Military Brides

Worried

First, let me start off by saying I have never had any direct ties to anyone in the military before so I know very little about what to expect. My fiance joined the Air Force recently so he is new as well.

JOP ceremonies seem to be fairly common for military brides but this is not what I want at all. I do not want a huge over the top wedding but I do want to be surrounded by all our close family and friends. I get worried sometimes I will not be able to have that. So I guess I am curious about those that did have bigger weddings ,which would require more advanced booking, and how you made it work.

Thanks in advance for any advice on this or about my future life as an AF wife in general :)

Re: Worried

  • USAFBride8829USAFBride8829 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    We havent had our wedding yet but my fiance is Air Force and we are planning a big wedding ! Quick JOP weddings do seem to be the most common because they are quick and there is less chance it will be inturrupted by a deployment. We are actually the only one in our military friends that has decided to go for the big wedding so far. We chose a date that is almost 2 years from the time of our engagment. By the way deployments usually go around base they get deployed every 6 months to a year. So by picking the wedding date so far off we should be good. But like FI says if we have to bump it back a little we will. Being a military wife is all about rolling with the punches :)

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  • edited December 2011
    Welcome to the Boards!!!

    I didn't have a huge wedding, but I had a wedding for 40-50 people. I told my H that I would not have a JOP ceremony. End of Story. If you don't want it.. Don't do it. Having a beautiful wedding is completely possible, even being a military SO, don't let anyone tell you differently.

    The JOP option is fine if that's what you want to do (I know you said that it's not), but you'll find its so common in the military because so many immature, selfish brides want to have their cake and eat it too (ie: secretly JOP, lie to friends and family for up to/or more than a year, and then have their "real" wedding so they can wear the big poufy white dress.. Those girls are not well received on this board). Do not at any time feel like you HAVE to do this, because.. You don't.

    Start with a budget, timeline, and talk to your FI about where you'd like to have your wedding.  Use your local board to find great venues.  Above all else, make sure that every contract you sign has a Military Clause in it.  If you vendor doesn't want to do one (which would be stupid on their part), don't use them as a vendor.  Just in case you're unfamiliar with a military clause, it's just wording on a contract that says if your FI can't make it on that date for any reason (deployment, training, WWIII? anything) that they will let you choose another date (sometimes they give you a time stipulation like within 1 year) and you won't loose any money.  They are super important, you shouldn't be penalized with a fine or losing your deposit because the AF moved up or back a deployment.

    Speaking of deployments, don't try to schedule your wedding in like the 2 week pre-deployment leave, or for the week he gets back from a deployment.  Deployments can always change, they can be extended, shortened (extensions are more common though). The date they are told they'll be leaving, and the day they actually leave are usually very different, and it's the same story with their return.  If a deployment is in your near future, my advice would be to plan your wedding for 4-6 months after his return. 

    Military life is challenging.  It's not for co-dependant couples, because distance is a huge part of this lifestyle.  My H left for Japan on Valentine's day of 2010 and will come home in early 2012.  I was (I got out in January) AD Navy stationed in WA.  I saw him for a week last September, and for 2 weeks at Christmas (for our December 18th wedding) he left again Jan 1 to go back to Japan.  When he finally comes home again, I will have spent our entire 1st year of marriage alone, and it will have been over a year since we last saw each other.  If I were a really co-dependant person, I would be screwed.  That doesn't mean I don't get lonely and frustrated, but at least I can talk to him at least once a day and we always have email.  It's all about "Hurry up and Wait", and never being able to plan anything because things will probably change. 

    But we're always here for you!! I've met some absolutely incredible girls on this board!! I know without them, sometimes I would have gone crazy! We're here to help, encourage, vent, and if need be tell girls to pull their heads out of their asses (not you, but some girls).  For that we have a bad rep for being bitter hags who just want to crush little girls dreams.  You can see for yourself, but I'll tell you, that's not what we're about... I hope this novel at least kind of helped...(I get on tangents sometimes and go way off topic)
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  • divinemsbeedivinemsbee member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Hi. I'm also an Air Force fiancee with absolutely NO military knowledge at all. Stick with these girls, they give good advice. It's  a little different for me b/c my FI's parents were enlisted before he was born until he was 3 or so and various members of his family have been, so at least one of us knows something. Congrats and good luck with your planning!
    I'm absolutely sure that you can have the wedding you want, it may just take a little more finessing than some other people's. Especially from reading around this board, I now really don't understand the whole JOP then have a "real" wedding phenomenon, but when I look around outside here, I can see why people think it's an option, it's such a pervasive thought. Even advice columnists that I really like have said things like , "Assuming there's no need for you to rush -this would be different if he were in the military-then there's no reason to have a vow renewal so close to your legal wedding." What the what? It's only different if you make it different, but don't give people the excuse to be ridiculous.
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  • edited December 2011
    You can have whatever kind of weddin you want. One big thing while planning our wedding was that I was not going to allow for the military to dictate anything we did or didn't do. FI was kind of pushing for a JOP at the courthouse before he deployed but I said absolutly not. 
    And, I second everything SamiJoe said. 
    She's always wanted to be a princess and he's always wanted to be a hero; as fate would now have it, she is his princess and he is her hero *Semper Fi* Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • LetsHikeTodayLetsHikeToday member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Hi there! Welcome to the boards. I don't really have any advice for you except to make sure your contacts have military clauses. My H is in the Navy and I'm pretty new to the whole military thing. H has been on shore duty our whole relationship. Anyway, just wanted to say congratulations on your engagement!
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  • lissetterlissetter member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Thank you to everyone who replied! I feel a lot more confident that we can have the wedding we want :) I am learning to be a lot more flexible with this new experience and to take things as they come. Also, I am happy already the venue we plan to book is being accomodating for our situation. Based on everyone's advice, I am going to make sure when we do start signing contracts that we include a military clause :) I sincerely appreciate the advice and feel confident I know have somewhere to go to deal with the new challenges I will be facing.
  • edited December 2011
    Hey Lissetter
    Welcome! I am a AF Wife if you have AF specific questions I can help with, PM me. :)
    We decided to wait until after UPT to get married and while he was TDY. Thank god for our flexible AF scheduler. :) (They got to know him as "the dude that is getting married"- always a fun response when people ask what you did this weekend, Oh nothing just flew home and got married) Somehow we made it work lol he was able to get home friday and be back to training Monday evening. So it can be done!

    Congrats on your engagement!
  • edited December 2011
    JOP weddings are most common among military vs. civilian, but I wouldn't say they are the most common type of weddings in the military. No JOP for us.  We're having a 60ish person wedding which is small, but we're okay with that. :]
    It IS difficult to accomodate everyone when planning your wedding, as you and your FI probably don't live in the same town as both of your families, no?

    We started looking at stuff a year ago while FI was deployed, just for ideas. When he got back, we started the planning. 9 months of planning was PLENTY of time! We booked our venues at about 6 months out, which was plenty of time for a fall wedding.
    I would say that you don't need a TON of advanced planning for a medium sized wedding, but be aware of the time that you're getting married. if you're having a summer to early fall wedding, vendors book up must faster than the winter/spring times.
    Also, a military clause in your contract (ask your vendors about it) will help you ease any stress in case something happens and you can't gett married on that date anymore (sudden TAD/TDY, training, deployment etc.)

    Welcome to the board!
  • lissetterlissetter member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_worried?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:ecb31ea9-3686-4cec-a782-8e92fec7a6c6Post:84f51ab3-51a2-4e56-adc5-55f887685492">Re: Worried</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hey Lissetter Welcome! I am a AF Wife if you have AF specific questions I can help with, PM me. :) We decided to wait until after UPT to get married and while he was TDY. Thank god for our flexible AF scheduler. :) (They got to know him as "the dude that is getting married"- always a fun response when people ask what you did this weekend, Oh nothing just flew home and got married) Somehow we made it work lol he was able to get home friday and be back to training Monday evening. So it can be done! Congrats on your engagement!
    Posted by shan87[/QUOTE]
    Thank you for the warm welcome! How exciting that everything worked out that way! It is nice to know that it can be done and helps me retain hope. I hope it works out just as well for us! :) Also, Congrats on your marriage! Best wishes to you and your husband!
  • lissetterlissetter member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_worried?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:ecb31ea9-3686-4cec-a782-8e92fec7a6c6Post:ab008ee7-3013-472e-a5e9-bde19c06974d">Re: Worried</a>:
    [QUOTE]JOP weddings are most common among military vs. civilian, but I wouldn't say they are the most common type of weddings in the military. No JOP for us.  We're having a 60ish person wedding which is small, but we're okay with that. :] It IS difficult to accomodate everyone when planning your wedding, as you and your FI probably don't live in the same town as both of your families, no? We started looking at stuff a year ago while FI was deployed, just for ideas. When he got back, we started the planning. 9 months of planning was PLENTY of time! We booked our venues at about 6 months out, which was plenty of time for a fall wedding. I would say that you don't need a TON of advanced planning for a medium sized wedding, but be aware of the time that you're getting married. if you're having a summer to early fall wedding, vendors book up must faster than the winter/spring times. Also, a military clause in your contract (ask your vendors about it) will help you ease any stress in case something happens and you can't gett married on that date anymore (sudden TAD/TDY, training, deployment etc.) Welcome to the board!
    Posted by firsttimersluck[/QUOTE]
    It is always nice to hear input from women who are going through it. We actually only plan to have 75 people and most of those people will be local. We probably will not book anything until October but want to get married in July so we are looking at 9-10 months ourselves. I have been mindful about the vendors I am choosing too. While they are great, they are not the super popular ones that book really early which I think is going to work to our advantage :) Also no one wants to get married in FL in July lol, especially outside (except me ofcourse haha) Thank you for reassuring me it is in fact possible!
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