Unity Ceremony, (help!)

aluaevolver

My FI and I would love to do the Unity Sand ceremony. 

We have....or I guess we had it all laid out. 

I come from a searated family. My parents are divorced by I love both my mom and my step  mom.  So, we were going to ask the three moms

Mother of bride

Mother of Groom

and

Step mother of Bride

to walk the unity sand down the aisle during the processional (the reason for our three wedding colors (white, navy blue, and silver). My mom and Step mom would have smaller valves with the lighter colors and would mix them in a bigger valve (the one I would use to pour) because I come from two families, not just one, per say. Jerad's mom would bring down the Navy blue which he would use to pour.

However, when I asked my step mom, she said she would love to but that I should ask my mom if she would allow it. She respects my mom but my mom is a bit bitter and doesn't like to share.

So, I did as my step mom asked and...well, asked.

My mom went into orbit! She hates my step mom for marrying the man SHE divorced and says I shouldn't have even thought of having her in the wedding. I shouldn't have my dad walk me down the aisle and blah, blah, blah.

What do I do? This means so much to me? To honor these women. Honestly, my step mom has been there for me more than my own mom. What do I do?

artbyallie

It sounds like it will come down to whether or not your mom can put on her big girl panties and be civil for one day for the sake of your wedding.

willywally5

Sigh. This sucks big time for you. 

I am a stepmom myself and there is a huge amount of bitterness between the bio mom and myself as well. Super silly as they were long divorced before I came into the picture. So a very similar scenario.

Seemingly, your stepmom is a gracious enough woman to do whatever you'd like on your/fiance's big day. So now it is a matter of getting your bio mom on board. Have you tried a reasonable adult discussion about it? Or will she not have it?

Here's the sad truth: The only thing these two women have in common is YOU ... and the only person being hurt by your bio mom's remarks/unwillingness to play nice is YOU. Have you told her that? 

Regarding the sand ceremony, I'd tell her that is how you'd like it and if she doesn't want to partipate, fine. I bet you a zillion bucks she will tow the line when the day comes. If she won't, that is her choice.

aluaevolver

I tried a reasonable discussoin but my mom won't have it. I asked my step mom if she would still stand as my step mom and she said yes. My fiance has asked his army friends to be ushers so if mom can't be nice, she might be escorted right back out. I hope it doesn't come to that.