Donation instead of wedding favors

USMCBride90

FI and I have decided that in lieu of wedding favors on each table for every guest, we would like to make a donation to the Wounded Warriors Project. We know of quite a few people who would also like to donate, so my question is this: Is it ok to put a box next to the guest book (or somewhere else) for guests to put a donation if they'd like? Or do we just skp that part?

ggirl2001

Do not put a box anywhere, if people want to donate, they know how to do it.

You're going to get varied responses about the donation in lieu of favors. Personally, I wouldn't put anything on the table about the donation, and just donate the money you would have spent on the favors. Favors aren't required or even necessary anymore. Part of that reason is that people sometimes don't like certain charities (think Susan Komen) and wouldn't donate to them, so when you do it in lieu of a favor for them, it becomes more of an issue. Granted, I don't know of any problems with the Wounded Warrior Project, but you get my drift. Just donate it and don't worry about telling the guests. (at least if it were me, thats what I'd do), but there is technically nothing wrong (I don't think) with telling them. 

ggirl2001

I actually have no clue if that above response makes sense haha. MY thoughts aren't coming out too well haha. 

firemedicrr

I think gg made sense. 

I wouldn't put anything out about it. Just donate the money you would have spent. Like gg said, favors aren't really necessary anymore. We're not doing favors, and we aren't making a special charitable donation. I'm doing bags for the out of town guests; but TBH I don't miss the favors at the weddings I've been to that don't have them, and I typically don't take them at the weddings that do.

ggirl2001

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_donation-instead-of-wedding-favors?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:ffaf7d36-266a-4228-a064-59a45753ce40Post:20e7ed4b-3090-4182-aab7-813cd2d0b0a6">Re: Donation instead of wedding favors</a>:
[QUOTE]I think gg made sense.  I wouldn't put anything out about it. Just donate the money you would have spent. Like gg said, favors aren't really necessary anymore. We're not doing favors, and we aren't making a special charitable donation. I'm doing bags for the out of town guests; but TBH I don't miss the favors at the weddings I've been to that don't have them, and I typically don't take them at the weddings that do.
Posted by firemedicrr[/QUOTE]<div>Agreed. I didn't even want favors at my own wedding, but my mom couldn't imagine not having favors (cuz she's crazy) and was willing to pay for them. That's the only reason we had them. I'm pretty sure they were left though, although they are cute. They were coasters with sea shells on them. I have a few sets at my apartment now and use them regularly haha. But really, I was gladly going to skip favors. 

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Irishcurls

Ugh if I could have saved that $200 we spent on m&ms I would have in a heartbeat. Favors aren't necessary and if you and your FI want to donate to a charity do it, but most guests don't care. I always say this, but I look at those little rolled pieces of paper brides place at each plate and think, where the eff is my candy? Those weddings with no favors, I don't even bat an eye. Does that make sense? If you want to put a bit in the program or a table tent by the bar about what it's important you to you two, I think that's lovely. But guests don't need to know to make it meaningful to you guys. 

Beachy730

I think making a donation in lieu of favors is a great idea if and ONLY if you don't tell your guests about it.  Donations are great, we make them all the time.  But we also don't publicly announce everytime we make a donation.  

I have several problems with donations as favors though.  For one, the point of a donation is to help others and you get some personal satisfaction from that.  When people tell all their guests they donated to this charity it's just incredibly AW-ish to me.  Donate because you want to, not because you want people to know you did.

Secondly, the only person IRL I know who did this flat out told me "nobody knows how much you actually donate, so you really could donate like $50 and save at least $200 had you done favors."  So that just put a sour taste in my mouth about it, and I always wonder how many people think that same way when doing it.

Third, of all things to cut in a wedding to brag about to your guests, why choose the one thing that's given to them?  In a way it's like saying we had no problems spending money on attire, food, clothes, flowers, photogs, music, etc., but we are going to skip spending money on your favor and donate instead.  

Those are all just my opinons but also from an E standpoint it''s considered improper.  Like Geeg and Irish said just make the donation if you want, but don't tell anyone.  Nobody will miss the favors if they aren't there, but may feel slighted if they get the paper saying a donation was made.

Also, and many people might not agree, I think a much more touching sentiment would be to skip floral centerpieces (or other expensive ones) and do a picture of you and H with him in uniform, and maybe a WWP logo in it.  Centerpieces are usually much more money so if you cut that expense to donate the money I would think that was much sweeter.  

