Not Engaged Yet
Options

Oh hi I'm being a brat.

I just spent the last several minutes crying about my stupid bridal shower. My shower is this Saturday. I didn't even want to have one, but my Mom's friends wanted to throw one, so I gave in. Here's the thing: nobody's coming. Like, nobody. Of my 5 BMs, there's only one who might even possibly be there. The rest all have work or something. My cousin for whom I drove seven hours each way to attend her baby shower can't make it even though it's 15 minutes from her apartment. My aunt has company coming and can't come. It's just one excuse after another, and I keep plastering this smile on my face and saying "it's cool, I get it, no worries" and I feel like I have nowhere where I'm allowed to show my disappointment hence this stupid vent and nobody who would even care if they knew how I was feeling. Don't get me wrong; I'm not expecting anybody to make me their first priority. I just feel like a midday Saturday luncheon shouldn't be that big of a burden. And I'm extremely grateful for the several big ticket items that have been purchased off of our registry, but I would rather just have people there for me. Does anybody else feel totally alone sometimes? What do you do to snap out of it?
«1

Re: Oh hi I'm being a brat.

  • Options
    P.S. I wrote that through the mobile site, so if the formatting is awful it's not my fault!
  • Options
    Thanks Buggle. I appreciate the sympathy.
  • Options
    Aw! I think you are being totally reasonable, and not bratty.

    I had something wedding planning related eating at me and finally expressed it to the person I wanted to express it to, and though it was a sucky convo at the time, I have totally let it go. It was eating at me for weeks, and I kept saying to myself and my friends, "It doesn't really matter..." but it did to me! And now that they know, I feel much better.

    Maybe you shouldn't be so "okay" with it. Good for you for expressing it here. Being a level-headed bride is sometimes REALLY hard to hold up.
  • Options
    That stinks. Hugs! I don't really know what I would do in your situation, except maybe try to tell people that I really wish they would be there rather than try to throw on a smile and pretend like it's ok. Harder than it sounds, though.

    But I definitely have similar feelings about being all alone. My bridal party is scattered across the country, and my family lives in another city. I have a dress fitting this weekend and I don't have anyone to come with me. That makes me feel alone.
    image
    Married! :) 5/19/12 The Domesticals

  • Options
    In Response to Re:Oh hi I'm being a brat.:[QUOTE]That stinks. Hugs! I don't really know what I would do in your situation, except maybe try to tell people that I really wish they would be there rather than try to throw on a smile and pretend like it's ok. Harder than it sounds, though.But I definitely have similar feelings about being all alone. My bridal party is scattered across the country, and my family lives in another city. I have a dress fitting this weekend and I don't have anyone to come with me. That makes me feel alone. Posted by mookow86[/QUOTE]

    I'm in the same situation. Everyone is really scattered and it sucks having to do alone a lot of the stuff that's supposed to be fun to do with friends. I'm really glad I have this board at least.
  • Options
    I get it. I was sad that my mom and SIL didn't seem interested in planning a baby shower for my little guy. Not at all about gifts. Just wanting people to be excited about for Baby. He deserves to have people be excited about him, IMO.

    I think it's very human and natural to want people around you to be interested and excited, but at the end of the day, it's not about them. It's about YOU, and doing the things that are important to you, being true to yourself, your values, and your relationship. Being married will make YOU happy, and that is what is most important!

    Plus, you know you have friends all over the country who would be there if they could!

    ::HUGS::



    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


  • Options
    I'm sorry Elle :( Is there any chance that they might just all show up and surprise you? I mean, that seems pretty odd to me that literally no one can come... If they are really not coming, then they are all jerks especially the one who's baby shower you drove 7 hours for. Wth is their problem??
    image
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • Options
    Oh Elle!!  I'm so sorry!!  One of my BMs lives in Jackson, Mississippi so maybe I could send her to your shower?  Just kidding . . . but I get what you mean about people being scattered.  It sucks when you really go out of your way for someone and then they aren't there for you.  I don't have much advice but wanted you to know you aren't alone and we all would love to be there with you this weekend.  *hugs*
  • Options
    Thanks Desert and Puzzle for the validation. Haha. I just feel like this is a really dumb thing to be this upset about and I've been holding it in for a long time. But I got one more "sorry I have to work, but can we hang out on Sunday?" message this morning and it pushed me over the edge.
  • Options
    Awww Elle you have every right to feel disappointed.  I wish that I had the money to fly out and attend.  It does seem so disappointing that no one can show up.  I mean if they had plenty of time for notice then I can't see why they can't clear up the schedule to attend for an hour or two.  *HUGS* I wish there was a way we all can just have one big bridal party, no need for gifts, just drinking and eating good food. 
  • Options
    Just keep focused on the yummy margaritas we'll have afterwards!! And you'll be seeing the Hunger Games! 

