Not the ordinary topic..

BellyB11

So, I haven't been on recently, and I don't know if many of you know my age..I haven't flat out told posted it. But I have mentioned it. I am 18 and was going to be 19 when I got married..Except, I think i've changed my mind. NOT about my FI. Just about getting married so young. I didn't realize before how much I still haven't done in life. But I'm starting to realize it. The thing is..I don't want to hurt him. He's the sweetest, kindest, most caring man I have ever met. I am just not ready. Some of you ladies have helped my realize this by reading some of the things you guys think about getting married young. I don't remember who exactly said this..probably more than one of you lol. But you said "You should be old enough to drink at your own wedding". It was like a slap in the face at first, and I was like wow. Not very nice.. But i've come to see that you were right. I should be old enough to have a drink at my own wedding! So I wanted to say thank you to all you ladies who helped me realize this before it was to late.

Now the only problem is, figuring out how to tell him. I don't want to lose him because i'm not ready..I don't even know what to say. I feel awful that I excepted his proposal and started planning but now know that I am not ready. So if you girls have any last advise, it would be greatly appriciated.

LetsHikeToday

Hi!

I'm not sure how to tell him but I definitely think you're doing the right thing. :-)

SamiJoeB

If he's really the right person, he'll understand and he'll wait for you. If he doesn't understand, then is he really the right person for you? Kudos to you for coming to such a mature decision!!

ggirl2001

Tell him basically like you just said. Or as I have said "no harm can come from waiting, but a lot of harm can come from rushing." If he can't accept that, then that's on him, not you. I know this had to have been a tough decision for you. But as I am a strong advocate for waiting, I also applaud you for thinking about it and making the best decision for you. Also I think I was the one who said to be able to have a drink. Harsh? Yes. But is it true? Absolutely.

calindi

You have to do what is right for you, and I feel like neither of you will regret waiting.  Just sit down and talk to him - perhaps write a letter first to read to him, to make sure you say things the way you want to say them?  That helps me, sometimes, when I'm going to say something to FI that I know might be taken the wrong way and hurt his feelings.  Expect him to not be thrilled, but explain to him that you DO want to marry him, just not yet.

hansonam446

Getting married young is a mistake a lot of girls make. I did it. My first marriage was at 19 and was absolutely terrible! Granted, he was a pretty terrible person but still...you have to do what you think is right. Explain to him how you feel! There's nothing wrong with having a long engagement. Get your finances in order, tell him you guys need to explore life before making such a big (and expensive) commitment! Enjoy your time together, there's not rush!

BellyB11

Thanks ladies. I feel I am doing the right thing also. I broke down and told my parents last night, they also agree it's the right thing. I was a bit nervous to tell them, since we'd already bought my dress and a lot of other things, we put the announcement in the paper..and were about to send out save the dates! I've been really thinking about this for about two weeks now and I really feel this is just not the right time for me. I think maybe writting him a letter would be great. I am really bad about remembering what I want to say when it's not a good topic. Thanks!

But my mom thinks I should tell him and then have his parents over to tell them.. and oh my goodness I'm not ready for that. Especially when his sisters find out! I feel like a lot of people are going to be upset and hurt by my decision. Should I try and rethink anything? I think this is the right decision but how am I suppose to know for sure when a lot of people will get hurt? It's so frustrating! Sorry, now i'm just ranting..

iluvmytxrgr

It's not like you are breaking up with him.  I suggest you tell him that you want to have a long engagement for at least a few years before you get married.  If you have a good relationship, he'll get it.  Just let him know you still want to marry him, but you want to wait until the two of you are a bit older.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. 

Zeldakins

FI and I had a talk already about the same situation...we are currently 19 (me) and 20 (him) and decided that it would be best to wait. Things need to become more stable as far as finances and whether he's going to stay in the reserves or go AD. I'll probably be at least 21 when we get married and almost done with school.  Honestly if there's anything that this board has taught me it's definitely that waiting is better.                            Ggirl- That comment was priceless! I think I saw it on that MUD thread...lol

BinxRose

I think you are making a very wise and mature decision. He may be hurt at first, but if he loves you, he will understand.

Rethany

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_ordinary-topic?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:ee08483b-80d2-4a6d-95a6-98208d507696Post:2a309d37-bfb3-4b5c-b9a4-ab0c305596b7">Re: the ordinary topic..</a>:
[QUOTE]If he's really the right person, he'll understand and he'll wait for you. If he doesn't understand, then is he really the right person for you? Kudos to you for coming to such a mature decision!!
Posted by SamiJoeB[/QUOTE]

This.  Exactly.

FI wanted to get married when I was 20-21.  I flat out told him I wanted to marry him but not right then.  I figured if he didn't want to wait for me to be ready then we'd end it.  It had absolutely nothing to do with FI.  He was a constant, but I didn't want to do something I wasn't sure I was ready for.  Luckily, he waited until I was very much ready to get married.

crownsuperstar

I think this is a very mature decision on your part.  I think once you lay out why you want to wait for example money, school, bootcamp, or what ever in time he will see that is a good decision.  As for his family, they may be upset however, I am sure that his parents like yours, are going to support this decision.  Good luck!

LuluP82

Definitely tell him separately, and let him decide how he wants to break it to his family. I would tell him ASAP (in fact, had you not told your parents, I'd have told him first, but it's too late for that now). I think just tell him you want to marry him, just not yet should do it. If he doesn't understand, then he's probably not the guy you thought he was, so it's a good thing you figured this out now and not after you married him.

tyleet87

I don't have anything to add but I want to say good luck. I hope everything turns out the way you want it.

Iggy85

Have a long engagement. Who says that you HAVE to get married within a certain time frame of getting engaged? My best friends Mom was engaged for almost FOUR years before her and her man got married this past October.  How did it go when you talked to him?