Awesome Parenting

Zimsgirl

Ok this is awesome. I had to share with you guys I think you'll get a kick out of it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kl1ujzRidmU&feature=share

It's 8 minutes but totally worth it

divinemsbee

Here's the deal with that for me: I probably talked a lot of crap about my parents to my friends when I was 15. And that should be allowed. I think it's kind of crappy for parents to get their feelings hurt because their 15 year old daughter talked some smack about them. Your kids will hurt your feelings. And then, they will apologize, and at 24 or so they'll realize you were right, and they'll apologize again. And you know what, taking it to youtube because you can't be bothered to talk to your own child in your kitchen or living room seems pretty AW-ish to me. Teenagers are, with very few exceptions, extremely self-centered, they don't think about the feelings of others. It's your job as a parent to have some back and forth with them, and yeah, ground them and take things away, but this just leaves a really bad taste in my mouth. No matter how difficult me or any of my sibs were as teenagers I cannot imagine my father doing this, calling out your kid on the internet. And if some ridiculous thing like Anonymous finds them, then they get called a hateful b*tch all over the web, good job Dad. And what if people find her real name?

I didn't get paid for chores, we didn't get allowances, or expensive electronics, and we had jobs. But, you know what, I don't care if you went to school uphill both ways in the snow and barefoot, you take care of your parenting in the privacy of your home. Your kid said the same crap that tons of kids say, do I think she's a saint? No, I think she's a 15 year old girl, and you need to take some responsibility for spending all that money that you think spoiled her. Newsflash: If you think she has it easy, whose fault is that?

And with a gun. Really?! That's not threatening at all. "Put one in for her" are you people serious?! That kind of overreaction is completely ridiculous.

If my kids have Facebook, and if it's still around I'd really like them to wait til 18 or at least 16, I intend to teach them about internet safety and locking down their page, but I won't spy on them. If they want to say I'm so awful or whatever, great, that means I do my job. But I think part of being a parent is hearing those things and punishing without making it personal.

B&K10+13+12

That is awesome!!!!  

Beachy730

I already had a big ole debate on E about that earlier.  I personally don't have a problem with the video, and if that is what that father felt like he had to resort to in order to get through to his daughter, then so be it.  

I also personally think there is a lot of over reaction to the gun part.  I think he clearly is from Texas or somewhere close where it's very normal for everyone to have and use guns.  So that's the choice he went with.  I don't think there is anything threatening message being sent to the daughter with it.  Just like if my dad took a hammer to my laptop I wouldn't think he would beat me with a hammer.  If he did it in a room in the house and threw the laptop out the window after I think people would be much less up in arms about it.

Do I think it's a waste of money?  Yes.  Would I want me dirty laundry aired all over the internet?  No.  But whatever works for him.  

CAB1217

Ah. Good. Beach brought this up in E earlier today, and that post is like 9 pages deep so I am glad to talk about it here with you all. Here's how I see it. Was it extreme for the parent to post it online and shoot the laptop (lol) YES. Of course. But, you know what? I am soooo sick of these entitled little kids, thinking they deserve the world. GET PAID FOR CHORES? Get real, kid. Also, that is the parents computer, not the kids, so he can do what he wants with it. I think he did that because he did not want to come off to his kid, and the friends who likely joined in on the parent bashing the first time she did it, as giving empty threats. He said he'd shoot the damn computer if she did it again, she did it again, he shot the damn computer. My guess is that this child gets away with a lot, and still doesn't appreciate what her parents have provided to her, so he got fed up. Some people take his actions as "violent" and "threatening", but I see it as him following through with his punishment. Obviously this kid isn't afraid of her dad, she would not have posted the FB parent trashing if she was.

Zimsgirl

That girl seems like the biggest brat. Yeah I fought with my parents but I would never ever say what she said. I'm curious what she did last time on fb that got her grounded for 3 months

CAB1217

I WAS like that girl at her age. I was a little bitch who thought I deserved to get away with everything, but when my parents finally figured out out to put me in line, I straightened up and I am now very thankful for their discipline. My parents would totally get rid of stuff that I would hurt to lose.

No, they would not have posted it for all the world to see. But, would they embarrass me in front of my friends if I was being a disrespectful bitch? Hell yeah they would, and have!

amh04

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_awesome-parenting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:f242a342-6eef-427b-92dd-fedacbd8e50fPost:e6c8a48d-fbf5-43fa-8026-86ff69bda1a0">Re: Awesome Parenting</a>:
[QUOTE]I already had a big ole debate on E about that earlier.  I personally don't have a problem with the video, and if that is what that father felt like he had to resort to in order to get through to his daughter, then so be it.   I also personally think there is a lot of over reaction to the gun part.  I think he clearly is from Texas or somewhere close where it's very normal for everyone to have and use guns.  So that's the choice he went with.  I don't think there is anything threatening message being sent to the daughter with it.  Just like if my dad took a hammer to my laptop I wouldn't think he would beat me with a hammer.  If he did it in a room in the house and threw the laptop out the window after I think people would be much less up in arms about it. Do I think it's a waste of money?  Yes.  Would I want me dirty laundry aired all over the internet?  No.  But whatever works for him.  
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

All of this. Exactly.

amh04

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_awesome-parenting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:f242a342-6eef-427b-92dd-fedacbd8e50fPost:f5335b7e-5f17-4db2-9123-1bf3ba9e7f3a">Re: Awesome Parenting</a>:
[QUOTE]Ah. Good. Beach brought this up in E earlier today, and that post is like 9 pages deep so I am glad to talk about it here with you all. Here's how I see it. Was it extreme for the parent to post it online and shoot the laptop (lol) YES. Of course. But, you know what? I am soooo sick of these entitled little kids, thinking they deserve the world. GET PAID FOR CHORES? Get real, kid. Also, that is the parents computer, not the kids, so he can do what he wants with it. I think he did that because he did not want to come off to his kid, and the friends who likely joined in on the parent bashing the first time she did it, as giving empty threats. He said he'd shoot the damn computer if she did it again, she did it again, he shot the damn computer. My guess is that this child gets away with a lot, and still doesn't appreciate what her parents have provided to her, so he got fed up. Some people take his actions as "violent" and "threatening", but I see it as him following through with his punishment. Obviously this kid isn't afraid of her dad, she would not have posted the FB parent trashing if she was.
Posted by CAB1217[/QUOTE]

All of this too.

People need to not get so butt hurt over guns. Really - its just gotten old. He shot the darn laptop so it couldnt be fixed or used again. That simple.

crownsuperstar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_awesome-parenting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:f242a342-6eef-427b-92dd-fedacbd8e50fPost:f5335b7e-5f17-4db2-9123-1bf3ba9e7f3a">Re: Awesome Parenting</a>:
[QUOTE]Ah. Good. Beach brought this up in E earlier today, and that post is like 9 pages deep so I am glad to talk about it here with you all. Here's how I see it. Was it extreme for the parent to post it online and shoot the laptop (lol) YES. Of course. But, you know what? <strong>I am soooo sick of these entitled little kids, thinking they deserve the world. GET PAID FOR CHORES? Get real, kid</strong>. Also, that is the parents computer, not the kids, so he can do what he wants with it. I think he did that because he did not want to come off to his kid, and the friends who likely joined in on the parent bashing the first time she did it, as giving empty threats. He said he'd shoot the damn computer if she did it again, she did it again, he shot the damn computer. My guess is that this child gets away with a lot, and still doesn't appreciate what her parents have provided to her, so he got fed up. Some people take his actions as "violent" and "threatening", but I see it as him following through with his punishment. Obviously this kid isn't afraid of her dad, she would not have posted the FB parent trashing if she was.
Posted by CAB1217[/QUOTE]

A-freaking-MEN!!!!!! I have seen a total change over the years that I have worked in education.  I want to say gues what, you have to EARN your degree you should not expect a professor to give you a good grade for do nothing in his/her class. They do not owe you a good grade you have to EARN that grade and don't try to show up after the course is over requesting that grade to be changed because you don't feel like you earned a D or F.  UGH! Sorry, that hit a little close to home today. I have had to pull my b!tch card out on a couple of people today. HA

divinemsbee

Discounting the gun, one of my main points is this: If your child is spoiled, where does the fault lie? Where does that sense of entitlement come from?

