QOTD 8.30.11

Zimsgirl

What is your relationship like with your FMIL/MIL?

I do not have a very good one with mine after things I have mentioned before. She makes jabs at me that aren't always the nicest and then tries to suck up to me. I know I'm stuck with her for the lack of a better term but it's just hard to trust her or be close to her after what she's done.

ggirl2001

I'm somewhat lucky. MIL annoys me, but she does like me. I think she is thankful that I have a degree and have worked hard at my goals, so she respects that. H does not have the best relationship with her because of their past history, but she is trying to work on improving that. Its frustrating because she puts me in the middle sometimes, but I usually just say that I'll pass this on to H and leave it at that. She is an attention seeker so that's annoying. She seems to forget sometime that there is another woman in H's life. Heck, even when I wasn't around, she wasn't the "woman" in his life so I don't know why she acts that way now. I've learned to tolerate it, and speak to H when it does bother me (like when she wanted to come down the day he got back from deployment and stay in our 1 br apt with us). She ended up coming down 4 days after he got back. FIL on the other hand, no relationship, he did not come to our wedding. I can't respect him as a father, at all, because he has never acted like one to H. But, if H decides down the line to work on the relationship I will support him and be there.

amh04

Umm... I can only give my point of view on our relationship - obviously. I think we have a pretty 'decent' relationship. I don't neccessarly call her just to talk, nor does she with me. When she does call she talks with Erik, not with me. She wasn't very helpful with a situation that came about when we were trying to set our date around FSIL's date and I thought she should have been. But outside of that I've never not really liked her. She's always been very nice towards me and very sweet. It's important to me that I get along with FI's family as best as possible. I would really like a closer relationship with her, but it's kind of hard to do that when we live in FL and they live in KY. So... we'll see where it takes us after the wedding.

shan87

I love my MIL for the most part. The only time I get frustrated with her is when we try to explain things to her. She gets things confused really easily and doesn't really listen. She always backs me up with H, which I LOVE. She tells H to listen to me, be nice, help out etc. It helps when he hears it from her and me.

I do try to spend time with his parents when I am home, even without H. FIL didn't like me at first but now they both really love me.

calindi

Neutral.  FI isn't close with her and they have a complicated relationship.  He'd love for her to be more involved, but she's usually not.  It's actually gotten a lot better since FI and I started dating - she kinda loves me, two of FI's three sisters adore me (the other sister we don't like) so I've sort of started to be the bridge in that relationship.  FI's Mom even asked if she could come drive down while we were up in RI visiting my parents so she could meet my parents, who had called to introduce themselves a few weeks prior.  It was the first time she's extended any sort of olive branch to go out of her way to do something for FI, so we gladly accepted even though it made the whole thing a million times more complicated.  We sent her a nice thank you card and thanked her over and over, to encourage this type of behavior again and to tell her how much it meant to both FI and me.

Because FI's family all live within 5 miles of each other, and FI lives 2000 miles away and is the only boy, he is often left out.  They don't tell him things, they don't include him in things, and so he's sort of the outsider.  He's also fiercely independent and has always been, so they don't think he needs them, but it kills me that he's so afraid to ask for help when he needs it because he's been shot down so many times.  FI's Mom will often pay for things for the other 3, but never for FI.  He says it doesn't bother him, but it does, so I'm sort of hurt and angry on his behalf.  I try to put it aside, though.

YoungDuo

I have a great relationship with my FILs. I still live in the same town as them until the wedding, and I go by to see them about twice a month, sometimes more. And I go out to eat dinner with them sometimes too so we can catch up.  I feel like I lucked out since I know that a lot of people don't always have a good relationship with their ILs. FSIL lives in NY so I don't hardly ever see her but we text and FB on occasion, but that's also because she has a really demanding job and she's pregnant so she's pretty busy. I'm so excited to be a part of their family

Irishcurls

I'd say neutral to good. When we see them (holidays or if FI makes a trip home) its always very pleasant and fine. I freak out sometimes that they think I'm a brat or something, because I don't think they understand the lifestyle FI and I have--why we'd spend money on the wedding, or take a vacation here, etc. I dont think its a negative thing, they just would "do it differently" so I get paranoid that I'm being judged. 

SamiJoeB

Our relationship has been a roller coaster.  We used to get along really really well, and then when I moved in with them it was still okay, but I was miserable and just slept all the time because they fought, and I couldn't find a good job, and I just hated my life there. She got mad when I decided to move home and said that she felt like my Mom and FIL had "won" (I'm sorry, I didn't know my happiness was a contest?).  She barely spoke to me the whole last week I was there, FIL wanted us all to go out to dinner and she threw a hissy fit and refused to come which then made me feel like I was doing something wrong by going.  While my Dad and I were driving across the country she told my H that I was moving home to bascially have an affair with a guy who's pretty much family. 
The final straw, however, came when she opened my mail (all of it I'm sure as I have still not seen any of it, but this in particular was a credit card bill) and without so much as a word to me, greatly exagerated the balance to my H. Not once, not twice, but 3 different times.  The first time I emailed both MIL and FIL and asked them to please forward my mail to me.  The second time, I didn't say anything, but the 3rd time I completely lost it and sent her an email reminding her that opening someone else's mail is a federal offense.  Then she forwarded my email to all of H's family and when I apologized she basically said that she and my FIL wished that H and I had never married.  So now I guess everyone hates me cause I'm a hateful b!tch.  H and I have moved passed it.  I don't speak to her and only communicate with FIL via email.

