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Not Engaged Yet

Engaged but, Not Engaged (Long Story)

My Boyfriend and I have been together four months.At first it was long distance but, some how now we are living together. Odd I know just let me explain. I was in a emotional/ verbally abusive relationship for a year and a couple months. I was being cut off from the world so I started to rebel. My friend Lisa convinced me to get a myyearbook cause it was the only social networking site my boyfriend at the time didn't have.
     I finally got one and her and I chated back and forth well. I knew that I didn't deserve to be treated like I was being treated so I casually started talking to a few guys. One guy's page kept come up everytime I would browse for people. He was a soilder whom just had gotten back from Iraq I finally got up the courage to add him and we started talking late one night.
     He was amazing everything I could have ever dreamt of plus more. We were talking online for about 4 hour before we called eachother. We were nervous because we had both been in and out of one bad relationship after another but, we both knew this was something special.
             We joked about him coming to see me and later on he told me he really wanted to come see me. I was optimist but, agreed to let him come see me. It was a 5 hour drive from KY to OH and jhe made it in  record time. He stayed with me for a week and by the time he left we were together and in love.
           After he left we couldn't stay off the phone and or computer. We both lived with our parents and both wanted to leave home. His best friend found him a place and he wanted me to be there when he looked at it. Ever though we'd only been apart 2 weeks it was a tearful reuion. We drove back to his place and within a week we were moving in.
                     After we moved in his mom and her husband came to see us. As soon as they got to the house her and my boyfriend rushed into the bedroom and left me in the dust. Come to find out his mother had given him a his family ring for me to wear. Though I do not have it he still introduces me as his fiancee which I love and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him.

Re: Engaged but, Not Engaged (Long Story)

  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_engaged-but-not-engaged-long-story?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:0564fa5f-a18d-4649-ae6c-66bef670a34fPost:58798666-7660-46c5-bcd5-e27c4534632b">Engaged but, Not Engaged (Long Story)</a>:
    [QUOTE]My Boyfriend and I have been together four months.At first it was long distance but, some how now we are living together. Odd I know just let me explain. I was in a emotional/ verbally abusive relationship for a year and a couple months. I was being cut off from the world so I started to rebel. My friend Lisa convinced me to get a myyearbook cause it was the only social networking site my boyfriend at the time didn't have.      I finally got one and her and I chated back and forth well. I knew that I didn't deserve to be treated like I was being treated so I casually started talking to a few guys. One guy's page kept come up everytime I would browse for people. He was a soilder whom just had gotten back from Iraq I finally got up the courage to add him and we started talking late one night.      He was amazing everything I could have ever dreamt of plus more. We were talking online for about 4 hour before we called eachother. We were nervous because we had both been in and out of one bad relationship after another but, we both knew this was something special.              We joked about him coming to see me and later on he told me he really wanted to come see me. I was optimist but, agreed to let him come see me. It was a 5 hour drive from KY to OH and jhe made it in  record time. He stayed with me for a week and by the time he left we were together and in love.            After he left we couldn't stay off the phone and or computer. We both lived with our parents and both wanted to leave home. His best friend found him a place and he wanted me to be there when he looked at it. Ever though we'd only been apart 2 weeks it was a tearful reuion. We drove back to his place and within a week we were moving in.                      After we moved in his mom and her husband came to see us. As soon as they got to the house her and my boyfriend rushed into the bedroom and left me in the dust. Come to find out his mother had given him a his family ring for me to wear. Though I do not have it he still introduces me as his fiancee which I love and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him.
    Posted by CandieCane90[/QUOTE]
    I'll deal with this later<div>
    </div><div>Edit:  I lied.  I have no intention of dealing with this.  I have nothing to say. </div>
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_engaged-but-not-engaged-long-story?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:0564fa5f-a18d-4649-ae6c-66bef670a34fPost:58798666-7660-46c5-bcd5-e27c4534632b">Engaged but, Not Engaged (Long Story)</a>:
    [QUOTE]My Boyfriend and I have been together four months.At first it was long distance but, some how now we are living together. Odd I know just let me explain. I was in a emotional/ verbally abusive relationship for a year and a couple months. I was being cut off from the world so I started to rebel. My friend Lisa convinced me to get a myyearbook cause it was the only social networking site my boyfriend at the time didn't have.      I finally got one and her and I chated back and forth well. I knew that I didn't deserve to be treated like I was being treated so I casually started talking to a few guys. One guy's page kept come up everytime I would browse for people. He was a soilder whom just had gotten back from Iraq I finally got up the courage to add him and we started talking late one night.      He was amazing everything I could have ever dreamt of plus more. We were talking online for about 4 hour before we called eachother. We were nervous because we had both been in and out of one bad relationship after another but, we both knew this was something special.              We joked about him coming to see me and later on he told me he really wanted to come see me. I was optimist but, agreed to let him come see me. It was a 5 hour drive from KY to OH and jhe made it in  record time. He stayed with me for a week and by the time he left we were together and in love.            After he left we couldn't stay off the phone and or computer. We both lived with our parents and both wanted to leave home. His best friend found him a place and he wanted me to be there when he looked at it. Ever though we'd only been apart 2 weeks it was a tearful reuion. We drove back to his place and within a week we were moving in.                      After we moved in his mom and her husband came to see us. As soon as they got to the house her and my boyfriend rushed into the bedroom and left me in the dust. Come to find out his mother had given him a his family ring for me to wear. Though I do not have it he still introduces me as his fiancee which I love and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him.
    Posted by CandieCane90[/QUOTE]


