Military Brides

Soon to be Army Wife

So we're getting married :)
He's been in the Army for 14 years and has 6 years left till he retires.
I'm kinda like a new age hippie... No offense (and this is might get me in trouble with many well involved military wives)... but I've never ooooo'ed and awe'ed over the military. Or known a damn thing about the real world of the military. Honestly, I was slightly opposed to it being a person of anti-fighting/war kind of perspective. Can't we all just get along :) UNTIL I got involved in this relationship. We've been together 2 years and will be married next year. I now have had my eyes opened to the "Real World" of military life. I've heard the stories (when he's willing to share.. mostly only after several beers) of his years in Iraq. I think it's the stories of how a simple pencil is like gold to the children in the area he served. New perspective and respect given.

Anyway, he's not hard core military. lol He's actually part Army, part Biker and a goofy karaoke singing gamer that collects horror "action figures" LOL

He's been stationed here in my home town for 2 1/2 years as a recruiter. His term is up in February 2012 and he will go back to active duty and be stationed I suppose where they need him unless he's lucky enough to get a location he requests.

Here's the point of this long post. 

I'm 27. I have a 7 year old son with Asperger's (High Functioning Autism).
This small home town is all he's ever known and I also have been here the majority of my life. Though I'm itching to start over in a new area again. I have a very nice career that I will leave behind and my son and I will be leaving a large amount family and friends. Not to mention the great special education department of his school and a wonderful play therapist. 
He and I have talked about just commuting if he gets stationed in one of the 3 locations that are within a 4 hour drive, but how long will that really work...

Any tips, stories, advice on starting this new life and how to cope with the lengthy absense of loved ones..... OR.... What if he gets orders to go over seas again...

Re: Soon to be Army Wife

  • LetsHikeTodayLetsHikeToday member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    My husband is a recruiter and I met him here so he hasn't been deployed yet. Commuting wouldn't work for me/us. We have a base that is 2 hours away from our home but he got orders for Georgia. I wouldn't count on his orders being close.

    I understand concerns for your son but do you think it would stress him out even more having a commuting lifestyle. How would commuting work for you? I am a teacher and we get new students who are in special education all the time. They can and do adjust. It might take longer but it's possible.
    imageBabyFruit Ticker
  • LetsHikeTodayLetsHikeToday member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Is that your FI in your avatar picture? Is he allowed to have that nose piercing while recruiting??
    imageBabyFruit Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    Congrats on your engagement!

    There have been serval threads of advice for dealing with separation/deployment - you may want to browse through some old posts to see what people had to say! A common piece of advice is to keep yourself busy and cultivate the parrts of your life that are not dependent on him - hobbies, work, friends, etc.

    You son sure adds an extra element  to the whole situation. My brother has Asperger's, although he's in his 20's now, but I'm familiar with how changes in routine can be so upsetting! Military life might be stressful for him, and while you're his mom and know him best, I'm sure there are ways you can help him adapt to the marriage, the move (if you move) and future deployments.
    White Knot Visit The Knot! Daisypath Graduation tickers
  • edited December 2011
    Yes that is him in the Avatar. He has a retainer for work purposes. lol
    Night and day... work and play. You would never knowl he has piercings or tattoos while he's in Army mode.

    Commuting... If he were to get stationed in one of the locations within the 4 hour drive. He could come home most weekends or I could go there. If I were to stay here in my home town I get to keep my career that I've invested 6 1/2 years. My son gets to stay in the same school system that has immensely helped him. (non-social, tantrum throwing, almost non verbal to happy, creative, social and mostly well behaved)
    There would not be the quest to find a new team of people. AND it does take a team of people sometimes to help with a child with Autism from therapists to understanding pediatricians to patient teachers and friends with open minds. Stability and routine is necessary.
    I have confidence in my son and know that with time he will adjust. We've already had random conversations on future scenarios.

    Time away. I'm not so much worried about spending a week or two separated routinely. I was a single mom for many years. Fully capable of handling my own and I will dive into my art and my son. The time away would pertain to a tour years length tour that I'm sure I will find a way to cope with if it comes to play.

    Military discipline and my son. His military discipline and firm love with my son has done wonders! We still have many areas to work on, but he's only 7. I spoiled him. I admit it. It was easier to give in (and I didn't always give in) to his quirky behaviors and antics than to suffer his full blown tantrums every time we went into public.
    Now, I can't say enough on how proud I am of my son in his progression.
  • LetsHikeTodayLetsHikeToday member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Have you guys talked about what happens if he gets stationed more than 4 hours away?
    imageBabyFruit Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    If he gets stationed more than 4 hours away. We move. We start a new life in a new state or wherever it may be unless he goes over seas and I can't go. If for military purposes we can't go. Then my son and I stay here till his term ends.
    We've been talking about "what if" scenarios for a while. lol 
    I know the worries. I know his thoughts and mine on this.... I'm looking for the thoughts stories or ideas from the moms and wives that may have some experience.

