Military Brides

tell me there is a tasteful way...

I'm about 45 days out from the wedding. MIL just threw a shower this weekend, which was very nice. Lots of women I didn't really know that are coming to the shower, so it is nice to have a better shot at putting a face-to-a-name-to-a-gift-etc in a month and a half.

So I guess my question is for those who have faced(/are planning to face) the typical questions, which have already gotten SO OLD already. (I'm including my sarcastic comments that are tempting to say just to be facetious.)

"So, are you excited?" (No, I'm completely unexcited.)
"Wow, it's soon, isn't it?" (OMG IT IS, I was completely unaware of the date!!!)
"OMG are you nervous?" (Yeah, I'm completely nervous and terrified to marry this man I've known for 4 years.)

I mean, I would attribute most of this to lack of conversation topics from women who don't really know me well, but it was also coming from folks I already have known for a while. I just feel really edgy and irritated when I get asked these stupid questions. And then I feel so fake since I have to respond to them with equally inane responses. It is really making me unexcited for the wedding honestly. I'm sick of the fake-ness of it all.
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Re: tell me there is a tasteful way...

  • edited December 2011
    I was outrightly sarcastic to people I knew could handle it, but honestly... Suck it up. 
    That's the only way. 
    It's freakin' obnoxious, but it's just their way of recognizing your big, special, life-changing day (blahblahblahblah) is coming up soon. 

    Guess what happens after you're finally done and married? 
    "So how's it feel to be married???" 

    oh yeah. 
    It never ends. 
  • LetsHikeTodayLetsHikeToday member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I know how frustrating it is. I work in an elementary school with 70 plus women. Most of them are older. They would ask me every. Single. Day. I could walk down the hall and get the , "how's the wedding planning question" 3 or 4 times each: on the way to lunch, picking the kids up, coming into school, leaving school, taking the kids to an assembly, etc. The only option is to be gracious. They are only asking because either they want to connect with you but don't know what else to talk about or they genuinely care about your wedding plans. It doesn't get any better. Now the question is how is married life. I usually tell them the same as engaged life and they say but now you can live with him. I then say that we had been living in sin anyway. It usually shuts them up. :-)
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  • iluvmytxrgriluvmytxrgr member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I suggest taking care of it right off the bat.  Sometime in the begining of the shower, stand and take the chance to thank every one for coming. 
    " Ladies, thank you so much for coming and sharing this special time with our family. The last four years have been so wonderful.  I am excited for what our future has in store for us.  I can't believe it's only a week away.  We've been planning this for so long.  I am so anxious for our big day but not nervous at all."
    Some thing along those lines but make it personal for you. 
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  • edited December 2011
    FTL- don't forget "when are you going to have children" is always one that comes up for me.  My response "We are on the "Army" birth control.

    I just sucked it up and answered the questions with a smile on my face.  I figured they don't have a lot to say to me so that would be where it started. 
  • AmandaSC1988AmandaSC1988 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I just use one word Yes/No answers. It works for the most part.

    Are you excited? YES!
    It is soon isn't it? Yes!
    Are you nervous? NO

  • edited December 2011
    bahahaha crown nice addition. :P 
  • edited December 2011
    FTL- Thanks!!!! That is always my go to answer! HAA
  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Like others have said, it's really just their polite way of making conversation.  If it was only 1 person it wouldn't be bad.  But when you're in a room full of people asking the same questions, or get them every single day from people, it gets old.  Just smile and answer, and throw in an answer to all the questions at once.  "Yes I'm really excited, it's coming up so soon.  I'm not really nervous, I just want the day to be here already!"

    Also as others said, it never ends, because then it switches to:
    -how's married life?
    -when are going to have kids? (which is followed by everyone's unsoliticited advice on how long you should wait or how you shouldn't wait at all)
    -when will you buy a house? 
    -when are you moving back home?