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    I.... just.... yeah. no.

    I die for this.

    And not in an annoying but fashionably cliche way like Rachel Zoe. I literally want to die for this. If there's a God you won't really be from Ohio. Please.

    EDIT: After reading your other posts it became even more clear that you did not even think to lurk here first. Wow. For your own sake I am glad it's a holiday weekend and I mean that in the nicest way possible.
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  • edited December 2011
    I don't even really know what to say except since you've just gotten out of an abusive relationship, you really should give yourself a chance to heal.  That's all I'm going to say.
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  • edited December 2011

    Lol @ nottheonly...

    I'll give it a try...how old are you, love? I assume from your screenname that 1990 is when you were born, so that makes you...20? I'm not quite sure why you're posting this, is it an introduction? Are you seeking advice of some sort or congratulations? I don't quite understand. If it's advice, then we would need a bit more info on that. If it's congrats, then I don't know if that's warranted, as you haven't told us if you're engaged or not. I assume so, yes, but I would suggest you speak with your BF first about if you two are ready for this or not. Just because he calls you fiancee doesn't mean much, my FI calls me wifey but we're not married.

    And spell check is your friend. Really. I make horrible spelling mistakes too.

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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_engaged-but-not-engaged-long-story?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:0564fa5f-a18d-4649-ae6c-66bef670a34fPost:37375afc-eda9-4bef-8490-77a63ee18679">Re: Engaged but, Not Engaged (Long Story)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Lol @ nottheonly... I'll give it a try...how old are you, love? I assume from your screenname that 1990 is when you were born, so that makes you...20? I'm not quite sure why you're posting this, is it an introduction? Are you seeking advice of some sort or congratulations? I don't quite understand. If it's advice, then we would need a bit more info on that. If it's congrats, then I don't know if that's warranted, as you haven't told us if you're engaged or not. I assume so, yes, but I would suggest you speak with your BF first about if you two are ready for this or not. Just because he calls you fiancee doesn't mean much, my FI calls me wifey but we're not married. And spell check is your friend. Really. I make horrible spelling mistakes too.
    Posted by misskrysbaby[/QUOTE]


    This.

    Krys.... you are a better woman than me by far.
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  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I mean this in the best way possible, but four months is not a long time to get to know someone. And if you'r ethat young, there is NO harm in waiting.

    You've just come out of a difficult relationship, and that truly does take time to move on from. The BEST THING you can do for this relationship is to take time for yourself to get used to it. Bad relationships take a while to get over- a lot of people have been in them and it NEVER hurts to take time to move on from them.

    But I guess my question is, are you engaged then? Is that what this post is about? Because you are going to get a few questions about your age and how long you've been together - and you should be prepared to answer them.

    Honestly, you have NOTHING to lose by waiting and quite a few things to gain from WAITING. Take this from someone who is probably about your age.

  • edited December 2011
    There are so many red flags in this post that the Communists ran out of material. 
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_engaged-but-not-engaged-long-story?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:0564fa5f-a18d-4649-ae6c-66bef670a34fPost:13145a5f-d776-48ca-a46e-734fe99bfa06">Re: Engaged but, Not Engaged (Long Story)</a>:
    [QUOTE]There are so many red flags in this post that the Communists ran out of material. 
    Posted by GeePeeBee[/QUOTE]


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  • edited December 2011
    Ummmm yeahhhhhh....about this.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_engaged-but-not-engaged-long-story?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:0564fa5f-a18d-4649-ae6c-66bef670a34fPost:13145a5f-d776-48ca-a46e-734fe99bfa06">Re: Engaged but, Not Engaged (Long Story)</a>:
    [QUOTE]There are so many red flags in this post that the Communists ran out of material. 
    Posted by GeePeeBee[/QUOTE]

    Yep.