If you want to spend the money to buy your kid a laptop for their personal use, spend money on upgrades, and buy her iPods or other nice things, I think it's your money, do what you want. But don't turn around and talk about she's so spoiled because she has these things. You bought them. Maybe she asked for them, whined for them, but you, as the parent, bought them. You can take them away, but don't get all up on your high horse about how she has it so much better than you at your age. You want her to live your life? Make her quit high-school and work 2 jobs, then, if that was such a great and character building experience.

I just think it comes off as "Waaaaaahhhhh my kid hurt my feelings, so I'm going to show her." Which I don't think is the way a grown person should deal with discipline. And I said it on E, but what happens when some of those lovely internet groups find her? They tend to go after with a vengeance teenage girls that they feel are bitchy. This could get very bad very fast. 

CozyHeart13

The article I read said he was from NC, but we got a kick out it here at work. My boss has a teenage daughter and his deal is she has to keep him and his wife as friends if she wants to keep her FB account. It was kind of funny when she borrowed his car, returned it with damage to the seats and interior, claimed she had no idea how it happened and then posted pictures of her and her friends being crazy teenage girls in the car. (They were also somewhere they should not have been in the picture...) It's clear from the pictures how the damage happened. She's gotten herself in a lot of trouble posting things on there, apparently forgetting her parents will see it.
 
The computer was the dad's property; he bought it so if he wants to destroy it like that, so be it. At least he's using objects as examples and not his kid. There are worse things to do as "punishment" to a child and in this, no one got hurt. But I do agree, she wouldn't be such a spoiled snotty brat if she hadn't be treated like an entitled princess. Now, as a parent of a little girl - I hope I do better with my kiddo!

calindi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_awesome-parenting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:f242a342-6eef-427b-92dd-fedacbd8e50fPost:e6c8a48d-fbf5-43fa-8026-86ff69bda1a0">Re: Awesome Parenting</a>:
[QUOTE]I already had a big ole debate on E about that earlier.  I personally don't have a problem with the video, and if that is what that father felt like he had to resort to in order to get through to his daughter, then so be it.   I also personally think there is a lot of over reaction to the gun part.  I think he clearly is from Texas or somewhere close where it's very normal for everyone to have and use guns.  So that's the choice he went with.  I don't think there is anything threatening message being sent to the daughter with it.  Just like if my dad took a hammer to my laptop I wouldn't think he would beat me with a hammer.  If he did it in a room in the house and threw the laptop out the window after I think people would be much less up in arms about it. Do I think it's a waste of money?  Yes.  Would I want me dirty laundry aired all over the internet?  No.  But whatever works for him.  
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

This.  Essentially all of this.  FI and I had a long talk about it.  I think he did have every right to be annoyed - kids think they can do and say whatever they want online and via text and there has to be some accountability. 

I don't think posting this on her Facebook was fair as it humiliated his child, and I don't think that's an effective parenting technique (at that age especially when they're so sensitive to the opinions of their peers).  I don't think it taught a good lesson about appreciating what you spend money on by shooting up the computer - I think he should have sold it, or at least confiscated it and used it for himself, but like Beach said it's his money and if he wants to do that then he can. 

I didn't take it as any sort of threat of violence - he was very calm and rational throughout the whole speech, and if it was given to her face-to-face rather than as a video that will cause humiliation to his daughter, and had the computer been confiscated rather than destroyed, I do think what he said and how he said it made a lot of sense.

Personally, my parents always had a proverbial leash on me and I would never have felt I could get away with something like that.  They trusted me a lot and I got a lot of freedom, but I never took advantage because I knew all that freedom would be taken right back if I did something sneaky or disrespectful.  They were always fair, but I knew my limits and the consequences that I'd have if I broke their rules.

I think it's one thing to bash your parents verbally, and another to put them 'on blast' on the internet in writing (or video).  Kids will verbally bad mouth their parents, but I would not think it was acceptable to tolerate the Facebook post she wrote at all.  It doesn't instill any respect.  My kids will always have to give us the passwords to all their accounts and turn in their phones on demand as long as they are living in our house.  We won't check them often, but when we do I expect to be able to get in there.  If they change the password, all privileges (including phone, computer, car, whatever) are subject to being revolked.  They don't 'own' that phone or computer they're using - it will be paid for by their parents (FI and me) and we're the ones who can determine if they can use it or not.  If they prove themselves to be responsible with it, we won't monitor them as closely.  If they prove themselves to be unreliable, they won't have those privileges. 

divinemsbee

I did want to say that part of my reaction to this has a lot to do with the anger that seems to be bubbling under the surface here. My Dad, who I love so much, used to have a real anger problem, mainly stemming from when my parents' marriage started getting bad. He never hit, he never threw things at us, but he yelled. It was like once he got angry it was very hard for him to control things. He would slam things around and it really left a huge impression on me. He got a lot of therapy after the divorce, and now I really do remember him being a fantastic father, but that kind of anger really hits my buttons. Watching that video literally made me shake, and my throat get a little tight. He could be a great Dad, but that would have been really scary to 15 year old me. If he wanted to go off and shoot the laptop away from her with no video, I can see that being lettting out some serious rage.

I guess my point is that it's Dad's turn to be the grown-up. Be the bigger and the better person. This is not being the bigger or the better person, and I would side-eye any parent of a teenager who would think this was okay.

divinemsbee

Had to add this, don't know if you guys know this, but apparently it was her computer that she paid for. From his Facebook:
I actually considered selling [her laptop] on eBay, but decided against it. She bought it with her money. For us to sell it and take the money, in my mind anyways, is just theft, even from my own kid.

Now, I don't know if she does have a job or if it was allowance (and I guess that's his money), but it just seems like poot decision making skills all around this family.

calindi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_awesome-parenting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:f242a342-6eef-427b-92dd-fedacbd8e50fPost:0d2b72c1-3fa5-430c-a694-ad728bbf9621">Re: Awesome Parenting</a>:
[QUOTE]Had to add this, don't know if you guys know this, but apparently it was her computer that she paid for. From his Facebook: I actually considered selling [her laptop] on eBay, but decided against it. She bought it with her money. For us to sell it and take the money, in my mind anyways, is just theft, even from my own kid. Now, I don't know if she does have a job or if it was allowance (and I guess that's his money), but it just seems like poot decision making skills all around this family.
Posted by divinemsbee[/QUOTE]

Okay, in that case, he had no right to shoot it up.  Confiscate it?  Absolutely.  But destroy it?  Nope.

Still, embarrassing her crossed the line, but you shouldn't just let your kid disrespect you publically like that.  Keep it in the house and off the internet, but it should not have gone without punishment, in my opinion.  Taking away her computer until she earns back his trust (which could take months) seems fitting punishment.

CAB1217

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_awesome-parenting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:f242a342-6eef-427b-92dd-fedacbd8e50fPost:05fd9e08-b7ab-40cc-96e4-a758e35fc394">Re: Awesome Parenting</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Awesome Parenting : Okay, in that case, he had no right to shoot it up.  Confiscate it?  Absolutely.  But destroy it?  Nope. Still, embarrassing her crossed the line, but you shouldn't just let your kid disrespect you publically like that.  Keep it in the house and off the internet, but it should not have gone without punishment, in my opinion.  Taking away her computer until she earns back his trust (which could take months) seems fitting punishment.
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

