The never ending question(s)

ekathleen684

I've been thinking about how many times a day I've been asked how the wedding planning is going and if we've set a date. As of 10:46 am the count is at 3 times. It doesn't bother or annoy me but it amazes me at how right you engaged ladies were about how the question changes from "when are you getting engaged?" to "when are you getting married". Except now it's asked daily instead of weekly, lol.

My coworker got married on the 18 and his first day back was yesterday. I just heard my boss say to him "So, when are you going to start having kids?"


So Jeana- Kids? When?
Nefarious- I'll talk to you next week

notquiteblushing

Even if you have a kid I think people start asking you when you'll have another.  You can never win.  The only thing to do is to turn 40.  Everyone over 40 in my office doesn't get annoying questions.

catemeg

Yeah, cuz no one wants to say, "So when are you going to start menopause?"

The questions are stupid, but I really think some people can't find a better way to start a conversation.  If you're single, they'll ask if you're dating.  If you're dating, they'll ask if you're getting engaged.  If you're engaged, they'll ask if you're married.  If you're married, they'll ask if you're having kids.  If you're having kids, they'll ask if you're going to have more.  Once your kids grow up, they'll ask when the kids are getting engaged.  It never ends!

And when you get old, all the old people ask each other about their health.  I swear, my great aunt could have talked for hours about her digestive system.  If I said the pasta was tasty, she'd let me know exactly how that pasta progressed through her.  Ick!

The only time people are sort of saved is when someone has kids, then just saying, "How's little Joey?" can usually start a full conversation without any more effort.

PaigeMcC

EKath I get these questions too! I had about 4 people chat with me/ask me about our plans so far this morning.  I've escaped home for lunch so the questions should be less...unless the volunteers come in this afternoon.

Its NEVER ENDING!

Acrosthec

We're not even married yet and people have already moved on to the kids question.  Our general response is "whenever God sees fit to make us parents, but not before Aug. 14."  Usually that shuts them up because 1) no one messes with God, and 2) no one wants to openly CONDONE pre-marital sex, especially not in our family circles where everyone is fairly religious.

tafft1

I get them constantly and have ever since I told people or people see the ring on my finger. I don't mind really but it is amazing how much people will ask! I work in retail so I make small talk to my customers alot , and people tend to remember me so they come back and ask me how the wedding planning is going , etc.

Sometimes it can be annoying when people try to help too much as well - I got constantly bombarded with "Hey you know my uncle does this" or "Do you have this , this and that vendor yet ?" , lol. As soon as I come back from Tahoe I know the kids questions will start and I am dreading it..I already have anxiety/depression issues about my probably inability to do so naturally , bleh.

ekathleen684

Bean-dipping with children always works! What parent doesn't want to talk about their kids?

**Mutley**

The questions never end.  This much is true.

We don't get that many about our future plans, since everyone thinks we are crazy for wanting so many kids.  Now, we get the 'See how you feel after 1 kid.' lines.  Um, we KNOW we are not having an only child (be it IVF, adoption, what have you.) 

Pregnancy questions are the worst though.  Suddenly everyone thinks it is okay to ask very personal shiit.  There is no other time that anyone would ever dream of asking a woman how much weight she has gained. 

PaigeMcC

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_never-ending-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:0abc06a9-7cf9-4325-965c-b3cfa2400387Post:0095e1d1-b104-447b-b42d-83ce5837c986">Re: The never ending question(s)</a>:
[QUOTE]Bean-dipping with children always works! What parent doesn't want to talk about their kids?
Posted by ekathleen684[/QUOTE]
So true! I've learned the line "Speaking of kids, how are *insert kids name here* and *insert other kids name here* doing?  I saw/heard/remember you telling me that they *insert great childhood accomplishment here*" OR "How is *insert kids name here* liking school now?  S/He must be in *insert grade level here* by now!"<div>
</div><div>It ALWAYS works.</div>

catemeg

Or touch people's stomachs!  For some reason, people think it's perfectly okay to touch the bellys of complete strangers who happen to be pregnant.

My friend just had a baby, and she said she wanted to smack people who did this.

dwest2201

Questions never end.  I tend to ask most people another question in return.  Friends of ours who ask get "When are you guys getting engaged/married, having a baby, another baby?"  Older people are difficult because as Cate said you don't want to ask about menopause!

leia1979

LOL Mutley and Cate. A friend of mine was all "Don't touch me!" when she was pregnant, which is no different than any other time. I don't get it either, but I also have no urge to touch a pregnant lady's tummy, even if she is okay with it.

I'm pretty certain we'll hear the "When are you getting married" question when we visit BF's family next month. If they ask about kids, I have a simple answer: never.

Acrosthec

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_never-ending-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:0abc06a9-7cf9-4325-965c-b3cfa2400387Post:f0f0a201-8698-42e4-9578-237df673e62e">Re: The never ending question(s)</a>:
[QUOTE]Or touch people's stomachs!  For some reason, people think it's perfectly okay to touch the bellys of complete strangers who happen to be pregnant. My friend just had a baby, and she said she wanted to smack people who did this.
Posted by catemeg[/QUOTE]

My best friend has a shirt that says "hands off the belly" that she wore.  She said she got some looks of "oh my god, how mean!" but that it worked and few people came up and touched her belly.  She says it's mine as soon as we get pregnant.

catemeg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_never-ending-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:0abc06a9-7cf9-4325-965c-b3cfa2400387Post:93e6f193-9c3c-41f6-aaa6-8e4ab06a2aa1">Re: The never ending question(s)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: The never ending question(s) : My best friend has a shirt that says "hands off the belly" that she wore.  She said she got some looks of "oh my god, how mean!" but that it worked and few people came up and touched her belly.  She says it's mine as soon as we get pregnant.
Posted by Acrosthec[/QUOTE]

What a great idea!  I think I'll get a shirt that says, "I'm NOT pregnant, I'm just fat"  just to see the weird looks people give me.

katanne9

I think it's weird that people feel so compelled to touch other people's bellys. I don't know what would possess me to do that unless if was a good friend who I knew didn't mind. But even then...

Acrosthec

Kat, my best friend would grab my hand and put it on her belly whenever she could feel the baby kicking.  I thought it was kinda sweet that she wanted me so involved and to experience it with her, but I secretly was always a little weirded out because I felt like I was invading her personal space.  I'm pretty big on the personal space bubble.

ekathleen684

I think I would be weirded out about people touching my belly, with the exception of close family members. I have never felt the urge to touch a pregnant belly without permission and even with permisison I think I would feel weird. Not with the whole theres a baby in there part but the touching someones belly in general,

nefariousmango

Ugh, questions!  They don't end a week before the wedding, naturally, but I'll get back to you about the kids one next week :-)

I think pregnancy might be the only time I'd be okay wearing the Urban Outfitter's "Eat Less" shirt, make people think about that one a bit...

jeanacorina

Yes, the baby questions did start a couple of days after our wedding. I'm surprised I made it THAT long, but Josh's cousin had a baby and one of his much YOUNGER cousins asked "So are you going to have a baby now?"

I just had to laugh. I mean, I get it. He's 7. You get married, THEN you have babies. That's how the world works to a 7-year-old. But I really didn't know what to say.

Then I held the baby, and somebody said "Aww! So, when are you and Josh going to have one?" and someone else was like "Geez, she just got married on Friday! Give her some time to enjoy marriage first!" and someone else was all "That's right, you take your time and don't rush!"

I never had to answer. I don't really know how to answer. It's not anybody's business. We will when we decide to, and if it happens before we decide to, then that's great too. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. I'm young (26 is young, right? RIGHT?!), in fair shape, and as far as I know I'm capable of bearing children. Even if it turns out that doesn't work, we're open to other options (IVF, adoption, etc... it's all on the back burner just in case). We want children.

I just want to wear a sign that says "Yes, we will have kids. No, we haven't decided when. You'll know sometime toward the end of my first trimester or when we bring an African baby home. Chillax."

dwest2201

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_never-ending-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:0abc06a9-7cf9-4325-965c-b3cfa2400387Post:62b5eedd-0028-4e46-9257-71c70a6a7d20">Re: The never ending question(s)</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes, the baby questions did start a couple of days after our wedding. I'm surprised I made it THAT long, but Josh's cousin had a baby and one of his much YOUNGER cousins asked "So are you going to have a baby now?" I just had to laugh. I mean, I get it. He's 7. You get married, THEN you have babies. That's how the world works to a 7-year-old. But I really didn't know what to say. Then I held the baby, and somebody said "Aww! So, when are you and Josh going to have one?" and someone else was like "Geez, she just got married on Friday! Give her some time to enjoy marriage first!" and someone else was all "That's right, you take your time and don't rush!" I never had to answer. I don't really know how to answer. It's not anybody's business. We will when we decide to, and if it happens before we decide to, then that's great too. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. I'm young (26 is young, right? RIGHT?!), in fair shape, and as far as I know I'm capable of bearing children. Even if it turns out that doesn't work, we're open to other options (IVF, adoption, etc... it's all on the back burner just in case). We want children.<strong> I just want to wear a sign that says "Yes, we will have kids. No, we haven't decided when. You'll know sometime toward the end of my first trimester or when we bring an African baby home. Chillax."</strong>
Posted by jeanacorina[/QUOTE]

Haha, I LOVE that idea Jeana... DOOOO ETTTTTT!

I was thinking about this last night and I realized something... I get the questions backwards. 

BF and I get questions about kids non stop, I'm not sure if it is because a lot of our friends and family have either just had babies within the last year and a couple others are pregnant now or because of the interaction between the two of us and my son (BF is GREAT with him and son just adores him).  We say yes we want a couple more AFTER we get married, then they say "so when's the wedding"?

joiner521

I completely  feel ya. I get:
1. What are your colors?
2. When is the date?
3. WHAT COLOR DRESS ARE YOU WEARING?
4. Where is the wedding?
5. How did you meet?

It drives me crazy. A lot of times I just wanna say, "just wait for the damn invite and show up. Everything you wanna know will be at the wedding".