    OP, before you go ANY FURTHER with this relationship, I advise you to go to therapy. You said yourself you both hopped around from one relationship to the next, and you've just done it again. There is a reason you are doing this, and a reason you felt the need to be in a new relationship before you even left a guy you KNEW was bad for you, and the best thing you can do for your relationship is to sort that out first. In fact it may not be a bad idea for you both to go to counseling as you said he was in the same position.

    Also, question: how long did your last guy take before he started showing signs of emotional abuse? Typically they wait a bit to get you "hooked." I'm not saying that your current guy is going to abuse you, but I doubt you knew how awful the last one was at four months in. Similarly there are things you don't know about this guy yet.

    Slow things down. You have time. I guarantee you do not know everything about this guy, or even most things about him, at four months and likely 20 years old. You also say he's a soldier. Have you been through a deployment yet? That tends to effect things pretty strongly.  I'm not saying your relationship is doomed but you're not giving it a very good fighting chance.

    <strong>Edit because I thought of this more:</strong> I also find it suspicious that he's moving  into this so fast too. I'm not saying that he doesn't love you, but it's pretty common for military men to rush into a marriage they later regret more or less because they want something to hold on to/ come home to while they're deployed. I find myself thinking that could be the case here.

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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    ditto everything zipis said. It sounds to me like you moved into the relationship really fast. You need time to heal from your past relationship before jumping right into a new one.


  • edited December 2011
    Sigh...you're all better women than me.  I  just can't burst into a long monolouge about what a bad idea this is...not at this hour.

    What I will say to the OP is that you might truly love this man and he might truly love you.  And you might be married to him for 70 years one day...who knows.  What I think you SHOULD do is take some space from this relationship and be ON YOUR OWN for at LEAST a few months.  Get some therapy.  Learn to love yourself because NO ONE who truly loves themselves allows people to abuse them.  (I speak from experience.)  And if you don't love yourself, how can you really love someone else?
  • deburnindeburnin member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I am so confused. One post by the OP says they've been together a year. Another only four months. Apparently they're both 21. 

    For multiple reasons I think slowing things down would be a very good thing.
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  • brilibby4brilibby4 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    My advice is to SLOW DOWN.  I will leave it at that.
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  • jemmini6jemmini6 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    This is STUPID!  Slow the hell down and rethink things.  This has bad news written all over it.  If you honestly think that this is a good thing and completely normal, please see a therapist.  Actually, you might benefit from a therapist anyways.  Abusive relationships aren't something you can just get over by rushing into a serious relationship with someone else.  Chances are, he is likely to display the same characteristics as your ex once you two get over the 'honeymoon phase' and you really need to get some help!
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_engaged-but-not-engaged-long-story?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:0564fa5f-a18d-4649-ae6c-66bef670a34fPost:217bbb92-39c0-4fb0-a372-85a36d29ce52">Re: Engaged but, Not Engaged (Long Story)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am so confused. One post by the OP says they've been together a year. Another only four months. Apparently they're both 21.  For multiple reasons I think slowing things down would be a very good thing.
    Posted by deburnin[/QUOTE]

    In the post where she says they have been dating four months, she later adds that they were talking online for 5 months... so maybe she is rounding those 9 months of knowing him up to a year? Dunno, just a theory.

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  • edited December 2011



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  • redheadfsuredheadfsu member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_engaged-but-not-engaged-long-story?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:0564fa5f-a18d-4649-ae6c-66bef670a34fPost:7243038c-fe11-4224-89b2-5dab633c9917">Re: Engaged but, Not Engaged (Long Story)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I mean this in the best way possible, but four months is not a long time to get to know someone. And if you'r ethat young, there is NO harm in waiting. You've just come out of a difficult relationship, and that truly does take time to move on from. The BEST THING you can do for this relationship is to take time for yourself to get used to it. Bad relationships take a while to get over- a lot of people have been in them and it NEVER hurts to take time to move on from them. But I guess my question is, are you engaged then? Is that what this post is about? Because you are going to get a few questions about your age and how long you've been together - and you should be prepared to answer them. Honestly, you have NOTHING to lose by waiting and quite a few things to gain from WAITING. Take this from someone who is probably about your age.
    Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]


    This.