    It's not going to be long. A couple hours tops. 
    --------------------------------------------------------------


     
    "You're our early 20's BSC scarecrow. They cower at your maturity." - lennonkdc Anniversary
  • Options
    In Response to Re:Oh hi I'm being a brat.:[QUOTE] I wish there was a way we all can just have one big bridal party, no need for gifts, just drinking and eating good food.nbsp; Posted by motoLyn[/QUOTE]

    How awesome would that be?
  • Options
    In Response to Re:Oh hi I'm being a brat.:[QUOTE]Just keep focused on the yummy margaritas we'll have afterwards!! And you'll be seeing the Hunger Games!nbsp;It's not going to be long. A couple hours tops.nbsp; Posted by audrewuh[/QUOTE]

    YES. I'm really glad I have you to give me something to look forward to.
  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_oh-hi-im-being-a-brat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:079b1d55-26b9-42f4-9bd2-2a7ad8424b2ePost:fde918e3-ad73-4d76-8494-06733ad5aa7a">Re:Oh hi I'm being a brat.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Oh hi I'm being a brat.: YES. I'm really glad I have you to give me something to look forward to.
    Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

    <div>I'm really looking forward to it too. :) Who knows, I may even tag along to HG with you too!</div>
    --------------------------------------------------------------


     
    "You're our early 20's BSC scarecrow. They cower at your maturity." - lennonkdc Anniversary
  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_oh-hi-im-being-a-brat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:079b1d55-26b9-42f4-9bd2-2a7ad8424b2ePost:d31b3387-e838-420a-9d97-89499a8a07e6">Re:Oh hi I'm being a brat.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Oh hi I'm being a brat.: I'm in the same situation. Everyone is really scattered and it sucks having to do alone a lot of the stuff that's supposed to be fun to do with friends. I'm really glad I have this board at least.
    Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

    I definitely feel you on this. I'd be disappointed to. Wedding showers and bachelorette parties seem fun (and you only really get to do it once). I don't care about the presents either, but I'd still like to have the parties, but alas....my friends/family are also spread out throughout the country.

    I don't think I'll be having a shower or bachelorette party and the makes me a bit sad. ::shrugs::

    Maybe I'd actually be more excited about wedding planning if I had a friend(s) to come with me to look at stuff.

    So I guess what I'm saying is that I don't think you're a brat...I'm right there with you.
    LilySlim Weight loss tickers
  • Options
    meamollymeamolly member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited March 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_oh-hi-im-being-a-brat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:079b1d55-26b9-42f4-9bd2-2a7ad8424b2ePost:fbf5345b-e474-4f48-8d05-feb4715fce21">Re: Oh hi I'm being a brat.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Elle, that sucks. I think you're justified in being disappointed since people keep giving you lame excuses. I would totally come if I didn't live a million miles away :(
    Posted by buggle2[/QUOTE]


    Hey Bug you and I can car pool! I will swing by and pick ya up! <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" /> I am sorry to hear that things are not working out Elle. Wedding shower brunches are the best. I dont know about your family, but in mine its a time to get to know more about the couple and learn the funny stuff about how they met. I would so be there if I were a real life friend

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_oh-hi-im-being-a-brat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:079b1d55-26b9-42f4-9bd2-2a7ad8424b2ePost:fe6abb32-ec38-4b6d-be23-744954a4394b">Re:Oh hi I'm being a brat.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Oh hi I'm being a brat. : I definitely feel you on this. I'd be disappointed to. Wedding showers and bachelorette parties seem fun (and you only really get to do it once). I don't care about the presents either, but I'd still like to have the parties, but alas....my friends/family are also spread out throughout the country.<strong> I don't think I'll be having a shower or bachelorette party and the makes me a bit sad. </strong>::shrugs:: Maybe I'd actually be more excited about wedding planning if I had a friend(s) to come with me to look at stuff. So I guess what I'm saying is that I don't think you're a brat...I'm right there with you.
    Posted by lunarsongbird[/QUOTE]


    <a href="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/5/8/b5433eed-2116-4397-a807-8659270673cc.large.gif" title="Click to view a larger photo" class="PhotoLink"> <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/5/8/b5433eed-2116-4397-a807-8659270673cc.medium.gif" alt="" /></a>
  • Options
    I really appreciate all the support guys.  I actually typed up a message for a few of my friends just saying that I'm disappointed in them, essentially.  I didn't send it, but it felt kind of good just to say it.
  • Options

    *Hugs*  You are not a brat, you are awesome!  I am really sorry that the people you want won't be there. If I could, I would so fly out to see you! <3 Take a deep breath and take your phone so we can be there with you every step of the way :)<3

    "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained"-C.S. Lewis

    Married! May 27th, 2012

  • Options
    You're not a brat at all! Of course you're disappointed. Who wouldn't be?  I think you're handling it very well.

