Second Wedding Question(s)

shan87

I'm not against them by any means but I have to ask an etiquette question....

I have a coworker who is, let say 40+ and getting married for a second time. She originally was going to have her adult sons and FSD be the wedding party. She has since changed that and asked the all the ladies in her unit to be BMs. 6 total.

My question is, the bride has requested her WP throw a shower and Bach Party. (Granted that is a problem in and of itself since they are not  required for 1st time weddings) but .... I am wondering if I am the only person out there that is bugged by this?

I am also totally taken aback by the fact that she has 4 registries! with 150 items on each. She and her FI have their own homes.. she just sold hers so she could move into his. Which means they probably already have 2 sets of everything. I understand upgrading but I know they do well and could buy the stuff for themselves, so I feel they are being greedy. Sigh I am probably being overly b!tchy but it boggles my mind since my Aunt (same age) is getting married again this summer and she made sure people knew NO gifts would be accepted and they are broke.  . Perhaps I should ask this on the second weddings page.

end.rant.

kara811

6 BMs? I just couldn't go passed that for some reason. That's so many! Most 2nd weddings I know only ever have no WP or their kids in it. B Parties and showers are supposed to be thrown for the bride, if no one is going to throw her one, then she doesn't get any. It's rude to ask others to throw it for her. Maybe they are being a bit greedy or sounds like she's trying to have a "do over". Maybe her 1st wedding wasn't what she wanted.

crownsuperstar

I do think it is very rude to ask for parties and make the BMs pay for it.  That is way out of line as far as I am concerned.  Gosh and to think I just had my 1st wedding and only had 5 BMs . 

Anyway, I have had several friends that have gotten re-married and we did not do a shower or anything like that for them.  We did have a girls weekend right before their weddings however that is a trip that our group has been doing once a year since college graduation so it was not planned for their benefits.  We just took the time to spend celebrating the fact they have found really nice guys to spend the rest of their lives with.  They didn't however wear the "last night" button or flashy crown things.

calindi

She sounds a bit much, but I'd probably just go along with it and throw a low-key shower and an inexpensive but fun bachelorette party (girls night out style, ya know?).

I can only imagine what I'd be like as a second-time bride (I don't expect to ever get married for a second time, but who knows what life holds for us).  I'm pretty low-key as it is!

I do not have a wedding party - just my brother will be standing up for me.  Thus I will likely not have any showers or a traditional bachelorette, though I think my FI and I plan to host a party for all our friends where we rent a bus (which we'll pay for) and take them all wine tasting near DC one weekend.

My FI has asked his two closest friends to be his 'best men' and I don't mind at all that the sides are uneven.  I am on track to be about 10% under budget if all goes according to plan (if I'm not forgetting something).  And we registered for very little as we'll be moving so much - probably only 200 items total, added up everything and it's under $5000.

kyrgyzstan

Meh, this is my second marriage, I had a civil ceremony the first time, and none of that would make me bat an eye really. It's FI's first marriage, and he's pretty psyched for all the wedding-y stuff, but I don't think that gives me a pass compared to your friend. My marriage was awful, and abusive, and rife with infidelity on his part, and genuinely, I don't even feel like I was married. If I had been more savvy at the time, I would have tried for an annullment as opposed to filing for divorce, but that's just semantics. 

Registries are for the convenience of guests, so as long as she's not putting them in the invites, I don't care about them.

It is a bit gauche to ask for a shower/bach, but I can understand at least wanting the bachelorette party, my BMs are my two besties and my sisters, and both my besties moved away recently. I'm psyched to spend time with them more than anything. If this woman is a mother, maybe she's psyched to just spend some girl time out of the house.

This woman is with the man she loves, and she took a different, longer, and crappy route to get to him, but he's her happy ending. My path sucked, but it made me care a lot more about strength, duty, and honor in all aspects of my life and how I behave, and it moved me to a place where I ended up meeting FI.  I can't imagine treating this marriage like I'm ashamed of my past, because I'm not.

*I'm not saying I think any second brides should go full on princess, tiaras, and all that noise, but I'm against all that anyway, especially for brides that are older than 25, which I assume most second brides are. 

shan87

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_second-wedding-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:dfd50a57-54ae-470c-a951-d0cb05162e1ePost:8f28690c-61a8-4ed4-abfd-cd64c9f90575">Re: Second Wedding Question(s)</a>:
[QUOTE]This woman is with the man she loves, and she took a different, longer, and crappy route to get to him, but he's her happy ending. . 
Posted by WishIcouldbeinthe'stan[/QUOTE]

I love this view :) And I am sorry your first husband sucked at life :)


Disclaimer: We work at the same place but in completely different roles. She is Admin and I am not. So I am not involved in nor will I be included in the parties. Just heard through other ladies at work or when I am in the office.

