Time between ceremony & reception

Sierra524

Hey all! I need some advice. We are starting our ceremony at 3pm. By the time everybody is seated, ceremony is thru & we are done with the recieving line, its going to be about 4pm. Our reception is not starting until 6pm (that was the soonest we can do it), and the reception venue is about 20mins away from our ceremony site. We are going to use this time to go around and take pictures, but what about our guest? I figured that most of them will take their kids home (we are allowing kids at the ceremony, not reception). Am I responsible to offer them something to do? We do not have the means for a cocktail hour, so that is out of the question. Is anybody else having this problem?

AddieCake

First, it's rude to invite people to the ceremony and not the reception. That means ALL people, including children. 

Second, you really expect your guests to drive their kids home and then return?  

Third, yes, you're responsible to provide something to do, which is usually in the form of a cocktail hour. Would you like to sit around waiting for something to happen while you just twiddle your thumbs for a couple hours? If you can't do that, you need to change your times. 

NOLAbridealmost

Hi Sierra, 

Welcome to the boards. You will find a lot of very useful advice here. 

There are a couple problems with your ideas.   First, it's impolite to only invite some guests (including children) to only the ceremony.  Those invited to the ceremony must be invited to the reception too....it's a thank you for attending.  Even though they're kids, they still are entitled to be hosted properly.   If you want an adults-only reception, that's fine!  Just don't include kids in the ceremony either. 

But to answer your actual question: yes it's your responsibility to host guests during that downtime. If there's any sort of delay between the ceremony and reception you are obligated to host something.   Most people do a cocktail hour.  Cocktail hour doesn't have to be elaborate; something as simple as inviting guests to your home (or perhaps a parent's home?) for light snacks and beverages (call it a "social hour" if you can't afford booze) is more than enough. 

I am sure more guests would prefer if you could eliminate the time delay entirely though.  I would much rather go straight to the reception that have a detour to somewhere else in the meantime. 

Is it possible to move your ceremony to 5? Could you get married at the same venue as the reception so that it can be right before the reception?  Or to get a different reception venue that allows you to start earlier?

Gaps are avoidable if you make that a priority when selecting your venues. 

LiLe422

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_time-between-ceremony-reception-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:ba36e496-1c0b-40d8-bb51-b0dad4c5e0fePost:18bd8ae2-8853-435d-a92e-654485c41e2c">Time between ceremony & reception</a>:
[QUOTE]Hey all! I need some advice. We are starting our ceremony at 3pm. By the time everybody is seated, ceremony is thru & we are done with the recieving line, its going to be about 4pm. Our reception is not starting until 6pm (that was the soonest we can do it), and the reception venue is about 20mins away from our ceremony site. We are going to use this time to go around and take pictures, but what about our guest? I figured that most of them will take their kids home (we are allowing kids at the ceremony, not reception). Am I responsible to offer them something to do? We do not have the means for a cocktail hour, so that is out of the question. Is anybody else having this problem?
Posted by Sierra524[/QUOTE]

What you are planning is extremely rude.  Not only the time gap, but also excluding guests from the reception.  If you do not want kids at the reception, that is fine - but you <em>cannot</em> invite them to the ceremony and not reception. 

Sierra524

Actually, I have talked to alot of my guests who have children and they are all okay with not bringing their kids to the reception. I live in a small town, so its not a big deal for them to take them home. We are absolutely not having kids at the reception. As for the time gap, there is no way for me to change my reception venue or time. And I have to be done with the ceremony by 430pm because there is a church service begining at 5pm.

erinlin25

I've seen this with church weddings and while its not ideal for guests I think if they at least know the schedule in advance most people will plan accordingly.  do your best to see how you can accomodate them sooner.  I've been to three or so weddings where this was a similiar case and there was not a scheduled activity but about an hour/1.5 hr between leaving the church and getting to the reception (20 minute drive tops).  I personally had no problem stopping along the way and taking my time getting to the reception, but since I was local I knew what we could do to pass time.

One wedding there were a bunch of college friends we had not seen so it was nice that we were able to catch up between.  We arranged a little happy hour at a bar close to the reception.  Had a drink, shared a snack-- didn't bother us one bit, but I can see where it may bother others-- personal opinion I guess.