ETA: I got a birthday card from her today.  It was super impersonal, but whatever.

KendallR10

I LOVE my FMIL! Seriously. She is supportive. She raised 2 amazing sons. She took me in when I got kicked out. She has done so much for FI and I. 

CAB1217

It's really good with me and FMIL, she can invade our privacy at times, but I do confide in her more than my own mother. Not because I prefer her over my mother, but FMIL is a lot stronger mentally, where my mom is very sensitive and worry-some. She's an awesome lady!

firsttimersluck

We have a good relationship. We live so far away so it's hard to be CLOSE with them, which means they are still close to FI's past two ex's.. yaay.... but They like me just fine and I like them.

Beachy730

I get along with her fine, but I make sure that when I talk to her it's on my terms and when I want to.  It can get really annoying talking to her because she doesn't listen when I talk.  She called the other day to ask if everything was okay because she had been trying to call H all day and his phone was going right to voicemail.  I can't even begin to count how many times I have told her that when he is on the ship he doesn't get service.  

Rethany

I get along great with my Future Step-Mother-In-Law.  We talk to each other probably once a month.  She is always giving great suggestions on anything in life.  She is always inviting me over for wine.  She's pretty cool.

FI's mom died about 11 years ago.  I never got to meet her but FI says we would have gotten along great.  She had a really dry sense of humor, as do I. 

SamiJoeB

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_qotd-83011?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:db31f417-6a0e-4e2d-9c9b-dbca0951dfc1Post:e359feaf-0202-47cc-9832-9c137b881174">Re: QOTD 8.30.11</a>:
[QUOTE]We have a good relationship. We live so far away so it's hard to be CLOSE with them, <strong>which means they are still close to FI's past two ex's</strong>.. yaay.... but They like me just fine and I like them.
Posted by firsttimersluck[/QUOTE]

My MIL still talks to at least 1 of H ex's. She's married and pregnant (possibly just had her baby) and she would still send her messages about how they married the wrong people and they were meant for each other. What a Sweetheart!!

Zimsgirl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_qotd-83011?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:db31f417-6a0e-4e2d-9c9b-dbca0951dfc1Post:056cc83c-601e-4a85-8de0-2da8adbdcff4">Re: QOTD 8.30.11</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: QOTD 8.30.11 : My MIL still talks to at least 1 of H ex's. She's married and pregnant (possibly just had her baby) and she would still send her messages about how they married the wrong people and they were meant for each other. What a Sweetheart!!
Posted by SamiJoeB[/QUOTE]
Wow that's crazy. I thought I had a bad relationship with my FMIL. Yours sounds way out of line.

firsttimersluck

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_qotd-83011?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:db31f417-6a0e-4e2d-9c9b-dbca0951dfc1Post:056cc83c-601e-4a85-8de0-2da8adbdcff4">Re: QOTD 8.30.11</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: QOTD 8.30.11 : My MIL still talks to at least 1 of H ex's. She's married and pregnant (possibly just had her baby) and she would still send her messages about how they married the wrong people and they were meant for each other. What a Sweetheart!!
Posted by SamiJoeB[/QUOTE]

Umm.. I don't like that.
Yeah one of his ex's (his longest relationship.. awesome) works at his parents work. NICE. thanks mom and dad for hiring her! This one doesn't bother me terribly because the relationship was looong ago. Back when fi was 18-22 and now he is 29. Fi cares though. He is so angry about it because he feels like they are choosing between them.. whatevs.

It's the most recent one that sucks for me. She was still talking to FI when Fi and I met, and Fi just was being a wuss and not cutting her off (until he met me. That stopped asap. I don't deal with that crap lol) but they dated on and off for 2.5 years and she is BEST BEST BESTIES with his sister. awesome. So I aaaalllways hear nonstop about her. Thing is, she is crazy. absolutely NUTS and bipolar. His parents know that, but since she is Fi's sister's one and only friend, they have to love and accept her. yeah. whatever. As long as I don't have to deal with her BSC ways.

calindi

I'm so glad my future in-laws don't like FI's ex.  They were engaged, so it could be very difficult if it was the "me vs. her" situation you guys sound like you're being put through in various ways.  FI's ex is a nutjob - tried to hit him various times with various hard objects, made him choose between her and his family, then cheated on him with women & became a coke addict.  Klassy.  Then even after he broke up with her and moved out, she continued to plague him because she let her dogs destroy the carpeting in the house they had been renting and she didn't tell him that they were charged as tenants $750 to replace the carpeting.  FI found out when he went to apply for law school loans that a collection agency had filed with the credit agencies - uh, thanks for calling him first, bozos!  So he emailed her to figure out what was going on, and she kept screaming at him, "I'm getting married, I can't afford that sh*t!  You're so f***ing impotent, you're a loser, you're not going anywhere... " blah blah blah.  He ended up paying half, and the colleciton agency finally got her to pay hers.  She got married to some other dude exactly 1 year after she and FI broke up.  Good riddance to bad rubbish.

firsttimersluck

WOW. Yeah, their ex's sounds almost like the same person. Seriously.

I'm pretty sure the only reason FI dated her in the first place was because she was one of the few non-Christian, democratic, younger women in his area. That's all she had going for her.. then it all went down hill from there lol. And I'm fairly certain the only reason they were "together" so long was because he was going through OCS, primary, advanced, etc and was never NEAR her. lol. It was basically a 2 year long distance relationship. His whole family (other than his immediate family) hate her with a passion and aren't afraid to voice it. They all love me. It's really just because FI's sister is besties with her that his parents won't say anything negative about her.
I don't need to hear negative stuff about her, I just don't want to feel like I'm being compared to her the whole time.

Booo ex's. I feel like after high school they shouldn't matter (unless you have kids with one.. I suppose that's a completely different ball game). It feels so petty to have to deal with it now.

calindi

FTL, that's really too funny.  FI maintains that the only reason he dated his ex is because they were the only two who wanted to get out of their hometown, and they both came from broken disfunctional families.  Uh, not a basis for a relationship, kiddos!  And her Dad pressured him into proposing really early (like 6 months into their relationship) when they were only 20 years old, with the idea that they could just have a really long engagement.  Except then FI felt like he had made a commitment and felt trapped.  Until finally his cousin made the point that you don't have to get divorced to break off an engagement, and FI realized that was probably the right choice (especially considering she wasn't coming home at night and was basically shacking up with some chick from work).

divinemsbee

As I have definitely vented on here before, our relationship is not great, to say the least. I default to "Southern Girl" nice manners with her, lots of "how are you's?" and "it was so nice to see you's" even when I don't mean it, because I don't want to be the  drama-llama. FI and I actually went to lunch with his Mom and Dad this last Saturday becuase his Mom works in my hometown and his Dad was visiting, and we were up there moving. Totally awkward. She did not make eye contact with me (i8n fact she actively avoided it), speak to me or about me the entire lunch.

She was sitting on the outside of the booth, opposite FI, and the whole time had her body angled as far away from me (on the inside of the booth, next to FI, diagonal from her) as possible. I almost asked her if she needed to know where the bathroom was, she was really looking like she needed to get up. The general effect was sulky 13-year-old girl. Attractive. I've sent her an e-mail saying it was good to see her and I hope her work's going well. His Dad is really nice and funny, but no one wants to call his Mom out on her behavior; even FI noticed it, it's just weird. Even though I'm pretty well educated and have worked my own way through school and life, she thinks I'm a materialistic gold-digger with a "distaste for poverty." (Her words, my favorite quote about my character she has made.)

firsttimersluck

lol she was shacking up with a chick from work!?!?BAHAHAHAHAH... awkwarrrrrd...
yeah.. silly boys. Fi would have never proposed to his ex.. he knew that much. He refused to even speak the word "marriage" to her which is why I was so shocked when he started talking wedding to me after three months in.  )
It's a good thing that your Fi figured out that he was making a mistake.. that's bold for a guy! But OBVIOUSLY the right decision.
Basically because we're awesome.. aaaand their ex's are BSC.

calindi

I love that his ex set the bar so darned low... is that bitchy of me?  Ha!  I mean, I'm really good to him, but he REALLY REALLY appreciates it and is still surprised after 3 years simply because he was used to being treated like dirt.

And his whole family hated her so darned much that anything I do is like gold.  Like I "allowed" him to visit his family for Thanksgiving one year instead of spending it with me, and they were shocked. I kinda feel like I can do no wrong. It's pretty awesome.

firsttimersluck

hahaha no I'm totally with you.
Fi is always so shocked that I get up with him at any hour to help him get ready for work (he's NOT a morning person.).
He's always surprised that I don't care if he plays video games all day long, and can't believe that I want him to make the career choices best for HIM. I will follow )

His ex definitely helped me out

kara811

MIL and I have such a great relationship, I feel like I hit a jackpot! haha And we even like to tagteam H sometimes, teasingly anyway. We live so far apart, so the only time we ever get to spend time together is when H and I visit, although we constantly text and call each other. We're actually going to see them in a few weeks and we are all looking forward to it. She's a SAHM who raised 6 kids(including 5 boys!) well and I admire her for that. H is the way he is because he learned it from his parents and we would love to be able to do the same with our kids someday. 

As far as ex's, H never had any past serious relationship, I'm the only girl he's ever brought home and I'm the first DIL in the family! H tells me all the time how the family loves me and I do feel that from them. I am very close with H's family.