I also don't know what happened in her 1st marriage, nor is it any of my business.

crownsuperstar

Sorry, I didn't mean to sound that she shouldn't have things done for her...I think she should just not ask for it.  I am just under the thought that friends/BM offer to give you showers and stuff.  It is not something that should be expected.  We only had one shower which was a more of a party.  We did this since are older and have most everything for a house that you can register for.  I did have a Ladies Only shower and that was for stuff for the honeymooon which was fun. 

kyrgyzstan

When you said that she asked all the other ladies in your dept., I assumed that meant you as well.

And no, we don't know what happened in her marriage, she could have been a giant beebee cheating while her first husband was on deployment (maybe he was mil, what do we know?) prostitution whore.

http://www.hulu.com/watch/93679/the-real-housewives-of-new-jersey-prostitution-whore

But, maybe now she's a grown up, and most people aren't on TK, you know? She probably thinks it's normal to let people know she wants a shower.

And I don't care that XH sucks at life, we were both too young and too dumb. I hope he's learned, gotten therapy, etc. but I doubt it, as he's on his third marriage (and he's younger than me). But thanks!

crownsuperstar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_second-wedding-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:dfd50a57-54ae-470c-a951-d0cb05162e1ePost:a3db8384-1271-49c1-afc1-56e75fb100c1">Re: Second Wedding Question(s)</a>:
[QUOTE]When you said that she asked all the other ladies in your dept., I assumed that meant you as well. And no, we don't know what happened in her marriage, she could have been a giant beebee cheating while her first husband was on deployment (maybe he was mil, what do we know?) prostitution whore. <strong><a href="http://www.hulu.com/watch/93679/the-real-housewives-of-new-jersey-prostitution-whore" rel='nofollow'>http://www.hulu.com/watch/93679/the-real-housewives-of-new-jersey-prostitution-whore</a></strong> But, maybe now she's a grown up, and most people aren't on TK, you know? She probably thinks it's normal to let people know she wants a shower. And I don't care that XH sucks at life, we were both too young and too dumb. I hope he's learned, gotten therapy, etc. but I doubt it, as he's on his third marriage (and he's younger than me). But thanks! :)
Posted by WishIcouldbeinthe'stan[/QUOTE]

Ok that is my guilty pleasure!!!!! that show cracks me up!!!!! I mean flipping tables season 1, pulling hair season 2 and a knock down drag out fight at a <p style="margin:0in 0in 0pt;" class="MsoNormal"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3" color="#000000">Christening season 3</font></p>

shan87

The east coast accent is the BEST part of that line. I too watch all the real housewives. I didn't have cable the last year and all I could get on my TV was Bravo.

@Stan. Sorry She asked all the ladies in HER unit.

jamie5482

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_second-wedding-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:dfd50a57-54ae-470c-a951-d0cb05162e1ePost:9d0ea8b5-ac19-4735-9b7f-6c045e13f062">Re: Second Wedding Question(s)</a>:
[QUOTE]The east coast accent is the BEST part of that line. I too watch all the real housewives. I didn't have cable the last year and all I could get on my TV was Bravo. @Stan. Sorry She asked all the ladies in HER unit.
Posted by shan87[/QUOTE]
Oh, wow, I watched that clip (never really watched the show before... I live under a rock. And we don't have tv, just use hulu and netflix) and I really hope my accent isn't that bad!!! <div>
</div><div>I can see how your co-worker's shenanigans could be kind of annoying but at the same time I would try not to let it get to me. Like Stan said, maybe this is her happy ending or something. It sounds like a bit much but I could understand wanting to spend some time with the ladies doing a bach party and such. </div>

shan87

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_second-wedding-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:dfd50a57-54ae-470c-a951-d0cb05162e1ePost:d2032a57-0f05-47f4-89b8-25d5a3a28956">Re: Second Wedding Question(s)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Second Wedding Question(s) : Oh, wow, I watched that clip (never really watched the show before... I live under a rock. And we don't have tv, just use hulu and netflix) and <strong>I really hope my accent isn't that bad!!!</strong>  I can see how your co-worker's shenanigans could be kind of annoying but at the same time I would try not to let it get to me. Like Stan said, maybe this is her happy ending or something. It sounds like a bit much but I could understand wanting to spend some time with the ladies doing a bach party and such. 
Posted by jamie5482[/QUOTE]

Although I don't know your accent people mistake me for canadian all the time (outside of MN of course) because of my Minnesota accent. Its pretty embarrassing. My Dad's side is from Chicago and they all sound like mobsters. I wish I had theirs. :)

SamiJoeB

I love MN accents, but I personally think that southern accents are the best, though I probably just think that because I have one!

jamie5482

Aw, MN accents are okay too, I have friends who are from WI but I'm not sure if that's similar or if I'm completely insulting you. I guess I have a Maryland accent? Not as bad as the one in the episode of 30 Rock where they make fun of Overstock.com (apparently the MD/ Baltimore accent is to draw out the o sounds) though. 

Some southern accents are adorable but when some people talk I just want to make them speak faster or more clearly. I'm sure people want to slow my speech down sometimes!

cooper8759

I am from Jersey and FH is from Kentucky. God only knows what our poor children will sound like....