Hi Brides!
My fiance is a officer in the navy and he proposed 3 weeks ago, and we are thinking about doing the JOP before the church ceremony. Our wedding isn't set until November of 2013 only because my fiance will be having surgery later this year followed by braces. We have been together for 3 years and we will be paying for the enitre wedding (including traveling from Washington dc to san diego numerous times). I have been opposed to getting married only because of the benefits the military gives you, but in our case we won't be able to afford our wedding on our two salaries alone. The only concern I have is if the Catholic Church will refuse to marry us since we did the JOP beforehand, i want the traditional ceremony not a renewal of vows... Anyone have any advice? I'm hoping to meet with the Chaplin at the Navy Yard soon but any advice or past experiences is greatly appreciated!
Re: Justice of the Peace before Catholic ceremony
The very simple answer is that lots of people have budgetary concerns, whether they're in the military or not. The solution is to have the wedding you can afford at the time. Non-military couples don't really think it's okay to get married, save up for years, and then have the wedding, right? I will never understand why people think, "Oh, but we'll get money if we're married, so we can use that for our wedding!" makes any sense. Getting married legally so you can pocket military benefits to pay for your wedding isn't really an exception from "getting married only because of the benefits the military gives you". It's exactly the same thing.
The Catholic Church does convalidations, in which they recognize marriages that occured outside the Church, but this isn't a guaranteed thing and has to be approved. We can't give you advice on that - talk to the priest you'd want to marry you at your church ceremony.
If you want the traditional ceremony, get married in the Catholic Church the first time and cut back expenses on other things to make it happen. Otherwise, check into the convalidation. Either way, make sure every guest who is invited knows it's a convalidation and not a wedding, as pretending you aren't married when you really are is rather tacky and dishonest.
I had a JOP with a religious ceremony after but it the religious ceremony was an afterthought caused by my family not being satisfied with the lack of a pastor presiding over my ceremony. I also am not Catholic so I'm no help there.
If you do decide to JOP and have a Catholic ceremony later please don't lie to your guests. That's one thing we see here a lot and I'm not assuming that you would but I feel like it's a necessary word of caution.
[QUOTE]Congrats on your engagement! The very simple answer is that lots of people have budgetary concerns, whether they're in the military or not. The solution is to have the wedding you can afford at the time. Non-military couples don't really think it's okay to get married, save up for years, and then have the wedding, right? I will never understand why people think, "Oh, but we'll get money if we're married, so we can use that for our wedding!" makes any sense. <strong>Getting married legally so you can pocket military benefits to pay for your wedding isn't really an exception from "getting married only because of the benefits the military gives you". It's exactly the same thing.</strong> The Catholic Church does convalidations, in which they recognize marriages that occured outside the Church, but this isn't a guaranteed thing and has to be approved. We can't give you advice on that - talk to the priest you'd want to marry you at your church ceremony. If you want the traditional ceremony, get married in the Catholic Church the first time and cut back expenses on other things to make it happen. Otherwise, check into the convalidation. Either way, make sure every guest who is invited knows it's a convalidation and not a wedding, as pretending you aren't married when you really are is rather tacky and dishonest.
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]
Cal stated the bolded better than I did.
NOTHING is wrong with having a vow renewal, at all. Especially when you're doing it to have your families and friends there to celebrate your union, but it doesn't make sense (to me) to want a traditional wedding when you're already married.
Also, I personally don't see a difference between a convalidation and a vow renewal, other than the recognition of the Catholic church, of course. But still, it's not a supposed to be a "do over" wedding. (Anyone, correct me if I am wrong about that. I don't want to offend anyone with my ignorance
I hope I am not coming off as attacking you, OP. I just think that in your case, you'd be happier waiting until you can have you ceremony/wedding, as opposed to going the JOP first route.
Our Priest doesn't view a JOP as anything, since there was/is no blessing in his eyes and the eyes of the Catholic Church you're not married it's like it didn't happen. Legally, and for every other practical purpose you are, of course. It appears though that it differs greatly throughout the faith as a whole.
FTR, I don't agree with anyone getting legally (et al) married for any other reason then for love, companionship, commitment. .... ie MONEY. and yes OP you are, because if you were not you would be getting married in 2013.
also/and/ps I hate how society has put this stupid BS of what a Wedding should be in people's head.
Is the Catholic ceremony something that is important to you and FI, or is it something just your family wants? If it is a priority for you and FI and you're not just doing it to please others, I would especially advise you to just wait until Nov 2013 if that's the ceremony that's going to be important to you! There's nothing wrong with having a JOP wedding, but doing it for the money rather than b/c that's the way you want to get married just seems wrong.
And you mentioned having to pay for multiple trips from DC to San Diego, which I can totally see how that would get to be pretty expensive. Is there family there that could do some initial research scoping out vendors? I'm pretty sure many ladies on this board have planned a wedding from a distance, and could offer some great advice to cut down on the actual physical trips you would need to make to take care of details.
so dumb so dumb
[QUOTE]@Irish curls Thanks for advice, I have made an appointment to meet with the Chaplin on base here. FYI.. if we were money greedy we would've tied the knot a long time ago but we want to do it the right way. That being said, the majority of people get their parents or family members to pick up the tab on weddings so we are only considering doing the JOP because we're already living together, setting a date, etc.
Posted by carolyncleek[/QUOTE]
Regardless of the "other people" of which you speak, I find it deplorable. Wait until you can afford it then. I just wanted to be up front about that. I do however wish you luck with contacting your priest, and hopefully you will find them helpful.
So... plenty of people don't have their parents paying for the wedding. My parents are helping out a bit, but not enough to really have the wedding we wanted. We saved... and I did a lot of DIY to save money.
JOP for money does not sit well with the Catholic Church. A Covalidation is NOT a wedding... it is not a vow renewal and most of the time they are private ceremonies. I have NEVER ever heard of a priest making a big hoop-la over a covalidation...You don't wear a big fancy dress, because I have only seen them done right after a mass.
But, I agree completely with Irish. getting married for money is disgusting.
[QUOTE]@Irish curls Thanks for advice, I have made an appointment to meet with the Chaplin on base here. <strong>FYI.. if we were money greedy we would've tied the knot a long time ago but we want to do it the right way. </strong>That being said, the majority of people get their parents or family members to pick up the tab on weddings so we are only considering doing the JOP because we're already living together, setting a date, etc.
Posted by carolyncleek[/QUOTE]
<div>Just FYI, you are getting married for money. This is according to your original post. </div>