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Mini vent - Ready to start planning

mmhepbmmhepb
100 Comments
in Not Engaged Yet
FI and I picked a date about two months ago.  But he is caught up with the whole "I haven't bought a ring and proposed" thing, so doesn't want to do any planning.  I'm a full time student, work almost full time during semesters (and full time during breaks) in IT and have two active kids to shuttle around.  This semester ends in 10 days, and I will have 2 months without classes.  I'm returning to classes 7/17 and will have only 1 week without classes between then and the wedding. 

Point to this... I'm getting really stressed that there's not going to be enough time to plan everything.  I can't talk to my girlfriends about this because we aren't telling anyone dates yet - again the ring thing.  Granted, this is not a first marriage for either of us, so we are going small and simple.  But I've never planned a wedding before because I went JOP route the first time around so MANY years ago.  

So I'm reading the boards, seeing the ideas and pocketing them, hoping it all falls into place quickly and easily once we're able to move forward with planning.  Thanks for the momment to vent!!
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Re: Mini vent - Ready to start planning

  • SassyFlatsSassyFlats member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    You know, I wished my DH had proposed when it was more convenient. He could have proposed at the end of the spring semester, and I'd have had all summer to plan instead of hanging out, doing not much. But he didn't. He proposed the week before I went back to school full-time, and even asked me NOT to start planning for two weeks so we could just enjoy being engaged.

    I survived, planned a lovely wedding with 100 guests in under 8 months, and I'm very happy with how it turned out. Yes, I could have used that extra 3 months to plan without anything else going on... but it gets overwhelming very quickly anyway. I'd have probably driven us both crazy with wedding talk.

    Just relax. You'll be fine. Many women here have planned weddings in even shorter time than I did. You don't need to worry about it. Get engaged, then take a look at your date and see if it still works. The cart goes AFTER the horse (the date comes AFTER the engagement).

    Just sit back and enjoy your relationship. Time really does fly. Appreciate the time you have left before wedding planning takes over and you're married in the blink of an eye.
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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_mini-vent-ready-start-planning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:095703b3-8fe2-4b6c-bfe8-0e37fd85e004Post:5c21b2ca-0519-48b4-a55f-dbc131234200">Re: Mini vent - Ready to start planning</a>:
    [QUOTE] Get engaged, then take a look at your date and see if it still works. The cart goes AFTER the horse (the date comes AFTER the engagement). Just sit back and enjoy your relationship. Time really does fly. Appreciate the time you have left before wedding planning takes over and you're married in the blink of an eye.
    Posted by SassyFlats[/QUOTE]

    THIS! You haven't told anyone about the date so you have zero reason to stick to the date you and your BF (because he obviously doesn't consider you engaged) if you feel too stressed planning a wedding in about 2 months. For right now just relax and put the wedding out of your mind.


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  • jdrose5jdrose5
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Exactly what Bethsmiles said.  If you haven't told anyone the date and don't have anything resereved there is no reason you can't change the date if you feel that you need more time to plan the wedding. 

    You might want to have a heart to heart with him about how much time you think you need to plan a wedding.   Because my family is scattered across the country I need 6-12 months for my mom to be able to attend, so I told BF that if he wants to get married in a certain time frame to keep that in mind.    I planned my first wedding in 20 days and we didn't do a courthouse wedding so a wedding can be put together in a short amount of time.
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  • mmhepbmmhepb
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I appreciate your advice to relax.  I'm thinking this stress has been brought on by a weekend of heavy rains keeping me trapped in the house watching reruns of the Royal Wedding.  That and a friend that I no longer live near gettin married this weekend and posting all her pics on FB.  Wedding overload, no outlet and procrastination for studying for finals is all getting in my head.

    As for the date, I'm sure it's not moving.  I've suggested pushing it out to later or to an undetermined date and he doesn't want that at all. 
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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    May I ask why it HAS to be the date you've picked out? Is there some significance to it?


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  • mmhepbmmhepb
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_mini-vent-ready-start-planning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:095703b3-8fe2-4b6c-bfe8-0e37fd85e004Post:e4ec6ca4-e243-4cb0-a116-a1bea80ef972">Re: Mini vent - Ready to start planning</a>:
    [QUOTE]Exactly what Bethsmiles said.  If you haven't told anyone the date and don't have anything resereved there is no reason you can't change the date if you feel that you need more time to plan the wedding.  You might want to have a heart to heart with him about how much time you think you need to plan a wedding.   Because my family is scattered across the country I need 6-12 months for my mom to be able to attend, so I told BF that if he wants to get married in a certain time frame to keep that in mind.   <strong> I planned my first wedding in 20 days and we didn't do a courthouse wedding so a wedding can be put together in a short amount of time.</strong>
    Posted by jdrose5[/QUOTE]

    <div>20 days, WOW!  I hope it doesn't come down to that, but if it does, we'll manage. </div><div>
    </div><div>As for the date - My brother (active duty Navy) will be stateside for one month, September.  He's stationed outside of the US, and will continue to be for quiet some time. This is why we are looking at September, as we both want him there.</div>
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  • SassyFlatsSassyFlats member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_mini-vent-ready-start-planning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:095703b3-8fe2-4b6c-bfe8-0e37fd85e004Post:ec9f7ef4-79b0-4414-a297-6fb284067f48">Re: Mini vent - Ready to start planning</a>:
    [QUOTE] I've suggested pushing it out to later or to an undetermined date and he doesn't want that at all. 
    Posted by mmhepb[/QUOTE]

    Someone needs to tell your dude that sh!t happens and dates DO change. Even after you get engaged, sometimes, stuff just doesn't go as planned. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-innocent.gif" border="0" alt="Innocent" title="Innocent" />



    Edit to respond to your response: Even with the situation regarding your brother, I stand by the above statement that sh!t does, indeed, happen and life could certainly throw a wrench in your very well-intended plan.
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  • desertsundesertsun member
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    edited December 2011
    Maybe it will help to know that the royal engagement was only six months. 

