooner, fine.  But don't lie to people.  I would be beyond pissed if someone did that to me.</div>
    imageBabyFruit Ticker
  • Thanks, that's why I asked for opinions.
    I see some of you are pretty rude though.
    If you noticed my last question was how would you handle this?
    I don't want to get married sooner, I'd rather plan it the way I want it and have more time.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_question-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:d5c3cbb2-fdbd-4688-84b9-2dfd6c1e4038Post:36adf677-3afa-40ac-9c3d-a0c143898966">Re: Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks, that's why I asked for opinions. I see some of you are pretty rude though. If you noticed my last question was how would you handle this? I don't want to get married sooner, I'd rather plan it the way I want it and have more time.
    Posted by binghamjenn74[/QUOTE]

    <div>As you probably noticed, this questions gets asked all the time and it eventually gets tiring of hearing people try to justify why they are special snowflakes who NEED to get married via JOP and then DESERVE a pretty princess day wedding down the road.</div><div>
    </div><div>Many SM's are told through others that they should get married via JOP to collect benefits.  Honestly, the benefits aren't that amazing once you're married, and no benefits to me would ever be worth me lying to my family and friends and letting them think they were witnessing me getting married when in fact I had been married for a while now.</div><div>
    </div><div>If you aren't comfortable, then don't do it.  Money is no reason at all to cheapen your wedding day to yourself, and it already sounds like you think your family would be upset if you went this route if you want to keep it a secret.</div><div>
    </div><div>Plan the wedding you want and do it all at once.  Or if you decide to do a JOP first, be open and honest with everyone.  Have you parents and nearest and dearest there if you want, then have a big vow renewal party later.  Just don't lie to your friends and family, as that is no way to start off a marriage.</div>
    imageBabyFruit Ticker
  • I don't need his benefits I have a good job with benefits, that was not the issue at all. Maybe it came out as if it were but it was not.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_question-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:d5c3cbb2-fdbd-4688-84b9-2dfd6c1e4038Post:71b2926e-4d83-4f97-a39b-fddd08c9ea87">Re: Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't need his benefits I have a good job with benefits, that was not the issue at all. Maybe it came out as if it were but it was not.
    Posted by binghamjenn74[/QUOTE]

    YOU said get married before the orders are cut so they will cover the cost.
    The US Government which Idk if you know or not is trillions in debt so them paying for you to move is a BENEFIT.

    FTR you can still get your stuff moved with his without being Married but there is a lot of gray area there....
    I want the COOOOOKIE!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_question-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:d5c3cbb2-fdbd-4688-84b9-2dfd6c1e4038Post:36adf677-3afa-40ac-9c3d-a0c143898966">Re: Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks, that's why I asked for opinions. I see some of you are pretty rude though. If you noticed my last question was how would you handle this? I don't want to get married sooner, I'd rather plan it the way I want it and have more time.
    Posted by binghamjenn74[/QUOTE]

    That's the problem with asking internet strangers for their opinions. You got them, just not ones that you like. I'd tell you to ask your friend and family butttt....

    Anyway. If you want to have a planned wedding with more time, do it. Nothing is making you HAVE to get married now. Or, plan a quickie wedding, but don't lie to people. That's crap. And, also, I doubt your children will keep a secret like that. (Assuming they're young, but, again, I don't know your life.)
  • Ok, so you have a good job and benefits, do you really need to have the military pay for your move? Could you afford it yourself? You can do that as an option and have a big wedding after. I paid for my move myself.

    Or you can have a small ceremony now and a party later and make sure to not lie to people.

    Or, my favorite idea, is to scale back your wedding plans, have a gorgeous, simple, elegant affair in a few months. That is more than enough time to plan a wedding. 
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  • I dont understand why you're asking how we would handle this. And then get mad when we tell you it's vile. That's how we handle it. Girls on this board have dozens of different situations, budgets, special circumstances and hardships. We also strongly advocate not ever lying to your guests, sniping the system for quick money and then thinking you get a do over. We are generally fine with having as many parties as your married heart desires. Civilians move themselves all over the world on their own dime every single day. Just do that.
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  • I moved myself with no job/a part time job I quit prior to moving and no health care. If I could do that you can surely afford to do it with a good job and great benefits. Have the wedding you want to plan, not a JOP, especially if feel like you have to lie about it. Like you said, that's what you'd rather do anyway...and I didn't see anyone that was overly rude but, TK eats posts so maybe I missed something.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_question-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:d5c3cbb2-fdbd-4688-84b9-2dfd6c1e4038Post:ab250bca-4311-4bfa-811b-4857f28b5277">Re:Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]I dont understand why you're asking how we would handle this. And then get mad when we tell you it's vile. That's how we handle it. Girls on this board have dozens of different situations, budgets, special circumstances and hardships. We also strongly advocate not ever lying to your guests, sniping the system for quick money and then thinking you get a do over. <strong>We are generally fine with having as many parties as your married heart desires.</strong> Civilians move themselves all over the world on their own dime every single day. Just do that.
    Posted by Irishcurls[/QUOTE]
    Wanna plan a joint party with me to celebrate our weddings? I think it could be fun. 
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  • You know I do.
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