I agree

calindi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_awesome-parenting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:f242a342-6eef-427b-92dd-fedacbd8e50fPost:9e05d446-8bf4-49a0-bffd-8a274874f1d1">Re: Awesome Parenting</a>:
[QUOTE]Discounting the gun, one of my main points is this: If your child is spoiled, where does the fault lie? Where does that sense of entitlement come from? If you want to spend the money to buy your kid a laptop for their personal use, spend money on upgrades, and buy her iPods or other nice things, I think it's your money, do what you want. But don't turn around and talk about she's so spoiled because she has these things. You bought them. Maybe she asked for them, whined for them, but you, as the parent, bought them. You can take them away, but don't get all up on your high horse about how she has it so much better than you at your age. You want her to live your life? Make her quit high-school and work 2 jobs, then, if that was such a great and character building experience. I just think it comes off as "Waaaaaahhhhh my kid hurt my feelings, so I'm going to show her." Which I don't think is the way a grown person should deal with discipline. And I said it on E, but what happens when some of those lovely internet groups find her? They tend to go after with a vengeance teenage girls that they feel are bitchy. This could get very bad very fast. 
Posted by divinemsbee[/QUOTE]

This is ridiculous.  And completely untrue.  So because a child is given things means they are spoiled?  I think the fact that she does not APPRECIATE them means she is spoiled, but the parents shouldn't have NOT given her things because it would 'spoil her'.  Being spoiled is a series of behaviors, not a reflection of what you're given.  I dare say the father is preventing her from being spoiled by actually following through on what he says - he told her he'd shoot the laptop, so he did.  You can only teach kids how to respect you by following through on the punishments you threaten them with.

I do agree he shouldn't have said "my life was so much harder" because like you said, that isn't her fault that she was given a more comfortable lifestyle than he had growing up.  But his points about how ridiculous it was for her to expect to be paid for helping around the house were valid.  And how ungrateful she is clearly is an issue.

If what you're saying is true, he shouldn't do anything because it's his fault?  I think that's dumb.  She's 15, she has a lot of growing up to do still, and I dare say it's the most important years of parenting especially with girls.  Showing her limits and that he will enforce rules is essential to teaching her respect, both for others and herself, and help her become a person who can interact productively with others.

My FSIL sounds a lot like this girl, and my FMIL responds by ignoring her and blaming everything but her own lack of parenting.  She claims she "can't control what she writes online" but that's not true - if she once removed the technology from the teenager's hands and revoked the car keys after FSIL misbehaved, she'd find it was a whole lot easier to reign in bad behavior.

SamiJoeB

I have to say.. my parents embarrassed the shiit out of me and my sister as teens, and while yes it was humiliating.. you can bet your bottom dollar that we never did that shiit again!

divinemsbee

It's not that I think he shouldn't have done anything at all. It's not at all that I think that just because she behaved in one way (and from what was said, she seems pretty bratty) that she should be allowed to continue doing it. I agree that kids need discipline and you have to draw the line. I do think that this was not the best way to make that happen.

It just seems like both of them are really petty. It seems like both he and the daughter are drama queens in their way. If he wanted to shoot it because he said he'd shoot it, that's one thing. That's, in its way, discipline. I don't agree with it, but he would have done something. But to put it on the internet and air dirty laundry because he was mad at her for airing dirty laundry on the internet just seems a tad hypocritical to me. Also, if you listen to him read the letter she wrote and then listen to him total up all the stuff he does for her, it sounds really similar in terms of how they use words and language. I think she might get a little of that from him.

To be fair, I don't think that giving your kids certain things makes them spoiled automatically, the trick is to try to stop the entitlement as early as possible. Once they're 15 if you've given them everything they could ever want, it's harder (not that it's right) for them to see these things as privileges and not rights. The deal is that just because I'm not 100% on his side, that doesn't mean that I think this girl must be wonderful and put upon. It's the internet part of it that I have the bigger problem with.

calindi

That explanation makes a lot of sense.  My parents always said every parent should aim to give their kids "everything they need and some of what they want.  And what they want is a privilege, not a right."

I agree 100% that shouldn't have been aired on Facebook.  If what he wanted was to let his daughter's friends know that she didn't get away with it, he could have posted a line that said, "Due to Janet's (making up her name - I forget what it actually was) disrespectful tirade, she is no longer allowed to use Facebook or texting.  If you would like to speak with Janet, please either see her at school or call the house."  It would have gotten the same message cross without the total humiliation and ridicule.  But to be honest, he just have just disabled her Facebook and been done with it.  It isn't his place to parent her friends.