    Also OP, I would advise counseling as you stated that you got out of an abusive situation. Counseling is a good thing, so please look into it. I would advise calling the local woman's shelter and asking for therapists they recommend. GL.

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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_engaged-but-not-engaged-long-story?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:0564fa5f-a18d-4649-ae6c-66bef670a34fPost:217bbb92-39c0-4fb0-a372-85a36d29ce52">Re: Engaged but, Not Engaged (Long Story)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am so confused. One post by the OP says they've been together a year. Another only four months. Apparently they're both 21.  For multiple reasons I think slowing things down would be a very good thing.
    Posted by deburnin[/QUOTE]

    I think she has been with her FI for 4 months and with the abusive guy for a year??  That's how I read it...
  • meamollymeamolly member
    Seventh Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    first go fill out the intro post, two slow your roll, three you talked four five months online right? how long were you still dating your other guy for while this was going on? I do not recall you stating when this happened and it sounds like to me you were on the look out before you even got out of that relationship. now to me that does not sound one bit like a girl that is prepared to enter a marriage. As many of the lovely women on this board have pointed out time and time again, you are entering a marriage celebrated at the beginning with a large party, not just throwing a big party to celebrate the fact you got a shiny rock. now for some wise words i found on the interwebs:

    Here are five key questions to ask yourself before you say those two life-altering words.

    1) How do I expect my life to change once I'm married? (Think it won't? Yikes!).

    Everyone enters into a marriage with expectations about how the marriage will satisfy his or her needs. Problems arise when these expectations go unmet and feelings of disappointment start to seep into the emotional connection between the couple. At lot of times, this is due to one partner expecting the emotional connection to intensify and the other expecting things to stay as they have been. Therefore, it is very important that you openly talk with your partner about what you expect from the relationship, emotionally, financially, physically, and how you view your future together playing out. Failure to do so may lead the two of you down a bitter path culminating in divorce.

    2) How happy am I with our travels through the four seasons? (And, I'm not talking about a casual stroll through the lobby of a ritzy hotel!).

    Well functioning relationships are able to survive difficult times and grow as the environment around them changes. Just as one needs to prepare for a harsh winter, a couple needs to devise a blueprint for how they are going to get through tough times. All couples experience situations that test their commitment to each other and their compatibility. This is why I wrote "at least a 2-year courtship" in the opening paragraph. When you first are dating, it's like summer-peaceful, calm, exciting, and warm. Then winter comes and things often get harder. No longer is one focusing on being on his or her best behavior and ones "baggage" surfaces. If you haven't experienced all four seasons of your partner to be, maybe you should push back the wedding date. If you have, what did you learn about yourself and your partner? Is your relationship going to be like living in Los Angeles where the change of seasons are hardly noticeable, or is it going to be like living in the Colorado Rockies? If the two of you are having wild emotional swings getting married isn't the answer.

    3) Why am I getting married? (Because that's what I'm supposed to do?!)

    Most of us know the fairy tale where the prince rescues the damsel in distress and they ride off into the sunset to a place called "Happily Ever After." Many of us think, in some way, that there is truth to this insipid tale. It has been my experience that rescue missions usually end up with the rescuer getting his or her butt kicked, as the damsel is in distress due to her/his own choices, which can't be fixed by the rescuer. In our modern world, both men and women attempt to rescue, just as both men and women can be a "damsel" in distress. Happily Ever After has a little known subtitle, "Just as long as you work your butt off and are not trying to save anybody or hope to be rescued from yourself." Thus, make sure to answer this question as honestly as possible. And, ask your partner this question as well. If getting married has anything to do with living out a fairy tale, you may want to reevaluate the situation.

    4) Have you fallen in love? (If the answer is "Yes," have you gotten up?)

    When asked why one is getting married, a common answer is "because I've fallen in love." To me, the word "falling" is associated with painful things. I fell down, I fell off the chair, or I fell off a cliff, to name a few. Whoever first coined the phrase "falling in love" knew what s/he were talking about. This wise person knew that with love comes pain. Within every successful relationship there exists a healthy level of emotional pain that a couple uses to further grow their relationship. Part of making a relationship stand the test of time is to agree to work together to solve problems. Learning how to avoid hurting each other will lessen the chances that someone will tumble and fall, causing both to suffer. Don't fall in love. Rather, build it together.

    5) Who do I want to model my marriage after? (If it's the paid assassins Mr. and Mrs. Smith, things might get rough for a while).