  • LetsHikeTodayLetsHikeToday member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I'm kinda in the same position as you. Like I said H is a recruiter here in the DC area. I didn't grow up here but I've been a teacher here for 7 years. It's really hard to give up my job but I know that it's better for me to be looking for a job than H looking for a job.

    When do you find out where he'll be stationed?
    imageBabyFruit Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    Congrats on getting married! It's so great that you guys are discussing "what if" scenarios because if it ever comes up, you know exactly how both of you feel about the situation and it won't be much of a shocker if it comes to that. Like a lot of military wives on here, I was like you in the sense that I didn't know much about military life before I met my FI... Although I was always pro-military and supporting our troops, way before I considered becoming a military wife, which I guess helped me adapt to the kind of lifestyle.

    As far as dealing with deployments and being seperated from your loved one, there are plenty of resources on base where he is stationed/going to get stationed that you can contact. They have military life consultants that are free to talk to and its all confidential. They have several years of experience and have seen it ALL! They will be able to help you work through some of you worries about your situation, especially when it comes to your son. Those are just one resource... There are Family Readiness Groups, and they always have programs you can check into. Just ask your FI to use resources that are on base. That's what those programs are used for. Check into children resources too, that may answer some of your questions concerning your son. You never know, you may find resources that can help your son in the specific areas you need.

    Deployments are ALWAYS rough, and the majority of people may not understand what military families go through... and that by itself can be frustrating. Not only that but it's not normal to be seperated from your loved one for a long period of time... Being seperated from my FI is not new to me, but I remembered to keep busy! I think that's the one key to surviving seperations.

    Sorry this was so long... but I really do hope this helps! Congrats again!
  • edited December 2011
    Right! Him finding a new job is not an option in my situation though. lol 6 years till retirement. I don't mind 6 years at all! 
    As much as I love to hate my job some days. I know it would be difficult to find the same situation. I'm an office manager. 8 years office experience... No degree and I have great bosses that don't mind my abstract look. Colored hair, full color Salvador Dali Alice in Wonderland full sleeve and a couple small piercings. Hair can go back to normal. Piercings can be taken out... But I can't take the ink out of my skin! :) Although I did weigh my options prior to the tattoo. I can always pursue my artistic goals or pursue hair styling.

    He won't find out where he is going until Junuary I believe. We get married March 31.
  • edited December 2011
    I agree, 6 years is do-able!
  • edited December 2011
    jmpiccione11 - your post does actually help alot. He has told me about the different groups or programs that could be of great help for my son and I if we were to get relocated.

    Thank you all for your posts so far!!
    All worries aside.. I'm soooo excited to marry this man! Cool
  • edited December 2011
    I'm so glad it helped! I've used these programs before and sometimes I still use them, so I know they are extremely helpful... So excited for you! March weddings are some of the most georgeous weddings
  • iluvmytxrgriluvmytxrgr member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I have a friend who has a child with Aspergers.  She has found a ton of resources through the Army and Military One Source.  Your FI can sign onto MOS and start looking into what resources are out there for y'all.  That way you can be as prepared as possible for when a move comes.  If he's doing 6 more years, he will more than likely have 2 more duty stations.  I would start betting on a move at some point.  Also, when you do find out where you are going, start checking into what is available in the area that Tricare will cover.  I think you'll find there are more options out there than you think. 
    Good luck with everything and congratulations!!
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • edited December 2011
    Ask your FI about EFMP (Exceptional Family Member Program).  I've been in the Army for 15 years but I haven't had much personal experience with it.  I do know that if your son qualifies for the program (which he should, because even having a child with asthma is a qualifier, but not sure if your FI would have to adopt him), he will only be stationed in locations that have resources available for your son.  Of course this doesn't include combat deployments or dependent restricted tours (ie Korea or Kuwait). 

    Just ask your FI about it, if he's been in 14 years, he'll definitely know of the program.  The regulation that covers it is AR 608-75.  You can even Google it and try to read through it, but it'll probably be pretty confusing to you- you might need him to help you "decode" it.  :)
    image
  • edited December 2011
    He has actually mentioned the EFMP. That's definitely something to look into.
    He has also said that there's a strong possibility that we may even find better doctors, therapists, school system, etc. by being relocated, considering this town is relatively small... 
  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Will your FI adopt your son?  If he becomes a dependent as well, he should definitely be enrolled in the EFMP.  EFM's are rated between 1 and 5, with 5 being the most severe.  If you are a 5 you either have to stay at your current duty station, or can only go to other bases that have the highest level of medical care.  The lower your number the more lenient they are when you PCS.  A friend has an autistic son who is fairly high functioning, and he is currently rated a 4.  But your rating can change, and he could always be tested to change it as well.

    As PPs have said, the commuting will be rough.  H and I lived just over 2 hours apart while he was recruiting before we got married and only saw eachother on weekends, and I hated it.  Only you know what will work with you, but from my experience with autistic children, it would be an easier overall adjustment to move than it would be to constantly be going back and forth, unless you are able to set up a specific routine and stick with it.  But you know your family and your situation best and know what he can handle.  
    imageBabyFruit Ticker
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards