Background: I went to small Catholic schools my whole life. Like, had 54 people in my graduating class, 360 total in grades 7-12 small. I have many of the same friends now I had when I was 5, most of my best friends fall into the same section of the alphabet because that's how they divided classes.
Now: Although she went to a separate private school for junior high/high school, I have had the same "best friend" for over 20 years. She had always been there for me, even though we've always been like chalk and cheese. I'm outspokenly liberal, she's quietly conservative; I had a pretty promiscuous phase in college, she's still a virgin; I like Guinness, she thinks it tastes like meat; and so on and so on. I have always loved her, and we have always looked past our grievances, until the past few years.
It started with my boyfriend before the FI, who I started dating right after she and I moved in together. He was and is a nice guy, but she, based on a serious amount of nothing at all, absolutely refused to speak to him nearly the entire time we dated. I mean, not a damn word, even if spoken to. It put me in the middle, and even when I talked to her about it, it was just "I don't like him" and that's that. Fast forward a few months, the boy and I break up. Not for any specific reason other than, as a very dear friend said,"You guys have good days, but you never have good weeks; you might have a good weekend, but you never have a good month." My friend, D, starts talking to my ex almost immediately after we break up. He's invited to parties at our house, he goes to an anime convention with her and their mutual friends (they went to the same pretty small college, lots of mutual people).
At this point, I am seeing the FI, and she starts pulling the silent treatment shiznit again. He's kind of sensitive about things like that, he was homeschooled and never really socialized well before we met and he has kind of a large chip on his shoulder concerning people raised with a degree of wealth, which D was/is (still gets an allowance from Daddy). He and I are working on his issues with that, and it's gotten a lot better. He's always been respectful of her to her face, and he loved her dog when I was living there.
Then I lost my job, and she started doing things like monitoring when I was using the Netflix streaming or monitoring when I was using FB when I had the chat function on. It was a really stressful time for me, and she started in on this literally 4 days after I had lost a job I had for 3 years. I was still paying her rent (she owned the house). The ignoring of FI has continued to this day. She basically treats me as though I am single but not looking. It's not like she acknowledges that he exists and she doesn't like him, it's like he just doesn't exist.
Now, FI basically thinks she's a total C U Next Tuesday, and doesn't want me to have anything to do with her, but it's hard for me to give up someone I have so much history with. I'll admit, I always thought that she and her sister (who I am very close to, and who likes the FI) would stand up for me at my wedding. But I can't see someone even putting on a dress and standing beside me who hasn't spoken a single word to FI in three years. He flat out doesn't even want her at the wedding, but I don't think I can go that far, I am close to both of her sisters and her parents, and I can't invite them without her and not feel like an awful person.
I'm meeting up with her when I fly back to MS, because I want to talk to her and let her know what's going on (she knows about the engagement, me moving to P-cola). I want her to know that this is happening whether she likes it or not, and I would like her to at least attend the wedding and be nice about it (she has a reputation for extreme passive aggression at things she doesn't like). I know everyone is asking, "Why in the hell are you still even friendly with her?," but I just can't throw away 20 years of history.
A small point to make: she has slways been the center of attention with the boys since she's been in her 20s. She grew into her looks, and also takes great pride in being thin adn wearing very short skirts and wild clothes and weird make-up. I've always been the more voluptuous curvy one, which I think has given her confidence. And thin is totally fine, but I think she's always secretly thought that she was the prettier more innocent one and would get married first.
TL;DR: I have an until recently was a very close friend who won't acknowledge FI; what to do?