Sammy0709

Sorry Beach, but I'm pretty sure a favor isn't the ONLY thing that a guest gets.  They get (in most cases) dinner, alcohol, and entertainment for the evening.  These things are the LARGEST expense in most weddings.  Choosing to donate money to a charity rather than spending $200 on mints, cookies, m&m's, etc. is not skimping on taking care of your guests.  I think that whole paragraph is pretty absurd.  If your guests are more concerned about a $2 bag of m&m's than a $30 meal give them their m&m's and skip dinner.

That aside, IMHO, I would want to know what charity the bride and groom were donating to IF I knew that they were making a donation in honor of their wedding/guests.

ggirl2001

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_donation-instead-of-wedding-favors?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:ffaf7d36-266a-4228-a064-59a45753ce40Post:8d147a8d-8927-46fd-a5d1-6703cca547b3">Re: Donation instead of wedding favors</a>:
[QUOTE]Sorry Beach, but I'm pretty sure a favor isn't the ONLY thing that a guest gets.  They get (in most cases) dinner, alcohol, and entertainment for the evening.  These things are the LARGEST expense in most weddings.  Choosing to donate money to a charity rather than spending $200 on mints, cookies, m&m's, etc. is not skimping on taking care of your guests.  I think that whole paragraph is pretty absurd.  If your guests are more concerned about a $2 bag of m&m's than a $30 meal give them their m&m's and skip dinner.<strong> That aside, IMHO, I would want to know what charity the bride and groom were donating to IF I knew that they were making a donation in honor of their wedding/guests.</strong>
Posted by Sammy0709[/QUOTE]
And thats where the problem comes in with donations. What if I don't agree with the charity? Then there are issues. I don't want someone to do a donation in my name for something I don't support. 

USMCBride90

I understand where you all are coming from. Thank you for the input. The reason we wanted to make a donation instead of having wedding favors for each guest is beacause we felt it was money well spent since many guests don't even take the favor with when they leave. That way we would be spending the money on something meaningful, instead of otherwise spending it on things that essentially may just be thrown away.

I know we don't HAVE to do favors, but I'd at least like to do something I guess. I understand some people don't agree with certain charities, but I feel that the Wounded Warriors Project would be a great one since most of our guests are/were military or support the cause. It's not like we're donating to a political campaign or something more controversial. Something I will need to think about I guess.

Thanks again for the input ladies. These little details make me want to pack my sh*t, get on a plane, fly my butt out to FI, and just elope out in Cali. Yup, that sounds like a pretty good plan to me.

ggirl2001

USMCBride (that name needs to be shortened somehow haha). I don't think your charity will cause problems for guests, its just a general concern over all when you do donations in lieu of favors ya know? It's just something to keep in mind when you (general you) choose to go this route. 

USMCBride90

Oh I get what you're saying ggirl It makes sense to take that into consideration when donating to a charity instead of doing favors. I completely agree with that. I would hate to go to a wedding and find out that they were making charity donations to a political campaign or something else that I don't necessarily support. So I definitely feel ya on that one.

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_donation-instead-of-wedding-favors?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:ffaf7d36-266a-4228-a064-59a45753ce40Post:8d147a8d-8927-46fd-a5d1-6703cca547b3">Re: Donation instead of wedding favors</a>:
[QUOTE]Sorry Beach, but I'm pretty sure a favor isn't the ONLY thing that a guest gets.  They get (in most cases) dinner, alcohol, and entertainment for the evening.  These things are the LARGEST expense in most weddings.  Choosing to donate money to a charity rather than spending $200 on mints, cookies, m&m's, etc. is not skimping on taking care of your guests.  I think that whole paragraph is pretty absurd.  If your guests are more concerned about a $2 bag of m&m's than a $30 meal give them their m&m's and skip dinner. That aside, IMHO, I would want to know what charity the bride and groom were donating to IF I knew that they were making a donation in honor of their wedding/guests.
Posted by Sammy0709[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>You're right.  Those are just also things that many couples wouldn't have a wedding without, where favors are usually the first thing to go.  Personally, I don't care whether I get a favor or not.  I'd take free booze over a cheap favor anyday.  But that's from an etiquette standpoint why it's frowned upon.  </div><div>
</div><div>Also, I generally don't care about people making donations.  And if you want to make a donation instead of favors, great.  I just want people to do it because they want to and they care about the charity, and I think more people do it for the AW factor.  I'm not saying OP is, or that all people do by any means, but that's the general feeling I get from it.  Donate money, fantastic!  But why do you have to let everyone know that you donated money?  