Another wedding, A friend of the bride owned a house near the reception hall and hosted a "pre-reception": I guess you can call it at her clubhouse.  They had appetizers and refreshments and guests were invited to stop there before the reception.  The wedding party did not go since we were doing pictures but I belive it was about 50/50 of guests who actually stopped.

Another wedding the venue at least had some refreshments set up so if people arrived "early" you had something to drink while you waited (maybe 15-20 minutes).

Is it ideal, no; is it the end of the world, no.

MrsGandthebeag

This is a bad idea.  If I were invited to your wedding I'd skip the ceremony and meet you at the reception.  What about out of town guests?  What would they do in between?

Sierra524

We dont have any out of town guest. The reception hall I booked is a private club. Its in the ballroom upstairs, but they have a bar downstairs and people can arrive early and have a drink or two. My mom was also thinking of hosting something at her house, since its only a mile from the church. I dont really mind if people decide to skip the ceremony. I really only care that our close friends and family are there, and they will be. When my mom got married, people did the same thing...skipped the ceremony and only went to the reception.

Sierra524

Okay, I really dont care how RUDE you all think it is to have the kids come to the ceremony but not reception. Im doing what I want, and thats it. I simply posted this to get some ideas about what to do during the gap....which is completely UNAVOIDABLE. Im not changing my reception venue, that I already put the deposit down, just to please other people. Its not about them. The people that really want to be there, will still be there. And thats all that matters. So, if you have ideas for what I can do for the guest during the gap, great...please let me know. If its something about how "rude" Im being about the kids, I dont really care. I dont mean to be bitchy but really, I wasnt asking your opinions on the kids thing.

TheVirginians

Have your mom host during the gap, as you suggested. The reception is for your guests. The ceremony is for you. Don't forget that and do let your guests' comfort and convenience be foremost in making your reception plans.

QueerFemme

<div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_time-between-ceremony-reception-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:ba36e496-1c0b-40d8-bb51-b0dad4c5e0fePost:1408fa6b-330b-43c2-9282-6b93e59eb3b0">Re: Time between ceremony & reception</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay, I really dont care how RUDE you all think it is to have the kids come to the ceremony but not reception. Im doing what I want, and thats it. I simply posted this to get some ideas about what to do during the gap....which is completely <strong>UNAVOIDABLE</strong>. Im not changing my reception venue, that I already put the deposit down, just to please other people. Its not about them. The people that really want to be there, will still be there. And thats all that matters. So, if you have ideas for what I can do for the guest during the gap, great...please let me know. If its something about how "rude" Im being about the kids, I dont really care. I dont mean to be bitchy but really,<strong> I wasnt asking your opinions on the kids thing</strong>.
Posted by Sierra524[/QUOTE]

First of all, it IS avoidable.  You picked a ceremony and reception venue that didn't work together with the timing of your event.   That was avoidable, but you didn't do anything to avoid it.  And now, you are at a point where you could STILL avoid it, by changing venues and possibly losing a partial deposit on the ceremony or reception venue, but you are CHOOSING not to do that.  Don't keep saying that it was unavoidable, when it was your CHOICE that caused this problem.

Second, when you post your really rude plans on a public internet forum, you don't get to pick and choose the responses you get.   You can't say "what should we do about the gap" and expect answers only to that, when the whole rest of your post is riddled with etiquette problems</div>.

libby2483

Wow, between this thread and the stag and doe thread, I'm ceetainly glad I'm not one of your wedding guests. I'm baffled as to why you would treat friends and family so rudely.

mariakhristine

Are there any local restaurants or bars where the owners will give your guests a free drink/appetizer or some kind of discount? Might be worth giving some place a call and seeing if they can help you accommodate your guests somehow...good luck!

And I've been to weddings where there was down time even in between the ceremony and cocktail hour, and we (the guests) just went out with friends. People will figure out what to do 

Mbenwitz

I have to have a  gap between mine too due to pictures for the bridal party

As long as guests know ahead of time it's fine, guests can go home and change into something more formal or make plans ahead of time!

If they are staying at a hotel they can check in, maybe hit upt he hotel bar  with some friends. Give them a few options.

So many weddings I've been to have had 1-3 hour gaps, and nobody seemed to care.....its the bride and grooms day and all your guests should feel honored to be there and support you.

They will figure it out!!!! Always do. This is a day to focus on you, good luck!