    I am POSITIVE you will manage to throw something together in less time if need be.






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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    500 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Maybe he doesn't realize that weddings take a good amount of time to plan.  You should talk to him and ask him how long he thinks it will take to plan the wedding and then lay out a list of everything that needs to be done and how long it really will take.  Also let him know that with worrying about school, you need as much time as you can to plan a wedding.
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  • bourgehmbourgehm
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Insteresting. Your 'bio' thing says, "BF said we should really start looking at dates. We began by looking at what was coming up. His apartment lease ending, my school activities, and other special family days we would want to avoid. All that determined, we decided that late summer/early fall would be the time that we liked best of the times available. Then came narrowing down to a weekend, and I loved the quirkiness of 9/10/11, so we then had a date"  So... I see no reason why you can't move the date.

    If you feel the need to have a bunch of time to plan, then move the date back. Or if you don't care if  you don't have much time to plan (POST ENGAGEMENT), then just be content with that. Enjoy your relationship. Forever started when you two began dating. Enjoy where you are now. Pre-planning, in my opinion, just wrecks that amazing last bit of time you're dating.
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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_mini-vent-ready-start-planning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:095703b3-8fe2-4b6c-bfe8-0e37fd85e004Post:d4604210-2a22-4b73-be27-083a05f9ed55">Re: Mini vent - Ready to start planning</a>:
    [QUOTE]Insteresting. Your 'bio' thing says, "BF said we should really start looking at dates. We began by looking at what was coming up. His apartment lease ending, my school activities, and other special family days we would want to avoid. All that determined, we decided that late summer/early fall would be the time that we liked best of the times available. Then came narrowing down to a weekend, and I loved the quirkiness of <strong>9/10/11</strong>, so we then had a date"  So... I see no reason why you can't move the date. If you feel the need to have a bunch of time to plan, then move the date back. Or if you don't care if  you don't have much time to plan (POST ENGAGEMENT), then just be content with that. Enjoy your relationship. Forever started when you two began dating. Enjoy where you are now. Pre-planning, in my opinion, just wrecks that amazing last bit of time you're dating.
    Posted by bourgehm[/QUOTE]

    Is that your date? Because then I would say you are probably screwed no matter when he proposes at this point. Dates like that are super popular and everything books up fast.


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  • mmhepbmmhepb
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    To clarify, he chose September knowing my brother would be on leave along with the other things listed. I liked the quirkiness of 9/10.  

    We haven't really talked about how long it takes to plan.  I think I could plan something to our liking in 6 weeks if I didn't have to worry about school, but I'll be in an intensive 5 week science course come 7/17 (until 8/11).  Fall semester will begin on 8/15.  Must say I'm taking an easy course load in the fall though, so that we will have time to adjust to being married, blending families and such.  

    So realistically, there's plenty of time.  Hopefully once this awful weather passes and I'm back to work and classes tomorrow I'll get past all this fretting.  I know logically what I'm doing, but sometimes it's hard to get yourself to move on.

    Looking forward to learning much from all of you!
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  • mmhepbmmhepb
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Yes that's the date.  Officiant won't be an issue, his cousin is an ordained minister and youth pastor at a local church.  Locations - surely there will be something available, even if just a local park.  IDK what else has to be booked ahead.  
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  • bourgehmbourgehm
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    What about photog? Those book fast. Especially for that date since it's  'quirky'. People like those kind of dates. Venues book FAST too. If you're cool with a park, then that's fine, but it's not as easy and just booking a park.
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  • mmhepbmmhepb
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Ugh...  Hoping that between us discussing having a small wedding and the small town we live in, we will be able to secure what we need.  I know we won't need a photog or DJ, as we have discussed keeping costs low and keeping things simple.  And I'll be happy with a cake from walmart.  We are more focused on saving up for purchasing a house together once my lease is up at the house I'm renting.  

    As for chairs, tables and linens and such, just gonna hope for the best until I can start planning.  And if they aren't available, we'll do without.  
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  • bourgehmbourgehm
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Cool, sounds like you've got your head skrewed on straight. Good idea to just save for a house and be so chill about the wedding. It WILL all work out. Stick around.
    When you love someone, you can tell. When you're in love with someone, everyone else can tell.
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  • bourgehmbourgehm
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    oh, ps: I saw on your bio thing that you're christian. Join us on the Christian board if you want. :)
    When you love someone, you can tell. When you're in love with someone, everyone else can tell.
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  • jdrose5jdrose5
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Yeah it sounds like you have a great mindset, that if need be you can be flexible.  
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  • mmhepbmmhepb
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_mini-vent-ready-start-planning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:095703b3-8fe2-4b6c-bfe8-0e37fd85e004Post:a9e448f6-f79f-4453-bf24-c461f5055157">Re: Mini vent - Ready to start planning</a>:
    [QUOTE]oh, ps: I saw on your bio thing that you're christian. Join us on the Christian board if you want. :)
    Posted by bourgehm[/QUOTE]

    <div>Yes, I've been reading over there also.  He and I are both Christians, That is what was missing in my first marriage.  I'm blessed that God has given me a second chance in love after so many years of heartache and loneliness.</div>
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