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ggirl2001

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_donation-instead-of-wedding-favors?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:ffaf7d36-266a-4228-a064-59a45753ce40Post:1fbfdb1d-3098-450e-9bc3-76c2300b2775">Re: Donation instead of wedding favors</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Donation instead of wedding favors : You're right.  Those are just also things that many couples wouldn't have a wedding without, where favors are usually the first thing to go.  Personally, I don't care whether I get a favor or not.  I'd take free booze over a cheap favor anyday.  But that's from an etiquette standpoint why it's frowned upon.   Also, I generally don't care about people making donations.  And if you want to make a donation instead of favors, great.  I just want people to do it because they want to and they care about the charity, and I think more people do it for the AW factor.  I'm not saying OP is, or that all people do by any means, but that's the general feeling I get from it.  <strong>Donate money, fantastic!  But why do you have to let everyone know that you donated money?  </strong>
Posted by Beachy730[/QUOTE]<div>Unless you're Brad and Angelina and you have to talk about how much you donate all the time because you're so amazing and everyone else should donate too.</div><div>
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</div><div>Can you tell that I dislike them and their preachiness? </div><div>
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USMCBride90

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_donation-instead-of-wedding-favors?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:ffaf7d36-266a-4228-a064-59a45753ce40Post:1fbfdb1d-3098-450e-9bc3-76c2300b2775">Re: Donation instead of wedding favors</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Donation instead of wedding favors : You're right.  Those are just also things that many couples wouldn't have a wedding without, where favors are usually the first thing to go.  Personally, I don't care whether I get a favor or not.  I'd take free booze over a cheap favor anyday.  But that's from an etiquette standpoint why it's frowned upon.   Also, I generally don't care about people making donations.  And if you want to make a donation instead of favors, great.  I just want people to do it because they want to and they care about the charity, and I think more people do it for the AW factor.  I'm not saying OP is, or that all people do by any means, but that's the general feeling I get from it.  Donate money, fantastic!  But why do you have to let everyone know that you donated money?  
Posted by Beachy730[/QUOTE]

I do get what you're saying here Beachy. I can see how many people might make donations for that reason. This charity that FI and I want to donate to means alot to both of us. I guess we just figured we had to let our guests know since there would be no favors sitting out on tables for them. I thought it was proper etiquette to let them know, instead of not saying anything at all. I guess I was backwards on that part.

ggirl2001

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_donation-instead-of-wedding-favors?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:ffaf7d36-266a-4228-a064-59a45753ce40Post:c6a0101b-e6d0-49b3-90a5-a667ec90a355">Re: Donation instead of wedding favors</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Donation instead of wedding favors : I do get what you're saying here Beachy. I can see how many people might make donations for that reason. This charity that FI and I want to donate to means alot to both of us. I guess we just figured we had to let our guests know since there would be no favors sitting out on tables for them. I thought it was proper etiquette to let them know, instead of not saying anything at all. I guess I was backwards on that part.
Posted by USMCBride90[/QUOTE]<div>I guess it depends on what you want and your crowd would want. Again, i might still offer candy with a tag on it or something? But I'm weird like that.</div><div>
</div><div>But I hope you got your question answererd, which is don't have a donation box. If people ask you where to donate, just direct them to the website or something ya know? 

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Sammy0709

Yeah I'm just saying if the favors go I could care less.  If it means more booze I'm for it.  FTR, I do agree it's AW-y to be all "hey look who we donated money to."

Zimsgirl

I'm a huge supporter of WWP. They've done a lot for FI and he's donated to them every month since he's been in. They've also done a lot for my cousin so I would be thrilled to see a couple donate to them

kyrgyzstan

We had our wedding at a museum that I absolutely adore. It's a non-profit, and we put a little bit on our website about how much the organization means to us as a couple. I got as blatant as I could without saying, if you want to donate, do! You could maybe have a link on a wedding website to donate. Without saying that you're donating in lieu of favors, just saying that it's an organization that matters to you.

ggirl2001

I like Stan's idea. 

annieappy

I'm not a fan of favors, so my fiance and I are doing something similar, but we each picked a charity and are letting our guests decide which they would like "their" donation to go to. There's actually a pic in the Knot ideas somewhere for reception (http://weddings.theknot.com/Real-Weddings/67230/detailview.aspx?type=3&id=67230). That way the guests have a say in it, and it's something a little more thoughtful than your standard jordan almonds that no one eats (or eats and then thinks, Why did I eat those?). If you really want to do a "takeaway," how about providing welcome bags for your guests coming in from out of town with a few thoughtful things (water bottles, snacks, personalized bottle opener, etc). You could also provide a cookie or candy table with personalized to-go bags. Have fun!!