    And the list just goes on.  Get used to it now!
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  • calindicalindi member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Honestly, the questions don't bother me.  I've found myself asking people who I know only a little similar questions, like FI's law school classmates.  "So, are you excited for graduation?" or "You ready for finals?"  Obviously dumb questions, but I don't know - they're easy?  I've tried to ask more open-ended conversation starters like, "What are your plans after graduation?" or "What's your study plan for finals?" to try to actually start a conversation.

    When someone asks me one of those questions, I'm either very friendly and brief, or if they are family and ask a lot, I tend to tell them too much so they don't want to ask again.  ("Yep, wedding planning is going great, but I can't decide between this flower and that flower, and I've been thinking about how to incorporate details in the centerpieces....")

    The questions that are driving me nuts are the ones about FI being in the military.  We get a lot of, "Oh, well, he'll be a lawyer, so he won't be doing anything dangerous, right?  He doesn't have to go anywhere."  Heh... right.

    Or shock and awe that he would think of making a career of it - they just assume he'll do his 3 years and clock out for a better paying private sector job, and actually seem disgusted or disappointed that he plans to stay as a Marine indefinitely. 

    They then turn to pitying me about him potentially deploying and how hard that will be. Then they'll say something like, "Well, hopefully it's a really long time before he has to go anywhere, and hopefully never to a war zone."  And I either nod and smile, or I gently let them know that we're actually hoping very much that he deploys early and often, as it will help his career and I'd prefer for him to get as many war zone deployments out of the way before we have kids.  I try to be patient and explain that it frightened me at first, but now I'm used to the idea and really do want him to deploy.  They clearly think I'm nuts.



  • edited December 2011
    Cal, they don't bother me either... I guess the only one that is kind of annoying is the babies one. It's like, ok guys ONE THING AT A TIME. (That's actually how I answer that question, every time!) But, those kind of questions will never EVER end, so I would just not let it bother you. Yeah, they're silly questions, but it's not like we don't ourselves do it to other people! LOL!
  • edited December 2011
    thankfully it doesn't bother me, either... but I tend toward the one word answers with people I don't really know well. I think wedding related questions are less boring than when people ask "so how is the weather?" or "what do you think of this weather?"

    uh, why do you care what I think about how the weather is? especially when most of the time, they're experiencing the same weather?!
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  • tyleet87tyleet87 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thankfully I rarely get asked anything but when I do it's: So how's the wedding planning going? I usually smile and reply with: "It's...going." :) haha I'm not going to sit there and go over that I'm getting a little nervous about BM dresses since my MOH hasn't show me her ideas yet, or the minute details of the choices I have to make for the ceremony or reception. No thanks.
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  • edited December 2011
    I guess maybe this is a symptom of me being used to deflecting "How's wedding planning going?", which used to bother the heck out of me. But now I handle that by oversharing, like PP said.

    Also I was super edgy last night after discovering FMIL, in her file of names/ addresses to send invites to, gave us MRS for girls my age who have never been married/divorced/anything. Of course this reflects poorly on me, and I got into a tizzy about all kinds of other things that have gone wrong because of her. Which is horrible, I should just be grateful for the help she gives and just get the heck over mistakes like this. She just doesn't know addressing etiquette, I guess.

    On another note, she is trying to wrangle FI into letting her do the programs for the ceremony. She "sat him down" and they discussed what should be included (like stuff about godparents, etc.)... When he told me what they talked about, and how they wanted to do it on the computer and print them out since the ones online are expensive, I said to FI, 'No, we are going to kinkos and designing/ printing it there, then.' I don't want the hassle of having to print it myself or the stress of worrying whose title or name FMIL has screwed up on it.

    Also, is there any way to turn off that STUPID ticker that pops up as soon as you log in to the Knot?? I hate it. It just reminds me of what crap I have left to do that isn't getting done.
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  • calindicalindi member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Wow, LOLways, sounds like your FMIL isn't that on the ball.  It also sounds like you're a bit stressed - perhaps you need a week of official no-wedding-talk to chill out?  And maybe some time away from TK if it stresses you more.  Hang in there! 



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