new here

adl85

Hi ladies! ok so quick background
I'm Amanda, I got engaged to Andrew in Dec. He's just beginning his Army career, he proposed while he was on christmas break from Basic (yeah i know. lucky timing right!?) now he is in AIT until May, and of course we have no idea yet where he will be stationed

so currently we have a "hopeful" date in mind of Nov 3 because i LOVE LOVE LOVE fall. but if he gets stationed too far this may not be able to happen.

so we have been planning around this date..was about to put a deposit on the venue.....when my brother who is also in the Army got orders to go to his second tour in Afghanistan. SOON.. for 9 months so he will be back AFTER PLANNED WEDDING DATE. 

I really want him to be a groomsman, and I would push it to WHEN HE GETS BACK, WHICH IS NEAR A HOLIDAY, and if i REALLY push it back to wait on him, well for one thing i HATE winter, and another, what if FI gets deployed too!? aaah! so what should i do?

Sammy0709

CAB - More OPSEC than PERSEC.  I would remove dates  about deployment and change them to soon and what not.

That aside, welcome.

CAB1217

OP, it didn't seem like you were coming back soon, so I went ahead and edited your post to protect your brothers information (the all caps sections). Please feel free to edit it on your own if I didn't get your point across correctly With that said, you should discuss this with your FI. Yes, it would be nice to have your brother as a groomsmen, but that may not be possible if you're set on that date. You need to decide whats more important, a fall wedding, with no groomsmen brother, or winter wedding with a possible FI deployment. ETA: looks like TK ate my post before this, but thanks for the help, Sammy!

ggirl2001

Uh, I was wondering why it was in all caps. And I was confused. 

And, I would wait to plan since your FI isn't at his first duty station anyway since you have no clue what will happen when he gets there, if he will get leave, if he will be deployed right away. 

iluvmytxrgr

Hi and welcome.  Please read the OPSEC post at the top of the board.  This is very important info that you really need to educate your self on. 
As far as wedding stuff goes, don't set a date yet.  1.  You have no idea where he will be stationed.  2.  You have no idea what his training or deployment schedule will be like.  3. You don't even know if he can get leave.  He can't just take off and go where ever he wants on the weekends. 
Wait until he gets to his first duty station.  At that point he can find out what the schedule looks like.  He can also talk to his leadership to figure out when would be a good time to take leave for the wedding. 

crownsuperstar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_new-here-9?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:ec88094d-8dca-4ffb-b53c-c7b1f6c63e77Post:c1e8c393-3251-4f12-ae59-d47e5dcf819a">Re: new here</a>:
[QUOTE]Uh,<strong> I was wondering why it was in all caps. And I was confused</strong>.  And, I would wait to plan since your FI isn't at his first duty station anyway since you have no clue what will happen when he gets there, if he will get leave, if he will be deployed right away. 
Posted by ggirl2001[/QUOTE]

GG- me too.  I was like why does this have to be yelled and then I saw that CAB fixed the dates. HAA

OP- agree with others please remember about dates and missions.  Those should not ever be posted in a public place.  Words like "soon" are the best timing words to use. Other than that welcome to the board.

ggirl2001

Also when I was typing caps I actually typed "cab". And I'm glad I read cabs response before i told op i didn't need dates yelled at me hahaha

crownsuperstar

HAAA GG! Me too!  I was going to be like damn you didnt have to yell. 

LetsHikeToday

I was weirded out by the caps too :-)

calindi

adl, I think the main issue is that there probably won't be a date that you can know right now for sure will be free for both of them.  It's part of the challenge of military life, the unknown and inability to plan too far in advance.

I'd set a day that works for you guys right now, and be sure to get military clauses in all of your contracts stating that if the groom is not able to attend as planned due to his commitment to the military, that the vendors will transfer your deposit and honor pricing as agreed for a mutually agreeable date, or refund your deposit.  This won't work for your brother, as technically the wedding can proceed without him, so it's not a perfect solution but will at least keep you guys from wasting a lot of money if your FI does end up getting deployed.

Also, holiday weekends are great times for military weddings as people are more likely to have time off, and military guests are also more likely to be able to travel to the wedding.  A lot of my military friends have gotten married over New Years, Fourth of July, Thanksgiving, etc.  We're getting married over Labor Day weekend for similar reasons.

Irishcurls

Oh I was under the impression OP was capitalizing and Cabby just changed THE DATE to "A HOLIDAY." And now I'm yelling in my head.

But here's my actual response. OP, I completely understand where you're coming from. In fact, my BIL semi planned his upcoming wedding date around my H's schedule, which was so thoughtful, but we told them from the get go, take it with a grain of salt and if he can't be there, he can't be there. I would do the same....ultimately, you can't accommodate everyone for your wedding, and this is just one example of that. Wait until your mother thinks your linens should be vanilla, instead of ivory. Whateverthefuck that means....

AmandaSC1988

Welcome! Nice name ;-)

 Honestly, there will be a lot of shuffling around and curve balls thrown in this first year that it is almost impossible to plan anything. So I would wait until he is at his first duty station and has some vacation saved up. You just have to hope and pray that deployment dates don’t get moved. FI has had his changed 3 times in the 12 months we have been planning our wedding… we have had to change our date, forgo a honeymoon, and probably be apart most of our first year or marriage.. You have to learn to be flexible, and make priorities…

Zimsgirl

Everyone has covered your questions way better than I could so I just wanted to say welcome!

CAB1217

Ha ha, sorry for the confusion, guysssss...

divinemsbee

Hello, and welcome! I'm on board with PP who suggested that you wait until he reach his first duty station. Things are never set in stone, but it's going to be a lot easier to plan and for him to take time off once he's settled. Also, ditto Cal on holiday weekends, if you can swing it. Although if you do keep your date this year, we'll be date twins. It's going to be tough if you want to plan not only around your FI but also your brother.