    We could throw you a Skype shower.  =)
  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_oh-hi-im-being-a-brat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:079b1d55-26b9-42f4-9bd2-2a7ad8424b2ePost:344068cb-4450-4301-aa5d-ee44a0837a51">Re: Oh hi I'm being a brat.</a>:
    [QUOTE]You're not a brat at all! Of course you're disappointed. Who wouldn't be?  I think you're handling it very well. <strong>We could throw you a Skype shower.  =)
    Posted by leia1979[/QUOTE]
    </strong>
    YES! Let's do this!
    "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained"-C.S. Lewis

    Married! May 27th, 2012

  • Options
    I know exactly how you feel! I don't think you are being a brat at all. I had a shower this past weekend with my dad's family. They are all Irish so I thought St Patrick's day would be a good day to party and hang out. Out of the 70 people that usually come to the family get togethers only 20 showed up.

    This weekend is my bachelorette party. It has been changed from a winery tour to a painting class, to help out the ones that said they really wanted to come but couldn't afford it, but less than half of the girls invited are actually coming.

    I'd love to come over and support you. Just wish the parties didn't coincide. :(
    image
  • Options
    You aren't being a brat at all! And I say yes to the sykpe shower!


  • Options
    You ladies are so sweet.  I abandoned this thread for a while because I was crying every time I tried to read through it.  I'm still really upset about this, but I do love knowing you guys are here for me.  Also, FI found me all upset when he came home today, and his indignance on my behalf is actually kind of sweet.

    Nik and Lunar - I'm sorry you're experiencing similar situations.  I know it sucks.  :(  Group hug?
  • Options
    :( *hugs* DON'T CRY!!

    Will this random picture of a cardboard robot make you feel better?





  • Options
    Elle1036Elle1036 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited March 2012
    Haha, that's cute.  Thanks!

    I'll probably be fine again by tomorrow; I've just been shoving this down for a couple weeks now and I think it just caught up with me today.  At least I didn't have to work today.
  • Options
    Okay, so I know you've already been given a load of validation for how you've been feeling, but I just had to give my two cents. I totally don't think you're being a brat, nor do you even sound like one. It sounds to me like you're just let down. True, it wasn't something you originally wanted, but if it were me, once I got my mind set on the idea of having one I would be excited. I am impressed with how maturely you're handling it, clearly you've no ounce of 'zilla in you. I know you've already received a lot of valid advice, so I feel I am being redundant, however I must add - just keep your chin up (easier said than done) and make the best of it. I am sure your mom is going to be happy you're there (even if she and you are the only 2) and that she was able to throw a bridal shower for you!


    (So, I started writing this, went to pick the FI up some nomnoms, then came back and finished typing... sorry if I missed some posts and am being super redundant or am missing information!)
    imageWedding Countdown Ticker
  • Options
    Thanks LTG  I just feel like it can come off bratty to complain about something as petty as people not coming to a party -- especially when the point of that party is to get gifts.

    But it's not a selfish thing for me.  Well, I guess it is, but not in a materialistic way.  I'd rather have all of my friends and relatives there without a single gift than get everything on my registry and not have anyone.

    I'm also (in a silly, insecure way) a little worried about my mom's friends judging me based on the lack of attendance.  I feel like the day is quickly going to take on a theme of "Oh, poor girl.  Why doesn't she have any friends?"
  • Options
    Elle, you aren't being selfish. You don't want them there just for the presents, you want them there so that you can celebrate with them. 

    I completely understand that some people have work schedules that require that they work on a Saturday, I just know that if I was your BM (why am I not a BM for you??) I would do everything I could to get out of work early or go in late so I could at least be there for part of the day. I'm sorry it's made you feel so bad. Oh, shoot, if I was a BM, I couldn't come because I'm getting married that day... but that's a valid excuse, right?

    PS - I second the SKYPE shower on any day but Saturday!
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    Daisypath Anniversary tickers

    "You are made of win." -SopChick
    Still here and still fabulous!

  • Options
    I don't think you're being a brat at all. I think you have every right to feel upset. It's not that you're complaining about a party or presents, but that you want everyone to be excited and supportive of you as a bride.

    I get really emotional over more ridiculous things, such as FMIL never getting involved with wedding plans. Then she ends up calling and asking if she can help put invitations together and I feel like an asshole for ever being upset.
    5/27/12
    image
  • Options
    Maybe they're all pretending to decline and then they'll surprise you on Saturday? I mean...you know...it could happen.

    image 170 Invited (holy crap!)

    image 98 are coming to party!

    image 29 have other plans

    image 43 need to respond!

    Daisypath Wedding tickers

    "Bside - You're just too sexy for your own good" ~ leia1979

    "True love = I still love you even though we hang out all the time and most other people would be tired of each other already" ~ flygirlmeg
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards