Help!

jennelijah11

My soldier starts OCS in May, so we don't find out his OCS schedule intill then. We want to get married in October, 5 months after we find out his schedule. So obviously we can't set a wedding date till May. I'm trying not to stress over this, it's not his fault. He can't miss OCS either, it's a huge no no! How do I go about sending the save the dates and booking Venus? Pick two dates out in October? Please help!!!!

calindi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_help-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:e9d8e9a5-5ada-4027-b39f-38c8bbed2997Post:fb2b05b6-1aff-4570-a808-384a22d37f32">Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]My soldier starts OCS in May, so we don't find out his OCS schedule intill then. We want to get married in October, 5 months after we find out his schedule. So obviously we can't set a wedding date till May. I'm trying not to stress over this, it's not his fault. He can't miss OCS either, it's a huge no no! How do I go about sending the save the dates and booking Venus? Pick two dates out in October? Please help!!!!
Posted by jennelijah11[/QUOTE]

Hi and welcome to the board!  I hope you stick around - the ladies here have lots of good advice about adjusting to the military life, all sorts of issues about planning a wedding to someone in the military, and just daily life stuff.  I've found it invaluable while planning our wedding and getting ready for my FI to go active duty next summer.

Sorry, but there's no guarantee he'll be done in October.  If he hasn't left yet, then that would work, but what if he gets hurt or sick, and has to recycle and start again with the next cycle?  It sounds unlikely, but it's entirely possible.  Of the 5 friends that I've seen go through Army or Marine OCS, 2 have had to repeat it and one didn't make it through and didn't go back.  And if he's not done, it's extremely unlikely he'll be granted leave to go to his wedding.

Not only is missing OCS a "huge no no", it's really impossible.  So, I'm really sorry, but I have to say that your best bet is to wait until he's done with OCS and initial training and has a duty station, and then have him talk to his chain of command about when would be a good time for leave (meaning get a rough idea when he won't be deploying or training).  You can't bend the military around a wedding, you're going to have to bend the wedding around the military.  This is much easier when he isn't in training.

When you do set a date, whether you decide to gamble with October or wait until he's done, you should be sure to get military clauses with each of your vendors.  This clause can vary, but basically will say that if for any reason related to his commitment to the military he is unable to attend the wedding as planned, the vendor agrees to transfer the deposit to another mutually agreeable date or refund your money.  This will make sure you don't lose a ton of money if you have to reschedule, but it's definitely still going to cost some money if you need to so it's best to do everything you can to avoid it. 

divinemsbee

Agreeing with Cal here. When my FI and I were originally planning the date for our wedding, it was to be after he was done with his flight training. As Cal said, sometimes people get sick/injured or something goes wrong or just doesn't work out. Sometimes paperwork doesn't get put through and things get put off. And it sucks, but it'll be easier to plan if you wait a little. And ditto on the military clause.

Do stick around here, it's a great board and the support and advice can help out a lot.

iluvmytxrgr

How in the world would missing OCS even come up to be told that it's a major no no?  Odd.
I agree that waiting until he is done and at his new assignment to start planning would be the better route to take. 
Save the dates are not a requirement.  They are more of a courtesy.  Many, many weddings of military couples are planned in 6 months or less.  Most commands won't even let you put in a leave request before the 6 month mark. 

SamiJoeB

Ditto PP's.  Welcome to the board!!

tyleet87

I would wait until he graduates OCS. Late August early September, correct? Only because you never know if he might get sick or injured during the training and has to be recycled and wait for a new class. It could take weeks if that happened. Just to be on the absolute safe side I would wait until he graduates. Besides that, you never know if they give him orders for anything else right after OCS. My FI was lucky to pick the date for his next training after OCS which won't be until July '12 (1 month after we get married).

jennelijah11

Thanks ladies! I have a lot of thinking to do. His OCS is one weekend a month for 14 months and it's right here in our hometown, So even if we set a date right when he gets his OCS schedule in May we will still run into issues for having a wedding 5 months later? We plan on getting married the weekend in Oct that he doesn't have OCS, go on our HM and be back on time for his next OSC. He's part of the National Guard. This is all new to me, so any advice on being a military bride will help!!! THANKS!!!

calindi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_help-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:e9d8e9a5-5ada-4027-b39f-38c8bbed2997Post:ab343ad7-1dc0-4fab-8e68-08c68d4eaceb">Re: Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks ladies! I have a lot of thinking to do. His OCS is one weekend a month for 14 months and it's right here in our hometown, So even if we set a date right when he gets his OCS schedule in May we will still run into issues for having a wedding 5 months later? We plan on getting married the weekend in Oct that he doesn't have OCS, go on our HM and be back on time for his next OSC. He's part of the National Guard. This is all new to me, so any advice on being a military bride will help!!! THANKS!!!
Posted by jennelijah11[/QUOTE]

Ahhhh, National Guard!  Okay that makes sense.  So wait until he has his dates - once he has his dates, those are pretty set, as far as I've heard.  Then you can do exactly as you said - get married the following weekend, and go on a honeymoon after. 

If you're worried about only having 5 months to plan, don't be.  It's really plenty of time.  You can do a lot of prep-work now, like picking out a dress, bridesmaids dresses, colors, ideas for flowers, invitations, etc.  You can also look at venues and vendors now, but try not to get your heart set on just one as it may not be available on the weekend you end up having to do it.  Pick your top 3-5 choices of each category - venue, caterer (if not included in the venue), photographer, DJ/band, videographer, florist (or whichever of those you want to get).  If you're getting married in a church, that becomes trickier because they likely will have to book ahead of time, but 5 months should still give you some flexibility.  Really, you have 3 weekends to choose from because even if you can't have your honeymoon the day after, you could wait a week, have him go to OCS that weekend, and then leave after he gets back, right?

jennelijah11

Right! Thank you for all that info, it helps me out a lot! The more we plan other things for the wedding the less I get stressed out about the date. So we are doing what you said and planning everything we can that doesn't involve the date. Thanks for being here ladies!!!!!