    Are your parents still married (were they ever)? The relationship that our parents had affects us more than most of us want to admit. It is from their teachings and behaviors that we learned about how, or how not, partners are supposed to treat each other. If they were, and still are, great role models, ask them to tell you everything that they have learned about marriage. If they weren't, still ask, but also seek out advice from someone whose marriage appears to be running smoothly (I say appear, as people are great on putting a positive face on what is really a relationship in trouble). In addition, I highly recommend premarital counseling. Working with a therapist prior to getting married may prevent you from having to go to therapy to try and save the relationship in the future.

    Thus, having a well thought out and constructed blueprint for marriage is essential for the success of the relationship. Make sure to ask yourself and your partner as many questions as possible regarding expectations for the marriage. And remember, there is no substitute for hard work. So, get crackin'!


  • edited December 2011
    OP, There is a lot that needs to be thought about before you start wondering "are we engaged or not?"
    Time can really do you good. Not that you have to shut yourself off to the world or this guy, but honestly, time to spend by yourself, doing what you liked doing before your last abusive relationship. It is a huge red flag that you went into a new relationship and moved in already.
    Also, you said being away from one another was difficult, for two weeks. Let me tell you, if he's still gonna be in the Military for some time, it's very likely he'll be on another deployment. Are you going to be able to handle that?
    Your relationship isn't doomed, but it's not really on a safe route. It really sounds like you have to do some work. I suggest some counseling for the both of you.
    Trust me, my relationship with my husband had a wierd beginning, including a deployment when we first got together, and that "things felt right" feeling, but it wasn't all perfect. It took work. Serious talks and plans before we got engaged and moved in. Being in a good place as individiuals.

    If you want your relationship to work, you have to put aside all this "we're so in love" and "wedding date" and "it's so perfect" stuff. Be realistic. At 4 months, every relationship is still in a great place. Think about issues you both have (Abusive relationship, deployment issues -things like PTSD, what you both want ultimately) and work on that. It will be a mess otherwise.


    Night swimming in the ocean= pretty sweet reception!
  • breezerbbreezerb member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm sorry... was there a question?
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  • breezerbbreezerb member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Ed Note: You have to know and love yourself before you can even attempt to love and know someone else.

    IMHO: This just seems like a band-aid situation to me.
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  • deburnindeburnin member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_engaged-but-not-engaged-long-story?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:0564fa5f-a18d-4649-ae6c-66bef670a34fPost:7d15a02c-2352-429e-894d-6a01cef07ad9">Re: Engaged but, Not Engaged (Long Story)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Engaged but, Not Engaged (Long Story) : I think she has been with her FI for 4 months and with the abusive guy for a year??  That's how I read it...
    Posted by teetooshort[/QUOTE]

    <div>I dunno... But according to her profile<span style="line-height:normal;" class="Apple-style-span"> they're also time traveling for their wedding: 3/18/2009. And if that date's supposed to be their anniversary that just makes the whole timeline even more confusing. </span><a href="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/3/7/43b7ecd1-e89e-4872-97b9-fa4b0bbe39f4.large.jpg" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', '43b7ecd1-e89e-4872-97b9-fa4b0bbe39f4', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));" class="PhotoLink"><img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/3/7/43b7ecd1-e89e-4872-97b9-fa4b0bbe39f4.medium.jpg" alt="" /></a></div>
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  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_engaged-but-not-engaged-long-story?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:0564fa5f-a18d-4649-ae6c-66bef670a34fPost:c1ff8d37-83df-4702-9588-025cbd0ab3d7">Re: Engaged but, Not Engaged (Long Story)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Engaged but, Not Engaged (Long Story) : I dunno... But according to her profile  they're also time traveling for their wedding: 3/18/2009. And if that date's supposed to be their anniversary that just makes the whole timeline even more confusing. 
    Posted by deburnin[/QUOTE]

    I love time travellers.

  • Bec20Bec20 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011

    I hate to be the bearer of bad news to the OP, but one of the warning signs of an abusive person is that they want to get married VERY early in the relationship.  I understand that this is not always the case, but it is defintiely a common thing for controlling people to do.  My mother can vouch for it.

    Odds are you're 20 or 19, assuming you were born in 1990.  You have nothing to lose by waiting a couple of years to get married.  Get out of your teens and finish school before you get married.  You have years ahead of you and, in the grand scheme of things, waiting until you've been with this guy 2 years to get engaged shouldn't be a big deal... you'll still only be 21 or so!  This is coming from somebody around your age, so please don't assume that the people giving you advice are "old" or have forgotten what its like to be young and think you're with the man you're going to marry.

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